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[Chaos] CitOW game 38

DarianDarian Registered User regular
edited June 2011 in Critical Failures
pic490400.jpg

Welcome to Chaos in the Old World, Fantasy Flight Games' boardgame take at Games Workshop's famous fantasy IP. In this game, players take the role of one of the four Ruinous Powers of the universe. Speaking of which, I believe this calls for some introductions.

blahmcblah as Khorne
Khorne loves long walks on the battlefield and nights alone with the recently deceased. He enjoys handywork, and has even so constructed a throne for himself from nothing but the skulls of the living. He's always on the lookout for new blood - in the most literal sense possible - earning him the title of "The Blood God." If Khorne were a flavor of ice cream, he would be Berserk Banana.

admanb as Nurgle
The other white meat! Or in this case, possibly white pus. Nurgle, now with 300% more pestilence! This is Great Unclean One with the new Nurgle Treatment, and you won't believe it! Have you ever been traveling around, and all of a sudden you wish you had brought your horrific ailments with you? But how are you going to fit it all in your bags? Well that's easy with the new Nurgle (or as we should say, the Old Nurgle)! Watch as it spreads the epidemic over the entire countryside as you pass. And if you order now, we'll throw in this free plaguebearer. Call now!

jakobagger as Tzeentch
asplannedrd3.jpg

3clipse as Slaanesh
"Working for Khorne? It's ok, I guess, but I worry about my future prospects. You know how I'm probably going to die? Not enough blood left in my neck. You know how those Slaanesh dudes over there are probably going to die? Too many orgasms.
You can see my consternation." - Khorne Thrall

As the Prince of Pain and Pleasure, some might say that Slaanesh 'goes both ways.' His followers don't quite have a 'lust for battle,' but enjoy the 'corruption' of the aristocracy. He finds subtle usurping 'invigorating,' and sometimes even so much that he just has to release his 'keeper of secrets.'

----

This will be a Play-By-Post game of Chaos in the Old World.

This standard game will take the top two players from the signup list, plus one newbie and one host. Should any of those players not accept the position by Tuesday afternoon, I'll continue down the regular sign-up list until we have four players.


[RULES]
[FAQ]

OP stolen shamelessly from Rend; board graphics courtesy of MrBlarney as adapted by FunkyWaltDogg

Previous games, aka recommended reading before playing, are linked from the CF Boardgame Index

General discussion thread for Chaos in the Old World is available here

Darian on
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Posts

  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    From Rend: A QUICK TUTORIAL ON CHAOS IN THE OLD WORLD
    -The Turn Phases-

    The Old World Phase
    This phase is much like the crisis phase in BSG, the infection phase in Pandemic, or the "Bad Stuff" phase in any cooperative board game. Except this game isn't so much "cooperative" as it is "petty". Each turn, events will take place in the old world, and this is when they happen.

    Every turn one old world card will be drawn, and its effects will be resolved. If there are any choices to be made, the power with the least threat will make those choices. (Threat is determined by who has advanced their victory dial the farthest)

    Note: There are only 7 cards in the Old World deck. If the cards have been exhausted, the game ends at the end of the turn. If nobody has achieved a victory condition, the Old World has won- and all players lose.

    The Draw Phase
    During this phase, each power draws 2 cards, except Tzeentch. Tzeentch draws his hand up to 5. Also, this is when each player refreshes their Power Points to however many applicable.

    The Summoning Phase
    This phase always starts with Khorne, and goes:
    Khorne
    Nurgle
    Tzeentch
    Slaanesh

    Starting with Khorne, each player may either summon 1 figure or play 1 chaos card. In order to do so, you spend Power Points. The cost for figures is the circled value on your power's card. Then there are also attack and defend stats, which will be explained in further detail in The Battle Phase.

    Chaos Cards each have a cost directly following their name in your Google Doc. Additionally, if the cost of your card is followed by M, that means there is a magic symbol on it. If you play that card onto a region, that region gains 1 magic symbol.

    Chaos cards are played directly onto one of the nine regions. Each region only has room for 2 cards, but they are cleared at the end phase after all effects are resolved.

    If a player chooses neither to summon nor play a card, he passes and his power points go to 0. He may not play again this phase.
    Additionally, if a player reaches 0 power points for ANY REASON, they may not play again this phase, EVEN IF THAT PLAYER HAS 0-cost cards or effects. Once you reach 0 power points, you are out of the turn phase, and are skipped until the next turn.

    If you have no figures on the board, figures may be summoned to any region. If you have at least one figure on the board, you must summon to that region or an adjacent region. Figures may be summoned either from your reinforcements, OR from the board itself. There is no discount for summoning figures from the board, it simply allows you to move figures instead of summoning new ones if you wish. You may summon a figure from a region in order to place him in an adjacent region even if none of your other figures are adjacent to that region (ie, a single figure can "walk" across the entire map alone).

    When making a play during the summoning phase, your entire post should be colored properly. All summoning phase plays should include the PP (power points) remaining, and you should fully quote the text of any Chaos cards played.

    The Battle Phase
    In this phase, dice are rolled. All combat is considered simultaneous, however, hits are chosen in the Order of Play (Khorne, Nurgle, Tzeentch, Slaanesh). Each figure with at least 1 attack power rolls a number of dice equal to that attack power. Any dice of 4 or better are hits. The player then designates those hits among any enemy figures in the region.

    You may not allocate more hits than necessary to kill an opponent.
    You must allocate all hits.

    Any figures which are killed will die at the end of the phase. However, unless the hits which killed it happened before normal dice are rolled, they may still return fire.

    The Corruption Phase
    The Corruption Phase takes place in 2 steps. Domination, and Corruption

    In the Domination step, each player's domination value is calculated for each region. This value is equal to the PP cost of any chaos cards that player has played on the region, plus the number of figures (number, not attack power) that player has in the region. If this number exceeds the region's resistance (which is the number by the region's name), and that player has the highest domination score, that player dominates the region and gains Victory Points equal to the region's number.
    If two players are tied for first, or if the top player is tied with the region's resistance, no VPs are awarded. Additionally, no VPs are awarded for ruined regions.

    In the Corruption step, each cultist a player has in a region adds one Corruption Counter to that region. If a region should reach 12 or more corruption counters, it then becomes ruined.
    When a region becomes ruined, it indicates that the Chaos has taken it over so completely that it is no longer even recognizable. It is now a hellish, daemonic wasteland. First, one of the 5 ruination cards is flipped (the cards go in order, so the values are the same from game to game). Each player who put a corruption counter on the region DURING THE STEP IT WAS RUINED gains a small amount of VPs instantaneously, decided by the card. Later this turn, the player with the most and the second most Corruption in the area gain a large lump sum of VPs as well. After the region is ruined, NO VPs will EVER come of the region again.
    If two players are tied for first, they add the first and second place values together and split them. If two players are tied for second, they split second place. If there is no second place, and only one player has counters, the second place VPs are wasted.

    If, at the end of the turn, all 5 Ruination cards have been flipped, the game ends and the player with the most VPs wins the game.

    The End Phase
    During the end phase:
    1. Remove Chaos Cards from the Board
    2. Hero Tokens are resolved - meaning that in any region with a hero token, the daemon with the highest threat in that region must sacrifice one figure, as the hero kills it.
    3. Resolve Old World cards - If a card on the Old World track asks for a resolution during the end phase, this is when it happens.
    4. Score Ruined Regions - this is the step when first/second place ruination is scored
    5. Advance Threat Dials - If you have fulfilled your victory dial condition at least once, you turn your dial one click. If you have fulfilled your condition more times this turn than any other player, you turn your dial two clicks. This dial gives various rewards, including Upgrades, VPs, and control of the tokens on the board.
    6. Check for Game end
    The game end conditions are checked one at a time, in this order:

    Dial Victory
    Victory Point Victory
    All 5 ruination cards drawn (most VPs wins)
    No cards in the Old World deck (All players lose)

    In the case of a dial victory tie, the player with most VPs wins. If they are tied, the victory is shared.
    In the case of a VP victory tie, the player with the highest threat wins.

    How do I gain victory points?
    Gain victory points in 4 ways:
    1. Dominating regions at the end of the battle phase
    2. Helping to ruin regions by placing corruption counters on them during the step in which ruination occurs
    3. Ruining regions and having most or second most counters on the region
    4. Sometimes, by advancing your victory dial

    The most reliable points come from Domination, while the quickest points come from ruining regions.

    How do I advance my dial?
    KHORNE: Gain 1 advancement token for each region in which you kill an opposing player's model this turn
    NURGLE: Gain 1 advancement token each time you place 2 or more corruption counters in a populous region in a single phase
    TZEENTCH: Gain 1 advancement token for each region with 2 or more magic and/or warpstone tokens in which you placed 2 corruption counters with cultists this turn.
    SLAANESH: Gain 1 advancement token for each region with at least 1 hero or noble in which you placed 2 corruption counters with cultists this turn.

    Every player with at least 1 token gains 1 click on the victory dial. Each turn the player who gained the most tokens this turn gains an additional click on the victory dial. In the case of a tie, neither player gets 2 clicks.

    Useful information:
    STANDARD REGION ORDER
    1. Norsca
    2. Troll Country
    3. Kislev
    4. The Empire
    5. Bretonnia
    6. Estalia
    7. Tilea
    8. The Border Princes
    9. The Badlands

    PLAYER MATS:
    Khorne
    pic545594_md.jpg
    Nurgle
    pic545599_md.jpg
    Tzeentch
    pic545604_md.jpg
    Slaanesh
    pic545592_md.jpg
    Errata: Dial advancement for two corruption, not one.

    DIAL ADVANCEMENT BONUSES:
    pic544561_lg.jpg
    Khorne: 9 clicks
    Nurgle: 10 clicks
    Tzeentch: 8 clicks
    Slaanesh: 7 clicks

    AVAILABLE UPGRADES:
    Khorne Upgrades:
    Upgrades:
    Power of Blood - +1 PP per turn
    Deluge of Ferocity - Draw 3 cards instead of 2 each turn
    Bloodsworn - Stats: (1/1/1)
    Bloodletters - Bloodletters strike first and inflict casualties before opponents return fire
    Bloodthirster - Counts as 3 figures for domination value

    Nurgle Upgrades:
    Power of Pestilence - +1 PP per turn
    Provender of Ruin - Score 3 VP each time a region is ruined
    Lepers - A Leper's cost is 0 if placed in a region where you have no other figures. A given leper may only be summoned for free once per round.
    Plaguebearers - When an opponent kills one of your plaguebearers in battle, inflict one hit on any figure in the same region belonging to that opponent
    Great Unclean One - Immediately place two corruption tokens in a region when you summon a Great Unclean One there

    Tzeentch Upgrades:
    Power of Magic - +1 PP per turn
    Deluge of Magic - Draw to 6 cards per turn instead of 5
    Acolytes - When summoned from the board instead of your stockpile, an Acolyte may bring a Warpstone token if present from its origin to its destination
    Horrors - When you summon a horror, you may place it on an empty card slot in that region. Only you may play cards to that slot while the horror remains.
    Lord of Change - A Lord of Change has 2 magic symbols.

    Slaanesh Upgrades:
    Power of Pain - +1 PP per turn. If you have power of pain and power of pleasure, total +3
    Power of Pleasure - +1 PP per turn. If you have power of pain and power of pleasure, total +3
    Seductress - New stats (1/0/2)
    Daemonettes - In battle, Daemonettes can only be hit on a die result of 6
    Keeper of Secrets - At the beginning of the battle phase, choose any cultist or warrior in this region. Control it until the end of the round or until your keeper of secrets is killed, whichever comes first.

    HOW TO MAKE A BATTLE ROLL:
    Delmain wrote: »
    Hey guys, helpful IC tidbit here.
    Roll Xd6.hitsopen(4,6). It'll reroll 6s and then count all the dice 4 and above and give you a convenient number of hits.

    Alternatively, you can make battle rolls via orokos (thanks, Infidel!)
    Delmain wrote: »
    Use Xd6o6h4.

    o is for Open, it rolls them over and over until you get a not-6. e6 just rerolls 6s once, even if another 6 comes up.

    Battle dice probabilities:
    MrBlarney wrote: »
    I made a table for expected results up to 6 battle dice. Cells without values have probabilities below 0.1%. There is some rounding, so the values won't be exact, but they'll be close enough for most purposes.

    ChaosInTheOldWorld_HitProbabilities.gif

    We'll be using both google-docs and admanb's handtracker for this game; you'll need to make an account for the handtracker and PM me an email address.

    Darian on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I am still happy to play as slaanesh.

    Drugssexrockandrollalsodeathandmoresexsexsexsex

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Hi!

    Still no real preference, but I guess if it comes down to it I'd rather play as Nurgle than Khorne.

    blahmcblah on
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I want to sign up!!!!!.

    I don't care which god I play.

    DarkPrimus on
    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    DarkPrimus you sign up in this thread and then when it's your turn you'll get called.

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Whoops sorry, I thought it was an open call. My bad.

    DarkPrimus on
    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I'm in. Weak preference for T > K, but I like all of them.

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    admanb wrote:
    I'm down. N then S.

    Darian on
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Rolling for powers (3,a,b,j): 4d100 135 [4d100=12, 87, 33, 3]

    Giving preference to: admanb, blahmcblah, 3clipse, jakobagger

    blahcblah as Khorne
    admanb as Nurgle
    jakobagger as Tzeentch
    3clipse as Slaanesh

    You have all been added to the game at handtracker; you can go ahead and draw your initial three cards to your hand. (For new players: click to show the appropriate chaos deck, then click the draw to hand link for each card.)

    edit: Switching those up since I completely messed up admanb's choice.

    Darian on
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Round 1, Old World phase

    Road Wardens
    Place one Hero token in each of three different Populous regions.
    In the end phase when Old World cards are resolved, the player with the lowest Threat score removes one Hero token from the board.

    Nurgle to place the new Hero tokens before drawing his remaining cards.

    citowg38r10.png

    Round 1, Draw phase

    Tzeentch may discard one card before drawing up to five

    Khorne: draw 2 cards, 5 in hand, 19 left in deck
    Nurgle: draw 2 cards, 5 in hand, 19 left in deck
    Tzeentch: draw 2 or 3 cards, 5 in hand, 19 or 18 left in deck
    Slaanesh: draw 2 cards, 5 in hand, 19 left in deck

    Darian on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Crap, I think I accidentally drew 7 cards.

    I just won't draw next turn.

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Go ahead and play the last two that you drew (FoE and PI) and I'll shuffle them back into the deck.

    Darian on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Done.

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    All but Estalia.

    admanb on
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Once Tzeentch declares his discard (or passes the option), Khorne will be active to begin the first summoning phase. blah, if you want a copy of the player google-doc (lists the ruination cards, your upgrades, and the cards in your Chaos deck) then PM me an email address and I'll share it. Also feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns.

    Good luck, all!

    citowg38r10.png

    Darian on
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Darian wrote: »
    blah, if you want a copy of the player google-doc (lists the ruination cards, your upgrades, and the cards in your Chaos deck) then PM me an email address and I'll share it.

    Thanks for the offer, but I've got a copy of the game, and know them all by heart anyway. :)

    blahmcblah on
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Discarded a Warp Shield.

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    jakobagger wrote: »
    Discarded a Warp Shield.

    Don't forget to link card plays. Khorne is active!

    Nurgle still needs to draw, but there's no need to wait on that.

    Darian on
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I do, usually. Just figured it wasn't as important when it was the discard.

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    We need to set a good example for the new guy! :P

    Darian on
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Yeah, better set a good example for that new guy, since you wouldn't want him to lead a life of rampage, murder, and sick, twisted deviant behavior, like adorning his furniture with human bones...

    ...On second thought, maybe I can't be lead any further astray! Show me your worst, brothers!

    Bloodthirster to Estalia, 4/7 PP

    blahmcblah on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Now THAT is how you start a game.

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    My, what a big Bloodthirster you have...

    Leper to Kislev.

    5/6

    admanb on
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    The better to chop you into a pestilent green pulp, my dear brother.

    blahmcblah on
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    (M) Temporal Stasis - 1

    In Tilea

    5/6 PP

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Seductress to the Border Princes

    5/6 PP

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Round 1, Summoning phase

    Wardens (remove a hero) in effect
    citowg38r11.png

    Chaos effects:
    Tilea: Stasis (+2 PP for others)

    Khorne is active

    Darian on
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Bloodsworn to Estalia, 3/7 PP

    blahmcblah on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Paging Dr. Nurgle.

    Dr. Nurgle
    to the pustule room, please.

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    3clipse wrote: »
    Paging Dr. Nurgle.

    Dr. Nurgle
    to the pustule room, please.

    I didn't know how long it usually takes between moves around here, so I thought about posting something like "sorry for the 4-hour wait, guys" after my move yesterday evening. Now I know I'll never have to apologize!

    blahmcblah on
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    The game goes at whatever pace the players can play at; as long as you make it within 24h of becoming active, I don't have any problems. Obviously, though, faster play can make for a better, smoother game.

    Darian on
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    I just like to bump the thread so people remember it's here xD

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    3clipse wrote: »
    I just like to bump the thread so people remember it's here xD

    If you are subscribed to the thread, that isn't really necessary. You can set it to instant email-notification if you want, too.

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    jakobagger wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    I just like to bump the thread so people remember it's here xD

    If you are subscribed to the thread, that isn't really necessary. You can set it to instant email-notification if you want, too.

    I'm subscribed, and I haven't received notifications for the last two posts. :(

    blahmcblah on
  • admanbadmanb the bored genie Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited April 2011
    herpderp
    Leper to Kislev.

    4/6

    admanb on
  • FunkyWaltDoggFunkyWaltDogg Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    blahmcblah wrote: »
    jakobagger wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    I just like to bump the thread so people remember it's here xD

    If you are subscribed to the thread, that isn't really necessary. You can set it to instant email-notification if you want, too.

    I'm subscribed, and I haven't received notifications for the last two posts. :(
    A suggestion from the peanut gallery:
    1. Bookmark the game thread.
    2. Edit the bookmark, like so:
      [COLOR=Gray]http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php[/COLOR]?t=140252
      
      [color=white]=>[/color] [color=gray]http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php[/color]?[color=lime]goto=newpost&[/color]t=140252
      
    3. Put the bookmark in your browser's bookmarks bar.
    4. Profit!
    I do this for every PbP game I play in.

    FunkyWaltDogg on
    Burnage wrote:
    FWD is very good at this game.
  • blahmcblahblahmcblah I never drink... wine. Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    1. Bookmark the game thread.
    2. Edit the bookmark, like so:
      [COLOR=Gray]http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php[/COLOR]?t=140252
      
      [color=white]=>[/color] [color=gray]http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php[/color]?[color=lime]goto=newpost&[/color]t=140252
      
    3. Put the bookmark in your browser's bookmarks bar.
    4. Profit!
    I do this for every PbP game I play in.

    Thanks much!

    blahmcblah on
  • DarianDarian Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    On the topic of subscriptions, I just use the User Panel (link at the top). All the new posts in subscribed threads in one place, making things easy to find.

    Darian on
  • jakobaggerjakobagger LO THY DREAD EMPIRE CHAOS IS RESTORED Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Teleport - 1

    In the Border Princes, sending the seductress to Norsca.

    4/6 PP

    jakobagger on
    bgg / steam / goodreads / Bnet: Bygasto#2537
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    edited April 2011
    Play Dark Influence in Kislev, moving the noble to Norsca

    4/6 PP


    (pst jakobagger you need to actually play the card from Handtracker)

    3clipse on
    Hobnail wrote: »
    It's okay to use Oddjob so long as you don't mind me deliberately obliterating your toilet with a precisely calibrated rectal assault
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