Fundies say the darndest things!

Wrench N Rockets

www.fstdt.com

An archive of the most hilarious, bizarre, ignorant, bigoted, and terrifying quotes from fundies all over the internet! The FSTDT archive is the largest collection of fundie quotes on the planet, with 13184 archived quotes this very second!

Some selected gems. remember, these are things average people have said and believe:

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]"

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

Oh man.

Synthetic Orange

http://www.penny-arcade.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1073847428

Wrench N Rockets

That's 10 pages long. No way I'm reading all of that to see if my topic fits.

dush

help me guys i read a porno mag and now i am going to hell

Mathilda

Wow, okay there Dru, calm down.

Druhim

Mr.Leonheart wrote:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/forums/search.php?search_author=theSAVED

Seriously, give it a rest. He's been behaving himself since he came back and this kind of shit is borderline trolling.

Mathilda

Druhim wrote:

Mr.Leonheart wrote:

apparently borderline trolling

Seriously, give it a rest. He's been behaving himself since he came back and this kind of shit is borderline trolling.

Had I actually bothered to look at the newer posts, I'd have seen this was in bad tatse.

I have rectified my post.

Druhim

Fair enough. I shouldn't have taken that out on you, it's really directed more at people in general that seem to be acting like a dick to him even though he's obviously trying to behave. I respect the fact that he's able to acknowledge where he went wrong and move on. Plenty of people would never be able to admit that.

Uriel

Nucsh

Oh

It's that time of the month again

Garlic Bread

Nucsh wrote:

Oh

It's that time of the month again

So Sheri's not talking to you, too?

Nucsh

Keith wrote:

Nucsh wrote:

Oh

It's that time of the month again

So Sheri's not talking to you either?

lolol

We should just have one giant 'bash fundies' sticky

Callius

Nucsh wrote:

Keith wrote:

Nucsh wrote:

Oh

It's that time of the month again

So Sheri's not talking to you either?

lolol

We should just have one giant 'bash fundies' sticky

Oh man, I bet you have some fabulous stories...

or, wait... are you being sarcastic and actually defending fundies?

I'm confused.

Newtron

Uriel wrote:

Dr.Strange? ..Noooooooooooooooooo!

Nucsh

MAXIMUM POWER LEVEL wrote:

Nucsh wrote:

Keith wrote:

Nucsh wrote:

Oh

It's that time of the month again

So Sheri's not talking to you either?

lolol

We should just have one giant 'bash fundies' sticky

Oh man, I bet you have some fabulous stories...

or, wait... are you being sarcastic and actually defending fundies?

I'm confused.

No, I am in no way defending fundies.

And I have stories, what with women on campus using "I'm dating Jesus" as a turn down line, etc.

I'm just saying, religion threads are a bi-monthly thing where the usual people come in and wave their fists around, shake hands, and wait another two months.

bongi

i laughed at "you should gather up your occult paraphernalia like your rock music"

Newtron

"God exists. When I spent a night all alone in Ottawa, after my colleagues abandoned me, I had a formal sushi dinner all by my lonesome and walked around the streets silently for a while. I was trying to keep happy because it was such a fantastic meal, but I was still pretty upset about being totally abandoned in a foriegn city. I passed the Rideau Centre Mall and decided to go see Silent Hill.

I think I said something like "God, this movie better be good, because I am feeling pretty down."

And then I almost stepped on the little piece of paper that fluttered at my feet. I picked it up, and saw it was a movie ticket for Silent Hill, for the same day, and for the same showtime I wanted to go to. And it hadn't been ripped. It was a perfectly good, fresh, free ticket.

So I went and saw Silent Hill for free, and I loved it, and I've always believed that the Lord thought "Hey, he was just abandoned by everybody, and spent a night by himself in a strange city. And though he felt lost and forlorn, he maintained a degree of optimism and faith. He'll go see Silent Hill, and I'll pick up the tab."

See, I'm not really a lucky guy in the dumb-luck coincidence kind of way, so it wasn't jsut dumb luck.

Yeah, I know it's kinda mushy to most of you, but hey, whatever keeps me faithful, eh?"

Knob

but silent hill sucked on ice

Mathilda

"I AM A FULLY ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS AND I HEARD OF THIS MOVIE THROUGH MY WORK CABLE TV, AND I WAS DISGUESTED BECAUSE I MYSELF SERVED A MISSION AND HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF RESPECT FOR MISSIONARIES BECAUSE WE BELIEVE THAT THEY REPRESENT THE LORD JESUS CHRIST IN PREACHING HIS GOSPEL AND THERE HAVE BEEN GREATER THINGS TALKED ABOUT WITH CATHOLICS HAVE SEX WITH LITTLE KIDS AND NO ONE MAKES A MOVIE OUT OF THIS TO PUT DOWN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH OUT OF RESPECT TO THE PRIEST OR OTHER THINGS THAT OTHER RELIGIONS DO AND THE FACT THAT MORMONS DONT APPROVE OF HOMOSEXUALITY THEY HAVE TO GO AND DEFILE SOMETHING SO SACRED ESPICALLY THE THINGS THAT ARE REVEALED IN THAT MOVIE ITS TERRIBLE BECAUSE THIS SORT OF THING CAN STIR PEOPLE AWAY FROM BEING APPROACHED BY THE MISSIONARIES I HOPE THOSE THAT MADE THIS FILM HAVE WHATS COMING TO THEM AND ALSO ALL THOSE THAT SUPPORT AND PUT DOWN MY CHURCH BECAUSE ITS JUST NOT FAIR"

Nucsh

PiptheFair

so we're doing this again?

Cogliostro

Wrench N Rockets wrote:

www.fstdt.com

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

Oh man.

Oh... oh dear.

Callius

PipTheFair wrote:

so we're doing this again?

man, c'mon. Bashing religion is one thing... bashing fundies is an enjoyable team sport.

PiptheFair

MAXIMUM POWER LEVEL wrote:

PipTheFair wrote:

so we're doing this again?

man, c'mon. Bashing religion is one thing... bashing fundies is an enjoyable team sport.

no dude I know, but you gotta space this shit out

Darth Waiter

MAXIMUM POWER LEVEL wrote:

PipTheFair wrote:

so we're doing this again?

man, c'mon. Bashing religion is one thing... bashing fundies is an enjoyable team sport.

It builds character and encourages creativity.

Defender

MAXIMUM POWER LEVEL wrote:

PipTheFair wrote:

so we're doing this again?

man, c'mon. Bashing religion is one thing... bashing fundies is an enjoyable team sport.

Yeah, it's OK. Remember, these aren't real people.

Also man that guy's son might be gay. Did you guys see the implication? Like maybe he DOESN'T have a secret girlfriend, maybe he put the magazines there HIMSELF. See, but why would he do that? Ah, but that takes us back to my original idea; he might be gay! That would also explain why there doesn't need to be a girlfriend; gay guys don't like to have girlfriends!

Man I wish you guys could hear the ridiculously condescending/patronizing tone I'm using here. Callius can imagine it, I know he's heard it before.

Jinnigan

http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_1318383/mpage_1/tm.htm

Jermaine Champaigne

Defender wrote:

Yeah, it's OK. Remember, these aren't real people.

Also man that guy's son might be gay. Did you guys see the implication? Like maybe he DOESN'T have a secret girlfriend, maybe he put the magazines there HIMSELF. See, but why would he do that? Ah, but that takes us back to my original idea; he might be gay! That would also explain why there doesn't need to be a girlfriend; gay guys don't like to have girlfriends!

Man I wish you guys could hear the ridiculously condescending/patronizing tone I'm using here. Callius can imagine it, I know he's heard it before.

do you have a really nasally voice that rises with excitement? It's how I have traditionally read your posts, so a serious answer might actually help with this

Defender

Oh my god what the fuck.

The only thing I could understand there is complaining about the rape law because it's too easy to abuse, you know, for a woman to go "oh yeah, he raped me" after the fact. Especially if it's a divorce situation and she's bitter. Rape laws are tough because you don't want them to be too difficult, or you're allowing rape, but if they're too easy, you're allowing false convictions of rape, which is also horrific.

Nalouto

what's a fundie?

Defender

Jermaine Champaigne wrote:

Defender wrote:

Yeah, it's OK. Remember, these aren't real people.

Also man that guy's son might be gay. Did you guys see the implication? Like maybe he DOESN'T have a secret girlfriend, maybe he put the magazines there HIMSELF. See, but why would he do that? Ah, but that takes us back to my original idea; he might be gay! That would also explain why there doesn't need to be a girlfriend; gay guys don't like to have girlfriends!

Man I wish you guys could hear the ridiculously condescending/patronizing tone I'm using here. Callius can imagine it, I know he's heard it before.

do you have a really nasally voice that rises with excitement? It's how I have traditionally read your posts, so a serious answer might actually help with this

I do have a nasal voice, and studying French did not help to remedy that. Um...I guess my voice can rise with excitement, but it doesn't always do so. It is a fairly nerdy voice, but it doesn't always sound nerdy, and it's not, like, extremely nerdy like Mandark or something.

Callius

Nalouto wrote:

what's a fundie?

A fundementalist christian.

Think of chic tracts.

Defender

MAXIMUM POWER LEVEL wrote:

Nalouto wrote:

what's a fundie?

A fundementalist christian.

Think of chic tracts.

Chick Tracts are tres chic in 07.

Arcibi

Some of my best friends are total Jesus freaks (which I guess is a side-effect of living in Kentucky)

But even they would cringe at some of this stuff

TankHammer

Arcibi wrote:

Some of my best friends are total Jesus freaks (which I guess is a side-effect of living in Kentucky)

But even they would cringe at some of this stuff

Then they're not freaky enough. You don't get into heaven unless you resist the temptation to consider outside views somewhat valid.

Homeless

So theSAVED's d&d post about leper girl is #3 in the top 10

i mean, that is a pretty funny string of words, but man he is never going to live that down and that makes me sad because he turned out to be kind of an okay dude

Langly

I went to a private Christian high school.

Yes, it was horrible. Mostly I hid in the band room.

But we'd have discussions on why Harry Potter was evil, or why disney should be banned. In class. Actual class discussion.

*shiver*

TankHammer

Langly wrote:

I went to a private Christian high school.

Yes, it was horrible. Mostly I hid in the band room.

But we'd have discussions on why Harry Potter was evil, or why disney should be banned. In class. Actual class discussion.

*shiver*

I went to a private, all-dudes, Catholic school. We had full in-class discussions about pornography and how it relates to society, had running jokes with the professor about "Debbie Does Dallas" and basically didn't even try to hide the fact that everyone in the room had seen an ass-load of porn.

The following year we learned how awesome other religions were besides catholicism, including Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam and Taoism.

Hunter

This is by far the greatest thing I've ever read. Ever. Like in my whole life.

Fundie Whackjob wrote:

Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?"

Si Senor

Hunter wrote:

This is by far the greatest thing I've ever read. Ever. Like in my whole life.

Fundie Whackjob wrote:

Athiests as a Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END

Scary, isn't it?"

very, very scary.

Hunter

ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!



This part alone sums up SE++ completely.