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What the hell is wrong with me?
Jaded
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I could use some help here from the PA group.
I’m a 32 year old male, 5’9”, 232 (more gut then muscle) who has absolutely no ambition right now.
Sex? Yeah it feels good, but I really don’t want it nearly as often as I used to.
Exercise? Used to do it every day, and then I fell off the wagon about 2 months ago… put back on 12 of the 20 pounds I lost.
Mental state? Not so good… I find myself short with people, or falsely projecting a good mood even though I am god damn miserable.
Sleep? Not too bad. Averaging 6 – 7 hours a night.
Job? Not bad… my short temper and lack of drive is really affecting it though. I’ve been at the same place just over 11 years now. I get great benefits, a good wage and steady hours with room to advance should I choose to.
Relationship? About the only thing I feel that is really going right, aside from the lack of sex, as I know she’s disappointed that I don’t want it nearly as much as she does. For frequency, I suppose I would say it averages about once every 2 weeks. She may correct me as I’m not using an alt to post this message.
Basically what it all comes down to is I just have no drive. I don’t want to do anything. If it were up to me I’d go home, eat, shower and sleep.
What could be driving this? I see these damn commercial’s for Low T and the wife bugs me playfully saying that sounds like me.
I turn to you PA people… I think it’s too early for a midlife crisis… I mean, I don’t find myself wanting a motorcycle and 18 year old girlfriend yet!
I reach out to you! Offer me your advice as I search around town for a new family doctor.
I’m a 32 year old male, 5’9”, 232 (more gut then muscle) who has absolutely no ambition right now.
Sex? Yeah it feels good, but I really don’t want it nearly as often as I used to.
Exercise? Used to do it every day, and then I fell off the wagon about 2 months ago… put back on 12 of the 20 pounds I lost.
Mental state? Not so good… I find myself short with people, or falsely projecting a good mood even though I am god damn miserable.
Sleep? Not too bad. Averaging 6 – 7 hours a night.
Job? Not bad… my short temper and lack of drive is really affecting it though. I’ve been at the same place just over 11 years now. I get great benefits, a good wage and steady hours with room to advance should I choose to.
Relationship? About the only thing I feel that is really going right, aside from the lack of sex, as I know she’s disappointed that I don’t want it nearly as much as she does. For frequency, I suppose I would say it averages about once every 2 weeks. She may correct me as I’m not using an alt to post this message.
Basically what it all comes down to is I just have no drive. I don’t want to do anything. If it were up to me I’d go home, eat, shower and sleep.
What could be driving this? I see these damn commercial’s for Low T and the wife bugs me playfully saying that sounds like me.
I turn to you PA people… I think it’s too early for a midlife crisis… I mean, I don’t find myself wanting a motorcycle and 18 year old girlfriend yet!
I reach out to you! Offer me your advice as I search around town for a new family doctor.
I can't think of anything clever.
Jaded on
0
Posts
Honestly, it just sounds like you need a hobby. I mean, come on. There has to be SOMETHING in life that you enjoy and find interesting.
Weightlifters know that if their body has stopped responding, they've reached a point where they need to change or alter their workout. They need to shock their muscles to encourage further growth.
It seems like you need to "shock" your life.
I mean, you describe a pretty dead-on image of someone feeling the weight of his own inertia. It sounds like your life has been very static for a very long time. How do you respond when you entertain notions of radical change? Is it exciting or just...tiring?
Sorry if this sounds facile, but have you tried making yourself conform to a fairly rigid work-out schedule? Gutting it out for a good two or three weeks and seeing how you feel about it? Having a regular outlet for self-improvement that will yield demonstrable results (given enough time and effort) can be a great self-propagating way to re-inject some enthusiasm into your life.
I was seeing a counselor awhile back and she basically said "Get out and do more..." which admitedly probably would help... I just can't find the desire to do it.
I was on a workout routine... dropped about 30 pounds in 4 months... all from diet change and, amazingly, wii active. Now... I feel like I just can't be assed to get back on that horse.
AngelHedgie, I appreciate the input, I really do, I'm just looking to draw from other peoples experiences here. I often find myself looking at the threads in thie forums and saying the exact same thing to myself about other people...
I was seeing a family doctor, however on two consecutive appointments I was delayed over 90 minutes each time. My wife and I share a vehicle and I can't just "duck away" for 2 hours at a time. I actually walked out of my last appointment from the waiting room. I was told I was scheduled for 9:30... by 11:30 I was still waiting for the doctor for a follow up on some tests (which turned out being just fine). This shit just can't fly during a work day for me unfortunately... so as I hunt for a new family doctor I turn to you fine people.
You should get a check up with your doctor.
If your existing doctor can't do anything fast, maybe take a half day off to ensure you have the time to hang around waiting for the appointment. If your work won't allow you half a day off, maybe it's a high pressure environment that could be the root of your troubles.
Absolutely licensed. The whole experience felt pretty shitty to be honest. I was initially set up with her through EAP (employee assistance program).
Work does cover counselling as part of our benefits however, maybe it's time to look for a new one.
I'd highly recommend trying another one. Sounds like you got a stinker. There's a lot of different styles and approaches (and quality), and there's sure to be a good match for you.
I swam, but I'm going to be honest... I'm not comfortable enough with my body to go swimming in public anymore.
I have time off at the end of July, but thats with the wife and kids around and I do want to spend it with them. I just had a week off at the end of April (for my b-day) in which I did nothing overly constructive.
Depression can be chemical, and it sounds like you are saying: I've got no reason to be depressed, so WTF? My mom has/had chemical depression, and no amount of talking to a therapist helped. once she got some meds she was much better, she's since gotten off meds (with doctor's approval) and is better than she was.
We moved to this city three years ago to be closer to her children (plus I got a sweet job transfer) and we've never really spread out roots out to establish a new social network.
I was on effexor (sp) a couple years back but quit the treatment when the meds made me quite sick. I told my Dr. and more or less got a "Whatever" from her. No new drug to try.
However, I really do think you should force yourself to exercise more, possibly with your wife or a friend (i.e. going on a walk in the evening, starting a new active hobby, etc.). There have been a number of studies that show exercise as incredibly useful in treating depression/anxiety (I've actually had doctors tell me it can be as effective as medication in some cases).
On the sex front, I think exercise can help. Personally I've always found sex much more enjoyable when I'm in better shape. Also, I think it's important to have sex even if you don't feel like it at the time because: a. it's good for your relationship b. I think the more you have sex the more you want to have sex c. it's a stress-reliever. Talk with your wife and see if there is a way you can spice things up or maybe let her know you need some extra seduction/foreplay to get going.
Personally I think this shit is pretty common for the late twenties/early thirties crowd (or at least it is amongst a lot of my friends), things just get pretty boring unless you make a concerted effort to make life exciting.
You should probably find a new doctor, any doctor that thinks clinical depression is going to go away like that is crazy. You should see about getting back on one, even a different one, because what you described is really classic indicators for depression. Longstanding lethargy, meh feeling, decreased libido, etc. Short of diabetes, it really fits, especially considering your history.
You can probably trace all this back to when you stopped taking it.
I would say that you should stop flogging the dolphin if you are doing that, also try to cut out any Porn if you are doing that. That can help keep your attention focused on your wife as your sexual outlet. Also, try to have sex be non-distracting. you have kids so... not easy. but, try not to have the TV on if you do that, I recently stopped that and it has actually been a big help!
The friendly handshake and porn I'll work on cutting out, see if that helps at all... it'll be like breaking a ritual though! When we do have sex it's in the good old bedroom (usually) which has no TV or computer, so no real distracting outlets. And yes, you more or less summed up how I feel in regards to that aspect of this whole mess.
Anyhow, I'd say you are in the midst of a mild depression. There are lots of different medications that a doctor might work with you on. I doubt counseling alone would do much, to be honest, but you never know...
Other than that the only thing I can think of is 'try new stuff, meet new people'. Which is trite
Good luck, dude! I know I've felt the same way before. It passed, I honestly can't say I did anything useful to help it along.
That list may or may not be things that seem like fun to me. Maybe your list should be things that seem like fun to you instead.
--LeVar Burton
Sometimes I just force myself to do things, and surprisingly "fake it till you make it" works for me while having fun too!
I never actually want to work out, but I just focus on the time period after my work out, to kind of zone out through it. It's amazing how much better and focused I feel afterwards, and seeing results helps a lot.
I also instituted a rule lately, that unless I had a good reason (i.e. had to work, something already happening, etc...) I would not say no to any invite. Even if its just a friends get together, go by for half an hour, and socialize. When the only people you see are co-workers, and your SO, it's hard to remember how to act in groups of peers.
New experiences and people are the only things that will keep most humans happy. You're stuck and it sounds like you have been for some time. You just have to decide to not be stuck. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. Get off your ass.
At this point, she is probably good to go almost all the time. I suggest that the next time the mood hits you, let her know that you are ready to go and attack! You will be in the moment, and it will be great and you both will be happy. I suspect that she is stressed out because she knows its a hot button topic, so making a pass at you and being shot down is no fun for her.
Also, i read a study that showed that watching porn can essentially desensitize you to normal sex. So, i stopped watching it "almost all the time" and... it works. in my case anyway.
Getting over that hump "pun intended" will do wonders for the rest of your issues.
Starting on 150mg of Wellbutrin a day for 10 days then going to 300mg a day. To review in 3 months.
If you complete the regimen and still feel the same, followup with your doctor...and they'll try you out on something different or adjust dosage levels. If you start getting worse in any way, call the doctor immediately. Remember that these are brain meds - if the stuff takes a hard left turn, you'll be out naked in midtown traffic, covered in green jello, and hunting leprechauns with your penis spear.
In short... Take the meds, and your condition, seriously.
Oh, just spotted your post. Good luck!
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Took one of the Lorazepam's last night and slept like a baby. I have this nasty habit of waking up between 2 and 3 in the morning every day, this didn't happen last night... must admit my legs felt like jello and my rear felt like a bunch of men had their way with me... but I made it!
Looked outside this morning and said to myself... "Self, if you can do this today, you can do this anyday."
Blah blah blah, look at me improving my life and shit. You son of a bitch!
--LeVar Burton