Girl Trouble

Off Constantly

I'm a junior in highschool at seventeen years old. I just got my first girlfriend ever last semester. I was with her for a little more than three months. I never treated her wrong, and we were quite happy together. She showed no signs of wanting to break up until the day she dumped me. It's now been a month since it happened, and I've found myself a new girl.
The problem is that my mind is constantly consumed by my ex, and I can't seem to get excited over my new girlfriend. I admit she isn't nearly as attractive as my ex, but she is really easy to talk to and we get along great. I always find myself reliving all my memories with my ex rather than looking forward to time spent with my girlfriend.
I still love my ex, and she has seemingly lost all feelings for me. I think my girlfriend and I would be better off as just friends, but I'm afraid that she's not the problem and that I'll still be obsessed with my ex when I'm with someone else.
So basically, do you guys think I really love my ex or is it just that she was my first? Should I dump my new girl or would that not solve a thing?

st0ned messiah

This is a fairly good sign that you should have taken more time between gals. For some people a month isn't enough to combat the rebound effect (constantly comparing current gal to older gal).

At this point it really is up to you. You can dump your current girl (explaining why and saying that you underestimated the amount of time it would take for you to get over your last girlfriend) or you can hope that you'll stop thinking about your ex so much.

My advice is to go with the latter. Give it a month and if you still can't stop thinking about your ex it's time to reevaluate the relationship you're in. It isn't that odd for someone in your situation to be thinking about their last girlfriend.

supabeast

You'll get over her eventually. This sort of thing is common, especially when you're younger...it just takes time.

Sarcastro

Indeed. This too will pass. Erm, sortof. I still think fondly about my first girlfriend, and still wonder what she's up to, how she's doing etc. It can be pretty guilt inducing, having feelings for another girl while trying to be involved with a current one, but try not to let it bother you. Its totally and completely normal: we are, after all, the sum of our experiences, and just because the things that used to be part of our lives are gone, doesn't mean they didn't mean anything or shouldn't affect us in the future.

Maybe try going out with your new girl and making some new memorable memories. The more time you spend with your current girlfriend, the less significance the other will have. I have found that it is sort of like an experience ratio; right now past experiences outweigh current ones by say (and I'll just make something up here) twenty to one. The more time you spend with your current girlfriend will change that, to ten to one, then one to one, and then one day you will have more meaning with your current girlfriend than you do with your old one, and these feelings will clear themselves up on thier own.

I would however, warn heavily against going back. Not only does that smack of that particular brand of desperation which nearly all girls inherently despise, but it is unwise to think that you can ever go back to 'the way things were'. Time is a fire that consumes whatever it touches- to go back would be like sucking on the ashes of a dead relationship, and that shit isn't healthy for anyone.

Off Constantly

Sarcastro wrote: »

Indeed. This too will pass. Erm, sortof. I still think fondly about my first girlfriend, and still wonder what she's up to, how she's doing etc. It can be pretty guilt inducing, having feelings for another girl while trying to be involved with a current one, but try not to let it bother you. Its totally and completely normal: we are, after all, the sum of our experiences, and just because the things that used to be part of our lives are gone, doesn't mean they didn't mean anything or shouldn't affect us in the future.

Maybe try going out with your new girl and making some new memorable memories. The more time you spend with your current girlfriend, the less significance the other will have. I have found that it is sort of like an experience ratio; right now past experiences outweigh current ones by say (and I'll just make something up here) twenty to one. The more time you spend with your current girlfriend will change that, to ten to one, then one to one, and then one day you will have more meaning with your current girlfriend than you do with your old one, and these feelings will clear themselves up on thier own.

I would however, warn heavily against going back. Not only does that smack of that particular brand of desperation which nearly all girls inherently despise, but it is unwise to think that you can ever go back to 'the way things were'. Time is a fire that consumes whatever it touches- to go back would be like sucking on the ashes of a dead relationship, and that shit isn't healthy for anyone.

That ratio stuff is the best sounding explanation so far, so thanks. I mean I feel like my ex and my memories with her are what make me who I am, so eventually my girlfriend should become a bigger part of me. I couldn't go back anyway, but knowing my pathetic self I probably would if given a chance.

Grundlterror

Sarcastro wrote: »

I would however, warn heavily against going back. Not only does that smack of that particular brand of desperation which nearly all girls inherently despise, but it is unwise to think that you can ever go back to 'the way things were'. Time is a fire that consumes whatever it touches- to go back would be like sucking on the ashes of a dead relationship, and that shit isn't healthy for anyone.

Well said.