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I told him I loved him
CaptainLuffy
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My best guy friend and I are pretty close, and have been for a few years. Long story short I moved from one coast to another, and have been here for a year. My best friend (Lets call him Dave) and I have kept in touch and hang out all the time when I visit home. We've already told eachother that we like one another, and he's expressed that if I was back home that he would like to date me. He said he doesnt do LDR, and that right now he's dealing with a serious problem so he cant have a real relationship, which I totally respect. Dave also told me to go date other guys and not wait around for him to figure out if he is ready or not.
Well recently he had his 21st birthday, so as a present I sent him three tickets to go see his favorite band in concert. Along with the ticket I sent him a letter telling him that I loved him. This letter was not a "OMG I LURVE U MARY MEEEE~" sort of thing. These feelings I have for him are real and every time I thought about him it was so painful because he didn't know how strongly I felt.
Anyways, he got my letter last night. I basically told him I was in love with him, and I didn't expect to get into a relationship. I explained that I have tried to date other men, but it's just not the same when you're actually in love with someone. I asked him to pray and think about the situation, and not to feel presured to reply to me because that's one of the last things I'd want him to feel.
Well, this morning I checked my email and found he sent me this.
It's really really confusing, because I don't know if he's telling me he loves me but is confused about life right now, or if he's telling me he doesn't feel the same way. He never really said "I love you too" but he never said "I don't feel the same way."
tl;dr: How should I interperate this reply?
Well recently he had his 21st birthday, so as a present I sent him three tickets to go see his favorite band in concert. Along with the ticket I sent him a letter telling him that I loved him. This letter was not a "OMG I LURVE U MARY MEEEE~" sort of thing. These feelings I have for him are real and every time I thought about him it was so painful because he didn't know how strongly I felt.
Anyways, he got my letter last night. I basically told him I was in love with him, and I didn't expect to get into a relationship. I explained that I have tried to date other men, but it's just not the same when you're actually in love with someone. I asked him to pray and think about the situation, and not to feel presured to reply to me because that's one of the last things I'd want him to feel.
Well, this morning I checked my email and found he sent me this.
I just got home and read your letter, and I really appreciate what you had to say.
I have been praying and thinking about all of this stuff also...
and the conclusion that I have come to is that I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing right now. Honestly, things in general have been becoming constantly more uncertain for me, as time goes on. Not to mention the fact that we have hardly seen each other for a long time.
I would be very happy to see you happily involved with someone else, because I can not, in good conscience, guarantee you anything. And I wont.
Anything, that is, except my friendship. Try as you might, you're not going to lose that one.
And I really want to just stick to that. Friendship.
I think I might owe you an apology, for being hasty before.
You mean a lot to me.
It's really really confusing, because I don't know if he's telling me he loves me but is confused about life right now, or if he's telling me he doesn't feel the same way. He never really said "I love you too" but he never said "I don't feel the same way."
tl;dr: How should I interperate this reply?
CaptainLuffy on
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Shogun Streams Vidya
He sounds like a good friend, but as he says, you shouldn't expect anything more from him. I'm sure it's not the news you wanted to hear, but I don't think anything in the email suggests that you should still hope for a romance with him. Take comfort in the fact that he still cares deeply about you, and know that it will be easier to deal with this because the two of you are at a geographic distance.
I'm more than happy to have just his friendship though.
What it sounds like to me is that he is not in a position right now to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with you. That short bit right before what I quoted bears commenting; there has to be more involved in serious relationships and decisions regarding them than just feelings. Circumstances have to allow for things to work, and it seems from his response that they don't. That's more than enough reason not to get involved with someone, particularly if it's someone you don't hate, because trying to make something work that can't is only going to hurt everyone involved deeply over time. From the sound of things, you have a pretty solid friend there, so don't go and ignore what he's saying or try to wait around for circumstances to change, because either of those will hurt him. It sounds cold but the best course of action for you right now is to pick up a thing of ice-cream or whatever it is you personally do to deal with unpleasant turns of events, and try not to dwell on it too much. The thing about people and life is that you will eventually meet someone else who you can grow to care for just as much, just as long as you're not sitting around moping about waiting and hoping for something that isn't going to happen.
Sorry, but it happens and it also gets better.
Nah, I'm not going to just sit here and mope. Well, maybe I'll Binge on WoW and kill some Allies with some co-workers... Anyways, like I said I'm more than happy with just his friendship.
Heh, yeah. There were only two posts when I started typing that, so I didn't see that part. But yeah, sounds like you've got that shit under control then. So all that remains is for you to declare the thread solved and I'll lock it.