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Don_Julio
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
A few months ago I posted here about exiting a really bad relationship in which I ended up getting manipulated, cheated on, and dumped. I ended up taking a break from dating for a bit (roughly a month) and decided to try jumping back into the game in January. Suffice to say, it isn't going too well. I ended up taking advice here on the forums and started becoming a bit more social, hooking up with old friends that I had lost touch with when I was in the relationship, and managed to snag a job as a Life Guard on my campus. (Starting soon! 
)
In all of this I began meeting people again. In January I managed to get coffee/lunch with three gals. The coffee one ended up scaring me off and the other one the chemistry just was not there. I attempted to force something that wasn't there. The third one I had thought something could possibly flourish there. However, it turned out she had a boy friend in the military and she was looking for something on the side/the desire to feel wanted by the opposite sex because she was lonely. I slowly eased myself out of that one. I didn't want to be "Jody".
After that third session its been overall bad luck. Lately I feel like the girls I strike up conversation with always seem to have boy friends or are looking for a temporary escape in their long distance relationships (Again, not the type of persons I want to associate myself with). In addition, when I go to college parties with my buds (I know, bad place to search for love at) it seems as if no girls ever seem interested. I mean, I see myself getting stared at, but any attempt to start up a conversation for the most part goes nowhere. Its almost like they expect me to entertain them and its getting old real quick. The end result is my confidence is turning into bitterness, frustration, and getting tired of "the game".
I know that I'm not a bad looking guy. Past girl friends always reminded me that I'm "hot". In addition my close friends and family always give me shit about how I'm in great physical shape, again have the looks, but question why I'm always single. On the topic of family they're actually getting pissed off at me about it. -_- The regular friends I have aren't very helpful at all. Either they give me "Sorrys", tell me to not chase sluts, or they give me shit about being frustrated. These friends tell me to basically become what I don't want to be. An asshole. I don't want to be a man whore and get around. I'd rather have something meaningful than become the asshole that every woman friend I've ever had bitches about.
Overall, I'm kinda in this slump and I want to get out. What am I doing wrong at this point and how do I get out of it?
)In all of this I began meeting people again. In January I managed to get coffee/lunch with three gals. The coffee one ended up scaring me off and the other one the chemistry just was not there. I attempted to force something that wasn't there. The third one I had thought something could possibly flourish there. However, it turned out she had a boy friend in the military and she was looking for something on the side/the desire to feel wanted by the opposite sex because she was lonely. I slowly eased myself out of that one. I didn't want to be "Jody".
After that third session its been overall bad luck. Lately I feel like the girls I strike up conversation with always seem to have boy friends or are looking for a temporary escape in their long distance relationships (Again, not the type of persons I want to associate myself with). In addition, when I go to college parties with my buds (I know, bad place to search for love at) it seems as if no girls ever seem interested. I mean, I see myself getting stared at, but any attempt to start up a conversation for the most part goes nowhere. Its almost like they expect me to entertain them and its getting old real quick. The end result is my confidence is turning into bitterness, frustration, and getting tired of "the game".
I know that I'm not a bad looking guy. Past girl friends always reminded me that I'm "hot". In addition my close friends and family always give me shit about how I'm in great physical shape, again have the looks, but question why I'm always single. On the topic of family they're actually getting pissed off at me about it. -_- The regular friends I have aren't very helpful at all. Either they give me "Sorrys", tell me to not chase sluts, or they give me shit about being frustrated. These friends tell me to basically become what I don't want to be. An asshole. I don't want to be a man whore and get around. I'd rather have something meaningful than become the asshole that every woman friend I've ever had bitches about.
Overall, I'm kinda in this slump and I want to get out. What am I doing wrong at this point and how do I get out of it?
Don_Julio on
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I mean it's not like you are compatible with every lady in the world, so it stands reason you will strike out more than you hit.
Parties are so hit and miss because often, the only thing you have in common with them is that you know someone at the party. Or maybe you aren't that good at small talk. This is something that takes practice.
Join some university clubs with something you are interested and meet more people in a more casual and relaxed environment. Or look at online dating as a possibility also.
Satans..... hints.....
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Try OkCupid. I think there's a giant thread over in Debate & Discourse if you need help with a profile.
I guess my real advice is to take a break from it and do what was actually recommended to you: reconnect with some old friends, hang out, rediscover your likes and interests. A month break really isn't that long a time: and three months looking for a good girl is also not all that long a time...take a *real* break from it, man.
I was thinking the same thing.
I'm going to come off like your friends, giving you shit for being frustrated...but it's only been 3-4 months. It might take a while to find the right person. You've gotten out there and started, which is good...but if you expected to run into a girl you're attracted to, as well as matches your personality, and has a spark of chemistry within a month or so of trying....then of course you're going to be disappointed. Some people go years, even decades before they find the right one.
Stay patient (I know it's not easy sometimes), but keep trying and eventually you'll find someone.
And lastly, if you're looking for a long, lasting relationship...bars and parties aren't the best place. Not saying it isn't possible, but the bar/party-type are there (obviously)
Also, at some point, you kind of have to accept the idea of dating being a numbers game.
A lot of it is jealousy of my friends, family pressure, and going Active Duty for the Military. Most of my friends (Mind you, they're females) are in/have been in relationships for multiple years. Its kinda getting old and tiring to be the fifth wheel when we all go out in a group. On the family issue, I kinda feel as if I'm almost dishonoring my family because the Italians are really upset that I'm doing well for myself, but I have "nothing" to show for it (in their exact words, a "beautiful women"). Also, with active duty military as an Officer around the bend (next May) I'm also feeling the squeeze to find someone now because once I hit active duty chances of finding a college educated gal drop off the scale
And eh, I'm not so sure about online dating. I kinda feel self conscious about making an online dating profile....
The hell you talking about? Once you become an officer on active duty you can't date a college-educated girl? Where in god's name did you come up with that idea?
Also, you should tell your family to go take a hike; this is YOUR life. If you're going to be an officer, step up.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
Why? So you're alternative is to rush into something permanent? Are you sure they'd follow you? What if you get stationed near a city? Are you aware that there are... *female* officers and civilians who work for the military?
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
I kinda get the idea that he thinks that most women you meet on the active duty side don't actually date soldiers/marines/sailors/air men for their personality, but rather for that pay check. These people exist everywhere regardless of where you go. Just need to exercise caution and sound judgment.
I guess, but I never saw any data which said that number was statistically significant.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
I only assumed because I regularly post on a few other military message boards and its an always brought up topic. :P Though we won't know till the OP responds.
First off, thanks for the service. It can't be said enough...
Obviously, the family stuff is contributing to what turnip pointed out, about "needing" to be in a relationship.
Have you thought of the other side of the coin? If you're going to be going on active duty in May, is getting in a serious relationship really a good thing to do? For you or for the significant other? It's just going to make things harder on you both.
I'm not saying don't go out there and try, but I would recommend being upfront about it, because the other person might not want to make a commitment to someone when they know they will be leaving. Some people just can't handle the long distance relationships.