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Oh my god the embarrasment
Carnivore
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I posted a few days ago in H&A asking about a lump I found. Long story short, its not cancerous, which is awesome. Long story long, it might as well have been considering the agonising embarrasment I just went through. I probably shouldn't tell you guys this but here we go.
So basically, it was on my groin. Not on my groin per se, it was near to my hip on my stomach) but close enough so that any doctor inspection would have required at least dropping of pants and possibly some underwear folding.
So anyways, I get in this emergency appointment, as people suggested because I would be away for 2 weeks (which I am now, hence why I havent posted for 2 days, travelling here) and it might be important to get checked out.
The surgery that I go to had some staff on call for these kinds of things, so I go in and god fucking damn, there's a huge queue to check in. The system they run is emergency appointments get to skip the queue and sign in at this touchscreen computer at the main reception desk. You dont have to queue up to check in like the other patients. So I walk to it and this fucking 80 year old woman thinks Im cutting line. To be honest, it was a weekday, everyone in that room was at least a hundred years old, coughing, weezing. Blech!
She thinks Im trying to skip the line, being this uppity 20 something who walks in with a bag and baggy clothes. Fucking bitch swipes at me with her cane, right in the fucking shins, knocks my left leg from under me and I trip and slam right into this small bookshelf type thing which is basically decoration, and has some plants on it. So Im fucking swearing at this woman pointing to the touchscreen and she just starts shouting (well, talking loudly) back and the security guy comes over so I just leave it. Id rather not spend any more time here dealing with this when Im already in a bit of a rush for my flight. I just say it was an accident and go into the waiting room after checking in on this touchscreen thing.
My shin is absolutely throbbing. Like, fucking feels like it is broken. I can barely walk on the leg and im hobbling all over the place. I get down onto a seat and wait a few minutes then the doctor calls over for me. Now it is wrapped in bandage and I walk with a cane (a cane) but then it was just raw.
Now goddam, just my luck. My whole life I have had horrible, elderly doctors with nosehair and sweaty shirts and today I get this insanely hot intern woman who is wearing what can only be described as a skin tight doctors coat. She has this tiny skirt on and thigh length socks.
Thigh length socks.
Well of course this was a blessing in disguise. She must have been barely older than I was it was ridiculous. I could question the dress code of the place, I could go through in my mind a thousand things why this goddam doctor just felt out of place. She was like some stepford wife, I kid you not. My life was taking a decidedly sharp turn for the surreal at this point. Assaulted by grandma and about to have my groin examined by Dr Cameron.
So I get in there and shes actually quite friendly. I describe basically what I outlined in the thread I made here earlier and she comes to the same conclusions. It is probably a congealment of fat or a cist of some sort. Unlikely to be a tumour being so close to the surface of the skin with no melanoma or anything with it.
'Just go behind this curtain and take off your trousers and I'll have a look'.
At this point, my left leg is literally red raw and quivering in a very noticable manner. I just lean up against the railing to take some weight off it and it really hurts. At this point there is a very clear and present danger of me tumbling over because of my goddam broken fucking leg.
She comes back around and asks where this lump is. I point to it and she starts examining it with these horrible cold rubber gloves. Now did I mention she is hawt? That pertains to what happens next.
Let's just say I got a little aroused. It was a hot day, there was this 'better paid naughty nurse' basically fondling my groin trying to find this tiny lump which you cant see on the surface and can only detect via touch. I think she noticed because she basically jumped up and went to get a syringe from the other side of the room. This gave me a few seconds to 'de-woodify' myself. It was nothing huge, barely a semi, but a noticable increase considering my poor choice of underwear was basically skin tight calvin kleins. So all Im doing is staring at the ceiling, one hand leaning up against the wall focussing as hard as I can on this ninja old woman who had caned me in the waiting hall. It worked and things got back to normal by the time she came back. She drew some fluid from this lump which then went away. It was a collection of fluids from a faulty gland or something, basically as soon as she said not cancerous I was just relieved. So shes down there drawing this fluid and wants to lighten the mood. She's all like 'dont worry if you get aroused. I have to press down hard now to feel for other lumps (because, in Gods twisted, hateful spite against me, it turns out these things come in groups and that one by chance was close to the skin).
So, I kid you not, she is basically just pressing her palm as hard as she can all over my groin, in the other hand holding a needle which she places on a small tray. At this point, I lose footing, cause of my left leg. It just cant hold the weight, kind of like when someone punches you in the upper arm hard you cant raise it. A dead leg as it were. Im still leaning up against the wall, which she never asked about, but without any suppor I fall over.
Oh god.
I fall on top of her, forwards. Now I am taller than she was but not fat or anything, so she wasnt hurt.
Just...
I basically landed groin first onto her face as she kneeled infront of me in what can only be described as 'the blow job' position inspecting my area for other signs of these cist type things, which are pretty serious if untreated, but not cancerous.
Yeah.
So I get up and shes like 'what are you doing' about 3 seconds away from calling the cops, and Im shouting pointing at my leg which by now is massively bruised and red and basically internally bleeding or something. So we pick ourselves up and she says I should just go, if these things turn up just come back in 2 weeks and get it checked again. I have never ran so fast in my life getting out of that place. With a cane no less for my fucked up leg. Im seriously putting in for the paralympics in 2012 with a sprint like that. I get in my car and drive straight to the airport and park it up in the long parking place and get on my flight later that afternoon. This was friday at Manchester Airport. Oh god. Now I have net access again I can finally tell my story. Which goddam is all true. I basically have had the most embarassing experience in my life, though good news in that I dont have cancer. So yay for me, but I shudder everytime I think of what happened. At least it is something I will be telling people for years, one of those scrapbook moments in life where thins just get so insane its like out of a sitcom or something. Utterly horrifying yet also in a way satisfying that my life is that interesting.
Oh god I hope I dont have to go back. She was pretty hot though. I would have, you know, if I hadnt basically walked into the twilight zone on my entry to that surgery. Dear fucking Christ. I hope to christ my roomates at uni dont find out cause goddam, this will be haunting me for my whole life. Thought you guys might like the story, especially at its a follow up to prior proceedings.
Just dont tell anyone ok.D:
So basically, it was on my groin. Not on my groin per se, it was near to my hip on my stomach) but close enough so that any doctor inspection would have required at least dropping of pants and possibly some underwear folding.
So anyways, I get in this emergency appointment, as people suggested because I would be away for 2 weeks (which I am now, hence why I havent posted for 2 days, travelling here) and it might be important to get checked out.
The surgery that I go to had some staff on call for these kinds of things, so I go in and god fucking damn, there's a huge queue to check in. The system they run is emergency appointments get to skip the queue and sign in at this touchscreen computer at the main reception desk. You dont have to queue up to check in like the other patients. So I walk to it and this fucking 80 year old woman thinks Im cutting line. To be honest, it was a weekday, everyone in that room was at least a hundred years old, coughing, weezing. Blech!
She thinks Im trying to skip the line, being this uppity 20 something who walks in with a bag and baggy clothes. Fucking bitch swipes at me with her cane, right in the fucking shins, knocks my left leg from under me and I trip and slam right into this small bookshelf type thing which is basically decoration, and has some plants on it. So Im fucking swearing at this woman pointing to the touchscreen and she just starts shouting (well, talking loudly) back and the security guy comes over so I just leave it. Id rather not spend any more time here dealing with this when Im already in a bit of a rush for my flight. I just say it was an accident and go into the waiting room after checking in on this touchscreen thing.
My shin is absolutely throbbing. Like, fucking feels like it is broken. I can barely walk on the leg and im hobbling all over the place. I get down onto a seat and wait a few minutes then the doctor calls over for me. Now it is wrapped in bandage and I walk with a cane (a cane) but then it was just raw.
Now goddam, just my luck. My whole life I have had horrible, elderly doctors with nosehair and sweaty shirts and today I get this insanely hot intern woman who is wearing what can only be described as a skin tight doctors coat. She has this tiny skirt on and thigh length socks.
Thigh length socks.
Well of course this was a blessing in disguise. She must have been barely older than I was it was ridiculous. I could question the dress code of the place, I could go through in my mind a thousand things why this goddam doctor just felt out of place. She was like some stepford wife, I kid you not. My life was taking a decidedly sharp turn for the surreal at this point. Assaulted by grandma and about to have my groin examined by Dr Cameron.
So I get in there and shes actually quite friendly. I describe basically what I outlined in the thread I made here earlier and she comes to the same conclusions. It is probably a congealment of fat or a cist of some sort. Unlikely to be a tumour being so close to the surface of the skin with no melanoma or anything with it.
'Just go behind this curtain and take off your trousers and I'll have a look'.
At this point, my left leg is literally red raw and quivering in a very noticable manner. I just lean up against the railing to take some weight off it and it really hurts. At this point there is a very clear and present danger of me tumbling over because of my goddam broken fucking leg.
She comes back around and asks where this lump is. I point to it and she starts examining it with these horrible cold rubber gloves. Now did I mention she is hawt? That pertains to what happens next.
Let's just say I got a little aroused. It was a hot day, there was this 'better paid naughty nurse' basically fondling my groin trying to find this tiny lump which you cant see on the surface and can only detect via touch. I think she noticed because she basically jumped up and went to get a syringe from the other side of the room. This gave me a few seconds to 'de-woodify' myself. It was nothing huge, barely a semi, but a noticable increase considering my poor choice of underwear was basically skin tight calvin kleins. So all Im doing is staring at the ceiling, one hand leaning up against the wall focussing as hard as I can on this ninja old woman who had caned me in the waiting hall. It worked and things got back to normal by the time she came back. She drew some fluid from this lump which then went away. It was a collection of fluids from a faulty gland or something, basically as soon as she said not cancerous I was just relieved. So shes down there drawing this fluid and wants to lighten the mood. She's all like 'dont worry if you get aroused. I have to press down hard now to feel for other lumps (because, in Gods twisted, hateful spite against me, it turns out these things come in groups and that one by chance was close to the skin).
So, I kid you not, she is basically just pressing her palm as hard as she can all over my groin, in the other hand holding a needle which she places on a small tray. At this point, I lose footing, cause of my left leg. It just cant hold the weight, kind of like when someone punches you in the upper arm hard you cant raise it. A dead leg as it were. Im still leaning up against the wall, which she never asked about, but without any suppor I fall over.
Oh god.
I fall on top of her, forwards. Now I am taller than she was but not fat or anything, so she wasnt hurt.
Just...
I basically landed groin first onto her face as she kneeled infront of me in what can only be described as 'the blow job' position inspecting my area for other signs of these cist type things, which are pretty serious if untreated, but not cancerous.
Yeah.
So I get up and shes like 'what are you doing' about 3 seconds away from calling the cops, and Im shouting pointing at my leg which by now is massively bruised and red and basically internally bleeding or something. So we pick ourselves up and she says I should just go, if these things turn up just come back in 2 weeks and get it checked again. I have never ran so fast in my life getting out of that place. With a cane no less for my fucked up leg. Im seriously putting in for the paralympics in 2012 with a sprint like that. I get in my car and drive straight to the airport and park it up in the long parking place and get on my flight later that afternoon. This was friday at Manchester Airport. Oh god. Now I have net access again I can finally tell my story. Which goddam is all true. I basically have had the most embarassing experience in my life, though good news in that I dont have cancer. So yay for me, but I shudder everytime I think of what happened. At least it is something I will be telling people for years, one of those scrapbook moments in life where thins just get so insane its like out of a sitcom or something. Utterly horrifying yet also in a way satisfying that my life is that interesting.
Oh god I hope I dont have to go back. She was pretty hot though. I would have, you know, if I hadnt basically walked into the twilight zone on my entry to that surgery. Dear fucking Christ. I hope to christ my roomates at uni dont find out cause goddam, this will be haunting me for my whole life. Thought you guys might like the story, especially at its a follow up to prior proceedings.
Just dont tell anyone ok.D:
Carnivore on
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pony up and walk that shit off, kid
that was pretty entertaining
hell of a lot more entertaining than half the shit that passes for humor around here
bravo on your sexual assault
next time get her number
"If you're going to play tiddly winks, play it with man hole covers."
- John McCallum
oh god the pain
Now I want you to cut off your penis and throw it away because you obviously have no use for it.
And while you're at it, rub some dirt on that too.
That gives them the chance to answer in the negative which is entirely unacceptable.
you have this backwards
i don't think you understand the concept
she could have been doing a rectal examination
I hear they can help with injuries.
You know what. When I get back if I ever see her again I am totally asking her out.
I think my opening gambit will be along the lines of 'hey, you might not remember my face but you will definetly recognise this groin *unzip'
Not if it's in self-defense.
Manchester? Which Manchester?
stop raping our docs
You should have pressed charges. Old lady needed jail time to cure her uppityness.
That would require that your groin made a positive impression upon her; as things stand, she'll just call the cops next time. You might have better luck with the old woman who assaulted you.
Manchester UK.
Im from near Stoke/Chester kind of region of Cheshire. Manchester airport is the closest.
ProTip: if you're having fluid backups such as described in the crotchal\leg areas, may be a good time to consider backing off the tighty-whitey CKs and think about cotton boxer-briefs.
Just sayin'...
I think maybe the only reason she didnt call the cops was cause I waved the whole assault charge thing earlier in the waiting room.
Or you know, she totally has the hots for me.;-)
I was going to do a Peep Show av/sig but you've chosen so much better than I.
She more than likely didn't because of your reaction.
People often respond much more to the facial expressions and gestures than words. Regardless of what you SAID, you probably looked HORRIFIED, and she probably realized this, which is why she told you to just go.
"and boy were my arms tired!"
You just posted it on the fucking internet
Christ
"Boy was my face red when he smacked me with his semi"
How do you know she won't be telling her girlfriends the story of how she tricked some guy into shoving his dick in her mouth?
straight porn where the guy is more submissive is so hot
but only if it's like a dominant looking guy
basically what i'm saying is subjugate breeders