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Went to a doctor today. Came back with a bottle of Effexor. Well, this is awkward.
The Ender
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
...I'm hesitant to post this, but this may be something that I'm going to have to talk about in a much less environment than here, so I may as well try here first:
I went to a clinic in Nanaimo today (well, I actually went to the hospital first, and they referred me to a clinic after I explained that I didn't need any sort of emergency treatment but had a problem I wanted to discuss with a doctor) because I've been having increasing outbreaks of ulcers on my gums & in my mouth for a few years, and it's recently progressed to the point where I've got 2-3 of the damn things every week and it's become difficult to eat almost any solid food.
I just wanted some direct treatment for the ulcers. After spending an awful lot more time in the doctor's office than I thought I'd be spending, I was diagnosed with severe depression & post-traumatic stress disorder (which has been causing the ulcers), given a small bottle of 'Effexor' & a prescription for more of it, and a referral to a psychiatrist.
I took the medication as directed today, and intend to do so until the little bottle is empty, but...
1) I don't know what to do from here. I'm living on the goodwill of my parents, and disclosing this to them (which would be necessary for filling the prescription or visiting the psychiatrist, neither of which I could hope to afford) is going to evaporate a lot of that goodwill.
2) I don't see how a psychiatrist is likely to help with the depression I'm experiencing. The depression is tied to physical things that a psychiatrist could not really change or provide, so I'm a bit skeptical that counselling will be of much assistance.
So, I feel a bit stuck.
I'm very tempted to just throw away the prescription & reference card, finish the medication I've been given and essentially pretend that the doctor visit did not happen. But then, I don't know what will happen when the medication runs out (...I sort of assume my body is not going to enjoy being suddenly put on and taken off this type of thing?). Maybe I shouldn't have taken any of the pills.
And, of course, the ulcers probably aren't just going to magically disappear on their own if I don't have the stress treated, somehow.
Sigh.
If you live in BC: Do you know if there are subsidy programs for prescription medication like this? Or psychiatrist visits?
Has anyone here been in this sort of situation before? If so, what did you do / what would you recommend I do?
I went to a clinic in Nanaimo today (well, I actually went to the hospital first, and they referred me to a clinic after I explained that I didn't need any sort of emergency treatment but had a problem I wanted to discuss with a doctor) because I've been having increasing outbreaks of ulcers on my gums & in my mouth for a few years, and it's recently progressed to the point where I've got 2-3 of the damn things every week and it's become difficult to eat almost any solid food.
I just wanted some direct treatment for the ulcers. After spending an awful lot more time in the doctor's office than I thought I'd be spending, I was diagnosed with severe depression & post-traumatic stress disorder (which has been causing the ulcers), given a small bottle of 'Effexor' & a prescription for more of it, and a referral to a psychiatrist.
I took the medication as directed today, and intend to do so until the little bottle is empty, but...
1) I don't know what to do from here. I'm living on the goodwill of my parents, and disclosing this to them (which would be necessary for filling the prescription or visiting the psychiatrist, neither of which I could hope to afford) is going to evaporate a lot of that goodwill.
2) I don't see how a psychiatrist is likely to help with the depression I'm experiencing. The depression is tied to physical things that a psychiatrist could not really change or provide, so I'm a bit skeptical that counselling will be of much assistance.
So, I feel a bit stuck.
I'm very tempted to just throw away the prescription & reference card, finish the medication I've been given and essentially pretend that the doctor visit did not happen. But then, I don't know what will happen when the medication runs out (...I sort of assume my body is not going to enjoy being suddenly put on and taken off this type of thing?). Maybe I shouldn't have taken any of the pills.
And, of course, the ulcers probably aren't just going to magically disappear on their own if I don't have the stress treated, somehow.
Sigh.
If you live in BC: Do you know if there are subsidy programs for prescription medication like this? Or psychiatrist visits?
Has anyone here been in this sort of situation before? If so, what did you do / what would you recommend I do?
With Love and Courage
The Ender on
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Visits to the shrink should be free as long as you have medicare, as long as you can get referred by a family physician. Walk-in clinics should probably be able to refer you as well if you don't have a GP. The wait to see one might be a while, though.
If you could tell us why you don't want to tell your parents that might be helpful, but I know it's sensitive. How old are you? Why do they have to know if you go see a shrink?
Well, that's a tough one. You sound like you've already made up your mind, if you're determined not to confide in your parents. But perhaps you may want to consider it if your condition is so bad that you're getting so many ulcers that it's difficult to eat. As for seeing a psychiatrist, I'm speaking from experience when I say that it helps immensely, when combined with antidepressants.
If you choose to forgo those options, though, be aware that dropping off antidepressants cold turkey after you've gotten used to them is not good. Not only do you put yourself at risk for making the depression even worse, but there are physical side effects like headaches, nausea, dizziness, vertigo, and the like. Again, speaking from experience on that one - and that was just after a 2-week lapse.
I'm dead broke. I have no personal income; what money I get comes in the form of GST credits (60~ dollars every few months).
I filled-out the BC health forms a little while ago, and yes, I qualify to get that for free. So no particular worries there. I'll look into Fair Pharmacare / Bounce Back.
I don't have a family physician here, but I do have the referral from the doctor I went to. Is that enough to make the visit free?
I can't / don't feel comfortable telling my parents because they have a well established history of jettisoning anyone from their lives that they feel has just become a dead weight. My mother explicitly explained to me that I'm very lucky that I'm not complicated to look after, or I'd be out on my own.
This is something that could move me into the 'complicated to look after' category. Of course, so are increasingly severe ulcers, which is why I went to the doctor in the first place...
Yes, this would be my absolute preference.
If I can find a way to fill the prescription / see the psychiatrist without having my parents at all involved / knowing about it, that is what I'll do. I just don't know if that's an option.
EDIT: I should perhaps also add that my parents have very little respect for modern medicine. They aren't New Age or into, say, homeopathy, but they think that a lot of genuine medical problems are just 'made-up' by people & supported by a 'liberal' medical system to support lazy people.
Yes, absolutely. The problem would be that, unless there is a subsidy option (I'll look into the mentioned programs tomorrow), I would have to ask my parents for the money to fill the prescription / see the psychiatrist.
I'm sorry you're in this situation Ender, I don't really have any advice re: your parents/financial situation but I did want to touch on the above. I don't know what physical issues you're referring to but the therapist/psych is there to provide you with tools to help you deal with the mental state resulting from said issues. Also, he/she will provide a neutral outlet for you to discuss what's happening in your life, which it sounds like you need considering the stance of your parents.
I would really recommend you at least sit down and have an initial discussion with someone, be honest about your doubts and ask specifically what sort of treatment plan they envision to help you most.
...I should've thought of that.
I'll see what I can do about getting a separate diagnosis from a different clinic, and see if it's the same or not.
EDIT: In any case, this medication is... interesting. I haven't felt this alert in quite a while.
Seconding this. It's not uncommon for depression to be linked to physical issues, but there's a good chance a psychiatrist can still help you.
Get a second opinion. It could be something like folate deficiency causing the ulcers. In my personal experience (anecdote!) clinics are awful quick to diagnose depression and shuffle folks out the door. I was diagnosed with depression when I actually had severe sinus infection, and when I had an ear infection.
It couldn't hurt anyway.
Your physical situation may be sucky, but the psychiatrist is there to give you an outlet to talk about this, and to help you find ways to cope with said situation such that it stops affecting your physical health. Though it won't directly help your current situation, chances are in the long run it may even help put you in a much better place mentally to start getting that physical situation changed for the better.
Please at least give it a try with an initial consult. Nobody who actually needs a pysch for depression thinks one can help before they go. That's one of the nasty insidious symptoms of the problem and the reason it can quietly rankle and grow to such worrying levels without outsiders noticing. Your body has given you the heads up warning that something is wrong and denying it is not going to help.
I think there are some underlying problems, like the physical problems Ender alluded to, that are the real reason he is living with his parents. Likely also the reason he is unemployed.
A second opinion is also a very good idea. It does seem strange to walk in for mouth ulcers and walk out with psychiatric medication.
If you have no income (and aren't a minor) you'll qualify for fair pharmacare which should pay for most/all the cost of medications. As I said, seeing a psychiatrist should be free in Canada because the Canada Health Act explicitly says that the government will pay for all physician services, apart from a few elective things like boob jobs.
You can register for fair pharmacare here: http://www.health.gov.bc.ca/pharmacare/plani/planiindex.html
Ah, here we go.
The bottle should last a week (assuming I remember to take them every day and all that).
Just to clarify a bit: while I was certainly blind-sided, it wasn't really 'walk in, talk for half an hour, walk out'. I must've been there for, what, maybe 5 hours? The doctor did a battery of tests.
Of course, I should go and get a second opinion anyway, but this was by no means some off the cuff diagnosis.
I'm not saying that it will solve all of your problems, but it'd be wise to let your parents know this isn't a permanent thing. Also, I'd get this book: Undoing Depression. It helped me understand myself a lot better when I had a bad depression a few years ago, and also helped me understand my parents issues as well. Not sure if it'd be available at a library, but you never know.
Ender, as someone who has suffered from depression/anxiety, and is still on medication, I can tell you that you don't really see the value of counselling until you are out of the other end of it. Examining your own attitude is a huge part of it. Just be honest with the psychiatrist about why you don't think counselling can help and go with the flow from there.
I can't really give much advice on your living situation, other than to do what you need to do to be well. I hope it works out for you.
Well, I'm not physically disabled or anything. I've got anxiety issues and, well... I'm lonely (that's not quite the best way to put it, but I don't know how else to say it without embarrassing myself). That and being broke & unable to find work are what is causing the depression (the PTSD is from long past experiences in Africa).
I'd become depressed due to a very stressful work situation, where amongst other things I knew I was going to be made redundant.
I didn't think it would work, had to make myself do it. I started it in February, and am surprised and happy to say that its helped significantly - I had to look at how I was talking to myself, what messages I was giving myself, why I believed those messages, and whether they were true - and what evidence I had to back that up. I had to be quite disciplined (something I find hard generally) but its worked. I feel so much better about myself, am back in control of my emotions, and don't feel useless.
Try the counselling, it may well help you, or if CBT is available, try that.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
For paintings in progress, check out canvas and paints
"The power of the weirdness compels me."
Another thing is generally people don't understand what depression is like. It's not being sad, it's not feeling sorry for yourself, it's not even feeling hopeless. It's feeling numb. The absence of feeling and the absence of motivation. When I was in my depression I would force myself to watch things to make me cry. The ending for Six Feet Under to be specific. The things that made me fall into depression were things that made me sad. And to block off those feelings I grasped onto depression. I wouldn't let myself feel sad, happy, excited, angry. I blocked all of those off thinking it would protect me from what was hurting me. And that made me distant to those around me, made me miss opportunities, and made me very cynical and abrasive.
Working to undo depression is basically reversing these defenses. And to bring this back around, doing so is nothing to feel ashamed of, and something that those you are closest to should know about and be brought to understand. Even if you were to work through your depression, if those you are closest to don't understand you were depressed, and don't help you not fall into the hole again, it's bound to happen again.
Uh. Well that's bad.
Hopefully my Fair Pharmacare application goes fine.
further:
has this ever happened to anyone in your immediate family? brother/sister? its very easy to decide that dealing with a stranger is not worth the extra effort, but when its flesh and blood, the situation usually changes. even in what you said, 'jettisoning anyone from their lives' vs 'out on my own' - one implies a full disconnect and disowning, the other is simply forcing you to take care of yourself.
i am not a therapist, but its possible that youre overestimating their negative reactions. my challenge to you is: isnt it also possible that if they were brought in to your therapy sessions, or at least, had things explained to them by your therapist, they might want to try to help you?
im not trying to argue with you about the intentions of your own parents; you know them, i dont. just suggesting that they might not be as hard as you think, especially when it comes to their son. personal anecdote incoming: i know that when i was around 14-15, and going to therapy, one of the best things that happened between me and my mom was my therapist sharing everything that i told her without my mom there. now, i realize that she was legally obligated to (because i was a suicide risk at the time and a minor), but it helped my mom and i see eye to eye for the first time i can remember. to this day (10 years later) she still cries at the thought of what i went through, and that she had no idea what was going on.
anyways, something to think about. good luck with it all man.
Do that before you commit to anything else.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
What a horrible thing to say to your own offspring.
I guess no amount of criticism towards your parents will encourage their assistance, though. It's good that he/she prescribed you not only with medication but with a referral, but face it: they're a GP. You need to talk to a therapist who can identify what the contributing factors are and who can help you out with those. I realize that it may not sound like the most efficient method, but a psychiatrist will look at what you're suffering from and find out if and how they and/or other professionals can help alleviate the factors that are causing your varied symptoms. Don't avoid a psychiatrist because you think they won't be effective. As long as you can afford it, go for it.
Even though I was depressed as a teenager, I never took anti-depression medication, so I'm unfamiliar with the nuances of its action, but like many drugs - according to the letter of the law, you shouldn't stop taking the medication once you've started. Most of the time that's just precautionary - you don't die if you go on or off drugs suddenly - but you have to remember that's just what they are. Drugs. And potent ones at that. He may not be a psychiatrist, but he is your GP, and since you've started taking your medication, you should probably follow it through to the end.
All of this is based on if you can afford these things. I'm a little confused because you asked if there were subsidies that covered therapy but also said in another post that you're covered under such and such program. I would assume that BC Medicare covers depression medication. Maybe I'm just not reading thoroughly enough (you saw my driving violation post after all
Would you also be able to clarify what these physical stressors are that you suspect/think are causing ulcers and aggravating general stress and depression?
My mother is a very damaged person (abusive first husband, and my step-father is as manipulative & vindictive as she is, so they sort-of play off of each other. It's a relationship of one-upmanship, or at least that's what it looks like from my perspective). And yes; she's effectively forced my grandparents (who, in fairness, are very difficult people to deal with in their own right) out of their home, and she refuses to deal with my biological sister as all because she developed multiple sclerosis and barely ekes out a living on welfare programs (and is therefore a 'dead weight' who 'could do things with her life if only she'd put her mind to it').
The Medicare, as far as I'm aware, doesn't cover prescription drugs. I mean, I guess I could go to the drug store and see, but I don't think they'll refill the prescription for free.
The Fair Pharm program that Psych pointed me to provides subsidy; you just have to apply for it (which I did last night).
The physical factor, for the most part, is being dependent on my parents & unable to find work (I have very frequent nightmares of waking up to hear that my mother has 'had enough' and being tossed out the door). I've also got anxiety problems, and for a very long time have been lonely and wish I'd had an SO.
That doesn't actually sound like a physical problem seperate from any psychological stuff (although yes, you are "physically" in your parents' house, but that's not what people mean by "physical" problems). That all sounds like psychological stressors, which could cause you depression, anxiety, etc. with or without any physical brain chemistry problems. Now, a psychiatrist/therapist/whatever you go to probably can't directly get you moved out of your parents' house or get you a job, but they could certainly help you cope with the current situation, or maybe help you to figure out better strategies to use to get out of your current situation, or maybe they'd even know good resources outside of themselves that you could take advantage of. And that's all seperate from solving this whole ulcer problem, which the meds might or might not do (yes, do feel free to get a second opinion, even though they ran plenty of tests). If this crazy ulcer thing seriously comes from stress, you damn well need outside help to deal with this stuff, because however you're handling it now definitely isn't working. Getting ulcers so bad you have trouble eating JUST from stress sounds like a pretty serious problem to me. Ending up with ulcers that bad for some other reason is obviously also a big problem, but if it is stress, you probably need help beyond meds to fix this stuff. And that's what those professionals are for.
Also, as has basically been said, your parents are terrible, terrible people the way you've described their behavior. I apologize if this hurts your feelings in any way, but seriously, the way they've apparently been treating their family is horrible if what you said is accurate. You definitely need to get out from under their roof somehow. Jeez, if I had to live with people like that, you bet I'd be stressed and depressed as all hell.
And yeah, if you take that for a week I don't really think you'll have much of a come-down. If you take it for a month... different story.
I live fairly nearby to you in Powell River so if you need to chat at all send me a PM. I have been dealing with depression and post-partum depression for the last 16 years the last 10 with meds. I am no longer on the Effexor XR as I was pregnant a year ago and it has a slight increase in misscarriage and am now on a very low dose of generic zoloft. I did counselling when we lived in Vic and it was helpfull and I plan on going back as now I am dealing with losing our son at 6 months pregnant and finding out I carry the genetic defect that caused it.
Mental health should never be ignored. Not for any reason. If the doctor's appointment was as thorough as you said, it would be foolish not to follow up, go to therapy, etc. At least give it a shot. As I understand it, it's covered, so you don't really have anything to worry about, there.
As for your parents, it's sucks that they're so close minded and put no faith in proven conditions, science, etc. If you need them for support now, yeah, you probably don't want to piss them off. You're not going to have them forever, though, and your mental health and treatment is more important. They may be upset at first, but I doubt they would seriously cut you out of their life for that.
You also don't want to quickly go off medicine like that without tapering off. It would do you good to get a refill even if you plan to stop taking them, so you can gradually reduce it (this is important even if you've just taken small doses for a short while).
This kind of attitude was the reason it took me the better part of a decade to actually go to a therapist. They are trained for this kind of stuff. Go see a therapist. It sucks about your financial situation, but I can only emphasize that a therapist/psychiatrist is absolutely the right person to see about this. As almost everyone in here has already said - they will give you the tools to deal with this, no matter if it really is something physical or not. If they can't do it themselves, they'll refer you to the right people.
This is a good, accurate post.
Ouch. I can't say I blame you for not wanting to poke that hornet's nest.
http://www.viha.ca/mhas/locations/
I can't lay claim to which organization or location would be the best option, but perhaps there are some that would be worth investigating.