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Me, expressing feelings.[Maybe Musician Thread?]
nightmarenny
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is difficult.
I begin this post uncertain if I'll even be able to click "post thread" but I've got a stomach of whipcream flavored Vodka so maybe that'll help a little.
I don't really have anybody to talk to about how I'm feeling. I generally take the role of listener to my friends. Mostly because they tend to have problems that are much worse then mine but also because I am most fine when around my friends. The one person I feel like I could talk to about how I'm feeling I have very thoroughly burned bridges with regarding the subject matter. I'm also just not a very open person. I find it hard to communicate my feelings to people around me but I really want to get it out. So I'm trying the internet.
So what's it all about?
Music.
I'm a musician. I've wanted to be one since I was a kid. Since I really "heard" music for the first time at the age of 14. My band broke up recently. Its pretty much been something I've had since forever. Not the same band but since forever I've been bringing people together. First we were "Radioactive Rubberpants, then The Mess Around, then The Wicked Girls. It was always something. I always felt like I was moving towards something. I never wanted to like, be famous or something, but I hoped maybe we could be one of those middling bands that made enough money to survive. Really I just wanted to play music for people. I wanted to give people a little piece of me in my songs and to feel it enriched the listener in some way. I loved playing in front of people. Especially the last couple of iterations since people actually seemed to dig us.
I've never gotten to preform or record my songs. They tended to be more complex then other peoples and were always pushed to the back. I finally got to start recording a year ago but ran out of money half way through my first song. So all I have are some drum tracks and synth versions I haven't really showed anyone. It been so long since I worked on it and I don't have a lot of money or time since I'm working minimum wage full time to support my fiancee while she gets her nursing degree. So I keep thinking about that song, and the others I have waiting, and about "how am I even gonna finish them since I can't sing"?
So I feel this terrible lack of fulfillment and frustration. I've talked with my fiancee about it but I don't want her feeling guilty and my cousin/bandmate who I could have talked about it before I don't feel I can. I sorta freaked out on him when he quite the band and I think think he interprets everything I say on the subject as guilttripping or playing the blame game.
I know there is so much worse in life and in a lot of ways I have a charmed life compared some people on here. I hope no one takes offense but I could really stand to get this out of me. This hate feels like its eating me alive sometimes.
So could we talk about music related things in here? Like maybe other people on the forum could post music the made or swap stories about being in a band or something?
I begin this post uncertain if I'll even be able to click "post thread" but I've got a stomach of whipcream flavored Vodka so maybe that'll help a little.
I don't really have anybody to talk to about how I'm feeling. I generally take the role of listener to my friends. Mostly because they tend to have problems that are much worse then mine but also because I am most fine when around my friends. The one person I feel like I could talk to about how I'm feeling I have very thoroughly burned bridges with regarding the subject matter. I'm also just not a very open person. I find it hard to communicate my feelings to people around me but I really want to get it out. So I'm trying the internet.
So what's it all about?
Music.
I'm a musician. I've wanted to be one since I was a kid. Since I really "heard" music for the first time at the age of 14. My band broke up recently. Its pretty much been something I've had since forever. Not the same band but since forever I've been bringing people together. First we were "Radioactive Rubberpants, then The Mess Around, then The Wicked Girls. It was always something. I always felt like I was moving towards something. I never wanted to like, be famous or something, but I hoped maybe we could be one of those middling bands that made enough money to survive. Really I just wanted to play music for people. I wanted to give people a little piece of me in my songs and to feel it enriched the listener in some way. I loved playing in front of people. Especially the last couple of iterations since people actually seemed to dig us.
I've never gotten to preform or record my songs. They tended to be more complex then other peoples and were always pushed to the back. I finally got to start recording a year ago but ran out of money half way through my first song. So all I have are some drum tracks and synth versions I haven't really showed anyone. It been so long since I worked on it and I don't have a lot of money or time since I'm working minimum wage full time to support my fiancee while she gets her nursing degree. So I keep thinking about that song, and the others I have waiting, and about "how am I even gonna finish them since I can't sing"?
So I feel this terrible lack of fulfillment and frustration. I've talked with my fiancee about it but I don't want her feeling guilty and my cousin/bandmate who I could have talked about it before I don't feel I can. I sorta freaked out on him when he quite the band and I think think he interprets everything I say on the subject as guilttripping or playing the blame game.
I know there is so much worse in life and in a lot of ways I have a charmed life compared some people on here. I hope no one takes offense but I could really stand to get this out of me. This hate feels like its eating me alive sometimes.
So could we talk about music related things in here? Like maybe other people on the forum could post music the made or swap stories about being in a band or something?
Help me raise a little cash for my transition costs
https://gofund.me/fa5990a5
https://gofund.me/fa5990a5
nightmarenny on
0
Posts
I did write a jingle for my best friend, when he was trying to get his Hydroponic's shop going.
His business didn't work out, but I did finish working out the basic tune, and I think it was pretty good for a simple little jingle.
Anyone who cares can see it here, on Noteflight.
Other than that... I mostly just have a bunch of cover songs that I've recorded and put on youtube. Nothing amazing, but I've got a few bits that I'm proud of.
I would really like to get into a band at some point, but I'm not sure that I'm good enough to do much beyond singing. I'd love to get into a men's singing group, though the thought of actively getting into something like that paralyzes me. Fear of the uknown is kind of a problem, there.
Second. How do you feel right now? You feel okay? Can I be extremely frank with you or do you need me to be gentle?
that's pretty much it
If its about how the musicians live is hard and you shouldn't do it if you could be happy doing something else I've heard it before.
https://gofund.me/fa5990a5
Our drummer moved away, then our replacement drummer had to quit because he was in too many bands.
Feelin this pain.