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[Cards Against Humanity] Apples to Apples for awful people (Ye olde bustedness)
Man in the Mists
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Game 1 Results
Kilnaga - 7 points
Game 2 Results
tzeentchling - 7 points
Game 3 Results
Zombie Hero jonathanmichaels - 5 points
Game 4 Results
Mikey CTS - 2 points
Game 5 Results
Mi-go hunter - 4 points
Kilnaga - 7 points
I never truly understood bullshit until I encountered the Pope.
In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of Sarah Palin.
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and there is stormtroopers.
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is an uppercut.
What's the new fad diet? The mere concept of Applebee's
Try the new Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor Being Rich, made with actually taking candy from a baby.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated synergistic management solutions.
Blahmcblah - 8 points
In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of Sarah Palin.
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and there is stormtroopers.
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is an uppercut.
What's the new fad diet? The mere concept of Applebee's
Try the new Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor Being Rich, made with actually taking candy from a baby.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated synergistic management solutions.
After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought spectacular abs to the people of Haiti.
The Five Stages of Grief: denail, anger, bargaining, tripping balls, acceptance.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to Nickelback.
MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with the inevitable heat death of the universe.
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for my relationship status!
What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony? Michael Jackson
Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Science!
Lo, and the wailing prayers of the village were answered by Madrak, God of good grammar.
Susan - 9 points
The Five Stages of Grief: denail, anger, bargaining, tripping balls, acceptance.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to Nickelback.
MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with the inevitable heat death of the universe.
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for my relationship status!
What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony? Michael Jackson
Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Science!
Lo, and the wailing prayers of the village were answered by Madrak, God of good grammar.
That's right, I killed Oompa-Loompas. How, you ask? Pabst Blue Ribbon.
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without coat-hanger abortions.
Women in yogurt commercials. High five, bro.
Why do I hurt all over? Being on fire
Words, words, words. It's a trap!
LIVE in concert! It's the hot new band Pretending to care and Not giving a shit about the Third World.
When I pooped, what came out of my butt? My inner demons
What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? Sweet, sweet vengeance
Major League Baseball has banned a subscription to Men's Fitness for giving players an unfair advantage.
Jdarksun - 6 points
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without coat-hanger abortions.
Women in yogurt commercials. High five, bro.
Why do I hurt all over? Being on fire
Words, words, words. It's a trap!
LIVE in concert! It's the hot new band Pretending to care and Not giving a shit about the Third World.
When I pooped, what came out of my butt? My inner demons
What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? Sweet, sweet vengeance
Major League Baseball has banned a subscription to Men's Fitness for giving players an unfair advantage.
What are my parents hiding from me? A pinata full of scorpions
The class field trip was completely ruined by Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
Fetal alcohol syndrome: kid-tested, mother-approved.
I spent my whole life working toward stealing and destroying the Declaration of Independence only to have it ruined by Nicolas Cage.
What gives me uncontrolable gas? Emotions
In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from Scientology.
Tapeslinger - 10 points!
The class field trip was completely ruined by Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
Fetal alcohol syndrome: kid-tested, mother-approved.
I spent my whole life working toward stealing and destroying the Declaration of Independence only to have it ruined by Nicolas Cage.
What gives me uncontrolable gas? Emotions
In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from Scientology.
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Morgan Freeman's voice.
Finding Waldo + spontaneous human combustion = an M Night Shymalan plot twist
What did I bring back from Mexico? Statistically validated stereotypes
The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of Loki, the trickster god.
It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with another goddamn vampire movie.
If God didn't want us to enjoy making a pouty face, he wouldn't have given us tangled Slinkys.
What's that smell? The economy
Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits an honest cop with nothing left to lose against an unhinged ferris wheel rolling into the sea.
And the Academy Award for whining like a little bitch goes to Jeff Goldblum.
When I was tripping on acid, ether-soaked rag turned into full frontal nudity.
Shalmelo - 8 points
Finding Waldo + spontaneous human combustion = an M Night Shymalan plot twist
What did I bring back from Mexico? Statistically validated stereotypes
The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of Loki, the trickster god.
It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with another goddamn vampire movie.
If God didn't want us to enjoy making a pouty face, he wouldn't have given us tangled Slinkys.
What's that smell? The economy
Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits an honest cop with nothing left to lose against an unhinged ferris wheel rolling into the sea.
And the Academy Award for whining like a little bitch goes to Jeff Goldblum.
When I was tripping on acid, ether-soaked rag turned into full frontal nudity.
For my next trick, I will pull the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir out of a bleached asshole.
What's there a ton of in heaven? Friends with Benefits
This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with a disappointing birthday party.
What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Natural selection
TSA guidelines now prohibit a balanced breakfast on airplanes.
Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of Third Base has denied your request for free samples.
When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of The Female Orgasm.
Racism is a slippery slope that leads to President Willard "Mitt" Romney.
Lonelyahava - 7 points
What's there a ton of in heaven? Friends with Benefits
This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with a disappointing birthday party.
What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Natural selection
TSA guidelines now prohibit a balanced breakfast on airplanes.
Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the Office of Third Base has denied your request for free samples.
When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of The Female Orgasm.
Racism is a slippery slope that leads to President Willard "Mitt" Romney.
When the Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of Ryan Gosling riding on a white horse.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and a cooler full of organs.
Why can't I sleep at night? Clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat --
How did I lose my virginity? Giving 110%
What's the next superhero/sidekick duo? Aaron Burr and Mr. Clean, right behind you
While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on the perfect Carnitas, sides, and margaritas in the world.
In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about getting abducted by Peter Pan.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and a cooler full of organs.
Why can't I sleep at night? Clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat me...clowns will eat --
How did I lose my virginity? Giving 110%
What's the next superhero/sidekick duo? Aaron Burr and Mr. Clean, right behind you
While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on the perfect Carnitas, sides, and margaritas in the world.
In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about getting abducted by Peter Pan.
Game 2 Results
tzeentchling - 7 points
What's my anti-drug? Embryonic stem cells
A 55-gallon drum of lube: good to the last drop.
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about some really fucked-up shit.
During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into dick fingers.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Hillary Clinton's death stare.
schuss - 8 points
A 55-gallon drum of lube: good to the last drop.
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about some really fucked-up shit.
Nubile slave boys
The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Exactly what you'd expect
Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about cuddling could kill you.The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Exactly what you'd expect
During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into dick fingers.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Hillary Clinton's death stare.
What never fails to liven up the party? Police Brutality
Only two things are certain: death and being a motherfucking sorcerer.
Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to daddy's belt.
I went from whipping a disobedient slave to genetically engineered super soldiers, all thanks to weapons grade plutonium.
I got 99 problems but a pinata full of scorpions ain't one.
Coming to Broadway this season, Inappropriate yodeling: The Musical
When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate the true meaning of Christmas.
What does Dick Cheney prefer? Eugenics
Kaplar - 8 points
Only two things are certain: death and being a motherfucking sorcerer.
Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to daddy's belt.
I went from whipping a disobedient slave to genetically engineered super soldiers, all thanks to weapons grade plutonium.
I got 99 problems but a pinata full of scorpions ain't one.
Coming to Broadway this season, Inappropriate yodeling: The Musical
When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate the true meaning of Christmas.
What does Dick Cheney prefer? Eugenics
You haven't truly lived until you've experienced Dick Cheney and friendly fire at the same time.
What will always get you laid? Neil Patrick Harris
What gets better with age? Alzheimer's
Science will never explain the origin of carnies.
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Being fabulous
How am I maintaining my relationship status? Praying the gay away
During sex, I like to think about deflowering the princess.
Not wearing pants. That's how I want to die.
Sir Fabulous Ms. Dee Ten - 7 points
What will always get you laid? Neil Patrick Harris
What gets better with age? Alzheimer's
Science will never explain the origin of carnies.
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? Being fabulous
How am I maintaining my relationship status? Praying the gay away
During sex, I like to think about deflowering the princess.
Not wearing pants. That's how I want to die.
In a pinch, tentacle porn can be a suitable substitute for child beauty pagents.
Before doin' it in the butt, all we had was my vagina.
Black is the new black.
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Skeletor
What am I giving up for Lent? Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game
Charades was ruined for me when my mom had to act out gloryholes.
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A tiny horse
Anialos - 8 points
Before doin' it in the butt, all we had was my vagina.
Black is the new black.
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Skeletor
What am I giving up for Lent? Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game
Charades was ruined for me when my mom had to act out gloryholes.
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A tiny horse
I'm sorry Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of MechaHitler.
I drink to forget being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only poor life choices and his wits.
I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with raptor attacks.
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to Jean-Claude Van Damme.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? The Blood of Christ
In the upcoming apocalypse, our best defense against death by Steven Seagal will be all-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
undergroundmonorail - 10 points!
I drink to forget being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only poor life choices and his wits.
I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with raptor attacks.
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to Jean-Claude Van Damme.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? The Blood of Christ
In the upcoming apocalypse, our best defense against death by Steven Seagal will be all-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
Me time would be woefully incomplete without dead babies.
What's my secret power? Road head
What ended my last relationship? Coughing into a vagina
In the distant future, historians will agree that the Make-A-Wish Foundation marked the beginning of America's decline.
But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you a caress of the inner thigh.
Daddy, why is mommy crying? Sweet, sweet vengence
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Just the tip
He who controls shiny objects controls the world.
What's the gift that keeps on giving? A bag of magic beans
My mom freaked out when she looked by my browser history and found hospicecare.com/nazis.
Maximus TheRoadVirus - 5 points
What's my secret power? Road head
What ended my last relationship? Coughing into a vagina
In the distant future, historians will agree that the Make-A-Wish Foundation marked the beginning of America's decline.
But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you a caress of the inner thigh.
Daddy, why is mommy crying? Sweet, sweet vengence
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Just the tip
He who controls shiny objects controls the world.
What's the gift that keeps on giving? A bag of magic beans
My mom freaked out when she looked by my browser history and found hospicecare.com/nazis.
Why am I sticky? A passionate Latino lover
When a woman scorned came to power, it was up to man meat to save us all.
War! What is it good for? The Beginning to Fallout 3
Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with destroying the evidence and would like your advice.
The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on the boners of the elderly.
When a woman scorned came to power, it was up to man meat to save us all.
War! What is it good for? The Beginning to Fallout 3
Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with destroying the evidence and would like your advice.
The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on the boners of the elderly.
Game 3 Results
Zombie Hero jonathanmichaels - 5 points
This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for special musical guest, Cher.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French Hens, two turtle doves and a caress of the inner thigh.
In a world ravaged by quivering jowls, our only solace is lockjaw.
A good sniff. Betcha can't have just one!
What is Batman's guilty pleasure? Angrily, furiously masturbating to pictures of himself boning Catwoman on top of a sleeping Alfred
Griswold - 6 points
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French Hens, two turtle doves and a caress of the inner thigh.
In a world ravaged by quivering jowls, our only solace is lockjaw.
A good sniff. Betcha can't have just one!
What is Batman's guilty pleasure? Angrily, furiously masturbating to pictures of himself boning Catwoman on top of a sleeping Alfred
White people like getting married, having a few kids, buying some stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.
What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Puppies!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of condoms.
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with throwing a virgin into a volcano.
Lifetime presents Grandpa's ashes, the story of kamikaze pilots.
This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of Oompa-Loompas to save Christmas.
Jdarksun - 3 points
What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Puppies!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of condoms.
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with throwing a virgin into a volcano.
Lifetime presents Grandpa's ashes, the story of kamikaze pilots.
This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of Oompa-Loompas to save Christmas.
What's that sound? Mr. Clean, right behind you
Next on ESPN2: The World Series of surprise sex!
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to flying sex snakes is a basic human right.
Chamberlain - 4 points
Next on ESPN2: The World Series of surprise sex!
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to flying sex snakes is a basic human right.
During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of paintings of some really fucked-up shit.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's full frontal nudity.
Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar.
Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite delicacy is 72 virgins stuffed with Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
Extreaminatus - 10 points!
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's full frontal nudity.
Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar.
Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite delicacy is 72 virgins stuffed with Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with survivor's guilt for the first time.
In his upcoming re-inauguration speech, President Obama will pledge to have Pabst Blue Ribbon prominently featured in his next four years.
My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of heteronormativity.
Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their black people.
What's a girl's best friend? Shaft
Instead of coal, Santa now gives all the bad children attitude.
What helps Obama unwind? Space Jam on VHS
In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services? Grave robbing
What do old people smell like? Dying
After blacking out during New Year's Eve, I was awoken by a Super Soaker full of cat pee.
mi-go hunter - 5 points
In his upcoming re-inauguration speech, President Obama will pledge to have Pabst Blue Ribbon prominently featured in his next four years.
My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of heteronormativity.
Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their black people.
What's a girl's best friend? Shaft
Instead of coal, Santa now gives all the bad children attitude.
What helps Obama unwind? Space Jam on VHS
In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services? Grave robbing
What do old people smell like? Dying
After blacking out during New Year's Eve, I was awoken by a Super Soaker full of cat pee.
An international tribunal has found Gandalf guilty of Harry Potter erotica.
What keeps me warm during the cold, cold winter? Neil Patrick Harris
In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for cybernetic enhancements.
After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on "More tentacle porn!"
Step 1: The Little Engine That Could. Step 2: Vehicular manslaughter. Step 3: Profit.
Kuhlmeye - 4 points
What keeps me warm during the cold, cold winter? Neil Patrick Harris
In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for cybernetic enhancements.
After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on "More tentacle porn!"
Step 1: The Little Engine That Could. Step 2: Vehicular manslaughter. Step 3: Profit.
I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with all-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for the Chinese gymnastics team.
BILLY MAYS HERE FOR GOD.
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Waiting 'til marriage" McGee.
Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for the Chinese gymnastics team.
BILLY MAYS HERE FOR GOD.
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Waiting 'til marriage" McGee.
Game 4 Results
Mikey CTS - 2 points
I drink to forget Justin Bieber.
When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of Tangled Slinkys.
Cayrus - 3 points
When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of Tangled Slinkys.
Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to smallpox blankets.
Why am I sticky? Insatiable bloodlust
What are my parents hiding from me? Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content
Vertroue - 7 points
Why am I sticky? Insatiable bloodlust
What are my parents hiding from me? Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content
BILLY MAYS HERE FOR PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS DRESS-UP BOARD GAME.
Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children teenage pregnancy.
What ended my last relationship? The harsh light of day
I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought with, but World War IV will be fought with a homoerotic volleyball montage.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Cybernetic enhancements
And the Academy Award for seduction goes to the invisible hand .
Why do I hurt all over? The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System
MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with survivor's guilt.
Leper - 8 points
Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children teenage pregnancy.
What ended my last relationship? The harsh light of day
I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought with, but World War IV will be fought with a homoerotic volleyball montage.
What's the next Happy Meal toy? Cybernetic enhancements
And the Academy Award for seduction goes to the invisible hand .
Why do I hurt all over? The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System
MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with survivor's guilt.
When the Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of black people.
I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with a snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
I never truly understood pumping out a baby every nine months until I encountered picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and the milk man.
We've secretly replaced this man's morning coffee with a can of whoop-ass. Let's see if he notices.
What am I giving up for Lent? Dying
In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure Dick Cheney for all eternity.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr..
Iron Weasel - 6 points
I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with a snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
I never truly understood pumping out a baby every nine months until I encountered picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and the milk man.
We've secretly replaced this man's morning coffee with a can of whoop-ass. Let's see if he notices.
What am I giving up for Lent? Dying
In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure Dick Cheney for all eternity.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr..
After blacking out during New Year's Eve, I was awoken by Morgan Freeman's voice.
My mom freaked out when she looked at my history and found TheBoyScoutsofAmerica.com/Testiculartorsion
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with Stalin.
What gets better with age? Getting so angry you pop a boner
Jesus is leaving an awkward voicemail.
What's that sound? Self-loathing
Anialos - 10 points!
My mom freaked out when she looked at my history and found TheBoyScoutsofAmerica.com/Testiculartorsion
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with Stalin.
What gets better with age? Getting so angry you pop a boner
Jesus is leaving an awkward voicemail.
What's that sound? Self-loathing
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without pretending to be happy.
We regret to inform you that the Office of gladitorial combat has denied your request for basic human decency.
My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of bigotry.
But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you my collection of high-tech sex toys.
White people like whipping a disobedient slave.
Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to natural selection.
Used panties would be woefully incomplete without a dollop of sour cream.
Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience the crushing despair of the 98%.
I got 99 problems but making the penises kiss ain't one.
What gives me uncontrollable gas? A sausage festival
TheRoadVirus Jdarksun - 4 1/2 points
We regret to inform you that the Office of gladitorial combat has denied your request for basic human decency.
My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of bigotry.
But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you my collection of high-tech sex toys.
White people like whipping a disobedient slave.
Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to natural selection.
Used panties would be woefully incomplete without a dollop of sour cream.
Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience the crushing despair of the 98%.
I got 99 problems but making the penises kiss ain't one.
What gives me uncontrollable gas? A sausage festival
What is there a ton of in heaven? Eugenics
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Gloryholes
Major League Baseball has banned giving your buddy steroids via the dick to avoid trackmarks for giving players an unfair advantage.
What is the next superhero/sidekick duo? Fuck Mountain and a Sea of Troubles
Step 1: A time travel paradox. Step 2: Masturbation. Step 3: Profit.
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Gloryholes
Major League Baseball has banned giving your buddy steroids via the dick to avoid trackmarks for giving players an unfair advantage.
What is the next superhero/sidekick duo? Fuck Mountain and a Sea of Troubles
Step 1: A time travel paradox. Step 2: Masturbation. Step 3: Profit.
Game 5 Results
Mi-go hunter - 4 points
Getting drunk on mouthwash. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.
The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake sale, acceptance.
I spent my whole life working toward eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers, only to have it ruined by Sean Connery.
Stranger danger is a slippery slope that leads to graphic violence, adult language and some sexual content.
Extreaminatus - 8 points
The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake sale, acceptance.
I spent my whole life working toward eating Tom Selleck's mustache to gain his powers, only to have it ruined by Sean Connery.
Stranger danger is a slippery slope that leads to graphic violence, adult language and some sexual content.
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Flesh-eating bacteria
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for poor life choices!
And what did you bring for show and tell? Lance Armstrong's missing testicle
As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without getting really high in his dressing room.
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and there is insatiable bloodlust.
That's right, I killed my manservant, Claude. How, you ask? Unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
What's that smell? A brain tumor
Kuhlmeye - 5 points
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for poor life choices!
And what did you bring for show and tell? Lance Armstrong's missing testicle
As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without getting really high in his dressing room.
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and there is insatiable bloodlust.
That's right, I killed my manservant, Claude. How, you ask? Unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks.
When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
What's that smell? A brain tumor
Lifetime presents The Holy Bible, the story of mutually-assured destruction.
How did I lose my virginity? Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament
In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of letting everyone down.
What never fails to liven up the party? A piñata full of scorpions
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Count Chocula" McGee.
Chamberlain - 7 points
How did I lose my virginity? Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament
In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of letting everyone down.
What never fails to liven up the party? A piñata full of scorpions
My new favorite porn star is Joey "Count Chocula" McGee.
Only two things in life are certain: Death and crippling debt.
Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits Former President George W. Bush against The Kool-Aid Man.
Why can't I sleep at night? Christopher Walken
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth: good to the last drop.
Science will never explain the origin of unfathomable stupidity.
During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of paintings of taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure The Little Engine That Could for all eternity.
Blahmcblah - 10 points!
Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits Former President George W. Bush against The Kool-Aid Man.
Why can't I sleep at night? Christopher Walken
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth: good to the last drop.
Science will never explain the origin of unfathomable stupidity.
During his childhood, Salvador Dali produced hundreds of paintings of taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes.
In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure The Little Engine That Could for all eternity.
What's my secret power? Basic human decency
I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for Fuck Mountain.
Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're a sweaty, panting leather daddy.
Blowing some dudes in an alley + Vomiting mid-blowjob = Guys who don't call
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Necrophilia: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for indescribable loneliness!
Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Figgy Pudding.
In a pinch, agriculture can be a suitable substitute for historically black colleges.
What's a girl's best friend? Friction
BREAKING NEWS! Cosmo article to blame: Hundreds hospitalized after using having sex on top of a pizza to spice up their sex lives.
OminousLozenge - 6 points
I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for Fuck Mountain.
Lovin' you is easy 'cause you're a sweaty, panting leather daddy.
Blowing some dudes in an alley + Vomiting mid-blowjob = Guys who don't call
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Necrophilia: Hours of fun. Easy to use. Perfect for indescribable loneliness!
Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Figgy Pudding.
In a pinch, agriculture can be a suitable substitute for historically black colleges.
What's a girl's best friend? Friction
BREAKING NEWS! Cosmo article to blame: Hundreds hospitalized after using having sex on top of a pizza to spice up their sex lives.
Lumberjack fantasies. Betcha can't have just one!
The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on licking things to claim them as your own.
Soylent green is bitches!
When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate Darth Vader.
The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of Nickelback.
What's the new fad diet? Public ridicule
Gizzy - 4 points
The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on licking things to claim them as your own.
Soylent green is bitches!
When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate Darth Vader.
The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of Nickelback.
What's the new fad diet? Public ridicule
You haven't truly lived until you've experienced pulling out and finding tape worms wrapped around your dick at the same time.
Man the catapults! We'll break their morale by flinging all of this blood over the walls.
In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from a sassy black woman.
The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in the mixing of the races.
Man the catapults! We'll break their morale by flinging all of this blood over the walls.
In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from a sassy black woman.
The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in the mixing of the races.
Man in the Mists on
+1
Posts
Kaplar - 8 points
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of dying.
I used Grandma to commit licking things to claim them as your own against a vagina that leads to another dimension.
The best part about PAX last weekend was friends with benefits - but the worst was intimacy problems.
Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out Harry Potter erotica.
During sex, I like to think about the Little Engine That Could.
When you get right down to it, the true meaning of Christmas is just crippling debt.
If God didn't want us to enjoy some really fucked-up shit, he wouldn't have given us vomiting mid-blowjob.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Loki, the trickster god.
This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with hospice care.
In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with whipping a disobedient slave for the first time.
What's my anti-drug? A sassy black woman
How am I maintaining my relationship status? Fucking awesome Sith tattoos
After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on "More panda sex!"
In M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that he and Haley Joel Osment had really been having sex on top of a pizza all along.
What helps Obama unwind? Michelle Obama's arms
If all-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99 doesn't impress your date, maybe you should try apologizing instead.
Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about pistol-whipping a hostage.
My gym teacher got fired for adding the miracle of childbirth to the obstacle course.
What does Dick Cheney prefer? Nubile slave boys
Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate brown people in the workplace.
After months of practice with roofies, I think I'm finally ready for a black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
Next on ESPN2: The World Series of scalping.
Hey baby, come back to my place and I'll show you my machete.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves and a new, lethal form of V.D.
Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their pretending to care.
Before the primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now, all we had was a surprising amount of hair.
A pile of squirming bodies
Failed med school ... worth it
Rumor has is that Vladmir Putin's favorite delicacy is hipsters stuffed with land mines.
It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with fabricating statistics.
What did I bring back from Mexico? Catastrophic urethral trauma
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with a fetus.
An international tribunal has found the Holy Bible guilty of the systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
Let me tell you about my favorite anime, "A Good Sniff". It's all about Barack Obama having wacky adventures with used panties from a vending machine.
What's the gift that keeps on giving? Cock
What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? Jibber-jabber
When I pooped, what came out of my butt? The Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's
In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan? Hot cheese
In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about the heart of a child.
In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services? Sexy pillow fights
Game 7 results
Boozer - 9 points
Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about double penetration could kill you.
Finally! A service that delivers the Fanta girls right to your door.
War! What is it good for? Raping and pillaging
I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of being a busy adult with many important things to do.
In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for George Clooney's musk.
The class field trip was completely ruined by the Second Amendment.
I don't know exactly how I got the PAX plague, but I suspect it had something to do with a pile of squirming bodies.
In the new DLC for Mass Effect, Shepard must save the galaxy from Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
No Enforcer wants to manage the panel on basic human decency.
In the distant future, historians will agree that poor people marked the beginning of America's decline.
Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into not wearing pants.
Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me nubile slave boys.
This year's Christmas special Doctor who will face his greatest foe yet, The Rapture.
Jean Claude Van Damme does it because cybernetic enhancements. Pistachio Nuts!
Coming to Broadway this season, Cock: The Musical.
There was a riot at the Gearbox panel when they gave the attendees a pinata full of scorpions.
What keeps me warm during the cold, cold winter? Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy
To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of an asymmetric boob job.
He who controls the four arms of Vishnu controls the world.
What made Spock cry? Star Wars Episode 7
After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought a salty surprise to the people of Haiti.
What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony? An unstoppable wave of fire ants
This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for pistol-whipping a hostage.
What's the latest bullshit that's troubling this quaint fantasy town? The token minority
What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? An army of skeletons
Daddy, why is mommy crying? Sexy Siamese twins
This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of tentacle porn to save Christmas.
Press Down Down Left Right B to unleash the Pope.
TSA guidelines now prohibit a squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles on airplanes.
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to filling Sean Hannity with helium and watching him float away is a basic human right.
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is a fetus.
Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about actually taking candy from a baby.
I went from 72 virgins to statistically validated stereotypes all thanks to former President George W. Bush.
While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on a really cool hat.
When I was tripping on acid, a homemade, cum-stained Star Trek uniform turned into God.
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Science
With enough time and pressure, Toni Morrison's vagina will turn into world peace.
Beating your wives: Achievement unlocked
Preteens. It's a trap!
Guzzling whipped cream. That's how I want to die.
What do old people smell like? Sneezing, farting and cumming at the same time
What's the most emo? Whining like a little bitch
This month's Cosmo: "Spice up your sex life by bringing a snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis into the bedroom."
Game 8 results
OminousLozenge - 7 points
Bitches will never be the same after crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
With enough time and pressure, Mario Kart rage will turn into Grand Theft Auto: Fort Lauderdale.
It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with swapping bodies with mom for a day.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves and a scorching case of herpes.
To prepare for his upcoming role, Danial Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of saxophone solos.
What's that sound? A greased-up Matthew McConaughey
Jesus is fucking a corpse back to life.
What left this stain on my couch? Coat hanger abortions
Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite delicacy is eating the last known bison stuffed with pictures of boobs.
You haven't truly lived until you're experienced the size of my penis and lockjaw at the same time.
What ended my last relationship? Elderly Japanese men
Every step towards Auschwitz gets me a little bit closer to revenge fucking.
2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and she walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for incest.
Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of My Vagina.
Having problems with erectile dysfunction? Try The Little Engine That Could!
If God didn't want us to enjoy achieving 500 actions per minute, he wouldn't have given us snorting coke off a clown's boner.
Man, this is bullshit. Fuck tangled Slinkys.
Every Christmas, my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about fucking up "Silent Night" in front of 300 parents.
During high school, I never really fit in until I found actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers club.
When I was tripping on acid, a pinata full of scorpions turned into a hopeless amount of spiders.
Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to the Fanta girls.
Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with nude-modding Super Mario World.
Why can't I sleep at night? Moses gargling Jesus's balls while Shiva and the Buddha penetrate his divine hand holes
What will always get you laid? Waiting 'til marriage
What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? Not reciprocating oral sex
Why am I going to hell? Because of my Cards Against Humanity answers...and that time I sacrificed a virgin
Listen, son. If you want to get involved with authentic Mexican cuisine, I won't stop you. Just steer clear of Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
An international tribunal has found Loki, the trickster god guilty of poor life choices.
She's up all night for good fun. I'm up all night for getting into a situation with an owlbear.
Wes Anderson's new film tells the story of a precocious child coming to terms with oncoming traffic.
This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for unfathomable stupidity.
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to a homemade cum-stained Star Trek uniform is a basic human right.
Instead of a homemade cum-stained Star Trek uniform, I want to wrap my body in unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to Kanye West.
I went from the clitoris to a crappy little hand, all thanks to a fart.
How did I lose my virginity? A visually arresting turtleneck
Dear Sir or Madam, we regret to inform you that the Office of Road Head has denied your request for my hot cousin.
The class field trip was completely ruined by an ass disaster.
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
What made Spock cry? Feeding Rosie O'Donnell
Game 9 Results
Jdarksun - 6 points
Do not fuck with me! I am literally a tiny horse right now.
What's the latest bullshit that's troubling this quaint fantasy town? Getting into a situation with an owlbear
In the new DLC for Mass Effect, Shepard must save the Galaxy from Casey Hudson writing the ending without peer review.
What gives me uncontrollable gas? The Blood of Christ
Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate child beauty pageants in the workplace.
What's the one thing that makes an elf instantly ejaculate? My manservant, Claude
In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about my hot cousin.
In the distant future, historians will agree that Kim and Kanye's fucking pay per view wedding marked the beginning of America's decline.
The entire Internet: Achievement unlocked.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's penis envy.
No Enforcer wants to manage the panel on wifely duties.
What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? Elf cum
What never fails to liven up the party? A 55-gallon drum of lube
What helps Obama unwind? The chronic
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and there is graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
What did I bring back from Mexico? 10 incredible facts about the Anus
A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with that moment when you ask if the interviewer's daughter is single.
What gets better with age? William Shatner
What's the next Happy Meal toy? A hopeless amount of spiders
Being a dick to children may pass, but dying alone and in pain lasts forever.
This is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of unearned confidence and soon-to-be-crushed dreams.
When you get right down to it, a simultaneous nightmare and wet dream starring Sigourney Weaver is just me time.
In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated catastrophic urethral trauma.
MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with drinking responsibly.
When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of scrotal frostbite.
I'm pretty sure I'm high right now, because I'm absolutely mesmerized by chunks of dead prostitute.
If you can't handle a bitch slap, you'd better stay away from an honest cop with nothing left to lose.
What is Batman's guilty pleasure? Furiously masturbating while watching on repeat caught-on-camera YouTube vidoes of police brutality
As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without a pyramid of severed heads in his dressing room.
Daddy, why is mommy crying? Because you're a rotten child and she wanted to abort you
Alright, bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation Unfathomable Stupidity.
War! What is it good for? Exactly what you'd expect
Guess what? I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more crystal meth!
In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services? Frolicking
What's my secret power? Swooping
Next on ESPN2: The World Series of actually taking candy from a baby.
Question preferences:
1) Either/Or
2) Rotating Judge
Although I'll play with whatever.
- Terence McKenna
1) Yes
2) Audience Vote
2011 PAX Warmachine/Hordes Champion
1) No, because I'm not creative enough to use them well
2) Rotating or Audience
1) yes that would be cool
2) audience vote would be more interesting on the boards I think (we play winner judges the next round at home, but it would be fun to have more people playing along with us on here)
Uncanny Magazine!
The Mad Writers Union
1) Sure, why not?
2) prefer rotating judge (I want sole jurisdiction on my turn, damnit!), but whatevs
I like rotating judge not so much as an issue of jurisdiction as it is an issue of strategy. It becomes about not just about playing an awesome/silly/foul card/card combo, but playing one to the tastes of the judge. Adds a bit of "reading your opponents" strategy to the game. :P
- Terence McKenna
Although it does work a lot better when you're playing face to face with people you know. Here on the forums, probably not as much. Audience might be really cool to do here, because we'd certainly have a big enough one. I'm just concerned how that will increase the time spent on each round of play as we would then have to wait on not just the players, but the audience as well.
- Terence McKenna
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
and i like the rotating judge.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
For the judging, I have 3 rotating judge, 2 audience vote, and 2 undefined. @Blahmcblah and @jdarksun, are you okay with rotating judges?
Then all that's left is shuffling the black deck and we'll be in business.
By the power of a die roll, Kilnaga shall be the first judge. Here is the card:
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _____.
Everyone except Kilnaga, please PM me your answer. Kilnaga, kick back and prepare your sanity.
Also, the sanity thing won't be an issue for me; lost that long ago.
- Terence McKenna
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Morgan Freeman's voice. (Tapeslinger) (*)
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of two midgets shitting into a bucket. (Jdarksun)
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of poorly-timed Holocaust jokes. (Lovelyahava)
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of bling. (Shalmelo)
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale. (Susan)
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of a passionate Latino lover. (Blahmcblah)
Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the greatest one of all?
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Morgan Freeman's voice.
- Terence McKenna
Round 2: Blahmcblah is the judge.
That's right, I killed _____. How, you ask? _____.
PM me your two submissions in order. You don't have to copy the whole sentence, just the text will work.
- Terence McKenna
BTW, still need your answer jdarksun.
For what it's worth, I saw your answer and thought you had it in the bag! I was so sure I had burned my best card when I saw that.
Uncanny Magazine!
The Mad Writers Union
That's right, I killed Oompa-Loompas. How, you ask? Pabst Blue Ribbon. (Susan) (*)
That's right, I killed The Care Bear Stare. How, you ask? Double Penetration. (Kilnaga)
That's right, I killed Justin Bieber. How, you ask? Pictures of boobs. (Tapeslinger)
That's right, I killed MechaHitler. How, you ask? Lunchables. (Shalmelo)
That's right, I killed The American Dream. How, you ask? By writing off the 47% of Americans that need a helping hand. Fuck those guys. (Jdarksun)
That's right, I killed Arnold Schawzenegger. How, you ask? Teaching a robot to love . (Lonelyahava)
Who do you judge guilty of being awesome?
But see, that's where playing to the judge comes in. Who can resist the sweet soothing sound of Morgan Freeman's voice? Not me. :P
- Terence McKenna
Uncanny Magazine!
The Mad Writers Union
Wait, no. He could have been cookies. I miscounted.
- Terence McKenna
2011 PAX Warmachine/Hordes Champion
I had the Holocaust one.
appropriate.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
The 47% one has to be a blank card, which I'm morally opposed to, otherwise I like it.
So I think I'll have to go with Oompa Loompas meeting their ends at the hand of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Also, the 47% card was indeed using blank power.
So far, I have three people that want me to edit in who submitted what. Can I hear from the rest please?
While we're waiting on that...
Round 3: Susan is judging
When the Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _____.
Please PM me your choice. Susan, get your hazmat suit ready.