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looking for some quick advice on boyfriend

lookingforadvicelookingforadvice Registered User new member
edited November 2012 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey... never thought I would need to do this, but I am looking for help in regards to my boyfriend and how to approach him about a link that my girlfriend just sent over.

The thing is, he is amzing to me and my son. And my son would be just heart broken if we split up. We've also just started talking about marriage and I have no desire to leave him. Any thoughts on how to go about this? any help would be great.

ceres on

Posts

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    You absolutely cannot post a link like that here. You may describe the contents of the link, without any identifying personal information, but that's it.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    As far as advice goes, you can leave a person based on something you found on a website that is almost certainly a scam, or you can talk to him like an adult and tell him about the link. It's up to you to communicate with him about this, and if you're satisfied with whatever he tells you and you don't want to leave him, don't.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • lookingforadvicelookingforadvice Registered User new member
    k... np.... the link had basically a rap sheet of multiple convictions (some are grand theft and burglary). Needless to say I was completely shocked by what I was sent. I just need some advice if any on approaching him.

  • Sir LandsharkSir Landshark resting shark face Registered User regular
    How did your girlfriend get this information? I'm pretty skeptical here.

    Please consider the environment before printing this post.
  • lookingforadvicelookingforadvice Registered User new member
    google search to a MugShot.com link... it's him

  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    How do you know any of the accusations are true, or even from a reliable source?

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    For reference, the website is mugshot.com or something to that effect, and I have no idea if that's even legit. I will tell you that in the few states I've known people who were arrested, all of that information was public record and available online through the state's system if you had the person's name.

    Honestly though, no matter what you find, your best course of action is tell him what you saw, and see what he says. He's the person you're thinking of marrying; talk to him like he's still that person, because for the moment he is, and as far as he's concerned nothing has changed since yesterday. He may say "that's bizarre and untrue" or maybe he'll say "I was a dumb kid and it's in the past..." It may not even be real.

    But if it is real, you have to decide if it's going to matter to you if that stuff is in his past. If he's as amazing for you two as you say, maybe you'll decide that it doesn't matter, and that's fine. You don't have to leave him just because he did something bad a long time ago.

    If you decide you can't deal with being with someone who has a history like that, be really honest with yourself about it, and really honest about why.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    Sir Landshark wrote: »
    How did your girlfriend get this information? I'm pretty skeptical here.


    Court records are available in many states for free.

  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    there are lots of websites that do this, as well as rags you can buy at convenience stores. With some limited exceptions it's all public record and easily accessible if you bother to ask.

    these publications don't spend a ton of time on verification though (being charitable here) so they frequently make mistakes, especially in cases where people have similar names. Sometimes the state itself makes a mistake, and that gets passed along.

    hold your head high soldier, it ain't over yet
    that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
  • MulletudeMulletude Registered User regular
    Some googling leads me to believe the site owner is being sued

    Here's something else

    http://www.citmedialaw.org/blog/2011/mugshot-racket-paying-keep-public-records-less-public

    Now...The criminal record may actually be accurate. But then you need to consider the source of the information.

    XBL-Dug Danger WiiU-DugDanger Steam-http://steamcommunity.com/id/DugDanger/
  • MulletudeMulletude Registered User regular
    I checked out the site. I looked up someone close to me. The info they had for this person was accurate. So I would just talk to your fella.

    XBL-Dug Danger WiiU-DugDanger Steam-http://steamcommunity.com/id/DugDanger/
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Honestly, probably not worth it. If things get serious, good luck getting an apartment, loans, etc. together with him.

  • tarnoktarnok Registered User regular
    This is particularly weird for me right now because my wife just discovered that her boss of about two years killed a hitch hiker when he was seventeen and spent about twenty years in jail. I wish I had some actual advice but I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone in suddenly having to think hard about the nature of second chances and how much or whether people can change.

    Wii Code:
    0431-6094-6446-7088
  • FANTOMASFANTOMAS Flan ArgentavisRegistered User regular
    Dont trust a link or an unoficial webpage, call a police station and ask where you could verify this information before you make anything you could regret later.

    PS: On a side note, if the info is true and he did the time he was sentenced, then theres 2 problems I see. 1-he should have told you where he is coming from. 2-if he is a good natured person and has already payed for whatever he did, he shouldnt be cast aside.

    Yes, with a quick verbal "boom." You take a man's peko, you deny him his dab, all that is left is to rise up and tear down the walls of Jericho with a ".....not!" -TexiKen
  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    For reference, the website is mugshot.com or something to that effect, and I have no idea if that's even legit. I will tell you that in the few states I've known people who were arrested, all of that information was public record and available online through the state's system if you had the person's name.

    Honestly though, no matter what you find, your best course of action is tell him what you saw, and see what he says. He's the person you're thinking of marrying; talk to him like he's still that person, because for the moment he is, and as far as he's concerned nothing has changed since yesterday. He may say "that's bizarre and untrue" or maybe he'll say "I was a dumb kid and it's in the past..." It may not even be real.

    But if it is real, you have to decide if it's going to matter to you if that stuff is in his past. If he's as amazing for you two as you say, maybe you'll decide that it doesn't matter, and that's fine. You don't have to leave him just because he did something bad a long time ago.

    If you decide you can't deal with being with someone who has a history like that, be really honest with yourself about it, and really honest about why.

    They're mostly true, IIRC, there was a couple of guys from high school that ended up there after their arrests.

    Problem is I don't think it takes into consideration convictions, just arrests.

    Plus, he may have been exonerated and the records expunged, or he may have just been arrested in suspicion of. Obviously I'd confirm the information with the police/court and go from there.

    There are plenty of people falsely convicted of a crime.

    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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