I've never tried one of these either, but you could look into a cock ring to help constrict the blood flow and keep him rock hard. I would caution on that and recommend more research into it because intentionally cutting off blood flow seems dangerous/bad.
I used one of these at one point and I didn't like it at all. Maybe I got the wrong size but they seem to only come in one size and the one I used was much too tight. Possibly not for everyone so don't force this on him if he tries it and doesn't like it.
I haven't read every post in detail, but I've scanned most of this, as well as all the OP's posts.
Have you tried talking dirty to him? I've been in this situation once or twice before, and some dirty talk will always get my over my anxieties. Nothing makes me forget about my worries more then when a woman starts to talk dirty to me.
Viagra or other enhancements .. but as stated before, there is something on his mind. I can get an errection at the drop of a hat, but i can loose it quickly if my mind is on other things.. even mid sexors.
Determine if its worth it to you... as cruel as its sounds, unless you are in a marriage or other committed relationship... is the sex thing a big thing with you? if its something you decide you like, and this just is not 'the one ''.. then move on...
Has anyone offered to be a 'stunt cock' to get controlled experiment variables going ? "Hmmm... I just had sex with that guy, so it really is you... "
people should really stop suggesting drugs, those are really for people who can't physically acheive erection. This guy obviously can. It's probably just nerves. It's definitely him and not you. This used to happen to me a lot actually, and i just needed to relax and stop thinking so much. there's not really much you can do that you aren't doing already.
people should really stop suggesting drugs, those are really for people who can't physically acheive erection. This guy obviously can. It's probably just nerves. It's definitely him and not you. This used to happen to me a lot actually, and i just needed to relax and stop thinking so much. there's not really much you can do that you aren't doing already.
Erectile disfunction does cover both mental and physical problems with doing it and the drugs are used to treat both.
My advice? Sounds like he's just not all that into you.
Seriously. It's his subconscious telling him that you're not a good match for him.
Sorry.
I seriously doubt that any guy in existance would get to the point of insertion and then decide.. yeah I actually don't fancy her that much.
I seriously doubt that any guy in existance would get to the point of insertion and then decide.. yeah I actually don't fancy her that much.
I'm not saying he decided; I'm saying his subconscious did.
I have no problem with a lot of girls, but there were a couple where I got to that point and I was all, well I'm not really sure I want to with this one; and then suddenly found that I couldn't (or not without some serious imagination-based substitution; hello, Scarlett Johannsen).
I've found it only happens with ladies that I'm really not into, no matter how into me they are.
If he's that uncomfortable with physical contact, I'm guessing anxiety something something from his upbringing.
It's possible he'd relax more if you went through the opening-up-and-sharing-your-pasts phase, but frankly I'd recommend getting him to a psychologist. Neither of you will probably have an easy time for a while, though, so it depends on how committed you are to this guy if you wanna go through with it.
If he's just a fuck buddy, dump his mopey ass and find someone else. There is no reason to stick around with someone who won't be physically or emotionally available. You're young and have mentioned you are only doing it out of convenience, it's not really convenient if it's causing you this much worry.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Get rid of him. He's an emotional wreck, and he's pulling down your emotional health with him. If his behavior and psychology are affecting you this much when you're just fuck-buddies, get out now!!! Who knows what could happen if you two actually end up in a relationship together..it just reeks of all kinds of bad to me.
Also, he obviously can't meet your needs as a fuck-buddy in his current state. Find someone else to spend time with and stop worrying about him.
I had a problem like this once. My sex life with this one girl began awkwardly, so the awkwardness stayed with me in future encounters, thereby negating a hard-on.
But, regardless of the circumstances, the cause was indeed psychological, and I believe I overcame it simply through my determination to do so.
I find that most psychological issues manifest themselves earliest in the groin, and if he's going to be mopey and self-loathing, so will his penis. I chose not to be, and instead maintained a fairly upbeat attitude. As a result, I was happily and consistently aroused therafter.
Have you tried talking dirty to him? I've been in this situation once or twice before, and some dirty talk will always get my over my anxieties. Nothing makes me forget about my worries more then when a woman starts to talk dirty to me.
I've tried once, I'm not really sure where to BEGIN in that phase, and then when I did do it, I think he just got frustrated. I said something along the lines of "I want you so bad" except with more colorful words--and his response was "you have no idea how badly I want this" (again, a bit more excessive than that). Even still--what do I say from there? PM me if you don't feel comfortable discussing it in the thread.
Has anyone offered to be a 'stunt cock' to get controlled experiment variables going ? "Hmmm... I just had sex with that guy, so it really is you... "
Due to the 'openness' of our relationship, I have that option. I've never really had this problem with any other guy, I've had the problem where a guy I was with couldn't finish (not in coitus), but never where he couldn't get it up. I mean, there are guys now that are pretty straightorward with the fact that they want me. I know that this guy is only my "fuck buddy" but he's my only one, I'm not going to go around.
If he's just a fuck buddy, dump his mopey ass and find someone else. There is no reason to stick around with someone who won't be physically or emotionally available. You're young and have mentioned you are only doing it out of convenience, it's not really convenient if it's causing you this much worry.
If I did that wouldn't it psychologically damage him even more? I mean, there's only 6 weeks left in school, it's not that big a deal to stay with him. Besides, even though we're not in a relationship, I seriously care about him and he's my friend. It wouldn't be right of me to leave him with this....problem. Especially knowing I was in a position to help him.
Mother you seem like a nice person and this guy may be your friend, but he certainly isn't caring about your mental well being so why should you care at all about his?
You aren't getting what you want out of this relationship, and he isn't getting what he wants, it's best for you to end it, especially if its already going to be ended in 6 weeks. It's just not a healthy relationship and your continued presence in it will only be harmful to your long term relationships.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
If I did that wouldn't it psychologically damage him even more? I mean, there's only 6 weeks left in school, it's not that big a deal to stay with him. Besides, even though we're not in a relationship, I seriously care about him and he's my friend. It wouldn't be right of me to leave him with this....problem. Especially knowing I was in a position to help him.
But that's just it..you aren't in a position to help him. As you've stated multiple times in this thread, he has shunned all of your attempts to help. It sucks, but I don't think this is a problem that he will accept your help with. This isn't your fault, it's his for not being open enough to actually talk to you about it.
I'd like to point out that there is no reason you should be feeling crappy about this situation, which is why I suggest you get out of it. His E.D. is affecting your self esteem in a bad way, and you may end up thinking that you are not attractive to the opposite sex as a result (or something weird). His issues will affect your life, however much you think they won't.
MotherFirefly, don't take this the wrong way but do you consider yourself 'really hot?' The reason I ask is sometimes a hot girl can intimidate a guy and he can lose an erection quick. Happens to me so what I do is grab a little lube, have her or me stroke myself some till I get hard and penetrate.
Can't tell if you're using condoms or not but if so they can get in the way too.
MotherFirefly, don't take this the wrong way but do you consider yourself 'really hot?' The reason I ask is sometimes a hot girl can intimidate a guy and he can lose an erection quick. Happens to me so what I do is grab a little lube, have her or me stroke myself some till I get hard and penetrate.
Can't tell if you're using condoms or not but if so they can get in the way too.
Use condoms.
And you can still be this guy's friend and not fuck him. Hell, you could even look for some dick elsewhere and still be his friend.
MotherFirefly, don't take this the wrong way but do you consider yourself 'really hot?' The reason I ask is sometimes a hot girl can intimidate a guy and he can lose an erection quick. Happens to me so what I do is grab a little lube, have her or me stroke myself some till I get hard and penetrate.
Can't tell if you're using condoms or not but if so they can get in the way too.
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
You're attractive. I would say he's just having performance anxiety and he's really embarrassed by it.
I would agree with the doggie style advice.
Attractiveness has really only ever been a motivator for me...though I understand your logic.
I'm inclined to believe that unless there's an undisclosed factor here, he probably has some deep seated issue regarding either MotherFirefly or his own sexuality. Or just some good old fashioned intimacy issues.
In any case, if he isn't willing to work with you, the problems won't improve.
But if he leaps on to doggy style, we'll be back to wondering if he's gay!
Doesn't seem to me like he's gay. That he doesn't like cuddling, hates talking about his feelings / the past, and doesn't like it when people pretend to hit him are sending alarm bells in my head for physical abuse in his childhood. But then again, I don't know him personally so I can't make an accurate judgment.
But if he leaps on to doggy style, we'll be back to wondering if he's gay!
LOL - whatever... Doggie is good advice, there is a major blood vessel that runs along the treasure trail (which is why we still grow a good deal of hair there) and if the girl is on top, the pelvic bone can cut this off, leading to a loss of erection.
I just assumed different positions had been tried, but if they haven't, the girl on top position should be tried where the knees are forward and the arms brace the upper torso, lifting the pelvis off the man, minimizing body pressure along the center line of the man's body. This could actually work for the contact issues as well, because with a bit of shifting, you can eliminate body contact almost completely, leaving contact only to the genitals in play. If fellatio works, but full contact doesn't, this sort of positioning could provide a good middle ground where penetration is achieved and the male does not feel enveloped, suffocated or trapped beneath the female. Space to breathe is often neglected as it is counter-intuitive to the intimacy involved in the act.
MotherFirefly, don't take this the wrong way but do you consider yourself 'really hot?' The reason I ask is sometimes a hot girl can intimidate a guy and he can lose an erection quick. Happens to me so what I do is grab a little lube, have her or me stroke myself some till I get hard and penetrate.
Can't tell if you're using condoms or not but if so they can get in the way too.
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
I didn't read the whole thread so sorry if this has been covered already. If you haven't already, try doggie style. That is all I have to say.
GOOD IDEA....maybe I'll try that...if anything more actually
Ha ha, you seem attractive. So it could be performance anxiety and here is what really works for me.
You grab a little lube and play with him, get him real hard. Then have him penetrate you by being on top, take a control and keep him hard. I think once he gets through the anxiety and has some fun with you he'll get over it.
I dunno if I'd recommend doggy style for someone having erectile issues, for one the position itself doesn't lend itself for the best penetration options (especially if the guy is not very well endowed) not to mention there is a disconnect from the person you are fucking since you only really see their ass, though if that's his problem maybe this would help. You could also try anal sex if he's up for it (though this might lead to more questions about his sexuality) since Anal is considered more exotic and dirty that might get him more excited. Some tips about anal, unlike porn, its messy, and use plenty of lube dry fucking the anus is very very painful without proper lube.
Are you a moaner? If this is too personal a question don't answer, but a woman who moans rather loudly and seductively can really help a guy maintain an erection. Though I can't say I have ever had that problem I had my god damn shoulder knocked out of a joint by a rather portly girlfriend and I still maintained my erection.
Above all else I still recommend speaking openly about your problem with him and then dumping him. You are actively trying to find a solution to your problem, your lover from what you have told us, is not. That says something.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
On top can reduce blood flow and can cause a lost erection. I think evaluting how you're acting during sex can hep too. verbalizing that you're enjoying yourself/moaning really makes a difference to a guy. Depsite attractiveness the worst sex I've ever had were with girls who were too shy to do anything or too quiet to verbalize. If you're comfortable with your body he'll be much more comfortable with you.
Still sounds like he's having trouble expressing himself too. Might just be a person problem of his or your relationship I can't say.
I dunno if I'd recommend doggy style for someone having erectile issues, for one the position itself doesn't lend itself for the best penetration options (especially if the guy is not very well endowed) not to mention there is a disconnect from the person you are fucking since you only really see their ass, though if that's his problem maybe this would help. You could also try anal sex if he's up for it (though this might lead to more questions about his sexuality) since Anal is considered more exotic and dirty that might get him more excited. Some tips about anal, unlike porn, its messy, and use plenty of lube dry fucking the anus is very very painful without proper lube.
I don't really recommend this. That's even more difficult to do if you are having hardness issues. It will just end up worse.
MuddBudd on
There's no plan, there's no race to be run
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
I don't know in personal experience having my pretty fiancee who you wouldn't assume swears at all say "fuck me in the ass till you cum" really gets me going...
Though I have to say the best advice is breaking up with him, a short term (hell a planned short term) sexual relationship with a distant brooding man is not really recipe for success. How good looking is this guy? Is this one of those beautiful damaged people thing and the only reason you are dating him is to raise your personal beauty real estate with other men?
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
Looks matter to 90% of guys, and most of what remains are probably lying. Obviously the personality matters too, but the looks do as well and probably matter at the most in a sexual situation. And even if you're not carrying yourself as a hot girl, if he perceives you as physically better looking than him, then that will be an issue.
The more you discuss this with us the more I think you're backing the wrong horse here.
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
Looks matter to 90% of guys, and most of what remains are probably lying. Obviously the personality matters too, but the looks do as well and probably matter at the most in a sexual situation. And even if you're not carrying yourself as a hot girl, if he perceives you as physically better looking than him, then that will be an issue.
That's only true if he's a great big sissy about it. Seriously.
So right now you're in a situation where neither of you are happy and you've tried to fix it a hundred different ways to no avail. How much you want to bet that this is not something you're ever going to be able to fix for him? Want to moderate a Penny Arcade forum? Because I'll hand over the reins if you manage to do anything to change matters here.
You say you've only got 6 weeks left in the semester, and that toughing it out would be easier on him than just ending it. I'm inclined to suggest here that it won't be any easier on him, and that it'll just be easier on you. I get it, breaking off a relationship, even a really casual one, is never easy. The thing is though, the next six weeks aren't going to be any better that last week. In fact, as you get closer to exams and everything else, it's going to get worse and worse.
Breaking it off now is going to be hard, yes. It'll be hard to do for you, and hard on him. But, after you've done it, you'll likely find that the stress will drop off almost immediately, for both of you. He's under a lot of stress right now because of this situation, I can virtually guarantee that he loathes the spot he's in, but he's for one reason or another unwilling or unable to solve his problem. And because you keep trying to help him, and it never changes anything, he gets deeper and deeper into that hole.
If you end the situation entirely, both of you will have the albatross off your necks. You don't need to rush off to fuck someone else right away, and if it makes you feel better, you can actively choose not to for his sake. But I really do think you and he will both be better off without all this extra shit to deal with right now, and especially once it's exam season.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
Looks matter to 90% of guys, and most of what remains are probably lying. Obviously the personality matters too, but the looks do as well and probably matter at the most in a sexual situation. And even if you're not carrying yourself as a hot girl, if he perceives you as physically better looking than him, then that will be an issue.
That's only true if he's a great big sissy about it. Seriously.
So right now you're in a situation where neither of you are happy and you've tried to fix it a hundred different ways to no avail. How much you want to bet that this is not something you're ever going to be able to fix for him? Want to moderate a Penny Arcade forum? Because I'll hand over the reins if you manage to do anything to change matters here.
You say you've only got 6 weeks left in the semester, and that toughing it out would be easier on him than just ending it. I'm inclined to suggest here that it won't be any easier on him, and that it'll just be easier on you. I get it, breaking off a relationship, even a really casual one, is never easy. The thing is though, the next six weeks aren't going to be any better that last week. In fact, as you get closer to exams and everything else, it's going to get worse and worse.
Breaking it off now is going to be hard, yes. It'll be hard to do for you, and hard on him. But, after you've done it, you'll likely find that the stress will drop off almost immediately, for both of you. He's under a lot of stress right now because of this situation, I can virtually guarantee that he loathes the spot he's in, but he's for one reason or another unwilling or unable to solve his problem. And because you keep trying to help him, and it never changes anything, he gets deeper and deeper into that hole.
If you end the situation entirely, both of you will have the albatross off your necks. You don't need to rush off to fuck someone else right away, and if it makes you feel better, you can actively choose not to for his sake. But I really do think you and he will both be better off without all this extra shit to deal with right now, and especially once it's exam season.
this is horrible advice. You actually think ending the relationship willl be less hard on him.
You people are blowing the problem way out of proportion. When you find the solution, whatever it may be, you will most likely (I'm 99% sure) never have this problem again.
p.s. I think booze will boost his ego just enough. Seams pretty simple to me. Hell, many relationships start the sexin' because of booze, so how can you deny the logic from hundreds of years of satisfied customers
KingMoo on
![▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓]!
!!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
!!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
of doom
He's unwilling to address the situation, he doesn't like to be physically close, and at most the relationship only will continue for 6 weeks not exactly a long term commitment from either party and if it's just bringing her down it's time to cut the cord and go screw someone else who can keep an erection up.
Preacher on
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
So what you're saying is, you've never heard the phrase "whiskey dick"
And I can guarantee getting dumped for being unable to put is a lot less rough than being strung along for six weeks + the time it's been so far. It's false hope and it perpetuates a situation in which each party is becoming less and less happy every day, and guarantees that both parties will be in the worst possible situation when they need to be focused on studying for their exams.
Seriously, it's not even a serious relationship. He's a fuck buddy that can't fuck, so just tell him "okay you know what let's just be friends and hang out and get coffee together and that shit". It shouldn't be a big deal since it isn't a real relationship anyhow, and since you guys don't have a habit of cuddling a lot either, the only thing that'll change is that all of a sudden he won't be forced into a position where he's failing to perform on a regular basis.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
Looks matter to 90% of guys, and most of what remains are probably lying. Obviously the personality matters too, but the looks do as well and probably matter at the most in a sexual situation. And even if you're not carrying yourself as a hot girl, if he perceives you as physically better looking than him, then that will be an issue.
That's only true if he's a great big sissy about it. Seriously.
So right now you're in a situation where neither of you are happy and you've tried to fix it a hundred different ways to no avail. How much you want to bet that this is not something you're ever going to be able to fix for him? Want to moderate a Penny Arcade forum? Because I'll hand over the reins if you manage to do anything to change matters here.
You say you've only got 6 weeks left in the semester, and that toughing it out would be easier on him than just ending it. I'm inclined to suggest here that it won't be any easier on him, and that it'll just be easier on you. I get it, breaking off a relationship, even a really casual one, is never easy. The thing is though, the next six weeks aren't going to be any better that last week. In fact, as you get closer to exams and everything else, it's going to get worse and worse.
Breaking it off now is going to be hard, yes. It'll be hard to do for you, and hard on him. But, after you've done it, you'll likely find that the stress will drop off almost immediately, for both of you. He's under a lot of stress right now because of this situation, I can virtually guarantee that he loathes the spot he's in, but he's for one reason or another unwilling or unable to solve his problem. And because you keep trying to help him, and it never changes anything, he gets deeper and deeper into that hole.
If you end the situation entirely, both of you will have the albatross off your necks. You don't need to rush off to fuck someone else right away, and if it makes you feel better, you can actively choose not to for his sake. But I really do think you and he will both be better off without all this extra shit to deal with right now, and especially once it's exam season.
this is horrible advice.
Horrible advice for his sake, yes. For her sake, no.
If you drop him without solving this problem, he most likely will be worried that there is something wrong with him. This will destroy his confidence. Even the act of talking to girls will be hard for him, because he will probably be thinking if I get this girl in bed with me, I'm just going to have that problem again and be embarrassed. Whats the point?
Doggie style = bad idea. I don't know if it's the same for every guy, but for me the act of laying down to standing up really makes you lose a lot of momentum and by the time he's ready to go in he will more than likely be not hard enough to go in.... and for that position you need to be pretty rock hard. Same with girl on top. Once he gets more comfortable with sex, then try those positions.
I think you need to do it missionary. Do handjob/blowjob to get him ready then you put the condom (lube his dick up and the condom for more feeling) on him and lay back, spread your legs and he should go ahead and thrust in. For this position he doesn't even need to be rock hard, just hard enough to get in (if there is enough wetness/lube... but be careful not to use too much). Honestly, if he is ready to go...gets the condom on and is still fine... then climbs on top of you ready to stick it in but can't there is something wrong that you probably can't fix.
IMO, you have a virgin on your hands. He is a guy so naturally he's going to talk up his sexual experiences... possibly making some up or exaggerating the experiences he has had. Couple that with you (definitely an attractive girl) being younger than him and according to what hes probably heard you talk about on the show more sexually experienced than him... he might feel very inadequate and very anxious about his performance.
The only other thing I can think of, and help me out guys because depending on his personality type this might come as a relief or as an insult to him... just say that if he is a virgin he can tell you and everything would continue just like it has been going. But I think that might be good to get off his chest. The guilt of lying to you, and then this (assumed unforeseen) problem thrown in the mix, might be whats weighing him down now. It's perfectly acceptable, for a virgin, to get performance anxiety his first time and either blow at the slightest penetration or not get it up at all. (hmmm, are you sure he's not blowing his load at penetration?)
But other than that, I think right now you're basically looking at some frustrating nights while you charitably try to rehabilitate this guy. You have to choose whats right for you, because this guy is just weighing you down right now. But the #1 thing that you need to remember is:
Doggie style = bad idea. I don't know if it's the same for every guy, but for me the act of laying down to standing up really makes you lose a lot of momentum and by the time he's ready to go in he will more than likely be not hard enough to go in.... and for that position you need to be pretty rock hard. Same with girl on top. Once he gets more comfortable with sex, then try those positions.
No, it is not the same for every guy. People have different proportions, and some positions are better than others - what works for some may not work for others and vice versa. Some men curve up, and some men curve down, etc. To not try new things to find what works and what might be better? That's a bad idea.
I also second the drinks - not enough to be drunk, but 1 or 2 might just unwind the boy a little.
Second also on the possible virgin thing, if the moment becomes An Event, it can become a monumental thing, rather than the 'no biggie' it is for others.
ISTR that the author of The Ethical Slut had a little annecdote about a somewhat similar sort of thing. It was a one-time dealy, but she wanted to fuck a guy who lost it every time the condom was to go on. If you have that book in your library it might be worth a quick look.
Peter Principle on
"A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people's business." - Eric Hoffer, _The True Believer_
Next time you get intimate, try to have fun without the pressure of insertion.
Don't even bring the idea up.
Touching and oral the whole time, to completion. I think it might help him get over the anxiety if he realizes you want to please him to the full extent.
I'm not sure about any more advice but I must say this forum is horribly negative. Anytime anyone has a relationship problem 90% of the people here answer with a END IT JUST END IT.
Posts
I used one of these at one point and I didn't like it at all. Maybe I got the wrong size but they seem to only come in one size and the one I used was much too tight. Possibly not for everyone so don't force this on him if he tries it and doesn't like it.
Have you tried talking dirty to him? I've been in this situation once or twice before, and some dirty talk will always get my over my anxieties. Nothing makes me forget about my worries more then when a woman starts to talk dirty to me.
Viagra or other enhancements .. but as stated before, there is something on his mind. I can get an errection at the drop of a hat, but i can loose it quickly if my mind is on other things.. even mid sexors.
Determine if its worth it to you... as cruel as its sounds, unless you are in a marriage or other committed relationship... is the sex thing a big thing with you? if its something you decide you like, and this just is not 'the one ''.. then move on...
Has anyone offered to be a 'stunt cock' to get controlled experiment variables going ? "Hmmm... I just had sex with that guy, so it really is you... "
Librarians harbor a terrible secret. Find it.
Seriously. It's his subconscious telling him that you're not a good match for him.
Sorry.
try with a few drinks. normally not great advice but in this case it might help get over those "first time jidders" you speak of
!!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
!!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
of doom
Erectile disfunction does cover both mental and physical problems with doing it and the drugs are used to treat both.
I seriously doubt that any guy in existance would get to the point of insertion and then decide.. yeah I actually don't fancy her that much.
I'm not saying he decided; I'm saying his subconscious did.
I have no problem with a lot of girls, but there were a couple where I got to that point and I was all, well I'm not really sure I want to with this one; and then suddenly found that I couldn't (or not without some serious imagination-based substitution; hello, Scarlett Johannsen).
I've found it only happens with ladies that I'm really not into, no matter how into me they are.
That bit seriously disturbs me, and it should you too.
It's possible he'd relax more if you went through the opening-up-and-sharing-your-pasts phase, but frankly I'd recommend getting him to a psychologist. Neither of you will probably have an easy time for a while, though, so it depends on how committed you are to this guy if you wanna go through with it.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Also, he obviously can't meet your needs as a fuck-buddy in his current state. Find someone else to spend time with and stop worrying about him.
But, regardless of the circumstances, the cause was indeed psychological, and I believe I overcame it simply through my determination to do so.
I find that most psychological issues manifest themselves earliest in the groin, and if he's going to be mopey and self-loathing, so will his penis. I chose not to be, and instead maintained a fairly upbeat attitude. As a result, I was happily and consistently aroused therafter.
I've tried once, I'm not really sure where to BEGIN in that phase, and then when I did do it, I think he just got frustrated. I said something along the lines of "I want you so bad" except with more colorful words--and his response was "you have no idea how badly I want this" (again, a bit more excessive than that). Even still--what do I say from there? PM me if you don't feel comfortable discussing it in the thread.
Due to the 'openness' of our relationship, I have that option. I've never really had this problem with any other guy, I've had the problem where a guy I was with couldn't finish (not in coitus), but never where he couldn't get it up. I mean, there are guys now that are pretty straightorward with the fact that they want me. I know that this guy is only my "fuck buddy" but he's my only one, I'm not going to go around.
That's really reassuring, thanks. That other post had me down the hole in regards to self-esteem.
If I did that wouldn't it psychologically damage him even more? I mean, there's only 6 weeks left in school, it's not that big a deal to stay with him. Besides, even though we're not in a relationship, I seriously care about him and he's my friend. It wouldn't be right of me to leave him with this....problem. Especially knowing I was in a position to help him.
You aren't getting what you want out of this relationship, and he isn't getting what he wants, it's best for you to end it, especially if its already going to be ended in 6 weeks. It's just not a healthy relationship and your continued presence in it will only be harmful to your long term relationships.
pleasepaypreacher.net
But that's just it..you aren't in a position to help him. As you've stated multiple times in this thread, he has shunned all of your attempts to help. It sucks, but I don't think this is a problem that he will accept your help with. This isn't your fault, it's his for not being open enough to actually talk to you about it.
I'd like to point out that there is no reason you should be feeling crappy about this situation, which is why I suggest you get out of it. His E.D. is affecting your self esteem in a bad way, and you may end up thinking that you are not attractive to the opposite sex as a result (or something weird). His issues will affect your life, however much you think they won't.
Edit: Beat'd hard by Preacher
Edit2: :winky:
Can't tell if you're using condoms or not but if so they can get in the way too.
Use condoms.
And you can still be this guy's friend and not fuck him. Hell, you could even look for some dick elsewhere and still be his friend.
Lol, well I have a pretty low self esteem. He's never said that I was 'hot' only that when he first met me he thought I was really cute and that he definately would have dated me in high school. I have a lot of guys that like me--so I guess I'm good looking? I prefer to think that men are above that and like me for my "personality"
Picture...recent? kinda.
you tell me? PS he's NOT in this picture.
GOOD IDEA....maybe I'll try that...if anything more actually
I would agree with the doggie style advice.
Attractiveness has really only ever been a motivator for me...though I understand your logic.
I'm inclined to believe that unless there's an undisclosed factor here, he probably has some deep seated issue regarding either MotherFirefly or his own sexuality. Or just some good old fashioned intimacy issues.
In any case, if he isn't willing to work with you, the problems won't improve.
Doesn't seem to me like he's gay. That he doesn't like cuddling, hates talking about his feelings / the past, and doesn't like it when people pretend to hit him are sending alarm bells in my head for physical abuse in his childhood. But then again, I don't know him personally so I can't make an accurate judgment.
LOL - whatever... Doggie is good advice, there is a major blood vessel that runs along the treasure trail (which is why we still grow a good deal of hair there) and if the girl is on top, the pelvic bone can cut this off, leading to a loss of erection.
I just assumed different positions had been tried, but if they haven't, the girl on top position should be tried where the knees are forward and the arms brace the upper torso, lifting the pelvis off the man, minimizing body pressure along the center line of the man's body. This could actually work for the contact issues as well, because with a bit of shifting, you can eliminate body contact almost completely, leaving contact only to the genitals in play. If fellatio works, but full contact doesn't, this sort of positioning could provide a good middle ground where penetration is achieved and the male does not feel enveloped, suffocated or trapped beneath the female. Space to breathe is often neglected as it is counter-intuitive to the intimacy involved in the act.
Ha ha, you seem attractive. So it could be performance anxiety and here is what really works for me.
You grab a little lube and play with him, get him real hard. Then have him penetrate you by being on top, take a control and keep him hard. I think once he gets through the anxiety and has some fun with you he'll get over it.
Are you a moaner? If this is too personal a question don't answer, but a woman who moans rather loudly and seductively can really help a guy maintain an erection. Though I can't say I have ever had that problem I had my god damn shoulder knocked out of a joint by a rather portly girlfriend and I still maintained my erection.
Above all else I still recommend speaking openly about your problem with him and then dumping him. You are actively trying to find a solution to your problem, your lover from what you have told us, is not. That says something.
pleasepaypreacher.net
Still sounds like he's having trouble expressing himself too. Might just be a person problem of his or your relationship I can't say.
I don't really recommend this. That's even more difficult to do if you are having hardness issues. It will just end up worse.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Though I have to say the best advice is breaking up with him, a short term (hell a planned short term) sexual relationship with a distant brooding man is not really recipe for success. How good looking is this guy? Is this one of those beautiful damaged people thing and the only reason you are dating him is to raise your personal beauty real estate with other men?
pleasepaypreacher.net
Looks matter to 90% of guys, and most of what remains are probably lying. Obviously the personality matters too, but the looks do as well and probably matter at the most in a sexual situation. And even if you're not carrying yourself as a hot girl, if he perceives you as physically better looking than him, then that will be an issue.
The more you discuss this with us the more I think you're backing the wrong horse here.
www.rockmidgets.com
That's only true if he's a great big sissy about it. Seriously.
So right now you're in a situation where neither of you are happy and you've tried to fix it a hundred different ways to no avail. How much you want to bet that this is not something you're ever going to be able to fix for him? Want to moderate a Penny Arcade forum? Because I'll hand over the reins if you manage to do anything to change matters here.
You say you've only got 6 weeks left in the semester, and that toughing it out would be easier on him than just ending it. I'm inclined to suggest here that it won't be any easier on him, and that it'll just be easier on you. I get it, breaking off a relationship, even a really casual one, is never easy. The thing is though, the next six weeks aren't going to be any better that last week. In fact, as you get closer to exams and everything else, it's going to get worse and worse.
Breaking it off now is going to be hard, yes. It'll be hard to do for you, and hard on him. But, after you've done it, you'll likely find that the stress will drop off almost immediately, for both of you. He's under a lot of stress right now because of this situation, I can virtually guarantee that he loathes the spot he's in, but he's for one reason or another unwilling or unable to solve his problem. And because you keep trying to help him, and it never changes anything, he gets deeper and deeper into that hole.
If you end the situation entirely, both of you will have the albatross off your necks. You don't need to rush off to fuck someone else right away, and if it makes you feel better, you can actively choose not to for his sake. But I really do think you and he will both be better off without all this extra shit to deal with right now, and especially once it's exam season.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
this is horrible advice. You actually think ending the relationship willl be less hard on him.
You people are blowing the problem way out of proportion. When you find the solution, whatever it may be, you will most likely (I'm 99% sure) never have this problem again.
p.s. I think booze will boost his ego just enough. Seams pretty simple to me. Hell, many relationships start the sexin' because of booze, so how can you deny the logic from hundreds of years of satisfied customers
!!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
!!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
of doom
pleasepaypreacher.net
And I can guarantee getting dumped for being unable to put is a lot less rough than being strung along for six weeks + the time it's been so far. It's false hope and it perpetuates a situation in which each party is becoming less and less happy every day, and guarantees that both parties will be in the worst possible situation when they need to be focused on studying for their exams.
Seriously, it's not even a serious relationship. He's a fuck buddy that can't fuck, so just tell him "okay you know what let's just be friends and hang out and get coffee together and that shit". It shouldn't be a big deal since it isn't a real relationship anyhow, and since you guys don't have a habit of cuddling a lot either, the only thing that'll change is that all of a sudden he won't be forced into a position where he's failing to perform on a regular basis.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Horrible advice for his sake, yes. For her sake, no.
If you drop him without solving this problem, he most likely will be worried that there is something wrong with him. This will destroy his confidence. Even the act of talking to girls will be hard for him, because he will probably be thinking if I get this girl in bed with me, I'm just going to have that problem again and be embarrassed. Whats the point?
Doggie style = bad idea. I don't know if it's the same for every guy, but for me the act of laying down to standing up really makes you lose a lot of momentum and by the time he's ready to go in he will more than likely be not hard enough to go in.... and for that position you need to be pretty rock hard. Same with girl on top. Once he gets more comfortable with sex, then try those positions.
I think you need to do it missionary. Do handjob/blowjob to get him ready then you put the condom (lube his dick up and the condom for more feeling) on him and lay back, spread your legs and he should go ahead and thrust in. For this position he doesn't even need to be rock hard, just hard enough to get in (if there is enough wetness/lube... but be careful not to use too much). Honestly, if he is ready to go...gets the condom on and is still fine... then climbs on top of you ready to stick it in but can't there is something wrong that you probably can't fix.
IMO, you have a virgin on your hands. He is a guy so naturally he's going to talk up his sexual experiences... possibly making some up or exaggerating the experiences he has had. Couple that with you (definitely an attractive girl) being younger than him and according to what hes probably heard you talk about on the show more sexually experienced than him... he might feel very inadequate and very anxious about his performance.
The only other thing I can think of, and help me out guys because depending on his personality type this might come as a relief or as an insult to him... just say that if he is a virgin he can tell you and everything would continue just like it has been going. But I think that might be good to get off his chest. The guilt of lying to you, and then this (assumed unforeseen) problem thrown in the mix, might be whats weighing him down now. It's perfectly acceptable, for a virgin, to get performance anxiety his first time and either blow at the slightest penetration or not get it up at all. (hmmm, are you sure he's not blowing his load at penetration?)
But other than that, I think right now you're basically looking at some frustrating nights while you charitably try to rehabilitate this guy. You have to choose whats right for you, because this guy is just weighing you down right now. But the #1 thing that you need to remember is:
[size=+2]IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT[/size]
No, it is not the same for every guy. People have different proportions, and some positions are better than others - what works for some may not work for others and vice versa. Some men curve up, and some men curve down, etc. To not try new things to find what works and what might be better? That's a bad idea.
I also second the drinks - not enough to be drunk, but 1 or 2 might just unwind the boy a little.
Second also on the possible virgin thing, if the moment becomes An Event, it can become a monumental thing, rather than the 'no biggie' it is for others.
Next time you get intimate, try to have fun without the pressure of insertion.
Don't even bring the idea up.
Touching and oral the whole time, to completion. I think it might help him get over the anxiety if he realizes you want to please him to the full extent.
Secret Satan
Seriously