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Possible trigger warning story

WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
Not sure what my questions about it even are, think I mostly just need to smash this out of my brain. Just trying to think where to begin.

Ok, so some of you know the whole story with me and this one girl, that have been after each other for over a year, neither making a full out move, because there are reasons. But we were mostly ok with that. Recently she did blur that line pretty hard, and I was convinced, ok let's do it, to which suddenly nothing happened, and now we barely speak. ( this is not the problem tho, this just a hiccup I had hoped, but I was upset for a bit from it)

It had already been a weird year too, I'm , well issues with sex are probably the kindest description, I love it, I just, I have to truly trust someone to go there, I had a childhood and adolescense filled with sexual abuse, so it messed me up a lot in that regard.

An old friend who somewhat knew the story, and was pretty much one of my last friend, had realized I was in pretty rough shape over it all and offered to come keep me company so I could take an ativan, I take occasional for stress, but get scared to take them alone for irrational anxiety reasons. We're hanging out watching movies, she kinda had me to about double my usual dose for the ativans, so I was pretty high by this point, then passed out shortly later.

Then I woke up
There are multiple condoms everywhere, scratches on my back, general stickiness, no one around to be found, and a real ,just, gross feeling. basically spent from then until able to type now crying on the floor.
What the hell do I do now, I doubt I could ever tell the one girl, hell I don't even know if I want anyone ever again now, I mostly just want to stop crying.

Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508

Posts

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I've uh

    I've been there.

    I am so sorry. So, so sorry that you had to go through it on top of everything else.

    Just don't do what I did, and bottle it up and never tell anyone for nine years.

    I don't see any reason you need to tell anyone you don't want to, but you should tell someone in my opinion. If you can confront her that might be something you want to do.

    You might want to give rainn.org a try. They have some hotlines and other resources that might help. I can only imagine how different things would be for me now if I'd sought help immediately instead of burying it and trying to pretend it didn't happen.

    Feel free to PM me any time.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    CambiataPsykomaDevoutlyApatheticNightDragonUsagiAngelHedgieGonmunAegeriJuliusForarAngelinachrishallett83LiiyaDisruptedCapitalistBé ChuilleHeirCalica
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