Man, Harris was one of my favorites. This is a real kick in the heart.
One of my absolute favorite stories ever, about one of my best friends, prominently features Harris Wittels.
But now the story is retroactively waaaaay darker and more depressing. Eesh.
you should tell it
it is really funny
I've got this buddy, Tony. We met in improv class. One of the first scenes we ever did together featured a white dude explaining to an Indian dude how this Manifest Destiny shit was gonna go down, with the nonchalance of a middle-manager explaining that the break room would no longer have a microwave. We became friends basically immediately, yeah.
What cemented our burgeoning friendship, though, was going together to a stand-up show at the UCB theater. And, more specifically, a Harris Wittels joke.
His set started off crowd-pleasingly enough, with stuff like his "Wheat Thicks" joke. And then he dropped the joke, "Do you ever wish your parents would die so you could go ahead and kill yourself?"
My buddy and I began to laugh hysterically. Gasping, red-faced, howling laughter. And then we realized that the rest of the audience in this sold-out show was completely silent. We were the only two people in the entire room laughing, and we were laughing as hard as we could. Faces turned to stare at us in bewilderment, pity, worry.
Harris raised his beer to us, tipped his head in acknowledgment, and carried on with his set.
Jesus fuck I should have just stayed asleep today. Harris made me laugh wherever and whenever he appeared. @Poorochondriac that story is still amazing no matter what.
I'll be skipping Farts and Pro 4 if it does come out, at least for awhile. Too raw.
WHM Mail Bag: Pay Channel Porn, Private Ryan and a Perverted History Teacher
On this month's WHM Mail Bag, the gang reads letters from fans who flipped the "What Are YOU Watching?" trope on its head, got sent to the library basement with a Russian war films on VHS and who once had a history teacher conduct a very inappropriate "contest" in class.
...I also want to say, besides being so unbelievably hilarious, Harris [Wittels] was truly a sweet guy. He was so lovable even when saying the most disgusting things. You just couldn’t help but love him. He had the most ridiculous opinions on everything from food to dating to music and he’d defend them to no end. He loved to make ridiculous boast that he insisted he could achieve. Here are a few that I compiled:
- Do as good a job as Trent Reznor scoring “The Social Network”
- Play against the Lakers and juke NBA point guard Steve Blake
- Hit an NBA 3-pointer
- Play right field in a Major League Baseball game, and catch a pop-up, and easily throw it back to the infield
- Act as well as any actor
- Can beat anyone on staff at arm wrestling
- Every girl has, at minimum, a 20% crush on him
The best part of that tumblr post is that Ansari never heard Foam Corner before and the ones he pulled are AMAZING
“One time I said to a guy that, ‘I loved learning new things. I’m a bit of an infomaniac.’ And he thought I said NYMPHOMANIAC….so he fucked me. And I said ‘No, no no…I said INFO. I’m an INFOmaniac’ And he said ‘Well, here’s some info…you just got fucked. Clean yourself up.’”
“I hate smoking sections. Unless it’s Jim Carrey’s The Mask. Then the smoking section is my favorite part!”
“I’m not getting married until gay people can get married. Because I’m gay.”
I started with anonymous Rex because I actually read that book forever ago and I was like ahahaha oh yes, I can't believe anyone else even knew what this was
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RankenphilePassersby were amazedby the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
Nearly finished with Harris' episode of You Made It Weird, which is a struggle because
It's fucking heartbreaking.
Pete Holmes is the worst. I'd almost prefer Chris Hardwick.
But god damn, listening to him talk about drugs and how he manages to side step actually discussing heroin a few times, then later talking about how he bought a house and how he'd love to find a girl and get married and raise kids and his career ambitions and...
There’s just something about a terrible kids’ movie that brings out the best (?) in us, so we dive headfirst into the CGI flop Legends of OZ: Dorothy’s Return. Meanwhile, Stuart gives important advice to our kidnapped listeners, Dan inadvertently pitches the new hit movie “Uncatchable,” and Bizzarro Elliott makes an appearance.
Posts
but like synecdoche, new york
too many characters!
Foam corner forever.
I've got this buddy, Tony. We met in improv class. One of the first scenes we ever did together featured a white dude explaining to an Indian dude how this Manifest Destiny shit was gonna go down, with the nonchalance of a middle-manager explaining that the break room would no longer have a microwave. We became friends basically immediately, yeah.
What cemented our burgeoning friendship, though, was going together to a stand-up show at the UCB theater. And, more specifically, a Harris Wittels joke.
His set started off crowd-pleasingly enough, with stuff like his "Wheat Thicks" joke. And then he dropped the joke, "Do you ever wish your parents would die so you could go ahead and kill yourself?"
My buddy and I began to laugh hysterically. Gasping, red-faced, howling laughter. And then we realized that the rest of the audience in this sold-out show was completely silent. We were the only two people in the entire room laughing, and we were laughing as hard as we could. Faces turned to stare at us in bewilderment, pity, worry.
Harris raised his beer to us, tipped his head in acknowledgment, and carried on with his set.
Including one where he is just standing there with his dick out
I'll be skipping Farts and Pro 4 if it does come out, at least for awhile. Too raw.
I wonder if this means he's planning something special about Harris on Monday's CBB or if he's just going to write something out like Aziz did.
While saying it was three times the game mario kart 64 is
that man is insane
not a lot of racers have extensive single player campaigns
off the top of my head there's DKR, crash team racing...
kinda sonic racing transformed, if you don't mind the lack of a hub world
diddy kong racing has three times as many vehicles as mario kart 64
Steam | Twitter
Did he give Mario Kart 64 a 2.2
Pretty sure Jeff meant 3 times better than Mario 64.
Jeff is a crazy person who thinks the only good Mario Kart was the SNES one, you see.
he explicitly meant 3 times better
PSN: Robo_Wizard1
awesome!
you starting from the beginning or jumping around or what?
But god damn, listening to him talk about drugs and how he manages to side step actually discussing heroin a few times, then later talking about how he bought a house and how he'd love to find a girl and get married and raise kids and his career ambitions and...
just god damn it
stupid fucking drugs
Can't wait to listen to this one.
And it was about roller derby
not that I'm complaining because holy shit the guys are firing on all cylinders this week