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PTSD(Pin-Traumatic Stress Disorder) or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Pin
Qumaden
World's Mightiest MortalRegistered User regular
World's Mightiest MortalRegistered User regular
in Pinny Arcade
Hey guys, it's Q again. I'm back from PAX East after a ton of hoops to jump through to get to Boston and I wanted to share my specific experience with my community, but it was a bit too wordy and off topic for the "how was your PAX?" thread, so...here goes.
So for those that don't know me, I'm a completionist, a 100% collector, a "hardcore", whatever moniker you choose to use to describe someone who has to get all the pins. In actuality, I have three sets of pins; one set is my 100% complete set, and the second set is the "I love these pins so I keep an extra" set, and the third is all the extra pins I collect to trade/give away. I caught the pin bug at Prime 13, but then PAX East 14 was my second PAX, and that's really where I was first introduced to the concept of the true definition of anxiety being induced by the desire for a physical object...the Tenth Anniversary Shield.
Now, people use words like "anxiety" pretty freely, I am among those people, but what I was feeling went beyond anxiety, it became true textbook panic attacks (for specific panic criteria you can look here for further info), but the feeling of euphoria when I got the first shield in my hand pushed that entire negative memory into the past, never to be seen again. That is of course until fifteen seconds later when I made the mental decision that(queue the music) I wanted to be the very best, like no one ever was...to catch them is my real test, to trade them is my real cause. At this point I started to amass as many pins as I could get because I would need them to trade for the pins I didn't have(DLC, aus 13, etc). I caught them all at East 14, made it to Prime 14 and repeated the process only more extreme. I was trading like crazy, I was amassing my Smaugian hoard, I was only concerned with trading for pins I needed for to trade "up in value" so that I could one day trade for a DLC. The most important thing however, was that I was still enjoying the hell out of PAX.
Then, that point came, I actually successfully traded for a DLC. It was done, my set was complete(except for a lookouts set, but that was easily managed) and PAX South was just around the corner. PAX South was a very small amount of pins, so there was almost no stress. Two of my three pin pals were coming down for it, half the pin community seemed to be showing up, and it turned out to be an amazing time. It was so casual and stress free, simply collecting the few pins and just spending so much time with so many friends was an amazing time. It was the best time I had had at a PAX, and the worst post pax depression I had ever experienced...fast forward thirty days to East 15.
We all saw the list, we each had our own ideas, plans of attack, and different pin priorities. My plan was simple, get all the pins, and help my East pin pal get the rest of the pins for our other two pin pals. One key difference in previous years, I had come to terms that there may be pins I could no obtain(specifically the gold overwatch as I am horrid at shooters of every nature). About two hours into the expo hall opening, my addiction was in full swing, and any possibility of not collecting all the pins was gone, they would all be mine.
I spent Friday and Saturday snubbing friends, ignoring everything, focused souly on obtaining pins. For the first time since I started going to PAX, I was not having fun. I realized this Saturday night after I had gone back to my friend's place...I was exhausted, miserable, and I felt like I had been nothing but shitty to not just strangers, but people I called my friends for the sake of pins. So, after some deep soul searching and internal evaluation, I genuinely came to terms with the fact that it was ok if I didn't get every pin. So, Sunday I would just go and have fun. I was still going to try for the gold overwatch pin, but it was going to prioritized second behind actually enjoying the convention. Got up early, got into the expo hall line super close to the front, I was able to trade for a gold overwatch pin and actually enjoy my final day of PAX East 15, and afterwards go have a nice time out in Boston with my friend and his family.
Why am I sharing all this? Why do you care? Well, you probably don't, but the fact of the matter is this: when your desire for collection causes your PAX to not be fun, you have a problem. Pins are fun, pins are great, and these little physical objects bring you great amounts of enjoyment, but don't let them get in the way of the joys that PAX can bring to you just by interacting with the community.
So for those that don't know me, I'm a completionist, a 100% collector, a "hardcore", whatever moniker you choose to use to describe someone who has to get all the pins. In actuality, I have three sets of pins; one set is my 100% complete set, and the second set is the "I love these pins so I keep an extra" set, and the third is all the extra pins I collect to trade/give away. I caught the pin bug at Prime 13, but then PAX East 14 was my second PAX, and that's really where I was first introduced to the concept of the true definition of anxiety being induced by the desire for a physical object...the Tenth Anniversary Shield.
Now, people use words like "anxiety" pretty freely, I am among those people, but what I was feeling went beyond anxiety, it became true textbook panic attacks (for specific panic criteria you can look here for further info), but the feeling of euphoria when I got the first shield in my hand pushed that entire negative memory into the past, never to be seen again. That is of course until fifteen seconds later when I made the mental decision that(queue the music) I wanted to be the very best, like no one ever was...to catch them is my real test, to trade them is my real cause. At this point I started to amass as many pins as I could get because I would need them to trade for the pins I didn't have(DLC, aus 13, etc). I caught them all at East 14, made it to Prime 14 and repeated the process only more extreme. I was trading like crazy, I was amassing my Smaugian hoard, I was only concerned with trading for pins I needed for to trade "up in value" so that I could one day trade for a DLC. The most important thing however, was that I was still enjoying the hell out of PAX.
Then, that point came, I actually successfully traded for a DLC. It was done, my set was complete(except for a lookouts set, but that was easily managed) and PAX South was just around the corner. PAX South was a very small amount of pins, so there was almost no stress. Two of my three pin pals were coming down for it, half the pin community seemed to be showing up, and it turned out to be an amazing time. It was so casual and stress free, simply collecting the few pins and just spending so much time with so many friends was an amazing time. It was the best time I had had at a PAX, and the worst post pax depression I had ever experienced...fast forward thirty days to East 15.
We all saw the list, we each had our own ideas, plans of attack, and different pin priorities. My plan was simple, get all the pins, and help my East pin pal get the rest of the pins for our other two pin pals. One key difference in previous years, I had come to terms that there may be pins I could no obtain(specifically the gold overwatch as I am horrid at shooters of every nature). About two hours into the expo hall opening, my addiction was in full swing, and any possibility of not collecting all the pins was gone, they would all be mine.
I spent Friday and Saturday snubbing friends, ignoring everything, focused souly on obtaining pins. For the first time since I started going to PAX, I was not having fun. I realized this Saturday night after I had gone back to my friend's place...I was exhausted, miserable, and I felt like I had been nothing but shitty to not just strangers, but people I called my friends for the sake of pins. So, after some deep soul searching and internal evaluation, I genuinely came to terms with the fact that it was ok if I didn't get every pin. So, Sunday I would just go and have fun. I was still going to try for the gold overwatch pin, but it was going to prioritized second behind actually enjoying the convention. Got up early, got into the expo hall line super close to the front, I was able to trade for a gold overwatch pin and actually enjoy my final day of PAX East 15, and afterwards go have a nice time out in Boston with my friend and his family.
Why am I sharing all this? Why do you care? Well, you probably don't, but the fact of the matter is this: when your desire for collection causes your PAX to not be fun, you have a problem. Pins are fun, pins are great, and these little physical objects bring you great amounts of enjoyment, but don't let them get in the way of the joys that PAX can bring to you just by interacting with the community.
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https://pinnypals.com/pals/Evenstar
So to hear someone who is similar in mindset to me, discussing this and pointing out all the negatives (I knew them before, but you can ignore a lot with a collector's mind) is really helpful. Because I'm trying to get myself to not want to collect all the pins but just the ones I truly want, be it because of how PA related they are or because of their design, ect. And that's why I want to thank you for posting this. I'm not going to say it magically changed my mind but it helps!
tldr; Thanks!
This is something that I'm working on too, maybe from a different angle, but the issue is still there. I managed to still enjoy the PAX the same as all other PAXen. The main way I did that is I will always put the PA Panels and PVPOnline Panels before all else. If I miss my single chance to get a pin, because I was sitting in a panel watching Mike and Jerry, or Scott Kurtz, so be it, I'll trade for it later. I make sure that I eat meals with friends, stand in line with friends (if not, make new friends!), and take time to talk to PA staff whenever I get the chance. In that respect I feel like I have a healthy handling of PAXen.
The challenge I face is walking away from the complete set. I know that I've said that South 15 was the last time I'd be a hardcore pin collector. I ended up being wrong on that score simply by attending PAX East(thanks truly to Fayt (Braden) and two gentlemen named Perry and John), but by attending it enabled me to go after more pins than I needed, those pins for my collection, those pins for my friend, and those extra pins for future trades. Its really those "extra" pins that are starting to haunt me. It's basically an anxiety or fear that when I am missing a pin, I won't have the pin that someone else wants/needs to trade for it. Because of this, I've got nearly a complete second set of pins. It goes so deep, that I won't even wear a pin on my show lanyard unless I've got 3 of them.
I'm sure I'll find someway to do it, but at this point, since I'm pretty danged sure that I'll be going to PAX Prime 15, I'll still go for the complete set for year 2015, but my sincere hope is that I can put this anxiety to rest, and just get the pins I want starting in 2016. Goodness knows my savings will thank me for it.
It needs to be said however, that I won't ever be upset that I took up the pin collecting, because I've made a significant number of new friends and people that I genuinely enjoy spending time with in really random places! I said it during PAX, but if I ever completely drop this hobby, I'd still go to Pin events just to hang out with you people!
It's good to realise the point of going to PAX and doing things like this is to actually enjoy yourself. On my part, it helps that I do a lot of community stuff. If I was in there solo I would probably have burned out long ago. You guys are why I bother showing up.
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My Digital Pin Lanyard
I felt the very essence of my being blackening and congealing into something horrible. I could not allow all the work I had done on myself over the years to attempt to make myself a better person be ruined by material gain, great or small. So, Sunday I left the expo hall early, went to have dinner with my friend and his family and get a little tour of their section of Boston; it was great.
I've worked in cardiology, mental health, and a dozen other various fields of medicine in my time. I share my story partial as catharsis, but I also share it to try and help those who may be like me and maybe give them a little bit of perspective before they degrade to my level.
Check out my YouTube Pinny Arcade Videos!
Casting & Directing for YIIK, Mind: Path to Thalamus, MB Voiceworks
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@brittanylaudavo
Seeing people get capped out of the trading event broke my heart. I'm usually in the first or second group, but I try not to dawdle, I get in and get out because so many other people want to get in there and have fun; seeing people not be able to have fun saddens me. If you need staff pins, I'll gladly either trade you mine 1:1 for whatever, or can help you get them when I go to Prime.
Check out my YouTube Pinny Arcade Videos!
As for the main point of this thread, welcome to my world. Although in my case I immediately gave up on the idea of getting all the pins the second they announced a bunch of 3rd party pins I had no interest in.
But do you know what's good about just going after the pins you want?
You still get to trade for pins you don't have. Sure, you'll still have pins you have to obtain. But when someone offers you a trade for a pin you don't have to have for a pin you were trading anyway, it's a no-brainer.
You get to have that pin for a short while. Maybe you'll realise you don't need to keep it, or decide the opposite. But it was a low stress, low stakes trade and I think those types of interactions are just as fulfilling as say, trading a hundred pins for a DLC.
Pinny Pals Lanyard
Also, having spent (I'm estimating here) about ten solid hours in lines of various sizes with you, you certainly had a brave face on it. You certainly weren't shitty to me or any strangers that wandered by!
Always looking to trade.
Yeah I didn't know they were going to cap the pin trading events
What made me super happy though was when I went to the behemoth booth on day one and saw so many people trading and got to trade with some people and talk to them- I followed someones advice (didn't get the name or handle
Casting & Directing for YIIK, Mind: Path to Thalamus, MB Voiceworks
brittanylauda.com
www.facebook.com/brittanylaudavo
@brittanylaudavo
I know a lot of the veterans will churn through several times, because they enjoy the interactions with people. That's going to hold up the queue, which is an issue. I'll think about this and see if there is something that can be done to make it better at Prime, Aus and for 2016.
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My Digital Pin Lanyard
Yeah, I think that it would be wiser to make it a larger event to account for people who will want to gather to not only trade with staff, but with each other.
Casting & Directing for YIIK, Mind: Path to Thalamus, MB Voiceworks
brittanylauda.com
www.facebook.com/brittanylaudavo
@brittanylaudavo
Then Pinny Arcade blew up. All of a sudden there was not only Prime, but Aus and South sets. And not only PAX sets, but tons of third party pins for things I don't even care about. I own the full Killer Instinct set and I've never even played Killer Instinct. What's the point? I quickly came to terms with the fact that it was not only unfeasible for me to have a full set, but it was not desirable. I still consider myself more than a "casual" pin collector, but not quite "hardcore" either. I went into PAX East this year knowing I wouldn't even bother with Twitch or Overwatch because I knew the lines and stress wouldn't be worth it to me. I'm much happier focusing on pins that mean something to me. This year's East Kemper and limited edition polygon are some of my favorite pins yet, and they're pins that anyone could have gotten. I'll always be interested in the pins related to Penny Arcade (PAX sets, staff sets) and things like D&D, Ellie from TLOU, but I don't need that pin for a game I've never even heard of.
All of that being said, Pinny Arcade is about you and your collection; do what makes you happy! If you enjoy the hunt for every single pin, more power to you. For my sanity (and my wallet) personally, it makes me happier sticking to maybe 2/3 of them.
I would definitely like it if there were a separate (or adjacent) pin trading event that was just for people to trade with each other.
As far as not showing it @SerpicoBC that is reassuring to me. The last thing I want is for someone to have a bad experience associated with pins because of me. Holy crap...yea over the past few months we've sat in a lot of lines together! Not that I'm complaining, I've enjoyed our discussions immensely, but quantifying it by time is a bit suprising. I suppose that's what makes the community so great, passing the time doesn't seen like passing time, it's just hanging out with friends waiting to do cool stuff.
Check out my YouTube Pinny Arcade Videos!
I've found that too. The time adds up, but if you're surrounded by friends, it's certainly not a waste of time.
Heck, one of the nicest things about pin trading is that the hours in the queue line go by so fast. The hobby is social by nature. Pins are as much a sign of camaraderie as they are of brain squirrels.
Always looking to trade.
Another practice I've employed (to great success) is reserving a pin or two every PAX that I'm going to give away for free. I find a new collector or someone with a pin they want that I have (within reason), give it to them, and tell them to pay it forward. This practice helps remind me that being a vulture and focusing solely on "trading up" instead of being social - "having" instead of "doing" - helps no one, not even me. Ultimately, we are fortunate enough to have the focus of our worries be shiny pieces of game-related metal. Hopefully, that realization is enough to kill a few of your squirrels.
My Digital Pin Lanyard || PAX East '13, '14, '15, '19 | PAX South '15
It would've been really nice to see an area right next to the Staff event that they let you go through to trade, where traffic wouldn't be too much of a worry. As someone that wasn't one of the first batch into the trading event, it was a bit annoying to see many people just standing around and doing nothing, esepcially due to the fact that at the time, Twitch was doing a queue for their own pin.
I'm well aware that the main part of this hobby is interacting with others and trading pins. I felt like Prime had a very good set up; let people go in for a set length of time, and then it's time for a new group. If we can somehow add another area specifically for trading/chatting, it would be amazing.
My Digital Pin Lanyard
My Digital Pin Lanyard
Usually now I'm just sticking to cores and easy 3rd parties, life has been fine
http://pinmash.info - Head-To-Head battle of pins! Choose the most desirable.
http://pinnywise.com - iOS pin collection tracking app.
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My Delicious Pins For Trade
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My Digital Pin Lanyard
I do tend to drive a hard bargain when it comes to trades, as that's a big part of the appeal of the hobby for me, but there's certainly no reason to be rude to anyone. With my trusty sash packed to the brim with limited editions, Aus/East 13 pins, and rare partner stuff I was approached by a ton of people at East who were transfixed by some shiny in it -- but only had a handful of fairly common pins to trade. I would let them down gently, and usually back up my response with some useful info about the pin(s) in question (where they came from, why they're so rare, and some examples of other pins with similar value). I also try to redirect their gaze to the more moderate selections / fodder on my lanyard, as I really am always looking for new trades; even if it's something I already have six of for something else I have six of :?
http://pinmash.info - Two pins enter, one pins leaves... then the other pin leaves with a lower Elo rating
I totally understand that. My main point was, and I've said this other places as well, was that we give such a bad name to people who get pins to sell on eBay, but in essence, some of us are doing the same thing. We will purposely collect extras of a pin so that we can trade them off for much higher value.
Personally, I'm in a similar boat as yourself. I enjoy trading, but if I have a bunch of extras of a LE or of something that some may conceive as valuable, and someone actually needs it to complete a collection or even further one, I will usually look the other way and trade it for them. There's no sense in me having 4-5 Carl's if someone else actually NEEDS one.
My Digital Pin Lanyard
I agree whole heartedly. I try and come loose with extras of those beloved ones whenever I can. When I find the guy who thinks Automata is the best thing ever, or the gal who is wearing a Hanna t shirt looking for one of those pins, it's a no brainer. I honestly trade more to get pins out than I do to get pins in. This is unless there's a pin out there I need, then I just start throwing pins at people until I get the pin I need to complete the set.
Check out my YouTube Pinny Arcade Videos!
Pinny Pals Lanyard
Yep! As it stands, I have them all, so once my collecting is done, I usually will just try to give pins out to those who need them.
My Digital Pin Lanyard
[/br]https://www.pinnypals.com/pals/misskass
I met you in the merch line on day one I think!
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We played Heroes of the Storm together!
Trade me pins! - https://pinnypals.com/pals/TheAggroCraig
The fact that two of the Biggest Dudes in Pin Trading (based on whose usernames I see on the site most frequently) remember who I am is giving me the flutteries. Friends! Friends!
(Also I don't think we played Heroes together so much as tried not to die while other people won Heroes for us.)
[/br]https://www.pinnypals.com/pals/misskass
You hear that Craig? We've hit the big time buddy!
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Would you say that we're... pinfamous?
Trade me pins! - https://pinnypals.com/pals/TheAggroCraig
Way to ruin it.
Check out my YouTube Pinny Arcade Videos!
I'm outside her window right now!
..what time does your plane get back in?..
Pinny Pals Lanyard
Get off my lawn you whippersnapper
[/br]https://www.pinnypals.com/pals/misskass