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How likely is the baby his?
19xpress19
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My boyfriend may have gotten a girl pregnant and while we are waiting on the paternity test we are trying to figure out the likelihood that the kid is his. They had sex May 16. I don't know if it affects anything, but her projected due date was sometime in the end of January and she gave birth January 29. He assures me that he used a condom and pulled out as well. She swears that he is the only potential father, but he doesn't believe her on that. She has three other kids by different fathers and he feels like if there was another man involved then she probably picked him out as the father because he has a stable job. There are a few other details that cause us to think that she isn't being truthful about him being the only potential father, but just based off of that, how high are the chances of pregnancy from a one night stand with a condom and withdrawal? Also, for what it's worth, he has seen the baby a few times and says he can't see any of himself, or any of his family for that matter, in the kid. He has fair skin and he says the kid looks darker and darker every time he sees him.
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Did he sign a birth certificate? That's ultimately all that matters to the court if she's after him for child support.
What you do with this information is probably something you should be considering now.
Is this kind of coment necessary?
I'm recalling vague things about people who had done similar things and were held to be responsible for child support later on even though proven not to be the biological father. Though that may have involved them signing the BC.
Even under the best of circumstances, with both parties trying to do right by each other, these sort of verbal agreements can break down for any number of reasons.
IANAL, but I think it would be prudent for your SO to get a basic expert legal consultation; it seems like he would be at a disadvantage if he chose not to get legal counsel because of this verbal agreement & the other party does go get legal counsel because why not?
He should get his ass to some legal consultation (army's got to have some legal services available to give him some context or advice) about this.
I wouldn't fall down the rabbit hole of his opinions of her fidelity, or how dark the baby is. If you want to be sure of paternity, then wait for the test results.
Honestly he was telling her that at first so she wouldn't just suddenly cut him out of her life and years later nail him for not paying child support and to also get her to agree to taking the paternity test. After holding the kid a little, he likes him and thought he would maybe like to be the godfather if it turns out he isn't the father, (which he doesn't want to be.) He doesn't even like the mother- it was a one night stand- so it isn't that he cares for her or anything like that. So yeah, things could potentially get very ugly.
That comes across as a bit of a red flag to me. I'd also be suspicious of his claim that he was using multiple forms of contraception, if I were you.
As for his claim of using multiple forms of contraception, I can't really investigate that, but he has told me several times that he used both methods as well as threw the condom away at his place because he didn't trust her. He doesn't really have too much of a reason to lie to me about that and he also does the same for me everytime so I don't know why he wouldn't have then. So yes, I am wary of it because I can't prove or disprove it, but I do believe him when he says he did all those things.
Edit:
Threw the condom away at his place because he didn't trust her to what? Not wring semen and spermacide from a used condom and then use a turkey baster?
Sounds pretty typical of someone who fancy's themselves a player but is completely oblivious as to how reproduction works. It also sounds like the what someone says when they're being full of shit. Who drives home with used condoms in their pocket?
Extricate yourself from this situation.
Edit2: Every time someone says they pulled out as though it's a valid method of birth control I feel like punching them in the ding dong.
First, no one does this. Used condoms are disgusting and no one is going to take a used condom to somehow use it to concieve. Similarly, no one is going to hang onto a condom "just in case" because who knows? That girl I just slept with might, I don't know, empty it and get a turkey baster and go wild. That's 99% likely bonkers and you probably already know that.
Lets set all that aside though.
Your boyfriend slept with someone not you. Maybe you weren't dating at the time. Maybe you have an open relationship. Either way, the problem here isn't a matter of "is the child his or not" but what are you feeling, how are you reacting, and how will this impact what you want and need in either situation. If the boyfriend does end up being the parent, which seems likely given the way he is reacting and the strange timeframe he is giving you... where does that leave you? Do you want to be involved with him as a father to another woman's child? Does that potentially bother you? It's fine if so! How is the way your boyfriend is reacting to this impacting you? Is he being honest, or smarmy about it? Do you want to stay with him even knowing that he knocked up someone else?
Or, having seen him in his crisis, is he the man you thought he was? Is he something you think you should stick with?
If the child is his is, again, ultimately immaterial at this point. What you do with this information, how it makes you feel, how he is dealing with it in relation to you. That is what is important. If he is or is not really doesn't matter until you know, and even then you already have a lot to chew on just by encountering this. Think on what you want. Not on if the child is his.
Raincoat and Pulled Out would be 90:1
Rubber Meets The Load would be like 25:1
Bareback Attack RETREAT!!! 3:1
No Glover Nutted In Her would be 6:5
to add advice to this so its compliant
He's fuckign lying, drop his ass.
A bit off topic, but the failure rates for the withdrawal method really aren't that different from several other common contraceptive methods. It has a bad reputation but it's not especially ineffective in practice.
I don't think this is true. A near 30% failure rate if not done perfectly every time that gets worse the less experienced someone is. Seems pretty awful to me.
In the context of this post, its just some shit her boyfriend said. I'd almost give odds he didn't use a condom based on the silliness of the story. Someone who thinks you can dribble old sperm out of a condom to trap a man with a baby isn't a reliable source when it comes to, "I totally pulled out too!"
Edit: I will concede with mature adults who know their bodies pulling out isn't that bad.
I honestly don't know how common of a thing it is, (most likely not that common,) but you do know that a few women have tried and sometimes succeeded from that, right? About a year ago I had a boyfriend that took the condom with him, he just wrapped it up and stuck it in his bag to throw away at his place. We didn't date long after that because lack of trust there kinda sucks, but that's beside the point.
Like I said in one of the other posts on here, he used a condom and pulls out when we have sex and I'd say his pull out is pretty strong. Again, I can't exactly say if he really did or didn't use a condom, but he originally said he did and then continued to say he did when we were trying to figure out the likelihood of everything even though I didn't ask if he did or did not. He's been so firm on the fact that he just doesn't think the kid is his and the other woman is lying that I'm apt to believe that he is telling the truth. Although I'm not so naive to say that there is no way he is lying about it.
and then 9 months later he says: "I held my potential son tonight. I don't want him to be my son, but I love my son, but on top of all that I don't think he is mine."
your boyfriend sounds like someone you should leave.
And why do you think that? I'm not trying to start an argument or anything like that. I just want to know what it is on here that's making you think that. Because if you say you think he's lying about the methods of birth control used, (which is completely fair for you to say,) then I'll have to respectfully disagree with you there. But if it's something not quite so obvious then that gives me something to consider.
Edit: No insult intended. You seem young. Ridiculous situations like this are part of gaining experience. The trick is gaining the experience without being a sucker or ruining your life too badly.
Like I said, every time we have sex he uses a condom and pulls out. So at least for him it isn't so far-fetched of an idea. As for driving away with the condom, he said she was super sketchy. I haven't met this girl, but it's not unheard of for men to do that. A little strange and not super common, sure, but not implausible.
That was only part of the text, he was talking about how messed up his head was and the weird place he was at mentally. I mean, when you hold a newborn that could potentially be yours when you really don't want him to be, that's probably going to cause some dissonant thoughts. I know, leaving would be the easy thing to do. But for some personal reasons, at the moment it's not what I'm going to do.
According to the CDC, it's 22% for typical use and 4% for perfect use. That's better than spermicide (28% typical, 18% perfect), roughly the same as female condoms (21% typical, 5% perfect), and only slightly worse than male condoms (18% typical, 2% perfect use). Now, assuming OP's boyfriend was telling the truth and nothing went wrong, that would mean there's a 0.08% chance of pregnancy if he had been sleeping with this other girl for a full year. Even with typical use, it'd be just under 4%.
My point is this; the odds are not good that this child is OP's boyfriend's if he's being truthful. It's not impossible, but it's not likely at all.
If he's not being truthful, then that's an entirely different problem.
It's probably his kid because he's going to the hospital to hold it. If he really thought it wasn't his, he wouldn't be doing that.
He didn't go see the actual birth, he hadn't even seen the girl since the night they had sex, she would just text him all these things about him being the father and if he was excited, as well as send pictures of sonograms. He truly doesn't believe he is the father. And if he's lying and knows he is and isn't telling me for whatever reason, he is doing a really, really good job with it. I do see where you're coming from with that, but I'm honestly going to give him the benefit of being in such a weird position.
None taken, and I'm 21. So yeah, I've never dealt with anything like this before. I'm kinda lost as to what to do if the kid is his, but I do believe what he's said about why he doesn't think it's his. I'm honestly trying to think like the kid is his though that way I won't be shocked if the test comes back positive. And if it comes back negative then we can just move on with our lives. But I don't want it to be true, so I'm trying to figure out the chances that it isn't, which are apparently very, very small. Of course that's if he is telling the truth.
I'm inclined to also not believe he hadn't talked to or seen this person yet still got texts. He's playing all the angles. There are a ton of people who do this. I'm not sure what's so hard to believe.
I'm sure he's telling the other girl he doesn't really want to be with you but he's afraid to hurt you.
So my calculations were actually a little high, that's good to know. Thanks for giving me all the statistics, that does make me feel better about the situation. I just wish I knew the results now. Of course like you said, that's if he's being truthful. I've said it many times on here, but I do believe he was. If he wasn't, then there are going to be a lot more problems at hand then him possibly having a kid.
I'm pretty sure he is sincere in his hatred of her. His body tenses and his voice changes, and overall he just gets frustrated and angry any time he talks about her. I'm also pretty sure he hadn't seen her since because it got to the point where she would send him texts saying she was going into labor, (falsely,) just because he wouldn't talk to her and that was the only way to get a response out of him. I actually did read these texts and I was there when he got them. Of course, I know there could be some elaborate deception at hand, but he's going to extreme lengths to keep me in his life if he doesn't actually want to be with me.
Lots of people say and do lots of things to keep someone around they can have sex with. This situation is actually common enough I've seen it occur with multiple friends. At 21 I would literally say fuck this and leave, doubly so for dating someone else who is 21 and in the military.
Edit: Deleting some texts or even having a second phone isn't some extraordinary complicated measure.
Just as a side point, I wouldn't have sex with him until we'd been dating for several months and he knew that going into the relationship, so if he wanted someone to have sex with he probably could have found someone to give it to him off the bat. Just my take on it. Also, I don't go through his phone, that just seems wrong to me and I won't get so consumed with mistrust that I would. So even if he is deleting messages it wouldn't matter. The messages that I saw where when I was using his phone. He never got upset or nervous when I would see them. As for the second phone, I very seriously doubt it for a variety of reasons.
Edit: I'm completely aware that he could be a lying cheater, but he also very well might not be.
Tell your best friend what you've told us, I'm sure he or she knows you well enough to give you advice about this whole thing. It might be a better perspective.
Also an important detail. Who is having the paternity test done? It is not unheard of to fabricate a paternity test. It's as simple as creating some letterhead that looks legit using a sturdy paper and typing he is the father sign someone's sig put dr before it and print.