[Cards Against Humanity] TRV wins and wrecks it for everyone else.

chamberlain

That is certainly the longest entry I have ever seen @Anialos . I am pleased that I did not need to choose the winner.

@Sir Fabulous @Gizzy @Cog @Egos @Cythraul @Heffling

If Snidely Whiplash were modern and disgusting. And, well, a Baron:

Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von _____!

chamberlain

@Cythraul Just because it is the end of the world as we know it does not mean your CaH responsibilities are no longer valid. On the contrary, we need filthy internet card games now more than ever.

Egos

CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY, MAN! IT DOENS'T MATTER IF AN OOMPA LOOMPA IS IN CHARGE NOW ;-)

Cythraul

Sorry, just trying to fix the Canadian immigration webpage, it's been breaking for some reason...

chamberlain

@Anialos tell us who your childhood hero was!

(Heffling is on hiatus for another day so you have one fewer to choose from)

Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von Obesity! (Sir Fabulous)
Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von Stank dick! (Egos)
Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von Growing a pair! (Cythraul)
Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von Nipple blades! (Gizzy)
Yes, it is I, the world's most dangerous supervillain: Baron Von Chloroform! (Cog )

Anialos

Terribly appropriate....Baron Von Chloroform!

chamberlain

And @Cog has given us a small, unpleasant window into his dating life.

@Anialos @Sir Fabulous @Egos @Cythraul @Gizzy @Heffling

Can you believe America's Funniest Videos is still on? Who needs that when you have YouTube click bait like:

You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious ____ Bloopers!

chamberlain

Looks like @Cog forgot to clear his YouTube history. Now he has to admit the he actually watched all of these:

You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife Bloopers! (Egos)
You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Ezekiel 23:20: "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses." Bloopers! (Anialos)
You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Foreskin Bloopers! (Heffling)
You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Seppuku Bloopers! (Sir Fabulous )
You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Crippling social anxiety Bloopers! (Cyhtraul)
You Won't Believe These 15 Hilarious Driving into a tornado to learn about tornadoes Bloopers! (Gizzy)

Cog

Nothing gets the kids laughing like botched ritual suicide! Bring on the Hilarious Seppuku Bloopers!

chamberlain

Funny thing about seppuku bloopers: you can only do it once. @Sir Fabulous gets the Looney Tunes reference, right?



On with the show!

@Cog @Egos @Anialos @Heffling @Cythraul @Gizzy

I feel kind of funny...

What did I bring back from Mexico?

chamberlain

@Sir Fabulous is all about souvenirs from Mexico, be they dubiously transmitted or 'legitimately' purchased.

What did I bring back from Mexico? A whole baby. (Cythraul)
What did I bring back from Mexico? My constituents. (Anialos)
What did I bring back from Mexico? A wall built by American and paid for by Americans to keep Americans out of Mexico. (Heffling)
What did I bring back from Mexico? A man from Craigslist. (Cog )
What did I bring back from Mexico? TWENTY MILLION U.S. DOLLARS. (Egos)
What did I bring back from Mexico? The hardworking Mexican. (Gizzy)

Sir Fabulous

Pwuf. Some of these are a little real after last week.

Anyway, I don't think any hard-working, self-respecting Mexican would want to go to America right now.

A man from Craigslist, however...

chamberlain

And @Cog continues his dominance. Looks like all the polls were wrong. We'll see how many of his campaign promises he can keep.

Speaking of campaign promises:

@Sir Fabulous @Cythraul @Anialos @Heffling @Egos @Gizzy

Utah is considering the legalization of _____.

Cog

I'm just Making CAH Great Again.

chamberlain

@Cog what down ticket option excited you the most?

Utah is considering the legalization of Mushy tushy. (Gizzy)
Utah is considering the legalization of Lots and lots of abortions. (Heffling)
Utah is considering the legalization of Being blind and deaf and having no limbs. (Anialos)
Utah is considering the legalization of Taking a shit while running at full speed. (Egos)
Utah is considering the legalization of A low standard of living. (Sir Fabulous)
Utah is considering the legalization of Committing suicide at the Old Country Buffet. (Cythraul )

Cog

A low standard of living is already super legal in Utah, so it follows that the next logical step is Committing suicide at the Old Country Buffet.

chamberlain

@Cythraul knows the pain of multiple spouses. Death at the salad bar is a sweet, sweet release. Enjoy your points in the afterlife of your choosing.

@Cog @Gizzy @Heffling @Anialos @Egos @Sir Fabulous

I swear this is a random card. The gods of CaH have a cruel sense of humor:

If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House?

chamberlain

Come on, feel the Bern @Sir Fabulous

chamberlain

CaH waits for no man.

@Cythraul take us to your political safe place.

If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House? Special musical guest, Cher. (Cog)
If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House? My soul. (Anialos)
If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House? Penis envy. (Egos)
If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House? The sweet song of sword against sword and the braying of mighty war beasts. (Heffling)
If he were elected president, what would Bernie Sanders bring to the White House? Hope. (Gizzy )

Cythraul

The agony of choice.

Do I pick the one that made me laugh, or the one that I feel is the correct answer?

Cythraul

Before I think about it much more, I'll go with Hope.

Cythraul

Can we go back to making me laugh now instead of feel?

Heffling

As my answer isn't Hope, yes.

chamberlain

@Gizzy liked all that hopey changey stuff. At this point, who could blame her.

@Cythraul @Cog @Anialos @Egos @Heffling @Sir Fabulous

The high school in my area is superior to the high school in your area. Why?

The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is _____.

Sir Fabulous

Oh dammit. I can't believe I got notifications twice and told myself to remember later.

chamberlain

Come on @Egos what do you have against high school?

Everyone had a great time in high school, right?

chamberlain

@Gizzy spent a lot of time on the yearbook committee and was able to get just what she wanted for a mascot:

The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is Moses gargling Jesus's balls while Shiva and the Buddha penetrate his divine hand holes. (Cog )
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is The eighth graders. (Heffling)
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is The boner hatch in the Iron Man suit. (Egos)
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is A shit-ton of glitter. (Cythraul)
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse. (Sir Fabulous)
The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is A pizza guy who fucked up. (Anialos)

Gizzy

The first one left quite the image in my mind and I can't even bring myself to type it out. But that's the one I choose.

chamberlain

It's a, uh, a very progressive school. And with that gem @cog is one point away from victory!

@Gizzy @Heffling @Egos @Cythraul @Sir Fabulous @Anialos

Why is Jon Stewart really retiring?

...especially now when we need him the most. John Oliver is good but not quite good enough.

chamberlain

Looks like @Gizzy has started her Thanksgiving break early.

chamberlain

@Cog just talked to Jon Stewart on the phone. Really. And do you know what he learned?

Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? Racist ninjas. (Egos )
Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? The male gaze. (Anialos)
Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? Completely uninspired by the next presidential race, he wanted to instead hang out with cog and watch videos of Fenton. (Gizzy)
Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? A sense of resignation. (Cythraul)
Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? Sugar madness. (Heffling)
Why is Jon Stewart really retiring? Pretending to have the hiccups. (Sir Fabulous)

Cog

While I appreciate the attempt of trying to kiss my ass with the blank card, the obvious answer is Racist ninjas.

Gizzy

Booooo

Cythraul

Fenton!!!

chamberlain

Racist ninjas could explain so much of what is terrible now. Trump/Pence? Racist ninjas. Climate change? Racist ninjas. Pluto no longer a planet? Racist ninjas. @Egos knows what is really going on.

@Cog @Anialos @Gizzy @Cythraul @Heffling @Sir Fabulous

Why can't I sleep at night?

Racist ninjas works for this one, too.

chamberlain

I am so, so tired. And it might be @Egos fault.

Why can't I sleep at night? A tiny horse. (Cog)
Why can't I sleep at night? Teaching a girl how to handjob the penis. (Heffling)
Why can't I sleep at night? Nonstop helicoptering. (Cythraul)
Why can't I sleep at night? Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin. (Gizzy)
Why can't I sleep at night? The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East. (Anialos )
Why can't I sleep at night? Vikings. (Sir Fabulous)

Egos

The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East


seems....about right.

Not that I don't appreciate the idea that someone would be up all night trying to figure out how to have sex with a dolphin.

chamberlain

Leave it to @Anialos to ruin our evenings by worrying about real life problems instead of how to have sex with a dolphin. Can't we do both?

@Egos @Cog @Heffling @Cythraul @Gizzy @Sir Fabulous

Remember be awful to your friends and family today! Nothing says thanksgiving like CaH played with a mild turkey and wine buzz.

_____ is way better in ______ mode.

chamberlain

CaH is better in indigestion mode. Or not. I'll leave that up to @Anialos

A blanket with a hole in it is way better in A dick so big and so black that not even light can escape its pull mode. (Heffling)
Filling a man's anus with concrete is way better in Assless chaps mode. (Egos)
A dumpster fire is way better in Bullets mode. (Gizzy)
Casting Magic Missile at a bully is way better in No survivors mode. (Cog)
When you fart and a little bit comes out is way better in Explosive decompression mode. (Cythrual)
Eating together like a god damn family for once is way better in Incest mode. (Sir Fabulous )

Anialos

Eating out together like a family? Winner.