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I can't really see a good ending out of this situation (Guy friend and girl)

PeasPeas Registered User regular
in Help / Advice Forum
Guy friend befriends a girl who seems depressed and tries to cheer her up, which works
Guy fiend started attending school, got a girlfriend, sees the girl less frequently
Girl is depressed and suicidal, cheers up immediately upon seeing friend
Guy friend feels guilty and is worried that girl will do something if he's not around
Girl doesn't not talk to her family and doesn't have any other friends to fall back on


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This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully

Posts

  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Can I ask what your role is in this situation?

    Because the advice I'd give the guy (Stay friends, but know that you can't be singularly responsible for the mental well being of another human being) is going to be far different from what I'd give the girl (get counseling, build a social support structure) and that's going to be far different than what I'd give a third party observer who's close to the situation (pass on the above information to the respective parties, maybe introduce the girl to an expanded social circle to see if that would aid in building a support structure).

  • PeasPeas Registered User regular
    I am pretty much an outsider who got told about this from the guy friend, i gave the same advice to the guy friend but i have no idea how to reach out to the girl who i am not familar with

    dtut8lw8na2y.png
    This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    Okay first off, guy friend is under no obligation to keep her in a healthy headspace. He's got his own life to worry about without being responsible for hers.

    Second, girl friend needs a support network who isn't just this one guy. It takes several people to help a person in that state. If guy friend wants to help her, it should be to introduce her to more people so that she can get the kind of emotional support, camaraderie and material help that will start making a positive impact on her emotional state without causing support fatigue to the people around her.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    He's not her friend, he's her drug. If he stops seeing her she will find another person to be her drug. Plus: he doesn't have to deal with it or feel (or be) responsible for what she does because she is a grown ass woman. Minus: it's really terribly unhealthy for her whether he stays or she finds someone else.

    In my opinion he should cut ties at least for a while, because as long as she has the hope of seeing him this is what things are going to be, and what he's going to hear when he sees her. If he feels cutting ties is inappropriate to the situation, maybe he can stop tolerating the bits of conversation where she talks about this, and at least get some distance. I have been on both sides and they both suck a whole lot for both parties, but growth can't happen like this and he's not doing her any favors by staying involved with her on that level.

    I know that sounds really harsh. It is. But she needs help that he can't give her, and letting her lean on him like that will provide the stopgap she needs to keep putting it off.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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Penny Arcade Forums› Help / Advice Forum