Coworker avoiding me?

Zython

So a couple weeks ago, I asked a coworker out to the movies. She was busy the day I was available, but she did express interest in doing it some other time. However, I haven't had a good chance to try again, what with the holidays and all.

Flashforward to this week, and I notice that she's been acting colder to me. She doesn't really acknowledge my presence as she used to, and her body language is more closed-off. My demeanor to her hasn't changed in the past weeks, and I only noticed this this week. I don't think I've done anything to offend her, creep her out, or otherwise make her uncomfortable. Plus, the timing of this is extremely strange (if this were right after I asked her out, that would make way more sense). I'm fine with the idea of her not seeing me in that way, but I really don't want her to avoid or resent me.

I'm not sure what I should do in this scenario. Should I ask her about it, or should I just give her space for a few weeks and see what happens? Am I just being paranoid?

Rainfall

Zython wrote: »

So a couple weeks ago, I asked a coworker out to the movies. She was busy the day I was available, but she did express interest in doing it some other time. However, I haven't had a good chance to try again, what with the holidays and all.

Flashforward to this week, and I notice that she's been acting colder to me. She doesn't really acknowledge my presence as she used to, and her body language is more closed-off. My demeanor to her hasn't changed in the past weeks, and I only noticed this this week. I don't think I've done anything to offend her, creep her out, or otherwise make her uncomfortable. Plus, the timing of this is extremely strange (if this were right after I asked her out, that would make way more sense). I'm fine with the idea of her not seeing me in that way, but I really don't want her to avoid or resent me.

I'm not sure what I should do in this scenario. Should I ask her about it, or should I just give her space for a few weeks and see what happens? Am I just being paranoid?

Give her space, leave her alone.

Xaquin

ball is in her court. just act like you would normally and don't bring it up again.

zepherin

A lot of people have a rule about getting involved with folks at work for this reason.
Things get weird, let it go.

I know you were cool before, but she has had a change of heart. Don't bother her, there is the potential for severe workplace consequences.

Don't be that guy.

Zython

I mean, I haven’t brought it up since I asked about a month ago. But yeah, giving her space sounds like a good idea.

Straygatsby

We can't read your interactions in person, so don't take this as actual advice for this situation - just more anecdotal/general: "busy" is a pretty classic way for people less inclined to deal with conflict (or seeking to preserve a good platonic vibe) to say "no, thank you." If she wanted to go out, she probably would not have been busy.

That sounds a little rough, but I don't mean it to. It's easy for us omnipotent internet forum weirdos to take a stab at real human interaction quarterbacking, buuuut it kinda sounds like this might be...that, so...yeah.

Zython

Straygatsby wrote: »

We can't read your interactions in person, so don't take this as actual advice for this situation - just more anecdotal/general: "busy" is a pretty classic way for people less inclined to deal with conflict (or seeking to preserve a good platonic vibe) to say "no, thank you." If she wanted to go out, she probably would not have been busy.

That sounds a little rough, but I don't mean it to. It's easy for us omnipotent internet forum weirdos to take a stab at real human interaction quarterbacking, buuuut it kinda sounds like this might be...that, so...yeah.

Well, she gave me a specific, falsifiable work-related reason. I think she would have been more vague if that were her intention.

But I have certainly taken that possibility into consideration, which is why I’ve been hesitant to bring it up since.

Again, I have absolutely zero problem with her not being interested in me like that. Right now, that’s the least of my concerns. Taking rejection poorly is a road I went down a LONG time ago, and one I don’t care to retread.

Cambiata

All the advice here sounds good. Whether she's acting weird because she had a change of heart or because she was never really comfortable with dating a coworker, your actions should be the same: just continuing to act normal at work, not bringing it up, and giving her space is the right way to go.

SmokeStacks

If you ask a woman out to the movies on Thursday and she says she's busy on Thursday that means no. If she says she's busy on Thursday but free on Saturday that's a green light.

Be careful with making advances on people at work, it's a weird position to put someone in because if they aren't interested they still have to see you on a regular basis and it sucks when you're forced into an awkward situation in a place you spend 40 hours a week at. A good rule of thumb is to never ask anyone out romantically if you are at work or if they are at work.

Zython

Sounds like it's a unanimous consensus for "give her space". Definitely a good plan of action (or plan of inaction, I guess). Hopefully, this can blow over in a few weeks/months.

Preacher

Could also just be the holidays. I know for me I always feel less socially inclined near the holidays. Especially if her immediate family sucks. Just give her time, space, and act completely professional, I'm sure you'll be back to talking about avocado toast in no time.

Nobeard

Keep in mind that human social interactions can be damn near quantum physics levels of complicated and counterintuitive. There is very often no good choice, just least bad ones. I agree with everyone else that the advice to give space and act professional is the best option here, but I would add to have no expectations, good or bad, of outcomes.

Zython

Preacher wrote: »

Could also just be the holidays. I know for me I always feel less socially inclined near the holidays. Especially if her immediate family sucks. Just give her time, space, and act completely professional, I'm sure you'll be back to talking about avocado toast in no time.

I hate avocados, though.