I get three separate bonuses of varying amounts and a raise this year. One bonus because the company did well last year, one bonus because the mother company is celebration it's 180th anniversary and one for being with the company for 10 years. And the 4,3% raise the union negotiated.
Not a bad year.
+49
DaimarA Million Feet Tall of AwesomeRegistered Userregular
Delightful co-worker, good to know that you wouldn't be in today if you didn't have these deadlines...now keep your door closed you plague victim.
I'm in that annoying zone where I'm well enough to be at work but I sound like an irate sea lion and we have an open office. To add irritation to injury, my plans for the week (which were to sit antisocially in a basement making a robot do repetitive tasks) have been derailed by somebody else needing the basement for their stupid robot, so I can't even work from isolation.
I can probably get by if I take about twenty puffs of Albuterol every hour. Let's see if I can get a pharmacist to sell me a six pack.
I had shit I was going to get done today damn it! Now I'm a wreck of shivers, shakes and running to the restroom.
So you're still getting shit done?
Sorry, Hopefully you'll feel better soon.
+6
RobonunIt's all fun and games until someone pisses off ChinaRegistered Userregular
Our Civil Air Patrol squadron's regularly scheduled meeting has been pre-empted for A Very Special Episode of How To Handle An Active Shooter Situation. I am noping out of that so hard you can see a little smoke outline of where I was standing a few seconds ago. It is irresponsible of me and I have failed at adulting, but goddammit I cannot deal with how they're going to treat a shooting like a fire, or an earthquake, or a tornado. One of these things is not like the others! One of these things is different, you see! However, we've been told right upfront that CAP is apolitical, and so I just have to choke on my opinions on the matter. Therefore I feel certain that I will be at best as useful as a chocolate teapot, and at worst a detriment. So I'm going grocery shopping after work instead of putting on my BDUs and being a leaderish type like I should be.
Oh right, Job Thread. Um...our document management system keeps breaking in new and interesting ways?
I decided to allow myself to take a 5 minute breather for myself at the local coffee shop, rather than rush home. I've had so much on my plate for the past two weeks (and now for at least an additional week), I've felt like I've been buzzing constantly from the stress. A lot of it is good stress, but it's still way more than I'm used to, and is mixed with various anxieties and "what-ifs"...to the point where I'm having a hard time eating enough in a day (and I love food! I am never like this!).
A minute or two after I'd sat down to try to calm myself down, an older gentleman comes over and I realize that the opposite empty chair at my table had a coat on it and it was his - I had assumed it was the coat of the person sitting at the next table. I apologized and said I'm happy to move, and he smiled and slowly waved me off saying "no no! It is fine. I am here to amuse you!" He sat down and immediately apologized for his English, telling me he was from Ethiopia and his teachers had been British, so it was hard to understand Americans because they speak quickly and pronounce words differently. I told him his English was very good (it really was!) and that I would try to speak more slowly for him. He told me I was fine, smiled again, waved me off and said my English was very clear. We got to chatting, and he asked if I was a student. I smiled and told him no, I was an artist! He got very surprised and pointed to himself "oh!! I am an artist too!" so we showed each other our work on our phones. We talked about art, writing, and our love of dogs, and how funny it was that we happened to meet each other. Apparently we both only live a short distance away from this shop, we'd just never seen each other (probably also because it's a little earlier than I typically visit :P ). I told him after some time that I had to return home to work on an art test for a job, but I was very happy to meet him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves - he said he was very glad to meet me and hopes to see me again in the future.
It was so nice!! Such a nice exchange with a kind older stranger, another artist too. It definitely made me feel so much calmer - I feel way better now than I did before. The universe did good! On to work!
My wife got a job interview with a company in Seattle. I'm going to cross all my fingers and toes because that would be the dream. We could both leave our trash fire jobs and get out of this shitty state.
I decided to allow myself to take a 5 minute breather for myself at the local coffee shop, rather than rush home. I've had so much on my plate for the past two weeks (and now for at least an additional week), I've felt like I've been buzzing constantly from the stress. A lot of it is good stress, but it's still way more than I'm used to, and is mixed with various anxieties and "what-ifs"...to the point where I'm having a hard time eating enough in a day (and I love food! I am never like this!).
A minute or two after I'd sat down to try to calm myself down, an older gentleman comes over and I realize that the opposite empty chair at my table had a coat on it and it was his - I had assumed it was the coat of the person sitting at the next table. I apologized and said I'm happy to move, and he smiled and slowly waved me off saying "no no! It is fine. I am here to amuse you!" He sat down and immediately apologized for his English, telling me he was from Ethiopia and his teachers had been British, so it was hard to understand Americans because they speak quickly and pronounce words differently. I told him his English was very good (it really was!) and that I would try to speak more slowly for him. He told me I was fine, smiled again, waved me off and said my English was very clear. We got to chatting, and he asked if I was a student. I smiled and told him no, I was an artist! He got very surprised and pointed to himself "oh!! I am an artist too!" so we showed each other our work on our phones. We talked about art, writing, and our love of dogs, and how funny it was that we happened to meet each other. Apparently we both only live a short distance away from this shop, we'd just never seen each other (probably also because it's a little earlier than I typically visit :P ). I told him after some time that I had to return home to work on an art test for a job, but I was very happy to meet him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves - he said he was very glad to meet me and hopes to see me again in the future.
It was so nice!! Such a nice exchange with a kind older stranger, another artist too. It definitely made me feel so much calmer - I feel way better now than I did before. The universe did good! On to work!
I have stories like that from my father, being ever ready to show someone kindness will make life better.
This job application questionnaire has a "tell us a funny joke" section.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
This job application questionnaire has a "tell us a funny joke" section.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
I keep a couple of all ages jokes in memory for just such occasions. Such gems as 'Why did the sea monster eat three barges carrying potatoes? You can't east just one potato ship.'
+17
Jacques L'HommeBAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered Userregular
This job application questionnaire has a "tell us a funny joke" section.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
I keep a couple of all ages jokes in memory for just such occasions. Such gems as 'Why did the sea monster eat three barges carrying potatoes? You can't east just one potato ship.'
We’re all familiar with the story of why Six was afraid of Seven, sure, but do you know why he ate Nine in the first place? Because he knew the importance of three squared meals a day.
+30
DaimarA Million Feet Tall of AwesomeRegistered Userregular
This job application questionnaire has a "tell us a funny joke" section.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
I keep a couple of all ages jokes in memory for just such occasions. Such gems as 'Why did the sea monster eat three barges carrying potatoes? You can't east just one potato ship.'
We’re all familiar with the story of why Six was afraid of Seven, sure, but do you know why he ate Nine in the first place? Because he knew the importance of three squared meals a day.
I don't hate you, I hate that joke.
0
Librarian's ghostLibrarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSporkRegistered Userregular
My school’s basketball team is going to state for the first time since the 90’s.
This job application questionnaire has a "tell us a funny joke" section.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
My secret reserve joke might not work well in print.
There's a kid and his mom, and the kid's been playing outside. Apropos of nothing, the kid asks "Mom, is God everywhere?"
"Sure," says his Mom.
"Is God in my stomach?"
"I guess?" she says.
"God wants a banana."
+17
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Normally when I go to lunch with colleagues, I like to drive cause I like my car. Walking is out of the question cause nowhere is nearby. Today however I rode in my coworker’s car and, despite coworker just recently buying it, the car smells bad. I had to deal with his funky car to and from lunch.
This concludes my lunchtime drive story.
I used that one in a job interview;during high school, to work in a restaurant. The manager in question was so confused by that joke that the interview stopped cold while I explained it to him and had to use an umbrella as a stand in for the bar.
I did not get that job. And the sudden introspection provided by retelling this story makes me feel incredibly happy I didn’t.
Switch Friend Code: 6359-7575-9391
+31
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
My first instinct would be to tell Norm McDonald's moth joke, but that might be revealing entirely too much about myself to a prospective employer.
+5
Librarian's ghostLibrarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSporkRegistered Userregular
My go to is, "what is the inside temperature of a TaunTaun." "Luke Warm."
"Did you know that over in Europe there is a forest spirit called a huldra? It takes the shape of a beautiful woman with a hole in her back that was hollow, she would sometimes trick people into following her to their doom. It was a pretty well-known folklore tale a couple hundred years ago and people would sometimes check a woman they met in the woods, just to make sure she ain't no hollow back girl."
+20
Librarian's ghostLibrarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSporkRegistered Userregular
My go to is, "what is the inside temperature of a TaunTaun." "Luke Warm."
Also pretty revealing, but much less so than Norm MacDonald's material.
Fun fact. During my student teaching I had a kindergartner tell me that joke. It was even more hilarious from a tiny little kid voice that was super proud of telling that joke.
Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
"Did you know that over in Europe there is a forest spirit called a huldra? It takes the shape of a beautiful woman with a hole in her back that was hollow, she would sometimes trick people into following her to their doom. It was a pretty well-known folklore tale a couple hundred years ago and people would sometimes check a woman they met in the woods, just to make sure she ain't no hollow back girl."
Having people today telling me how hard it is to find work in Washington and that it's best to have a job before we move.
Which is fine except... our move is kind of set in stone and beyond our control, and with 2 kids at home I can't really afford either the time or money to fly up for interviews, and many companies won't even consider you if you're out of state if you're not a specialist in your field.
Posts
Not a bad year.
I can probably get by if I take about twenty puffs of Albuterol every hour. Let's see if I can get a pharmacist to sell me a six pack.
I'm reminded of the PATV series where someone told a racist joke or something like that during the hiring process.
And making sure your dad isn't applying, I guess.
I had shit I was going to get done today damn it! Now I'm a wreck of shivers, shakes and running to the restroom.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: The rooster.
So you're still getting shit done?
Sorry, Hopefully you'll feel better soon.
Oh right, Job Thread. Um...our document management system keeps breaking in new and interesting ways?
A minute or two after I'd sat down to try to calm myself down, an older gentleman comes over and I realize that the opposite empty chair at my table had a coat on it and it was his - I had assumed it was the coat of the person sitting at the next table. I apologized and said I'm happy to move, and he smiled and slowly waved me off saying "no no! It is fine. I am here to amuse you!" He sat down and immediately apologized for his English, telling me he was from Ethiopia and his teachers had been British, so it was hard to understand Americans because they speak quickly and pronounce words differently. I told him his English was very good (it really was!) and that I would try to speak more slowly for him. He told me I was fine, smiled again, waved me off and said my English was very clear. We got to chatting, and he asked if I was a student. I smiled and told him no, I was an artist! He got very surprised and pointed to himself "oh!! I am an artist too!" so we showed each other our work on our phones. We talked about art, writing, and our love of dogs, and how funny it was that we happened to meet each other. Apparently we both only live a short distance away from this shop, we'd just never seen each other (probably also because it's a little earlier than I typically visit :P ). I told him after some time that I had to return home to work on an art test for a job, but I was very happy to meet him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves - he said he was very glad to meet me and hopes to see me again in the future.
It was so nice!! Such a nice exchange with a kind older stranger, another artist too.
Me: Yes. We all are.
Circ clerk: :mad:
You grump.
Well, he has gone home. Thank goodness for a bit of sanity.
I have stories like that from my father, being ever ready to show someone kindness will make life better.
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=16534
I can say with confidence that I would be 100% ready for this application question. Kinda bummed this isn’t on more applications if for no other reason than to spread the wealth of jokes I’ve stored in my brain in place of actually important and useful information.
I keep a couple of all ages jokes in memory for just such occasions. Such gems as 'Why did the sea monster eat three barges carrying potatoes? You can't east just one potato ship.'
Because he knew the importance of three squared meals a day.
I don't hate you, I hate that joke.
My secret reserve joke might not work well in print.
There's a kid and his mom, and the kid's been playing outside. Apropos of nothing, the kid asks "Mom, is God everywhere?"
"Sure," says his Mom.
"Is God in my stomach?"
"I guess?" she says.
"God wants a banana."
This concludes my lunchtime drive story.
I used that one in a job interview;during high school, to work in a restaurant. The manager in question was so confused by that joke that the interview stopped cold while I explained it to him and had to use an umbrella as a stand in for the bar.
I did not get that job. And the sudden introspection provided by retelling this story makes me feel incredibly happy I didn’t.
Also pretty revealing, but much less so than Norm MacDonald's material.
Fun fact. During my student teaching I had a kindergartner tell me that joke. It was even more hilarious from a tiny little kid voice that was super proud of telling that joke.
What's red and sticky?
Booooo!
I am stealing the shit out of this.
Which is fine except... our move is kind of set in stone and beyond our control, and with 2 kids at home I can't really afford either the time or money to fly up for interviews, and many companies won't even consider you if you're out of state if you're not a specialist in your field.
And then they hired that person.