My girlfriend thinks I'm lying but I'm not

verolixon85verolixon85 Registered User new member
My girlfriend thinks I'm lying but I'm not.

Me and my girlfriend. Let's call her Z, earlier today we had a big fight. I live in England and she lives in Asia.
We were talking about ID needed for passport and we pretty much finished the subject to my knowledge. So I asked what this guy said. She translated and didn't seem irritated. She is the most loyal kind caring girl this I know for certain.

Later on she asks me why I was so curious what he said. I just said I dunno, why? She's asking again in a super mad voice why I was so curious, over and over. Turned into a big fight. I didn't even think I needed a reason to ask cos we tell eachother everything. And never before has she acted like this. Anyway she wasn't satisfied with any of my answers. What answer even is there? I don't know what answer she was looking for? It's a normal question..
It ended as an agree to disagree situation.

I just feel like the fight has pushed us apart a little. We have always been honest with eachother completely and fully intend to marry. But I feel like she doesn't completely trust me now. Knowing shes gonna always think i lied about that when I never did is killing me.
How can I show her I'm being honest if all she does is think I'm lying about it? She wants to bury it and not discuss it. I want her to know I was honest.

Posts

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    I don't understand. Who is the guy? What did you supposedly lie about?

    The answer here from how I read this is that either you were feeling jealous of the guy and/or she was perceiving you as being jealous of the guy. Depending on who the guy was, this is either a big thing or a symptom of another problem in your relationship manifesting in this argument.

    Enc on
    ArbitraryDescriptorBloodySloth
  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    This is a very complex issue involving interpersonal communication, and trust.

    Being accused of lying when I wasn't, and it's infuriating. But understand that you have to communicate your feelings in an effective way, using I statements instead of you statements and try to understand her position without giving into her accusation. Positive effective communication is tough. It took zephiance and myself years to train ourselves to communicated with I statements. "I feel hurt when I am not believed and I have not lied." Occasionally we slip if we are discussing an issue, but hashing out an issue that way is better than fighting, and healthier than stomping out of the room/hanging up the phone.

    Also different cultures and languages, can make things tricky.

    ArbitraryDescriptor
  • verolixon85verolixon85 Registered User new member
    He's nobody. A guy she used to know. And the messages were nothing weird either. The guy was joking that he put her friend as his wallpaper cos he had a crush on the friend.
    I supposedly lied about why I was so curious what he said.
    I wasn't jealous tho. I even said later in the argument that I was so curious because I was jealous she talked to him alot. That wasn't true but I thought it's what she wanted to hear so I said it, because the truth she didn't believe.



    Thankyou. Im trying to understand het position but it makes no sense because I never lie to her so she should have no reason to not trust me. I underdtand that yes. That's pretty smart. I instead if you. I told her ik sad she doesn't trust me after everything but didn't help.

    The way I see it. I did nothing atall wrong there yet she's attacking me like I've broken her trust or betrayed her or something. All of which I will never do.

  • ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor Registered User regular
    I still don't understand your story... but
    I even said later in the argument that I was so curious because I was jealous she talked to him alot. That wasn't true but I thought it's what she wanted to hear

    Never volunteer that you have trust issues to a person with trust issues, especially if it's not true.

    Honesty is massively important, particularly in long distance relationships where words are all you have. If she doesn't trust you, then all you can do is demonstrate that she can by being loyal and honest. Whether or not you were actually jealous, you have undermined your position by lying about it.
    I never lie to her so she should have no reason to not trust me
    Your unprovable absense of betrayal is being weighed agaisnt her experience or knowledge of past examples of betrayal.

    I have never cheated on anyone in my life. But if the person I'm with, or a person they take advice from, has been or has cheated themselves, then my status of non-cheater may be indistinguishable from not-yet-a-cheater.

    It's not necessarily about you, or in your power to fix, but, as zepherin said, you should certainly talk about it and how her mistrust makes you feel.

    But keep in mind that claiming offense is also step one for being caught lying, so this will likely not be a one-off conversation. Calibrate your expectations.

    zepherinBouwsT
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