QUILTBAG: It’s Pride Time

Sterica

Aw shit, it's that time of the year again. Parades are happening every weekend, brands plaster their social media accounts with rainbows, and leather daddies roam the streets.

This is the queer thread! Discuss your issues, vent about your problems, and herald your breakthroughs. Get support from other helpful people! And we very much encourage questioning folks to post in here, but keep in mind that this IS a public forum, and thus you may want to be especially careful about divulging too much information if being outed can hurt you in some major way. Spoiler tags will not protect you: please post pictures with caution. But we will definitely enjoy whatever look it is your rocking. You're killing it, we promise!

And yes, people who aren't queer may post here as always. Just remember: this place is not for you. Bad faith posting will not be tolerated, and especially obnoxious behavior will be frowned upon. This is not an online class for Queer Studies 101, so do not get huffy if people are not willing to give you a quick crash course on something. Obvious bigots/trolls should be reported and ignored. Nothing you say will sway them, so don't let them take over the flow of conversation.

Enjoy the thread! Give us details of our pride events, and post yourself in that cool pan flag dress.

So hey, I'm Rosalind. I'm a trans woman who has been out for only five months, which seems to have gone simultaneously fast and oh my god it hasn't even been half a year yet.

How are you?

smof

I came this close to coming out at work yesterday, and then I remembered pride was starting today, and I really didn't like the idea of being the token queer in the room every time anyone mentions pride, so I might wait until July.

Which I'm sure is the exact opposite of what pride is meant to encourage but eh.

As of yesterday I am out to my whole family, though, and everyone's been cool so far (still waiting on comments from a few aunts and cousins), and it feels like such a huge weight off.

Metzger Meister

I celebrated pride early by watching Howl's Moving Castle. You may ask, "Tony, how is Howl's Moving Castle, while arguably an extremely gay film, actually representative of gay pride?"

To which I say, "I'm gay and I was sad so I watched it because everyone deserves love and a happy ending god DAMNIT"

Also Howl is a total twink, fuckin high-waisted tights and all.

ahava

I'm Sarah. I'm an obese Jewish bi/pan cisfemale (is that the right term?) In a hetero marriage. We have one kid together and that's it.

I'm as out as I feel I need to be and no longer shy about myself or my identity, but still struggle at times feeling like I don't have a right to speak up in a queer space because I can pass like crazy.

I'm doing my best to use this privilege to help others around me, but knowing the right words is tough.

Hi y'all. Happy pride (in the northern hemisphere!)

21stCentury

I kinda am tempted to ask my coworkers to use they pronouns for me.

21stCentury

YOOOOOOO!!!

i can't find an english article yet but starting Tuesday, the "nonbinary" gender identifier is gonna go live on Canadian Passports!

Aaaaa!

Platy

I went on a date with a boy

The good thing is that I've demonstrated to myself that it is possible to go on a date with a boy

But there were a lot of awful feelings involved, not directly because of him though, he was very polite

Platy

I eventually got stranded in Switzerland in the middle of the night because of my ADD but I found a place where there were a lot of bats hunting in the air which cheered me up

Whippy

Are you safe home now platy

Platy

Yes but I'm overall in a weird mental state

I lucked out in that I had an almost empty train car where I could change before things got potentially awkward due to me being on the wrong train

Some people in Germany obviously were put off by me and a lot of shitty feelings came from my wig

Seidkona

Holy shit. How have I only been fully out for 2 months?

It feels like a few years! I guess this is what actual engagement in the process of living feels like?

Went to a pride event yesterday and had a wonderful time!

Cambiata

I came to the realization this year that I am bisexual. Knowing that won't have a huge impact on my life since I'm already happily married to a man, aside from me realizing now when I'm checking a woman out and learning how to do that respectfully. Anyway, no one in my family knows besides my husband, but I decided to do the pride month thing on Facebook just by putting a filter on my avatar.



I wondered aloud to Zach if this was like coming out to my parents, but he pointed out that a lot of old people don't really understand what it means to be bisexual, and since they know I'm married they probably won't think anything of it. I laughed realizing my parents will probably be like, "doesn't Mary realize this makes her look gay?! She's so naive sometimes!"

Xehalus

I remember being a combination of terrified and nervous on my first date with a boy

luckily our 4th date was the pride parade in St Petersburg, FL

and that feeling of being under a magnifying glass was eventually gone

Zay

i can't tell if i'm underreacting or overreacting, but nobody else?? seems to care??? i'm just going to spoil post the entire thing because i feel i'm being weirdly self indulgent by even bringing it up

quick reference: i'm in this public discord for ff14 that coordinates runs for Baldesion Arsenal, a weird, public dungeon that has a pretty low margin for error. to enter, you kill a boss out in the open world, and then about 7 minutes later portals spawn that lets anyone who helped kill the boss enter, but there's only a total of 46 portals. i'd pretty much finished all the BA runs i cared to do last night, which is nice, because this morning i see this in the general chat:

i offered this dude the benefit of the doubt, saying something along the lines of "boy i really hope there's a way to read that sentence that i'm not seeing" so far, he hasn't replied at all, and it was pretty dead in chat since i responded at like 6 AM. next, some other guy made a joke "we should steal all of Ceallach's portals", essentially saying to not let him participate in BA anymore.

and this is where the mods came down, essentially saying "it's just his belief and we won't tolerate anyone harassing another member of the community for their beliefs." they also made a very diplomatic post about how they want everyone to feel welcome on their runs no matter what their personal beliefs are. i pointed out how fucking absurd it was to try and take this stance, and how as an actual gay person how incredibly unwelcoming it is for the moderators to stand up for someone being (what appears to be!) explicitly homophobic.

someone else then suggested they pin the original pride event flier that started this whole thing off, as a sign of good will, and they refused to even do that because "well then we'd need to pin EVERYONE'S events" lmfao

so far i've seen 2 other people say they've quit the discord over this, and i'm right there with them - honestly, the only reason i'm still in is i've offered to help a few people get BA clears, and this is unfortunately pretty much the only way to actually succeed at that

Cambiata

I don't think you're overreacting. The admins think they're "not choosing sides" when in fact they're explicitly choosing the side that says homophobia is ok.

credeiki

Zay wrote: »

i can't tell if i'm underreacting or overreacting, but nobody else?? seems to care??? i'm just going to spoil post the entire thing because i feel i'm being weirdly self indulgent by even bringing it up

quick reference: i'm in this public discord for ff14 that coordinates runs for Baldesion Arsenal, a weird, public dungeon that has a pretty low margin for error. to enter, you kill a boss out in the open world, and then about 7 minutes later portals spawn that lets anyone who helped kill the boss enter, but there's only a total of 46 portals. i'd pretty much finished all the BA runs i cared to do last night, which is nice, because this morning i see this in the general chat:

i offered this dude the benefit of the doubt, saying something along the lines of "boy i really hope there's a way to read that sentence that i'm not seeing" so far, he hasn't replied at all, and it was pretty dead in chat since i responded at like 6 AM. next, some other guy made a joke "we should steal all of Ceallach's portals", essentially saying to not let him participate in BA anymore.

and this is where the mods came down, essentially saying "it's just his belief and we won't tolerate anyone harassing another member of the community for their beliefs." they also made a very diplomatic post about how they want everyone to feel welcome on their runs no matter what their personal beliefs are. i pointed out how fucking absurd it was to try and take this stance, and how as an actual gay person how incredibly unwelcoming it is for the moderators to stand up for someone being (what appears to be!) explicitly homophobic.

someone else then suggested they pin the original pride event flier that started this whole thing off, as a sign of good will, and they refused to even do that because "well then we'd need to pin EVERYONE'S events" lmfao

so far i've seen 2 other people say they've quit the discord over this, and i'm right there with them - honestly, the only reason i'm still in is i've offered to help a few people get BA clears, and this is unfortunately pretty much the only way to actually succeed at that

You aren't overreacting and I've had a similar situation occur in a gaming discord which has caused me to massively scale back my involvement with the organization

Instead of doing anything towards deliberately transphobic comments, the mods just quietly deleted everything and let people go on with no consequences

It makes me feel very unwelcome and less happy to engage with the community, and it feels very unfair that I am punished by not being able to enjoy the community as much while the transphobic assholes get to keep being themselves cause it's 'just their personal views'

I wouldn't blame you for either quitting cause the place now feels uncomfortable or continuing to engage with them because you want the gaming content and don't want to let the one guy (and the shitty mods) force you out of your community. They're both shitty options and I'm sorry you have to face that choice!

Zunde

I don't see how they could claim to respect all beliefs while defending an obvious bigot. They're clearly not respecting yours and others by defending a bigot who could have kept his shit holster quiet if he did not agree or want to participate in the event.

It's typical "We're good guys but please don't ask us to actually do anything." Wishy washy bullshit.

CidTheSquid

Delurking to say I'm gay af and that those discord moderators are toxic garbage.

Anyways back to contemplating if I want to bake anything for Pride and my usual lurking.

MsAnthropy

I had a friend a long time ago that I had been really close to. He took me to my first punk shows, gave me my first writing experience in his ‘zine, and took me in when my parents disowned me and had nowhere else to live. Around the time of the Iraq war, a couple of people he hung out with became ardent Bush supporters, NRA junkies, etc (though it was funny how these braggarts didn’t enlist in the military to fight the war they felt was so important) after 9/11. I, naturally, disagreed with them anytime they would bring this stuff up, and they eventually started using racial slurs to talk about me. My friend just wanted everyone to agree to disagree and stop fighting, but I told him I wouldn’t come over to gatherings at a place where people who used racist language like that were invited. We stopped talking after that. 5-6 years later he died of congestive heart failure in his forties. I never spoke to him in that time and didn’t attend his funeral, even though he had played an important role in my life before.

So, yeah, I don’t think getting upset enough to leave a community because of the tacit acceptance of racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/ableist rhetoric by saying ‘all views are welcome’ is at all unwarranted.

PiptheFair

it's my understanding that's it's now illegal to be straight

is this correct?

Mr Fuzzbutt

PiptheFair wrote: »

it's my understanding that's it's now illegal to be straight

is this correct?

nah

breaking the law is cool

El Fantastico

Be gay. Do crime.

smof

This morning we explained to my 2 year old nephew that I've changed my name and it seems to have triggered an existential crisis. He keeps asking his parents "You're still daddy? You're still mummy? I'm still Alex?"

El Fantastico

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

Zonugal

Lemon bars

Shadowen

I don't know if it being Pride month swayed the decision but I choose to believe Pride is already delivering.

(content warning if you click through: the CAS statement at the end of the story uses coded but still pretty bigoted language)

https://twitter.com/Independent/status/1135577029183758337

It's temporary, but the implication I got from the story is that if the IAAF doesn't respond by 25 June with why their bigotry should be allowed rule should stand bigotry should be allowed, it could be permanently overturned.

ahava

El Fantastico wrote: »

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

rice krispies treats
meringues

davidsdurions

My five year old is obsessssssed with getting married and having babies. Yesterday she asked me once again if she had to marry a boy and as always I told her, nope you can marry whoever you want as long as they want to too. This time she was very happy with that and said “whewffff, good, I want to marry a girl. That will be best.” Then she went on about this boy in her preschool who she “doesn’t like because he’s mean” but of course she can’t stop talking about him when this topic comes up.

Doing my best to allow her to have her options and grow into herself.

Anywho, happy pride time folks.

tzeentchling

El Fantastico wrote: »

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

Macarons!

MsAnthropy

tzeentchling wrote: »

El Fantastico wrote: »

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

Macarons!

Oh no, now I am looking at ordering a macaron tower in trans flag colors from a local bakery...

3cl1ps3

MsAnthropy wrote: »

tzeentchling wrote: »

El Fantastico wrote: »

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

Macarons!

Oh hoorah oh happy day, now I am looking at ordering a macaron tower in trans flag colors from a local bakery...

MsAnthropy

Since we’re editing... :P

3clipse wrote: »

MsAnthropy wrote: »

tzeentchling wrote: »

El Fantastico wrote: »

My company's social committee is looking to do a bake sale. 50% of proceeds go to supporting one of the LGBT communities so it's a good gesture all around.

My manager's volunteering me again to bake this year. Last year I baked brownies with different coloured Oreo cookies hidden inside.

Red: Strawberry cream
Orange: Peanut Butter (orange-ish)
Yellow: Lemon
Green: Mint
Blue: I couldn't find any blue Oreos
Indigo: Marshmallow peep
Purple: Blue/blackberry

I have no idea what I'm going to bake this year. I don't want to just make sugar cookies or cupcakes with rainbow icing. I want it to be a bit more creative. Anyone have ideas?

Macarons!

Oh hoorah oh happy day, now I am looking at ordering a macaron tower in trans flag colors from a local bakery...

That’s awesome! Let me send you some cash over PayPal for the $200 order!

Thank you so much!

ahava

My kid has informed me that I am a boy.

She is a girl, you see, because she has long hair. And boys have short hair.

So that means that she's a girl and daddy is a girl, but I'm a boy.

But if I keep trying to let my hair grow, maybe I can be a girl when i get older and older.

I am so not going to correct her on any of these things, as I'm fascinated that this is what she's choosing to associate things with.

Also, daddy is a girl, but he has a beard and mustache and since she's a girl she's going to have those when she grows up too.

Jedoc

Sounds like she's got a pretty fresh look planned.

Fencingsax

Jedoc wrote: »

Sounds like she's got a pretty fresh look planned.

Dracula from Castlevania?

Shadowen

Fencingsax wrote: »

Jedoc wrote: »

Sounds like she's got a pretty fresh look planned.

Dracula from Castlevania?

"What is a man?"

"A miserable pile of short hair."

Sterica

Cousin Itt is the Feminine Ideal

Zay

lmao i saw that homophobe dude in game, called him out and then put up just the absolute lowest effort trolling as this dude got super super defensive yeehaw

Cello

Emily Vanderwerff, a writer who I've followed since her days at the AV Club for her amazing writing, came out as trans this week in a really beautiful piece:

https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/6/3/18647615/coming-out-transgender-handmaids-tale-emily-todd-vanderwerff

Satanic Jesus

Legit went "yeah!" about that IAAF ruling. Also going to my first pride with my sister on the 15th.

InfamyDeferred

The pharmacist at CVS tried to tell me that no brand name Estradiol IM exists, then when I told her it did, Delestrogen, she told me that no CVSes carry that, anywhere. I want to chalk this up to incompetence rather than malice, but...

My local pride was great! My wife got to hang out in the staff room with Danica Roem, who gave a very good speech. We also met a local gay couple and so our board game night continues to get queerer