Are we judging Jessica Fletcher's effectiveness by how well she solves the murders, or by how well she prevents the small English village she lives in from having the highest per capita murder rate on the planet despite knowing most of the victims and murderers personally ahead of time? Because one of those scores is much higher than the other.
1. she lives in new england: cabot cove! in maine!
2. most of the cases she solves are not in her hometown. like, i can only think of a handful
3. how dare you
Oh, man, I fucked up. I got major chunks of her character mixed up with Miss Marple.
Sorry, Rorshach Kringle. Sorry, Jessica Fletcher.
+5
MaddocI'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother?Registered Userregular
Also on a tangentially related note, even though the Simpsons sort of made him a cultural pariah that is inextricably linked to senile old folks, Matlock is a perfectly entertaining show about basically an old man Phoenix Wright.
He's a defense attorney who goes out and finds the real culprit!
"Dex Dynamo" first of all, you gotta give her a ding dang spin -- there's a bunch of seasons of murder, she wrote streaming on amazon prime right now!
as for ratings:
effective: 8 jessica fletcher will absolutely get the killer in the end, but she has a habit of getting in way too over her head because of her snooping. compassionate: 10 her greatest asset is her compassion; she will help anyone out of a jam -- particularly her constantly being framed for murder nephew, grady cop: 3 she absolutely has no respect for the police if they get in her way/disagree with her, but has too many cop friends to overlook. flexible: 6 jessica fletcher will flourish in any scenario you drop her in, but her toolset is solely dedicated to murders and no other crimes. entertaining: 10 angela lansbury is an absolute delight, there are no tools in her kit she doesn't bust out at least once over the course of the show, and the universal appeal of a sassy older lady solving crimes can never be underplayed.
final score: 36 just the absolute best
That would put her roughly on par with Columbo (who I could see being a 6 in Flexibility for the same reason) which feels right
Quick point of order! You've got Cop as a 3, but this only goes from 0 to negative 10. So this should (I'm assuming) be -3, giving her an overall score of 33. On the flipside, I'm not sure if you meant to give her an Effectiveness rating of 8, since it's out of 20 and not 10. If you meant 8/10 i.e. 16/20, you're looking at an overall score of 39.
The way I see it, there are five fundamental qualities that go into ranking a TV detective.
Effective: If you can't get the job done, what good are you? Rated from 0 (never solves a case) to 20 (unbeatable crime-stopping machine); rated in double-steps (because this is especially important) Compassionate: Do they take care of people, foster positive relationships, and see people as a case or as a person? Rated from 0 (your stereotypical "cold genius" archetypes) to 10 (kindhearted superheroes). Cop: Are they a cop? Rated from 0 (actively antagonistic towards police) to -10 (active serving member of a police force) Flexible: You need to be adaptive to a variety of situations to be a great TV detective. Rated 0 (trapped in a mold, almost restrictively so), to 10 (capable of fitting into any situation, any setting, and any case) Entertaining: This is TV, after all. Rated from 0 (universally panned) to 10 (a legend of the medium)
It is my theory that if you apply this metric across the board, you'll find most TV detectives fall into a predictable bell curve.
Jim Rockford, for instance...
Effective: 10 He generally solves the case, but, as was correctly pointed out, at a high price. That all balances out to a nice, round 10/20. Compassionate: 6 Try as he might, he can't help but care for people. Not the warmest and most welcoming, but he does have a heart of gold at the end of the day. Cop: -3 Actively antagonistic towards most police, but does have friends within the force. Flexible: 8 A smooth operator if ever there was one. Not the guy you'd want in a gunfight, but from fistfights to interrogations, he keeps his cool and blends in effortlessly. Entertaining: 10 The quintessential "lovable mess of an antihero detective," he defined a generation of TV detectives, with stylistic touches that are still used today.
Total score (from -10 to 50): 30 Just above the curve.
Columbo, meanwhile:
Effective: 20 He knows you did it before you did it. And he knows the one thing that's going to get you. Compassionate: 5 We don't get much of a glimpse of a social life; purports to have a wife and family, but these may be fabrications. 5 is a reasonable facsimile of a rating here. Cop: -10 Actively serving member of the police force. Flexible: 7 A world-class cook with an encyclopedic knowledge, and a cunning ability to be underestimated. Not the most flexible, but (appropriately enough) deceptively flexible. Entertaining: 10 Again, a legend of the medium. His influence cannot be denied.
Total score (from -10 to 50): 32 Again, a strong entry, ahead of the curve.
where can I watch the Rockford Files these days anyway
IMDb TV, which is accessible through the Amazon Prime video app without a subscription (1st season available), or watchable online (the entire series)
Idk, I'd give Columbo a -8 for being a cop at the most. He doesn't dress like a cop, he's never on time. He has no regard for appearing like police or treating people as a cop might. He drives with an expired license, and has seemingly no knowledge of road safety/laws in the episode where he has to get a driving test. I can't imagine he was good as a beat cop at all and was probably promoted just to get him out of his department.
In the meantime, I read/watched a bunch of Poirot stuff last year, so based on my hazy recollection here's my rating! (Feel free to point out what I might have missed.)
Effectiveness: 18 Holy shit is he ever. He's a master of reading people and has an incredible eye for finding the relevance of even the tiniest physical clue. He gets 2 points off because there are times where he already knows what happened but strings things out just for the thrill of the hunt. Compassionate: 4 Kind of like Monk. He's not a total recluse like Holmes, but he's definitely aloof and tends to approach most cases as a puzzle to be solved more than anything. He can read people, but doesn't have a ton of individual empathy. Cop: -1 He'd generally prefer the cops to just get out of his way, and treats them more like servants than anything else. He might be friendly with some people on the force? But I get the impression that's mostly so they'll keep asking him to come do his thing. Edit: He does claim that he used to be a cop in Brussels, but his whole past is pretty shady so it's hard to say what he really got up to. Flexibility: 9 Possibly his greatest asset. Not only can he solve any type of crime, he's pretty much ready to go at a moment's notice. In Murder on the Orient Express he's on the train by total chance when the murder happens, and immediately he's just like "okay yes let's get this shit." He also prides himself on basically thinking outside the box, letting his intuition guide him wherever things lead. Entertainingness: 6 So I actually like Poirot a lot, but sometimes he comes off a little dry and maybe a little too perfect/all-knowing. The fact that he's always confident and in control is kind of dull at times.
Final score: 36. Feels about right for him. He should probably get some points for the mustache, so add at your discretion.
He dresses like a guy who knows how to be comfortable.
Someone needs to make a show about a detective whose just dog shit. Like they solve 1 in 20 crimes. Real obvious shit too where you're just screaming at the TV screen telling him the butler did it and he's like "welp, another unsolved mystery."
He dresses like a guy who knows how to be comfortable.
How does Remington Steele rate? I don't remember enough about the show to decide.
Also The Equalizer is sort of a detective, what about him? Talking about the original show, not the movie.
Can I request a review and rating of the Shawn Spencer / Burton Guster duo
I'm eating dinner rn, but I will revisit this
But i do think it is important to note: Very low cop, despite working with police, because they are, at the same time, actively grifting money FROM the police.
Librarian's ghostLibrarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSporkRegistered Userregular
Peter Falk is a gorgeous hunk of man.
Is there anyone who gets a positive score on the cop line? I’m trying to think of one but most at least have some kind of good relationship with a cop. Like Jeremy Brett Sherlock maybe?
Is there anyone who gets a positive score on the cop line? I’m trying to think of one but most at least have some kind of good relationship with a cop. Like Jeremy Brett Sherlock maybe?
If you expand to consider Doctors as TV Detectives, you'll likely get a fair number of 0s.
Is there anyone who gets a positive score on the cop line? I’m trying to think of one but most at least have some kind of good relationship with a cop. Like Jeremy Brett Sherlock maybe?
lucifer I guess?
0
PiptheFairFrequently not in boats.Registered Userregular
also I recently watched chicago pd at work while on break
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Is there anyone who gets a positive score on the cop line? I’m trying to think of one but most at least have some kind of good relationship with a cop. Like Jeremy Brett Sherlock maybe?
Serpico? Dude investigated cops and was likely killed by a cop. Refused to be part of the blue wall and didn't take kickbacks.
Looks kind of like a basset hound if you kinda squint, and that is adorable.
How would chief wiggum rate on this tv cop scale
0
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Is there anyone who gets a positive score on the cop line? I’m trying to think of one but most at least have some kind of good relationship with a cop. Like Jeremy Brett Sherlock maybe?
Serpico? Dude investigated cops and was likely killed by a cop. Refused to be part of the blue wall and didn't take kickbacks.
By the formula he is still a cop so is at least a -5.
Can I request a review and rating of the Shawn Spencer / Burton Guster duo
I haven't seen it in forever, but I watched it a whooole bunch when it was new, so I'll give it a shot.
Effectiveness: 14 They do generally get the bad guy in the end, but the show features a whole lot of false trails and double-backs. Also, them not officially being cops and having an antagonistic relationship with Detective Lassiter means they can't always get access to useful info. This goes up 2-4 points in any episode where Gus's skills/knowledge are a major part of breaking the case. Compassionate: 6 This one's kind of hard. A lot of the show's comedy relies on Shawn being a lovable butthead who's often pretty flippant and insensitive to the victims, but by the end he usually does show some amount of empathy. Still, a lot of his time is spent trying to get into the pants of whatever attractive woman is related to the case that week. This would probably be even lower if it weren't for Good Guy Gus doing his best to keep Shawn in line. Cop: -4 (edit -3) Another tough one. Shawn specifically avoided becoming a cop because of his dad, and he very much enjoys being smarter than the cops he works with. Still, they both work with them regularly without issue, they're not above pretending to be cops when it suits them, and they happily cash their checks. Call them cop-adjacent. Flexibility: 10 I think this is where they really shine. Every episode has at least one harebrained scheme, if not several. Silly fake names, ridiculous off-the-cuff cover stories, sudden flashes of inspiration, these guys live and thrive in the moment. I'd give them more points here if I could. Entertainingness: 9 By the end of my time with the show, I was kind of getting tired of Shawn's superficial jerk persona. But he wasn't irredeemable, Gus was a really good counterpoint, and their friendship always felt really genuine. The rest of the supporting cast was also rock solid, so as an ensemble piece I think this is more than fair.
Final score: 35 (edit 36) This seems fair to me. If this were just a rating of Shawn it'd be a lot lower, but as a pair I think him and Gus make one very good detective.
Edit: I saw Dex's post after writing this, and that's a good point. But I think I'm only gonna knock one point off, because he still works closely with them and only isn't a cop himself because of daddy issues.
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Posts
Oh, man, I fucked up. I got major chunks of her character mixed up with Miss Marple.
Sorry, Rorshach Kringle. Sorry, Jessica Fletcher.
He's a defense attorney who goes out and finds the real culprit!
what a strange shirt
Quick point of order! You've got Cop as a 3, but this only goes from 0 to negative 10. So this should (I'm assuming) be -3, giving her an overall score of 33. On the flipside, I'm not sure if you meant to give her an Effectiveness rating of 8, since it's out of 20 and not 10. If you meant 8/10 i.e. 16/20, you're looking at an overall score of 39.
okay yeah that's what i meant for sure
i don't read nothing
e: adjusting my score accordingly, i got j.b. fletch at 40
Idk, I'd give Columbo a -8 for being a cop at the most. He doesn't dress like a cop, he's never on time. He has no regard for appearing like police or treating people as a cop might. He drives with an expired license, and has seemingly no knowledge of road safety/laws in the episode where he has to get a driving test. I can't imagine he was good as a beat cop at all and was probably promoted just to get him out of his department.
Effectiveness: 18 Holy shit is he ever. He's a master of reading people and has an incredible eye for finding the relevance of even the tiniest physical clue. He gets 2 points off because there are times where he already knows what happened but strings things out just for the thrill of the hunt.
Compassionate: 4 Kind of like Monk. He's not a total recluse like Holmes, but he's definitely aloof and tends to approach most cases as a puzzle to be solved more than anything. He can read people, but doesn't have a ton of individual empathy.
Cop: -1 He'd generally prefer the cops to just get out of his way, and treats them more like servants than anything else. He might be friendly with some people on the force? But I get the impression that's mostly so they'll keep asking him to come do his thing. Edit: He does claim that he used to be a cop in Brussels, but his whole past is pretty shady so it's hard to say what he really got up to.
Flexibility: 9 Possibly his greatest asset. Not only can he solve any type of crime, he's pretty much ready to go at a moment's notice. In Murder on the Orient Express he's on the train by total chance when the murder happens, and immediately he's just like "okay yes let's get this shit." He also prides himself on basically thinking outside the box, letting his intuition guide him wherever things lead.
Entertainingness: 6 So I actually like Poirot a lot, but sometimes he comes off a little dry and maybe a little too perfect/all-knowing. The fact that he's always confident and in control is kind of dull at times.
Final score: 36. Feels about right for him. He should probably get some points for the mustache, so add at your discretion.
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
Also The Equalizer is sort of a detective, what about him? Talking about the original show, not the movie.
I'm eating dinner rn, but I will revisit this
But i do think it is important to note: Very low cop, despite working with police, because they are, at the same time, actively grifting money FROM the police.
If you expand to consider Doctors as TV Detectives, you'll likely get a fair number of 0s.
lucifer I guess?
holy fuck that show is disgusting!
It is horrific. Even for an American cop show it somehow manages to surprise with how much it celebrates brutality and corruption
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
Is it worse than Justified?
Serpico? Dude investigated cops and was likely killed by a cop. Refused to be part of the blue wall and didn't take kickbacks.
“Bake him away toys” out of ten
By the formula he is still a cop so is at least a -5.
I haven't seen it in forever, but I watched it a whooole bunch when it was new, so I'll give it a shot.
Effectiveness: 14 They do generally get the bad guy in the end, but the show features a whole lot of false trails and double-backs. Also, them not officially being cops and having an antagonistic relationship with Detective Lassiter means they can't always get access to useful info. This goes up 2-4 points in any episode where Gus's skills/knowledge are a major part of breaking the case.
Compassionate: 6 This one's kind of hard. A lot of the show's comedy relies on Shawn being a lovable butthead who's often pretty flippant and insensitive to the victims, but by the end he usually does show some amount of empathy. Still, a lot of his time is spent trying to get into the pants of whatever attractive woman is related to the case that week. This would probably be even lower if it weren't for Good Guy Gus doing his best to keep Shawn in line.
Cop: -4 (edit -3) Another tough one. Shawn specifically avoided becoming a cop because of his dad, and he very much enjoys being smarter than the cops he works with. Still, they both work with them regularly without issue, they're not above pretending to be cops when it suits them, and they happily cash their checks. Call them cop-adjacent.
Flexibility: 10 I think this is where they really shine. Every episode has at least one harebrained scheme, if not several. Silly fake names, ridiculous off-the-cuff cover stories, sudden flashes of inspiration, these guys live and thrive in the moment. I'd give them more points here if I could.
Entertainingness: 9 By the end of my time with the show, I was kind of getting tired of Shawn's superficial jerk persona. But he wasn't irredeemable, Gus was a really good counterpoint, and their friendship always felt really genuine. The rest of the supporting cast was also rock solid, so as an ensemble piece I think this is more than fair.
Final score: 35 (edit 36) This seems fair to me. If this were just a rating of Shawn it'd be a lot lower, but as a pair I think him and Gus make one very good detective.
Edit: I saw Dex's post after writing this, and that's a good point. But I think I'm only gonna knock one point off, because he still works closely with them and only isn't a cop himself because of daddy issues.
-15
Oh boy, I love that show as a piece of drama but that's another example of Cop Rating -infinity
justified at least had the decency to point out how shitty everybody is
chicago pd straight up celebrates it
doctor cox is the new mayor in an upcoming season, and is the bad guy because he wants to make the police stop violating peoples constitutional rights
it's fucking revolting
See, I love Justified. But I view it as a western rather than a police procedural.
That said. Yes. 100x worse
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
Justified was entertaining.
It is also perhaps the worst depiction of a detective/cop “gets things done” I have ever seen.
Not "shoved against a wall" Law & Order style
Like, full Jack Bauer
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
I mean.
That's what Raylan does basically five times an episode. He's beating the shit out of people until he gets his info.
On a scale from 1 to 10, John Munch's Flexibility is a 13 on account of he literally transcends TV shows
Prez?
Batman?
Jeremy Brett is scowling at you very sternly.