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aging

13

Posts

  • Anthrax! Please.Anthrax! Please. Registered User regular
    edited June 4
    I watched someone die in October, in a hospital. My bonus mother-in-law. It's hard to think about how the system really worked to kill her. I was really working to stay present to it, rather than to justify or rationalize it. The mantra I was using when big waves of fear or despair or sadness rose up was, "resist nothing." As in, to resist nothing about the moment, to be really there. Not to run inside my head. It's a skill I've been cultivating over the last few years, and it's really kicked off in the last 11 months. I can choose to be here, in the moment, with my (emotional) feelings whenever I want. My area of growth that I'm aiming for is to do the same with physical discomfort, because I started doing some yoga about two years ago, and I'd really like to increase my consistency to more than just 10 minutes a day, most days a week. Sometimes I meditate. A handful of times I've done psychedelics. I read, and, as a psychologist who hates the field of psychology for all of its errors, really enjoyed and valued A Liberated Mind. I'd recommend it if you want a book that's going to help you live without standing in your own way.

    My dad is basically a person who, every time he was given the choice, chose wrong, or at least didn't chose right. He's got type 2 diabetes, and is working through some congestive heart failure. So I'm trying to be present to the sadness of his slow dying, and the loss of a human being who was largely unkind with a few stellar moments of being a father. My mom is a neurotic retired GP who will probably live for another 40 years, not because she wants to (she talks about this), but because she's too neurotic to engage in behaviors that will cause her to die any earlier.

    I think aging is pretty cool, and I also tend to couch it in the phrase (the first place it stuck in my mind was the title of a Penny Arcade comic, actually), "the way of all flesh." I'm ironically in the best shape of my life. I'm really here. I am more in touch with love and gratitude than I ever though possible.

    I honestly think the biggest problem I have with aging is watching people in my life parent. My kids are all moved out, and I tell clients all the time that "parenting is just the fine art of fucking up as gracefully as you can for 18 years straight - and then finding out you signed up for another 40 years of the same." It's much easier for me to apply that compassion to my clients than people in my personal life. I can just see the issues they're building in their kids and I want to shake them. This is my other area of growth.

    Thanks for this post @crwth - it's nice to reflect and see everyone reflecting. It's like an actual introspection thread.

    Anthrax! Please. on
  • crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    happy to provide

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  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    I'm one of the younger active forumers, and I just turned 30. This forum essentially caps out with the end of the millennial generation, and I'm only like 2-3 years off the hard cutoff for that dividing line. I'm older than my parents were when I was born, too

    In the last 9 months or so I've also finally been throwing myself into actively maintaining my physical fitness that I'd taken for granted most of the last three decades, because one of my indirect complications from long CoVID was early-onset Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, that was becoming the early stages of steatehepatitis. If I didn't turn that shit around my life expectancy would be something like 45-55 before succumbing to cirrhosis. So I moved from the suburbs into a walkable part of the city two miles from my job and mash a fixed-gear bike to work as many days of the week as I can get away with, plus I've got a very expensive gym membership that eats like 6% ef my income in exchange for having a personal trainer holding me accountable to a minimum of 8 sessions per month.

    The NAFLD is already in some degree of remission and I've lost about 16 pounds from my peak weight (along with recomping something like 7-10 pounds of fat as muscle mass), but keeping it in remission is gonna be a lifelong dedication to staying fit and eating reasonably cleanly. So, although I've had to reckon with the passage of time a lot earlier than I'd have liked, it's proven to be some degree of accelerationism for actively working on myself in a far greater degree than I have at basically any time since my freshman year of college or so.

    I'm pretty optimistic for my thirties at large honestly

  • CelloCello Registered User regular
    Personally, in my mid-30s, I'm the strongest and healthiest I've ever been, the most pain-free since my late teens, working a dream job, got a cute boyfriend, hitting my stride on a dog training company and an art venture, feel like I'm the coolest and most fashionable I've ever gotten to be after a long time working at it, hope to become even *cooler* this year, lotta things finally coming up Cello

    The aging of folks around me is the bit that gets to me, but I have been deeply anxious on that front since I was like, 8, watching CNN way too late with my parents in our basement, and had mortality just sort of click in for me as far as my concerns about their health and eventual passing

    There's little things like my mom being less sharp than she used to be, or my dad getting confused sometimes; but then it's also combined with both of them having some pretty near death health experiences a decade or so ago and so it mixes gratitude that they're still here with the deep unsettling anxiety that I don't know how much time I've got left with 'em, I recognize this could be the happiest I get to be before I lose 'em, and I desperately want them to still be here when I get married, have kids, etc

    Feels like a race against time on all that stuff even as I'm cognizant they wouldn't want me to rush on their behalf. And as much as being hemmed into living with them to support them financially can be a drag on the like, independence front, it's nice to be able to spend so much more time with my family than most folks get

    Steam
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  • ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User, Transition Team regular
    I used to think it was perhaps unrealistic in sitcoms for the characters to gradually, over several seasons, end up looking better.

    But... But I get it now.

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  • MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    I had to get progressive computer glasses and I look like a punk rock dad when I wear them so that's ok I guess

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  • GenkiSystemGenkiSystem Registered User new member
    It's fantastic to hear that you're feeling great in your mid-thirties! It’s amazing how lifestyle changes, like cutting back on alcohol, can have such a positive impact on how we feel physically.

    The recovery time from colds and flus is definitely something many notice as they age, but it's great that your energy and outlook remain youthful! This brings to mind the Genki System, which emphasizes holistic wellness and can help maintain vitality as we age.

    It’s also wonderful that your students and coworkers see you as 24! That’s a testament to your vibrant spirit. Keep embracing those healthy habits, and you’ll continue to defy the typical signs of aging! You really embody the idea of a Genki Girl, radiating positivity and health. How do you stay active and engaged in your daily routine?

  • SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    edited October 30
    nvm

    SCREECH OF THE FARG on
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    the only downside to aging is that it keeps going

  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    I don't mind the process of aging too much, even though it is an annoyance at times. I just hate that I'm only just now, at the age of 40, starting to learn how to live with my own fucking mind. I'm living proof that as your body starts to decay you begin to accrue knowledge and wisdom.

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  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I’m 43 and turn 44 in 2 months and my life is relatively peaceful but also hella volatile at the same time.
    I have a lot of choices about how I want to spend the time I have left and it’s difficult to choose

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    just hit 45

    functionally no real difference from 44 but this one felt rough. I looked at my hands after work and they're all wrinkled and I can't even remember that happening.

    half way done I guess

    too bad I still have 99% of things I want to do still undone

  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    I am, however, terrified of my life ending. Most of my time is spent trying desperately not to think about it, lest I am pulled into a vortex of screaming panic and terror.

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  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    What do you want to do @Xaquin ?

  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    I'm turning 40 in a few months and I must have it really lucky or something, I have zero pains and aches. still got all my teeth, got all my hair.

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    What do you want to do @Xaquin ?

    oh man, everything

    chief amongst them is visit Greece and Italy, Grand Tetons, Acadia in Maine, Niagra, and go back to Hawaii and Alaska with my kids

    get better at woodworking and restoring all my old tools. Go surf fishing and actually catch something. Get my office and workshop in order. Figure out a way to make space for my eventual inheritance and also figure out how to convince my wife to let me keep it (my dads 22,000 comic books are literally our only point of contention).

    and a trillion other things

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Yeah you should do those things. Start with Greece, in my opinion.

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    how about yourself?

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    edited October 30
    Hmm! I guess I’ve done a lot I wanted to do so far, but I keep meaning to write more than the opening chapter of a novel, and I’d like to polish and publish a tonne of roleplaying and board games I’ve made for friends over the years. Which is all on me honestly, nothing about getting older that’s stopping me.

    Recently, like, very recently, I’ve been considering doing stand up comedy locally, I just haven’t plucked up the courage yet. It’s very daunting. Being funny with friends and family and being actually funny on a stage are very different things.

    Endless_Serpents on
  • furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Turned 38 this year. Getting close to 40. Still no significant health issues physically, and for the first time in a decade my mental health is finally really good. I always assumed all the comments about hurting yourself in your sleep once you hit 35 or whatever were a joke but apparently not so i am grateful i am still physically and mentally healthy. I want to live forever, experience everything, so in that regard i am not exactly thrilled about aging, but it beats the alternative at the moment. I hope i live long enough to see things get better, for the world. I think we can do it, and i am hopeful it will happen in my lifetime. I also hope my son grows into a great person. He seems to be headed down the right path, but the teenage years are both the most volatile and heavily shape your life for a long time and he has a terrible case of the teens.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
  • DirtyboyDirtyboy Registered User regular
    Up through 40 I had normal aches and pains but never relied on any medications (prescription or OTC). I am 54 now and have 8 prescriptions and occasionally have to take OTC pain meds for early arthritis (both knees) and lower back. What used to be once a year check-ups are now every three months. My advice is pay attention to what you eat and how much weekly activity you get because once things start going out there is no going back.

  • furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Dirtyboy wrote: »
    Up through 40 I had normal aches and pains but never relied on any medications (prescription or OTC). I am 54 now and have 8 prescriptions and occasionally have to take OTC pain meds for early arthritis (both knees) and lower back. What used to be once a year check-ups are now every three months. My advice is pay attention to what you eat and how much weekly activity you get because once things start going out there is no going back.

    I deal with diabetics daily as part of my job so i definitely understand taking care of myself while i can. Some of them are just so bad off it's painful to see.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    I'm 35 and super duper out of shape

    I went hard on the 27 club tip and then I overshot it and I've been winging it ever since.

    it's like those people who thought the world was gonna end so they sold all their shit and ruined all their relationships and then they were stuck with nothing except the knowledge that they're chumps

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    To become wise, first you must know you are a chump. It is for this reason I’ve had decades to get wise.

  • The JudgeThe Judge The Terwilliger CurvesRegistered User regular
    40 didn't faze me in the slightest.

    50 is admittedly giving me slight pause.

    Last pint: What Fresh Beast '24 / Breakside - Untappd: TheJudge_PDX
  • mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    Can't shit right and that feels kinda unfair happening right after I learned how to cook

  • furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Hmm i am not sure which is worse. Physically i am still regularly guessed as being about a decade younger, and i have no physical health issues. But my mental health for almost my entire 30s was about as bad it can be without being committed, and that actually kind of happened once. Personally i would rather be physically frail and mentally fit but that might be a grass is greener kind of thing.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
  • DirtyboyDirtyboy Registered User regular
    furlion wrote: »
    Dirtyboy wrote: »
    Up through 40 I had normal aches and pains but never relied on any medications (prescription or OTC). I am 54 now and have 8 prescriptions and occasionally have to take OTC pain meds for early arthritis (both knees) and lower back. What used to be once a year check-ups are now every three months. My advice is pay attention to what you eat and how much weekly activity you get because once things start going out there is no going back.

    I deal with diabetics daily as part of my job so i definitely understand taking care of myself while i can. Some of them are just so bad off it's painful to see.

    I found out I was pre-diabetic (type 2) about a year and a half ago and immediately worked on getting my A1C down and so far keeping it low enough I don't need daily checks/insulin.

  • WeaverWeaver Breakfast Witch Hashus BrowniusRegistered User regular
    I'm 45. My colon cancer screen came back clean, but I've had a lumbar fusion, diagnosed chronic migraine with status migrainosus, and Chronic Multisymptom Illness from SW Asia burn pit & other environmental factor exposure. But I still work out like crazy when my body lets me. Still doing fine with single-vision lenses.

  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    edited October 30
    I'm 48 but two years ago I found out through an unexpected hospital visit that I have a leaky aortic valve. So far I've avoided surgery and just take meds (and one more to cancel the bad effect of one of those...) and feel better than I have in years. I still need to conquer the lazy/weight issue though.

    It was insanely humbling. That first real "you are mortal" moment that stuck with me.

    Edit: on the positive side of aging, aside from the weight, I'm doing OK. I'm consistently confused as my son's brother or friend. He hates that.

    Lindsay Lohan on
  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I'm 34 but only recently found out I have hyperthyroidism which does explain quite a bit about my body and possibly explain some of my anxiety as well

    I am now on meds for it and have gotten my thyroid levels under control. Before the readings were so low the doctor was like yeah this is basically nothing..

    If I hadn't caught this it could have really fucked up my heart later on. Incredibly when I called my family to find out if this is a genetic thing my mother was like oh yeah I have that... Would have been nice to know I guess?

  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    I'm 48 but two years ago I found out through an unexpected hospital visit that I have a leaky aortic valve. So far I've avoided surgery and just take meds (and one more to cancel the bad effect of one of those...) and feel better than I have in years. I still need to conquer the lazy/weight issue though.

    It was insanely humbling. That first real "you are mortal" moment that stuck with me.

    Edit: on the positive side of aging, aside from the weight, I'm doing OK. I'm consistently confused as my son's brother or friend. He hates that.

    I had my aortic valve replaced 11 years ago because I was born with a fucked up one. I always known I would have to have it done, but when it was actually time I was fucking terrified. Luckily the surgery is super common with an incredibly high success rate, but still. Now I take meds for that and for other things, and the anticoagulant interacts with a TON of other meds and even some foods so I have to be careful not just about hurting myself and bleeding out but also watch what food or drugs I take.

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  • RT800RT800 Registered User regular
    edited October 30
    40 hits a lot harder than 30.

    Forty feels like the line at which you're officially a candidate for some kind of serious health problem that ends up killing you.

    Sure, people can die in their 20's and 30's, but for the most part going to the doctor feels like kind of a pointless formality.

    Forty though... that's when you start actually sweating what those tests or scans are gonna say.

    RT800 on
  • expendableexpendable Silly Goose Registered User regular
    I just hit 39 and have recently moved to a job where I sit more than I used to.

    I took the Walktober opportunity to also at least start doing Ring Fit after work every day. Well trying for every day, I've missed a few for various reasons, like needing to bake a cake for my wife's 40th bday. Also went back to taking the stairs at work by default. 8 flights up in the morning never seems to get any easier. A few days a week when I get a little something other than a sandwich from home from lunch mean walking up another 6 flights at lunch time.

    I didn't specifically exercise and workout in my 20s and early 30s, but I had jobs that were a lot more active and involved climbing and hiking and the like. Got a bit lax on that in my late 30s and hope I didn't screw myself too hard. I should probably lose 30 lbs though.

    Djiem wrote: »
    Lokiamis wrote: »
    So the servers suddenly decide to cramp up during the last six percent.
    Man, the Director will really go out of his way to be a dick to L4D players.
    Steam
  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    Darmak wrote: »
    I'm 48 but two years ago I found out through an unexpected hospital visit that I have a leaky aortic valve. So far I've avoided surgery and just take meds (and one more to cancel the bad effect of one of those...) and feel better than I have in years. I still need to conquer the lazy/weight issue though.

    It was insanely humbling. That first real "you are mortal" moment that stuck with me.

    Edit: on the positive side of aging, aside from the weight, I'm doing OK. I'm consistently confused as my son's brother or friend. He hates that.

    I had my aortic valve replaced 11 years ago because I was born with a fucked up one. I always known I would have to have it done, but when it was actually time I was fucking terrified. Luckily the surgery is super common with an incredibly high success rate, but still. Now I take meds for that and for other things, and the anticoagulant interacts with a TON of other meds and even some foods so I have to be careful not just about hurting myself and bleeding out but also watch what food or drugs I take.

    I've been told the surgery is very common, always happy to hear another person had it successfully. It was crazy intimating to have the discussion at all, given that it was my first ever visit to the hospital for my own health. I'm hoping I can delay it a few years.

  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Darmak wrote: »
    I'm 48 but two years ago I found out through an unexpected hospital visit that I have a leaky aortic valve. So far I've avoided surgery and just take meds (and one more to cancel the bad effect of one of those...) and feel better than I have in years. I still need to conquer the lazy/weight issue though.

    It was insanely humbling. That first real "you are mortal" moment that stuck with me.

    Edit: on the positive side of aging, aside from the weight, I'm doing OK. I'm consistently confused as my son's brother or friend. He hates that.

    I had my aortic valve replaced 11 years ago because I was born with a fucked up one. I always known I would have to have it done, but when it was actually time I was fucking terrified. Luckily the surgery is super common with an incredibly high success rate, but still. Now I take meds for that and for other things, and the anticoagulant interacts with a TON of other meds and even some foods so I have to be careful not just about hurting myself and bleeding out but also watch what food or drugs I take.

    I've been told the surgery is very common, always happy to hear another person had it successfully. It was crazy intimating to have the discussion at all, given that it was my first ever visit to the hospital for my own health. I'm hoping I can delay it a few years.

    Yeah, even though it's common it's still heart surgery. Don't want to have it until necessary

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  • djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    The thing I object to most is that for a brief few years in my late forties (51 now), my vision was switching between short-sighted and long-sighted and I somehow could pretty much see okay without glasses on. It kept going, though, and now I can't see things up close with my glasses on any more, so I have to take them off a lot more often and do you think I remember where I put them down? I do not.

    (I've tried bifocals but I wound up feeling really dizzy every time I moved my head, and also the things I'm looking at up close aren't always in the bottom part of my vision).

  • djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    Oh, and also, go get a colonoscopy, everyone that's old enough. Especially if things seem to be not going according to plan digestion-wise.

    I did, and it turned out that despite the whole "the internet thinks everything's a symptom of cancer", it actually _was_ colon cancer, so I was very happy that they found it and could remove the tumour before it got any bigger than it already had. (the surgery was fine, I was asleep; recovering was more tiring than I'd expected, and chemo is no fun at all, but it's all done now and all the tests I keep having are coming up negative, so it seems like that's that).

    (obviously I'm not trying to say "worry, worry, you probably have cancer", but if I'd not gone and got things looked at, I suspect I'd be a lot worse off today)

  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Darmak wrote: »
    I am, however, terrified of my life ending. Most of my time is spent trying desperately not to think about it, lest I am pulled into a vortex of screaming panic and terror.

    It's weird, I don't really feel fear about my life ending. It seems odd to say, but it's kind of inevitable. The promised Singularity of 35+ year old sci-fi isn't likely to happen, and if it does it's not being run by a benevolent AI who just wants human minds to be happy forever.
    What scares the shit out of me is losing my mental faculties. Dementia, Alzheimer's, Senility... whatever it's called, the idea of waking up and just not knowing something, but knowing that I should know and used to know...

    That haunts me.
    Job doesn't help because I work closely with many retirement and assisted living communities doing tech support, and it's rough hearing the sad, broken voices in the background saying "I want to go home" when I'm just trying to get their computer working remotely. If you're ever visiting one, be sure to thank the staff, they don't get paid enough for what they do.

  • DirtyboyDirtyboy Registered User regular
    Me in my 20's: FUCK SLEEP UP ALL NIGHT WOOOO
    Me in my 30's: Ok guys I gotta go to bed, gotta work tomorrow.
    Me in my 40's: Man, how did I ever stay up past 10pm?
    Me now in my 50's: I got up 4 hours ago, is it too early to take a nap?

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