I watched someone die in October, in a hospital. My bonus mother-in-law. It's hard to think about how the system really worked to kill her. I was really working to stay present to it, rather than to justify or rationalize it. The mantra I was using when big waves of fear or despair or sadness rose up was, "resist nothing." As in, to resist nothing about the moment, to be really there. Not to run inside my head. It's a skill I've been cultivating over the last few years, and it's really kicked off in the last 11 months. I can choose to be here, in the moment, with my (emotional) feelings whenever I want. My area of growth that I'm aiming for is to do the same with physical discomfort, because I started doing some yoga about two years ago, and I'd really like to increase my consistency to more than just 10 minutes a day, most days a week. Sometimes I meditate. A handful of times I've done psychedelics. I read, and, as a psychologist who hates the field of psychology for all of its errors, really enjoyed and valued A Liberated Mind. I'd recommend it if you want a book that's going to help you live without standing in your own way.
My dad is basically a person who, every time he was given the choice, chose wrong, or at least didn't chose right. He's got type 2 diabetes, and is working through some congestive heart failure. So I'm trying to be present to the sadness of his slow dying, and the loss of a human being who was largely unkind with a few stellar moments of being a father. My mom is a neurotic retired GP who will probably live for another 40 years, not because she wants to (she talks about this), but because she's too neurotic to engage in behaviors that will cause her to die any earlier.
I think aging is pretty cool, and I also tend to couch it in the phrase (the first place it stuck in my mind was the title of a Penny Arcade comic, actually), "the way of all flesh." I'm ironically in the best shape of my life. I'm really here. I am more in touch with love and gratitude than I ever though possible.
I honestly think the biggest problem I have with aging is watching people in my life parent. My kids are all moved out, and I tell clients all the time that "parenting is just the fine art of fucking up as gracefully as you can for 18 years straight - and then finding out you signed up for another 40 years of the same." It's much easier for me to apply that compassion to my clients than people in my personal life. I can just see the issues they're building in their kids and I want to shake them. This is my other area of growth.
Thanks for this post @crwth - it's nice to reflect and see everyone reflecting. It's like an actual introspection thread.
I'm one of the younger active forumers, and I just turned 30. This forum essentially caps out with the end of the millennial generation, and I'm only like 2-3 years off the hard cutoff for that dividing line. I'm older than my parents were when I was born, too
In the last 9 months or so I've also finally been throwing myself into actively maintaining my physical fitness that I'd taken for granted most of the last three decades, because one of my indirect complications from long CoVID was early-onset Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, that was becoming the early stages of steatehepatitis. If I didn't turn that shit around my life expectancy would be something like 45-55 before succumbing to cirrhosis. So I moved from the suburbs into a walkable part of the city two miles from my job and mash a fixed-gear bike to work as many days of the week as I can get away with, plus I've got a very expensive gym membership that eats like 6% ef my income in exchange for having a personal trainer holding me accountable to a minimum of 8 sessions per month.
The NAFLD is already in some degree of remission and I've lost about 16 pounds from my peak weight (along with recomping something like 7-10 pounds of fat as muscle mass), but keeping it in remission is gonna be a lifelong dedication to staying fit and eating reasonably cleanly. So, although I've had to reckon with the passage of time a lot earlier than I'd have liked, it's proven to be some degree of accelerationism for actively working on myself in a far greater degree than I have at basically any time since my freshman year of college or so.
I'm pretty optimistic for my thirties at large honestly
Personally, in my mid-30s, I'm the strongest and healthiest I've ever been, the most pain-free since my late teens, working a dream job, got a cute boyfriend, hitting my stride on a dog training company and an art venture, feel like I'm the coolest and most fashionable I've ever gotten to be after a long time working at it, hope to become even *cooler* this year, lotta things finally coming up Cello
The aging of folks around me is the bit that gets to me, but I have been deeply anxious on that front since I was like, 8, watching CNN way too late with my parents in our basement, and had mortality just sort of click in for me as far as my concerns about their health and eventual passing
There's little things like my mom being less sharp than she used to be, or my dad getting confused sometimes; but then it's also combined with both of them having some pretty near death health experiences a decade or so ago and so it mixes gratitude that they're still here with the deep unsettling anxiety that I don't know how much time I've got left with 'em, I recognize this could be the happiest I get to be before I lose 'em, and I desperately want them to still be here when I get married, have kids, etc
Feels like a race against time on all that stuff even as I'm cognizant they wouldn't want me to rush on their behalf. And as much as being hemmed into living with them to support them financially can be a drag on the like, independence front, it's nice to be able to spend so much more time with my family than most folks get
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My dad is basically a person who, every time he was given the choice, chose wrong, or at least didn't chose right. He's got type 2 diabetes, and is working through some congestive heart failure. So I'm trying to be present to the sadness of his slow dying, and the loss of a human being who was largely unkind with a few stellar moments of being a father. My mom is a neurotic retired GP who will probably live for another 40 years, not because she wants to (she talks about this), but because she's too neurotic to engage in behaviors that will cause her to die any earlier.
I think aging is pretty cool, and I also tend to couch it in the phrase (the first place it stuck in my mind was the title of a Penny Arcade comic, actually), "the way of all flesh." I'm ironically in the best shape of my life. I'm really here. I am more in touch with love and gratitude than I ever though possible.
I honestly think the biggest problem I have with aging is watching people in my life parent. My kids are all moved out, and I tell clients all the time that "parenting is just the fine art of fucking up as gracefully as you can for 18 years straight - and then finding out you signed up for another 40 years of the same." It's much easier for me to apply that compassion to my clients than people in my personal life. I can just see the issues they're building in their kids and I want to shake them. This is my other area of growth.
Thanks for this post @crwth - it's nice to reflect and see everyone reflecting. It's like an actual introspection thread.
Planeswalker
Will of the Council - Starting with you, each player votes for death goblin.
In the last 9 months or so I've also finally been throwing myself into actively maintaining my physical fitness that I'd taken for granted most of the last three decades, because one of my indirect complications from long CoVID was early-onset Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, that was becoming the early stages of steatehepatitis. If I didn't turn that shit around my life expectancy would be something like 45-55 before succumbing to cirrhosis. So I moved from the suburbs into a walkable part of the city two miles from my job and mash a fixed-gear bike to work as many days of the week as I can get away with, plus I've got a very expensive gym membership that eats like 6% ef my income in exchange for having a personal trainer holding me accountable to a minimum of 8 sessions per month.
The NAFLD is already in some degree of remission and I've lost about 16 pounds from my peak weight (along with recomping something like 7-10 pounds of fat as muscle mass), but keeping it in remission is gonna be a lifelong dedication to staying fit and eating reasonably cleanly. So, although I've had to reckon with the passage of time a lot earlier than I'd have liked, it's proven to be some degree of accelerationism for actively working on myself in a far greater degree than I have at basically any time since my freshman year of college or so.
I'm pretty optimistic for my thirties at large honestly
The aging of folks around me is the bit that gets to me, but I have been deeply anxious on that front since I was like, 8, watching CNN way too late with my parents in our basement, and had mortality just sort of click in for me as far as my concerns about their health and eventual passing
There's little things like my mom being less sharp than she used to be, or my dad getting confused sometimes; but then it's also combined with both of them having some pretty near death health experiences a decade or so ago and so it mixes gratitude that they're still here with the deep unsettling anxiety that I don't know how much time I've got left with 'em, I recognize this could be the happiest I get to be before I lose 'em, and I desperately want them to still be here when I get married, have kids, etc
Feels like a race against time on all that stuff even as I'm cognizant they wouldn't want me to rush on their behalf. And as much as being hemmed into living with them to support them financially can be a drag on the like, independence front, it's nice to be able to spend so much more time with my family than most folks get
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But... But I get it now.