As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

HEY EVERYONE! LET'S BLOW SHIT UP!

RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazedby the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
edited July 2007 in Social Entropy++
Dearest SE++;

We are on the verge of the greatest holiday of all, right now. Well, most of us. The ones who live in America. Because man what the hell why wouldn't you live in America, WE GOT THE GODDAMNED FOURTH OF JULY!

Right now, as we speak, small children are eagerly awaiting tomorrow's nightfall, where they will be handed lit cigarettes to light off mortar shells, each of which could potentially spell their doom. This is how America prepares children for a long future of gambling. It's a time-honored tradition.

As they enter adolescence these children quickly realize that those little snake pellets that turn into a big nasty smelling ash snake thing and turn the sidewalk all yellow suck. Those littler popper things you throw at the ground next to your cat to watch it do a backflip and run off for three days suck. Those sparklers with the faggy little tissue paper tips and wooden sticks suck. The real fun of fireworks is discovered at this age.

Tear them apart, stick a bunch of fireworks guts in a pop bottle and toss it in a bonfire and run like the fucking wind.

Tomorrow I will do my part, as a white man, to repay our Native American friends (quaintly referred to as Red Savages in my hometown. *shudder*) for centuries of misdeeds and genocide by paying a ridiculous amount of money for shit that will not go off half the time and frequently will misfire and launch flaming awesome danger directly over my neighbor's house and into the dry-ass pile of yard clippings he's had sitting out there for ages.

Also, this year I plan on undertaking numerous experiments in what I like to call THE PHYSICS OF THE RAD. What happens when you take two roman candles and tape them together, nozzle to nozzle, and light the fuse? What happens when you dissect all of the shells in a box of mortars, put all the parts inside a toilet paper tube wrapped in duct tape and light the fuse? How many times will that dog try to eat jumping jacks while they are still on fire? Where the hell did my finger go?

Ladies and gentlemen, our forefathers did not fight the great Midwestern Plains Dragons and the Vampires of the Appalachian Mountains so that we could sit idly by and watch some professionals light off thousands of dollars of fireworks on television. No. George Washington sacrificed his very life, high atop Mount Doom, so that we would be able to have the freedom to blow the ever-living fuck out of some rotten stump in the woods with black powder stuffed into a tennis ball in the name of FREEDOM!

So. My friends. My countrymen.

What are you going to blow up this year?

8406wWN.png
Rankenphile on
«1345

Posts

  • Options
    SpongeCakeSpongeCake Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    An airport.

    SpongeCake on
  • Options
    KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    oh shit cock

    i didn't even realize the 4th was so soon

    i was going to order a bunch of chemicals and metals and such and make a gang of my own fireworks this year

    Knob on
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    2 cases of Red Stripe.

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    What's a July?

    Synthetic Orange on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    2 cases of Red Stripe.

    God Bless America.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    oh god fuck, it's tomorrow?

    where the tits did this last week go

    i seem to have misplaced an entire goddamned week

    Knob on
  • Options
    mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    i hope my dad still has his secret stash of illegal explosives

    mrpaku on
  • Options
    SpongeCakeSpongeCake Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Happy Birthday anyway America.

    SpongeCake on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    oh god fuck, it's tomorrow?

    where the tits did this last week go

    i seem to have misplaced an entire goddamned week

    bonk

    so disappointed in you

    out of everyone here, I had expected you, of all people to already have one of those round barbecue grills stuffed full of fireworks and duct-taped shut.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Sky flowers

    ChicoBlue on
  • Options
    The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Wait seriously -- what happens when you tape two roman candles to each other?

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • Options
    PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    That sounds like shit.
    Mostly because I like my limbs and do not want them to get blown off by my own retarded actions.

    Picardathon on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Wait seriously -- what happens when you tape two roman candles to each other?

    That's what I aim to find out.

    FOR AMERICA.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I forgot to take the 5th off, so I gotta do all my drinking tonight.

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    Wrench N RocketsWrench N Rockets Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    POTATO GUN

    Wrench N Rockets on
    sig_lambo.jpg
  • Options
    TransporterTransporter Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    You know how I expect the world to end?

    A bunch of drunk fucks at that Colorado missle silo launches an airborne nuke on the 4th.

    Just to one up some cocky sonofabitch.

    Transporter on
  • Options
    The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Also I already got a grip of fireworks lying all around my apartment. Hopefully it doesn't get too hot today.

    I got one called the Neighbor Hater -- I really really like it.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    That sounds like shit.
    Mostly because I like my limbs and do not want them to get blown off by my own retarded actions.

    Canada is that way, faggot.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    POTATO GUN

    Yeah buddy.

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    oh god fuck, it's tomorrow?

    where the tits did this last week go

    i seem to have misplaced an entire goddamned week

    bonk

    so disappointed in you

    out of everyone here, I had expected you, of all people to already have one of those round barbecue grills stuffed full of fireworks and duct-taped shut.

    i know

    i seriously thought i had an entire week to drive to the next county and pick up a load of explodies

    Knob on
  • Options
    The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Wait seriously -- what happens when you tape two roman candles to each other?

    That's what I aim to find out.

    FOR AMERICA.
    I might try this, too, to corroborate results, but then again I might just do the customary place one roman candle in each man's hand, march 5 paces, then point them at each other and light.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • Options
    Wrench N RocketsWrench N Rockets Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    POTATO GUN

    Yeah buddy.

    We put an empty coffee can over the end once, curious how far the potato would drive the can.

    The potato went THROUGH the can.

    Wrench N Rockets on
    sig_lambo.jpg
  • Options
    mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    You know how I expect the world to end?

    A bunch of drunk fucks at that Colorado missle silo launches an airborne nuke on the 4th.

    Just to one up some cocky sonofabitch.

    having front row seats to armaggeddon would be so great

    mrpaku on
  • Options
    bongibongi regular
    edited July 2007
    i'm not going to blow up anything

    bongi on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    celery77 wrote: »
    Wait seriously -- what happens when you tape two roman candles to each other?

    That's what I aim to find out.

    FOR AMERICA.
    I might try this, too, to corroborate results, but then again I might just do the customary place one roman candle in each man's hand, march 5 paces, then point them at each other and light.

    I also want to get a big aluminum tube, probably six to eight feet long, drive it into the ground and shove a roman candle in it nose up and one on top of it nose down.

    I figure the top one will get launched out and start spraying firey pain in random directions.

    Good times.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    That sounds like shit.
    Mostly because I like my limbs and do not want them to get blown off by my own retarded actions.

    Canada is that way, faggot.
    If I wanted to watch explosives I would watch the clip showing the beginning of the Iraqi invasion again.
    If I could get my hands on green basketball explosives then maybe I would join you guys.
    Then again, I could fill up a green basketball with lighter fluid strap a firework onto it and blow it up.
    But it wouldn't be the same.

    Picardathon on
  • Options
    TransporterTransporter Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    bongi wrote: »
    i'm not going to blow up anything

    Hey that's pretty cool.

    Communist

    Transporter on
  • Options
    KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator mod
    edited July 2007
    you know how explosions are amplified when contained?

    we have this tradition of taking a cinder block, laying it on its side so the holes are pointing up, making a sort of container, then dropping an m80 and something else inside, then putting a board over the top and standing on it

    whatever you put inside suffers the most fucking ridiculous damage

    sometimes the force is enough to toss you and the board up in the air. one of these days the cinder block is going to explode and kill someone with concrete shrapnel


    we call it the 'salsa chamber', from the time we did it with a tomato

    Knob on
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    That sounds like shit.
    Mostly because I like my limbs and do not want them to get blown off by my own retarded actions.

    Canada is that way, faggot.
    If I wanted to watch explosives I would watch the clip showing the beginning of the Iraqi invasion again.
    If I could get my hands on green basketball explosives then maybe I would join you guys.
    Then again, I could fill up a green basketball with lighter fluid strap a firework onto it and blow it up.
    But it wouldn't be the same.

    Canada is that way, faggot.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    Frosted ButtsFrosted Butts Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    POTATO GUN

    Yeah buddy.

    We put an empty coffee can over the end once, curious how far the potato would drive the can.

    The potato went THROUGH the can.

    We had one with a 14 foot barrel and a giant chamber. We named it the 13th Commandment.

    We used to shoot frozen potatoes through the corrugated metal walls of the DMV across the road from my friend's dad's property.

    Also, we could shoot it across the river and hit Philadelphia from New Jersey.

    Frosted Butts on
    lion1si5.jpg
  • Options
    MonkeybombMonkeybomb Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    One of my co-workers has a regular display of illegal fireworks in his back yard.

    last year they had a cannon

    Monkeybomb on
    Xbox Live Gamertag: Triplemonkeybom
    monkeysig-1.jpg
  • Options
    SpongeCakeSpongeCake Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    you know how explosions are amplified when contained?

    we have this tradition of taking a cinder block, laying it on its side so the holes are pointing up, making a sort of container, then dropping an m80 and something else inside, then putting a board over the top and standing on it

    whatever you put inside suffers the most fucking ridiculous damage

    sometimes the force is enough to toss you and the board up in the air. one of these days the cinder block is going to explode and kill someone with concrete shrapnel


    we call it the 'salsa chamber', from the time we did it with a tomato

    Oh man.

    SpongeCake on
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] regular
    edited July 2007
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
  • Options
    NucshNucsh Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I've been blowing shit up since Saturday

    Sadly enough, I've run out of the extra cash to blow on the good stuff for the 4th

    Nucsh on
    [SIGPIC]GIANT ENEMY BEAR[/SIGPIC]
  • Options
    TransporterTransporter Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Monkeybomb wrote: »
    One of my co-workers has a regular display of illegal fireworks in his back yard.

    last year they had a cannon

    Did they fire a midget out of this?

    Transporter on
  • Options
    Shazkar ShadowstormShazkar Shadowstorm Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    do i really have to be 21 to buy fireworks in NH? because that is where i am going. and fuck, i am almost 21... but not quite.

    Shazkar Shadowstorm on
    poo
  • Options
    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited July 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    you know how explosions are amplified when contained?

    we have this tradition of taking a cinder block, laying it on its side so the holes are pointing up, making a sort of container, then dropping an m80 and something else inside, then putting a board over the top and standing on it

    whatever you put inside suffers the most fucking ridiculous damage

    sometimes the force is enough to toss you and the board up in the air. one of these days the cinder block is going to explode and kill someone with concrete shrapnel


    we call it the 'salsa chamber', from the time we did it with a tomato

    You're a good man.

    God I hope that Chief No Toes (seriously, that's what is painted on his fireworks stand) has his M80 stash again this year.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
  • Options
    SASA Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I think I might blow up an american flag.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
  • Options
    scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    you know how explosions are amplified when contained?

    we have this tradition of taking a cinder block, laying it on its side so the holes are pointing up, making a sort of container, then dropping an m80 and something else inside, then putting a board over the top and standing on it

    whatever you put inside suffers the most fucking ridiculous damage

    sometimes the force is enough to toss you and the board up in the air. one of these days the cinder block is going to explode and kill someone with concrete shrapnel


    we call it the 'salsa chamber', from the time we did it with a tomato

    haha, awesome.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • Options
    PicardathonPicardathon Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Also, I think fireworks are illegal in Illinois for individuals to buy, so I'd have to make a run for Indiana just to pick some up.
    Meh, see you all when I'm in college, maybe I'll go to a state where fireworks are legal.

    Picardathon on
Sign In or Register to comment.