I heard girls can actually learn to masturbate without using their hands.
Ferrus on
I would like to pause for a moment, to talk about my penis.
My penis is like a toddler. A toddler—who is a perfectly normal size for his age—on a long road trip to what he thinks is Disney World. My penis is excited because he hasn’t been to Disney World in a long, long time, but remembers a time when he used to go every day. So now the penis toddler is constantly fidgeting, whining “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? How about now? Now? How about... now?”
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
Shit, I used to use my calculator to memorize digits of pi instead of studying, wtf was I thinking?
Oh, is that what the young people call it these days? "Just a minute, Mom, I'm doing my math homework!"
"just using my calculator in here, nothing to worry about" *cough cough*
I always hate getting hard when I'm just playing with a girl's hands or something like that. It doesn't happen as much anymore for the casual stuff, so that's cool.
METAzraeL on
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Oh gof
Yeah, I found a big box of dildos under my parents' bed once
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Oh gof
Yeah, I found a big box of dildos under my parents' bed once
*shudder*
I discovered it a few months back while looking for our old VHS copy of the Ninja Turtles movie.
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Oh gof
Yeah, I found a big box of dildos under my parents' bed once
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Oh gof
Yeah, I found a big box of dildos under my parents' bed once
At the very least you didn't walk in on her in the action.
Great, because of that mental picture I'm gay and need to take lots of showers to clean off this filthy dirt it's all over and it's not coming off oh god! Thanks a lot.
I heard girls can actually learn to masturbate without using their hands.
Yeah, it's not terribly uncommon for a girl's first masturbatory experience to involve something other than her hands. The water faucet in the bathtub and the arm of the couch are a couple of common culprits.
Feral on
every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
For some reason I was always more scared of my parents finding out that I masturbated or walking in on me masturbating than I was them discovering that I smoked pot.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Well because you might be nervous about that while your masturbating.
Any worry you might have about your parents finding out about you smoking pot would be at its peak (lol) when you were smoking pot. Such worries would be negated by the fact that you were smoking pot.
You know, porn doesn't have to just be about fapping. I used to watch porn all the time with my ex. Getting a blowjob while watching porn = win.
Also to comment on the whole "stealth fapping" thing when your partner is in bed with you, I never really got that way. I would actually try to get her to notice, kind of meaning "hint hint, gimmie some help here". I never felt that I had to hide it from her...
Yeah, fapping a lot can cause you to "lose the eye of the tiger" as Doc put it. But if you go too long without it.... you go crazy. At least I do.
I would still beat too even when I was having sex a lot. It wasn't an issue of "the sex isn't doing it for me". I just wanted to beat still.
I heard girls can actually learn to masturbate without using their hands.
Yeah, it's not terribly uncommon for a girl's first masturbatory experience to involve something other than her hands. The water faucet in the bathtub and the arm of the couch are a couple of common culprits.
You know if I had sisters I would find this mildly perturbing.
Oh god, I know much more about my sister's sexual life than I should, would ever want to, or god my head hurts, seeing how most of my friends at some point before becoming my friends dated her.
There's nothing like swimming with one of your best buddies and him going "Oh yeah, it was right over there where your sister gave me my first blowjob." Or saying something about face fucking and one of them going "Yeah, your sister gave that phrase a whole new meaning."
I'd get pissed about it if what they were saying was untrue, but seeing how it's not I can't really get mad. It sucks though.
As yosimite sam can attest, I got few terrible erections during a long car trip. I wasn't aroused, I didn't need to pee, but they were all uncomfortable and wouldn't go away. I hate those.
Oh god, I know much more about my sister's sexual life than I should, would ever want to, or god my head hurts, seeing how most of my friends at some point before becoming my friends dated her.
There's nothing like swimming with one of your best buddies and him going "Oh yeah, it was right over there where your sister gave me my first blowjob." Or saying something about face fucking and one of them going "Yeah, your sister gave that phrase a whole new meaning."
I'd get pissed about it if what they were saying was untrue, but seeing how it's not I can't really get mad. It sucks though.
As yosimite sam can attest, I got few terrible erections during a long car trip. I wasn't aroused, I didn't need to pee, but they were all uncomfortable and wouldn't go away. I hate those.
Me too. One time I was with my parents and we decided to stop at the mall. For some reason I got one of those erections, and it wouldn't go away! When we got out of the car I tried to walk between cars in the parking lot hoping that no one would notice. I hesitated once we got to the door, and my parents asked what was wrong. Thankfully they didn't notice my boner. A girl inside did, though, and looked at me very strangely.
As yosimite sam can attest, I got few terrible erections during a long car trip. I wasn't aroused, I didn't need to pee, but they were all uncomfortable and wouldn't go away. I hate those.
Me too. One time I was with my parents and we decided to stop at the mall. For some reason I got one of those erections, and it wouldn't go away! When we got out of the car I tried to walk between cars in the parking lot hoping that no one would notice. I hesitated once we got to the door, and my parents asked what was wrong. Thankfully they didn't notice my boner. A girl inside did, though, and looked at me very strangely.
It rose to EPIC PROPORTIONS!
Xenocide Geek on
i wanted love, i needed love
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
I remember getting those random erections, they seem to have stopped thank god.
Look Out it's Sabs! on
NNID: Sabuiy
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
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HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
edited August 2007
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
I tried telling that to one of my friends. He just gave me a o_O look the entire time. I'm pretty sure he's never had an erection before.
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
I tried telling that to one of my friends. He just gave me a o_O look the entire time. I'm pretty sure he's never had an erection before.
I think I only talked about this kinda stuff with one friend who also had this happen to him.
For example one day at school the teacher asked him to handout some handouts to the class, as he went to stand up he got an erection and quickly sat back down saying he doesnt feel good and put his head on his desk.
Look Out it's Sabs! on
NNID: Sabuiy
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
0
Options
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
I tried telling that to one of my friends. He just gave me a o_O look the entire time. I'm pretty sure he's never had an erection before.
I think I only talked about this kinda stuff with one friend who also had this happen to him.
For example one day at school the teacher asked him to handout some handouts to the class, as he went to stand up he got an erection and quickly sat back down saying he doesnt feel good and put his head on his desk.
I had something like that happen to me one time. Managed to get out of it by telling the teacher I needed to go to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to puke. Luckily for me he wasn't brave enough to call my bluff, and just let me go without any hassle.
Awkward boners are the worst things in the world. You're all just sitting there, doing your business, then BAM oh hello Mr. Penis I see you've got yourself all spun up about something.
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
I tried telling that to one of my friends. He just gave me a o_O look the entire time. I'm pretty sure he's never had an erection before.
I think I only talked about this kinda stuff with one friend who also had this happen to him.
For example one day at school the teacher asked him to handout some handouts to the class, as he went to stand up he got an erection and quickly sat back down saying he doesnt feel good and put his head on his desk.
I had something like that happen to me one time. Managed to get out of it by telling the teacher I needed to go to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to puke. Luckily for me he wasn't brave enough to call my bluff, and just let me go without any hassle.
This was pretty much my nightmare Years 7-8 in high school. Never was an issue though in the end thank god.
AbsoluteZeroThe new film by Quentin KoopantinoRegistered Userregular
edited August 2007
High School is a never-ending parade of boners.
All guys should know this.
Though I am continually surprised to hear how enigmatic the male reproductive system is to girls. Why just the other day my girlfriend asked me if I voluntarily lift my balls when it gets cold. Man, I wish I could voluntarily lift my balls, I'd make them dance!
Also, she didn't know until relatively recently that guys get sporadic boners for no reason, completely outside of their control.
Though I am continually surprised to hear how enigmatic the male reproductive system is to girls. Why just the other day my girlfriend asked me if I voluntarily lift my balls when it gets cold. Man, I wish I could voluntarily lift my balls, I'd make them dance!
Though I am continually surprised to hear how enigmatic the male reproductive system is to girls. Why just the other day my girlfriend asked me if I voluntarily lift my balls when it gets cold. Man, I wish I could voluntarily lift my balls, I'd make them dance!
Also, she didn't know until relatively recently that guys get sporadic boners for no reason, completely outside of their control.
I can ALMOST make them voluntarily sorta lift. ALMOST.
...I wish I could do it properly, and independently. I'd make 'em cha-cha.
Though I am continually surprised to hear how enigmatic the male reproductive system is to girls. Why just the other day my girlfriend asked me if I voluntarily lift my balls when it gets cold. Man, I wish I could voluntarily lift my balls, I'd make them dance!
Does she know you can voluntarily move the shaft?
It was fun surprising my girlfriend with that. It's magic hazzah!
Posts
Like if you sit on a bicycle without a seat.
And Disney World is nowhere in sight.
I always hate getting hard when I'm just playing with a girl's hands or something like that. It doesn't happen as much anymore for the casual stuff, so that's cool.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Or on a bumpy road.
Very odd that.
Then again now I'm more scared of the fact that I know where my mom keeps her massive collection of sex toys.
Oh gof
Yeah, I found a big box of dildos under my parents' bed once
*shudder*
I discovered it a few months back while looking for our old VHS copy of the Ninja Turtles movie.
/hug for both of you
Those kind of stories deserve hugs.
...and a shower.
...and a lobotomy.
Great, because of that mental picture I'm gay and need to take lots of showers to clean off this filthy dirt it's all over and it's not coming off oh god! Thanks a lot.
Yeah, it's not terribly uncommon for a girl's first masturbatory experience to involve something other than her hands. The water faucet in the bathtub and the arm of the couch are a couple of common culprits.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Well because you might be nervous about that while your masturbating.
Any worry you might have about your parents finding out about you smoking pot would be at its peak (lol) when you were smoking pot. Such worries would be negated by the fact that you were smoking pot.
Also to comment on the whole "stealth fapping" thing when your partner is in bed with you, I never really got that way. I would actually try to get her to notice, kind of meaning "hint hint, gimmie some help here". I never felt that I had to hide it from her...
Yeah, fapping a lot can cause you to "lose the eye of the tiger" as Doc put it. But if you go too long without it.... you go crazy. At least I do.
I would still beat too even when I was having sex a lot. It wasn't an issue of "the sex isn't doing it for me". I just wanted to beat still.
There's nothing like swimming with one of your best buddies and him going "Oh yeah, it was right over there where your sister gave me my first blowjob." Or saying something about face fucking and one of them going "Yeah, your sister gave that phrase a whole new meaning."
I'd get pissed about it if what they were saying was untrue, but seeing how it's not I can't really get mad. It sucks though.
edit: to both of the posts above mine.
more /hugs
Me too. One time I was with my parents and we decided to stop at the mall. For some reason I got one of those erections, and it wouldn't go away! When we got out of the car I tried to walk between cars in the parking lot hoping that no one would notice. I hesitated once we got to the door, and my parents asked what was wrong. Thankfully they didn't notice my boner. A girl inside did, though, and looked at me very strangely.
It wilted instantly.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
It's especially bad when you're at a funeral. Try explaining that one away without coming off to your family as a complete freak.
You think this happening to lots of guys they would understand you, but eh.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
I think I only talked about this kinda stuff with one friend who also had this happen to him.
For example one day at school the teacher asked him to handout some handouts to the class, as he went to stand up he got an erection and quickly sat back down saying he doesnt feel good and put his head on his desk.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
All guys should know this.
Though I am continually surprised to hear how enigmatic the male reproductive system is to girls. Why just the other day my girlfriend asked me if I voluntarily lift my balls when it gets cold. Man, I wish I could voluntarily lift my balls, I'd make them dance!
Also, she didn't know until relatively recently that guys get sporadic boners for no reason, completely outside of their control.
Does she know you can voluntarily move the shaft?
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I can ALMOST make them voluntarily sorta lift. ALMOST.
...I wish I could do it properly, and independently. I'd make 'em cha-cha.
i think it's more appropriate to say it's randomly taking a turn for the yalborap.
roughly equivalent, if not stranger.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
It was fun surprising my girlfriend with that. It's magic hazzah!
3DS: 2852-6809-9411
Except for their actual use, ewww babies.
3DS: 2852-6809-9411