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Gather 'Round Children

Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of KafiristanRegistered User regular
edited August 2007 in Social Entropy++
It's high time you learned about medicinal ballsack stretching.
"It has taken the stiffness out of my entire body and improved my eyesight. Whenever I got tired during my magazine days, I'd really give my ball sack a good stretch," Inoma tells Asahi Geino. "From the time I started until now, I haven't had a single major illness. And that's despite smoking three packs of cigarettes and downing a bottle of shochu (potato-based, vodka-like liquor) every day. There's not a thing wrong with my liver or anything."

Touching your balls keeps the cancer at bay. Does this rhyme? I don't know, but take note or go to hell.
"You grab the sack and give it a yank, then gently move the skin around in circles while still pulling on it," he says. "I'm constantly putting my hands in my pockets and pulling on my sack five to six hours a day, whether I'm at home watching TV or outside somewhere. I think for beginners, though, a 1-minute set would be more than enough."

He's not a pervert! He's a pioneer riding the wave of new age health techniques. Mother fucker has ideas.

Touching balls saves lives.

Touch your sack for safety.
Touch your sack for fun.

Penguin Incarnate on
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Posts

  • QorzmQorzm Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    current mood: touching my sack

    Qorzm on
  • QorzmQorzm Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    sack snacks

    Qorzm on
  • Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Thread title threw me off.

    I thought I would see this;

    Come gather 'round people
    Wherever you roam
    And admit that the waters
    Around you have grown
    And accept it that soon
    You'll be drenched to the bone.
    If your time to you
    Is worth savin'
    Then you better start swimmin'
    Or you'll sink like a stone
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    Come writers and critics
    Who prophesize with your pen
    And keep your eyes wide
    The chance won't come again
    And don't speak too soon
    For the wheel's still in spin
    And there's no tellin' who
    That it's namin'.
    For the loser now
    Will be later to win
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    Come senators, congressmen
    Please heed the call
    Don't stand in the doorway
    Don't block up the hall
    For he that gets hurt
    Will be he who has stalled
    There's a battle outside
    And it is ragin'.
    It'll soon shake your windows
    And rattle your walls
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    Come mothers and fathers
    Throughout the land
    And don't criticize
    What you can't understand
    Your sons and your daughters
    Are beyond your command
    Your old road is
    Rapidly agin'.
    Please get out of the new one
    If you can't lend your hand
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    The line it is drawn
    The curse it is cast
    The slow one now
    Will later be fast
    As the present now
    Will later be past
    The order is
    Rapidly fadin'.
    And the first one now
    Will later be last
    For the times they are a-changin'.

    Im a little let down, even though this is about balls.

    Filler Inc. on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Way to ruin the fucking thread.

    The folksy stylings of early Bob Dylan do not belong solely to him.

    This is about ball sacks, not songs in car commercials. Hang your head in shame. You have forgotten the face of your father.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    okay.


    im gonna go touch my balls

    Filler Inc. on
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    this is what i tried to explain to the all the parents at the park

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I am touching my testicles right now

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Qorzm wrote: »
    sack snacks

    Sack attack

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Qorzm wrote: »
    sack snacks

    Sack attack

    Sack whack

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • AirAir Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    aint no one but nobody gotta tell a dude to touch his genitals like he aint already doing it at any given moment

    Air on
    darjeelingshortsig95.jpg
  • BogdanichBogdanich Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    It's high time ye learns
    About a hero named Homer
    And a devil named Burns
    We'll march 'til we drop
    The girls and the fellas
    We'll fight 'til the death
    Or else fold like umbrellas
    So, we'll march day and night
    By the big cooling tower
    They have the plant, but we have the power

    Bogdanich on
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Silmaril wrote: »
    I am touching my testicles right now

    i can feel the cancer just melt away

    Nuzak on
  • Tweaked_Bat_Tweaked_Bat_ Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    "It has taken the stiffness out of my entire body and improved my eyesight. Whenever I got tired during my magazine days, I'd really give my ball sack a good stretch,"

    Man, I must be dumb, because I'm failing to see the connection between eyeballs and those balls down there....

    Tweaked_Bat_ on
  • NuzakNuzak Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Air wrote: »
    aint no one but nobody gotta tell a dude to touch his genitals like he aint already doing it at any given moment

    i both am and ma not fondling my nutsack at any given moment

    to make me assume one state or another, you must walk in on me masturbating

    schrodinger's testicles

    Nuzak on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    It is well known among medical quacks that the nuts are the eyes of the pelvis.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Nuzak wrote: »
    Silmaril wrote: »
    I am touching my testicles right now

    i can feel the cancer just melt away

    Is your name pronouced Newwwzack or the more appropriate hard z Nutzsack?

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Anyone know if this can cure aids?

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    There is one way to find out.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Dublo7 wrote: »
    Anyone know if this can cure aids?


    No.

    You are going to die.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I need 15 filthy drugged out hookers, stat.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Family reunion, huh?

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    You want in?

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    literally?

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Ye-- No...

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Being only metaphorically inside a crack whore just isn't the same.




    disappointment.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Being only metaphorically inside a crack whore just isn't the same.
    Well you do run a lower risk of actually getting aids. So unless you're not very confident about this medical procedure, I wouldn't suggest literally getting inside a crack whore.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I went to the new age bookstore the other day because someone got me a 20 dollar gift certificate. And I want to know, why do they put the UFO stuff with the regression therapy stuff with the Wiccan stuff with the Buddhist stuff with the crystal healing stuff? I don't think they are equivalent.

    real_pochacco on
  • StaleStale Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Air wrote: »
    aint no one but nobody gotta tell a dude to touch his genitals like he aint already doing it at any given moment

    I rarely touch my sack.

    aside from urination and cleansing, I pretty much leave it alone.

    Stale on
    easysig2.jpg
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I went to the new age bookstore the other day because someone got me a 20 dollar gift certificate. And I want to know, why do they put the UFO stuff with the regression therapy stuff with the Wiccan stuff with the Buddhist stuff with the crystal healing stuff? I don't think they are equivalent.
    I don't get what you're saying. Are you confused as to why they would shelve bullshit with other bullshit?

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Dublo7 wrote: »
    I went to the new age bookstore the other day because someone got me a 20 dollar gift certificate. And I want to know, why do they put the UFO stuff with the regression therapy stuff with the Wiccan stuff with the Buddhist stuff with the crystal healing stuff? I don't think they are equivalent.
    I don't get what you're saying. Are you confused as to why they would shelve bullshit with other bullshit?

    Well some of it is less bullshit than others. Buddhism isn't really very much bullshit at all, and I can dig some neopagan ideas.

    real_pochacco on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Yeah, like recycling and not getting laid.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Or is that wicca?

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I just did a bit of ballsack stretching. My cock has already grown two inches. In girth.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Dublo7 wrote: »
    You want in?
    Will there be food? Or elements of food?

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    man, you can say a lot of shit about the neopagan community. but you cannot say those guys aren't getting laid. because let me tell you, they are.

    real_pochacco on
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    You will be able to eat something, although I would not recommend it.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    man, you can say a lot of shit about the neopagan community. but you cannot say those guys aren't getting laid. because let me tell you, they are.
    So are Catholic Priests.

    Dublo7 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    anddd we come full circle to the thread title

    real_pochacco on
  • Dublo7Dublo7 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Very well played, sir.

    Dublo7 on
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  • real_pochaccoreal_pochacco Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    which is why i have to stop talking now before I fuck it up

    oh sh--

    real_pochacco on
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