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Not a single girl thread on the first page? [Girl Thread]
variant
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'll save the day!
Met a cool chick, down the hall, we were constantly hanging out till 3 in the morning, this went on for a whole week and I thought. well shit she seems interested, so I went in pursuit and came off a little too strong/quick, I guess, and she basically told me that she "really doesn't want to date anyone right now."
I was just like whatever, in a week or so we'll probably be really good friends.
this was last week.
But...I can't seem to get my mind off her still...
...I just want her out of my mind as I haven't been able to concentrate on my lectures at all this week, I don't even know how I dazed or what the hell I even thought about for all those hours of lectures but I do know it was about her...this is really bad.
I don't think I've fallen so deep for someone, and definitely not this quickly. Since she doesn't want anything I don't want to try anything, I'm cool with friends but then why can't I get her out of my mind??
tl dr: I can't get this girl off my mind, can't concentrate in school, can't just brush it off.
Thanks in advance...
Met a cool chick, down the hall, we were constantly hanging out till 3 in the morning, this went on for a whole week and I thought. well shit she seems interested, so I went in pursuit and came off a little too strong/quick, I guess, and she basically told me that she "really doesn't want to date anyone right now."
I was just like whatever, in a week or so we'll probably be really good friends.
this was last week.
But...I can't seem to get my mind off her still...
...I just want her out of my mind as I haven't been able to concentrate on my lectures at all this week, I don't even know how I dazed or what the hell I even thought about for all those hours of lectures but I do know it was about her...this is really bad.
I don't think I've fallen so deep for someone, and definitely not this quickly. Since she doesn't want anything I don't want to try anything, I'm cool with friends but then why can't I get her out of my mind??
tl dr: I can't get this girl off my mind, can't concentrate in school, can't just brush it off.
Thanks in advance...
variant on
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Posts
You need to not be around her, for a long time. I had the same situation my senior year of college, and if I could tell myself something to help me it would have been that.
Also, let yourself really be upset/pissed about it, accept that she probably doesn't want you. ( not trying to be mean here just trying to help
I am sort of rambling but I just think you need to get some perspective. Trust me there are other girls, but our minds are weird and can build up a girl who rejects us as the best of all time. I didn't believe there were other girls out there until my first year of law school when I met an amazing girl and my 10 month girlfriend out of the blue.
But seriously, dont be around her and whatever you do, dont be "really good friends"
edit :
Also, go have fun, focus on class, go to the gym, just do something that occupies you and preferably wears you the fuck out.
Or you can go confess your feelings to her and maybe she'll totally understand and realize that you're the one. I don't know, happens in Hollywood movies so it must be true. :P
http://youtube.com/watch?v=M_J-lxK8uCY
Do NOT do that. :P
But I agree with all the other replies so far. I'm in a similar situation, and I find it's best for me not to try to contact her, hang out with her, or even look at her Facebook/Myspace/whatever profile. I'm getting along just fine - it does help.
Ever played with a cat using a piece of string? For as long as you dangle the string just out of its reach, the cat will go for it. As soon as you drop the string between its paws...it looks at it for a second, it might bat it once, then walks off and goes to sleep.
You're the string. The cat is the girl.
Girls aren't the only ones who should play hard-to-get, to put it simply, but it is MUCH MUCH more than just playing hard to get, its an entire courtship thing. Let the girls chase you, then, turn around and chase them for a while. Just when they think they've got you, back off a little and let them chase you.
Obviously at some point you have to admit that you do like her. But you can never let yourself be taken for granted. If you see a girl twice in one week, and you really think you like her, don't tell her. If you do, even if she feels the same way, she'll see you as weak for giving yourself up so easily.
Girls love the thrill of the chase. They're predators. hahaha. god I love that metaphor.
Hi, please don't come here spouting stupid retarded "theories" from books like The Game.
Every thing you said here is wrong because this is not how normal humans are supposed to interact. If you want to play games, go back to high school.
Please don't insult me again by suggesting that I treat that book as a manual.
It was a fiction novel, nothing more.
But the concepts it hints at are elaborated on elsewhere, and if you believe that it doesn't work, I am here to respectfully inform you that you are wrong
Wow - assisted denial? Sienna'd for stalker factor.
Seriously - move on.
I know you really want something to happen... But she cant be any clearer.
I hate to say this, but if you dont back off, you're one of those guys. Y'know... creepy.
I'm not saying that its not OK for you to be thinking of her, or to be her friend - Hell, I've been exactly where you were. But dont keep making moves or applying pressure physically - and for the love of all thats holy do not listen to the quoted post and try to "get something physically" by "playing your cards right" because maybe she's lonely or heartbroken. Jesus Christ.
:roll:
Dhalphir is a stupid fucking teenager with no clue, but you do need to not obsess over this girl. Start treating her like, you know, a person instead of a goddamn status symbol. omg she likes you but doesn't want to fuck you? That's called a friend. Friends are good. The more the merrier. You're at college, you'll meet someone who wants to jump your bones soon enough. You don't need to jump all over the first person to not blow you off totally.
Pretty good post for an iPhone
Why do you insist to belittle everyone whose opinion differs from your own? Does it make you feel better to sit at home and berate everyone on the interwebs while your mom makes you minipizzas? I understand you're trying to help and give curt advice but shit man. If you've never fallen for someone then you might not be able to sympathize with him, but the rest of us (I'm sure) can relate. Its not fucking easy to just drop "the pussy from the pedestal" or however you want to put it.
He understands she doesn't like him, he wants advice as to how to get over her. I really didn't gather that he was reeling terribly from the fact that it wasn't going to work at the moment.
My advice? Don't try to spend as much time with her as everyone else has said. Over time you'll either get over her or something might develop, who knows? But The Cat did have one decent point that wasn't completely bombastic. You're in college, bro. There are plenty of girls out there so don't put all of your eggs in one basket just yet. I've had to realize that, too.
I think she's worried about me being too relationship-y and just cant have that right now, both of us are away from home for the first time, we're transfers, and she also said if something were to happen she doesn't have her "support group." She's working 2 jobs(~30 hours) and is taking 12 units, thinking about joining a sorority and running for our hall council. So yeah, she's pretty busy too...
Cat, I don't think it was true love, only that she was interested and that I should pursuit it because she's a great gal and we were really getting along. I don't care to jump in to her pants, sorry if that's what i accidentally implied by saying "came off to strong/quick," I meant it as ... I was too available, mainly because I was trying to get away from my suite mates(stoners) and procrastinating on studies. Also you do nail it with the "don't jump on the first person to not blow you off" not that someone else was blowing me off but I've pretty much only hung out with her and her roommates, but mostly cuz their really laid back and like watching the same movies as me.
Yeah I think asking her in a serious way was probably the dumbest idea but I don't like to beat around the bush.
Also, I'm not really concerned about what I did wrong, I did what I felt like at the moment.
I played with an iphone Monday night at the apple store, pretty cool, the keyboard is a little annoying, other then that, with the price drop they seem pretty sweet.
Fallingman: I don't plan on trying to do anything except be friends with her, once this blows over...
I had lecture this morning and it went pretty smooth for the most part, maybe because it was interesting or maybe because I'm finally recovering, any more help is still appreciated.
As soonerman said, I'm only trying to get over it, I don't care about what I did wrong or how I can salvage another chance or something, I just wanna be over it so I can concentrate on my schooling, I'm working full time, taking 15 units, paying for tuition and rent (im a big boy now!
Anyway, as for advice specific to your situation? Since it sounds like you aren't deeply emotionally invested in her, I don't see why you can't hang out as friends, unless her presence really does make you pine for her. Just be aware that you are most likely experiencing "the one that got away" syndrome, and that the way you feel right now is an artifact of her rejection, not really a "genuine" feeling. It should go away with time.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=e7gDPxdLMCc
That is exactly what I meant.
And nowhere did I suggest playing stupid games. You don't play games for this sort of stuff, its just the easiest way to explain it.
Can someone elaborate on just how you know when you've entered the "Friend Zone"? I apparently have a really annoying habit of either overshooting or undershooting this barrier, given my track record.
You can't. There is no universal pattern that all women follow, so you just have to take your best guess.
Type 1: Genuinely friends. She genuinely likes you, but not in that way.
Type 2: She doesn't have the confidence to straight up say no, so she rejects you by saying "lets just be friends".
Most times, it will be type 2.
Every single one of my really good female friends, either I was the one to say "let's be friends" (which usually means type 1, coming from me), or they were my ex-girlfriends, and we parted on good terms to remain friends.
I was able to concentrate in class yesterday and studied alot during the day, at night she hit me up and we went out to a hookah bar with her roommates, chilled, danced and then I brought her back early because she was tired.
So all in all everything seems alright now, I guess i just needed another day or two...
Thanks a lot for the help guys.
Edit: Actually, there is one thing, we aren't talking as fluidly as we did but I guess that'll just take time too...