If you go to ESPN.com, you may have come across
this column by Bill Simmons, where he details the various levels of losing, from least painful to most painful. (Read it now before ESPN sticks it behind the Insider pay window.)
I figured, why not translate it to gaming? I've taken as many levels of his as I could, translated them into a video game context, added a few of my own that have no sports parallel, and boom. By losing, I mean exactly that: you die. I've ended up at 18, using Bill's order for the already-existing levels, and my judgment for my additions. (I'm willing to add more if you guys come up with one that's good enough and can't be reclassified under something else.)
Level 18: The Princeton Principle
Definition: This is when you get into a fight against a guy you're not nearly powered up enough to beat, like a 1/16 game in the NCAA Tournament. But things go well, and you're hanging in there, may even be winning for a while. But then the game turns the tables and takes you out. It stings because you had low expectations, but then you get your hopes raised up and then dashed.
Best example: From The_Lightbringer.
"Was playing Mount and Blade while besieging a town with 45 men until a massive enemy force attacks me with about 100 men.
I was expecting a lose but there was no where else to run so I charged straight through. My brave elite men fell one by one but not without dragging 2 guys with them, while I swept in with lance or mace to pick off stray men. Wave after wave of enemy reinforcements come in but we run them over like the peasants they are. However, this unending tide of humanity eventually wore my entire army down until it was only me. I persisted for a long time, darting in and out picking off stragglers. But facing against crossbows and spearmen, my mount eventually got toppled and I had fight carefully with the low health I have.
Using the enemy spearmen as a shield against their crossbow men, I picked them off one by one until a dozen crossbowmen remained on top of a mountain. From which I charged with my shield held high, attempting to flank the lonely crossbows.
Just as I downed the 4th crossbowmen, my guard was exposed and some lucky punk punctured my face with a bolt and I went down for the count.
45 of mine dead compared to 90ish dead. I was so enraged and frustrated that I was so close to winning a victory of such epicness that singers and minstrels would thereafter sing about them."
Level 17: The Alpha Dog
Definition: It might have been a painful death, but at least you could take solace in the fact that it came down to one big gun. Unfortunately, that big gun wasn't in your party. You feel more helpless here than anything.
Level 16: The Hide And Seek
Definition: This is a field task that you cannot for the life of you figure out. You'll walk around for an hour, trying to find one key or one door or something that you KNOW is in the area, or figure out a puzzle that requires a member of your party you haven't used for half the game. It won't kill you, but it may be the point in the game that makes you reach for the walkthrough.
Level 15: The Rabbit's Foot
Definition: This is when you simply cannot catch a break. The RNG keeps coming up 1, your weapon keeps breaking, your 95% effective spell is running up against that other 5% a whole hell of a lot. Frustrating as hell, may cause broken controllers.
Level 14: The Sudden Death
Definition: This is when a battle goes on and on and on, either because it's a big boss or a regular battle that quickly spiraled into an epic struggle, and both sides are getting down there and relying on the items and healing spells or whatever the game has around to keep them alive, and ammo is low, and any wrong move might mean the difference, and it's getting on a half hour now, and sooner or later you just want it to be over, just so you don't get a stroke.
Level 13: Dead Man Walking
Definition: This is any battle where you technically remain alive, but you just went through a fight so catastrophic that the next guy will likely finish you off, and you're far from the nearest save or recovery point so you have to gimp along for miles before you can shake it off. You've mentally waved the white flag, but a small part of you still holds out hope that the save point is just around the corner. It's possible to fight off Dead Man Walking status and restore yourself, but it's not exactly your idea of fun.
Personal memory: Paper Mario: Thousand-Year Door. This was actually just last night, and the catalyst for creating this thread. I run up against four Amazee Dayzees. Attack the first one, tattle to log it. Like I've done all game. Then they start Jigglypuffing my ass. Two points of damage per song. Four of them singing. I stay asleep, so they get to do more singing. I've got 30HP on Mario, 20 for Goombella, and I'm getting raped through the eardrums. I've got an HP recovery badge on both, which will wake someone up when it hands back a heart. It does for Goombella.
JUST IN TIME TO GET SUNG TO SLEEP AGAIN. TWO Life Shrooms later, the Dayzees are dead, but the next save block is a mile away in either direction.
Level 12: The Monkey Wrench
Definition: Any battle that you might have won had it not been for one utterly boneheaded decision by you. You stomp on something with spikes on it, you use the wrong type of attack, something like that. That allows the other guy an opening to turn the fight around.
Best example: From -Bramble.
"The worst one I ever had was getting screwed by one of the bullshit jumps in Tomb Raider 2. Picture Lara falling to her death ... And of course I do the usual routine of opening the menu in order to load my last save ... But in a moment of staggering stupidity I accidentally SAVE during this fall. I had to restart the whole fucking game again ... And yes, this taught to me keep multiple save files."
Level 11: The Deus Ex Machina
Definition: Any death in a game that seems random and arbitrary. It's like the game just told you "I have decided that you will die now". This is usually followed by screaming something like "MOM! THIS GAME CHEATS!" If it did not seem so, it'd be a Level 3 Stomach Punch. But in a Deus Ex Machina, you at least get to say 'Okay, no reasonable person could ever have expected the developers to write that bullshit in there.' You don't blame yourself or the enemy; you blame the developers.
Best example: Shadowgate. You break the mirror. That opens a portal into deep space. You die. What?
Level 10: The Full-Fledged Butt Kicking
Definition: You know right away that you're going to lose, and lose badly. But you go in and take your lumps, because Reset is for suckers. It's a trainwreck. You want it to end, but you feel like you have to keep trying. It's a prolonged, self-inflicted torture session.
Level 9: The 'This Can't Be Happening'
Definition: You're cruising along the game, come across a fight, expect to win, the fight is merely routine... and then suddenly the enemy gets fired up, the HP starts dropping and it dawns on you: "Wait a minute... this can't be happening."
Level 8: The Drive-By Shooting
Definition: A sibling of This Can't Be Happening. This is when you get beat by one of the first enemies in the game. A tutorial enemy, basically. You know that first Goomba in SMB 1? If you lose to him, that's a Drive-By Shooting. You won't live it down for quite a while. Particularly painful if you were attempting a speedrun.
Level 7: The Busted Tool
Definition: This is any mechanical problem that costs you the game. A dead Wiimote battery, an unplugged controller, a lag issue, that. Of course, nobody ever believes that story. That's what makes it so painful.
Best example: From jules.
"Bioshock. I'm in Hephesteus, and Ryan is talking mad trash.
I get a whole list of gene upgrades, ammo, weapons, and I'm ready for him. The big daddies are afraid of ME. I collected the parts of the EMP bomb, shutdown the core, and I am at the door of Ryan's office.
I hit the button to activate the switch and open the door. Finally the climax of this exciting game!
Red Ring Of Death.
Reset XBOX 360
Red Ring Of Death again. It's permanent.
No, I'm not kidding."
Personal memory: The Bigs. For me it was a dead Wiimote battery. Pitch. I said pitch. PITCH, DAM YOU-- eep, I didn't want that pitch. No, no, take the pitch back! NOOOOOOOOO....
Level 6: The Omega Dog
Definition: Like The Alpha Dog, this loss depends on one key member of the battle. But while The Alpha Dog hinges on one superior member of the opposition, The Omega Dog hinges on one member of your side being extraordinarily bad. This could be a teammate in Halo, a protectee in an escort mission, human or AI. You did all you could, but one guy on your side fucked it all up. (The actual offender is charged with a Monkey Wrench, but it's much more painful for the teammates that could only watch.)
Level 5: The Broken Axle
Definition: When the wheels come flying off in a crucial battle, leading to a total collapse- likely a boss fight. For example, you forget how to beat the boss in the middle of the fight, or you start blowing moves and missing your timing, and things go south.
Level 4: The Guillotine
Definition: This one combines bitterness and hostility. You're hanging on, might even be winning, but you know the breakdown is coming. you can just feel that something's going to go wrong. And then when it does, whether initiated by the boss or you, you're angry twice. Angry that it happened, and angry at yourself for willing it to happen. This will also cause broken controllers, and may also cause nearby 4-year-olds to learn facinating new words.
Level 3: The Stomach Punch
Definition: A roller-coaster fight that ends- it has to be the end- with either A) the enemy making an pivotal (sometimes improbable) play or
you choking in the clutch (also possibly improbably). The Game Over screen just sits there on the TV because you can't bring yourself to hit the button because you're sitting there wondering what the fuck just happened.
Level 2: The Groundhog Day
Definition: A level or fight that you lose, and retry, and lose, and lose, and lose, over and over again, and you keep retrying, and you sometimes come tantalizingly close, pushing you to keep trying, and you keep losing, and LET ME BEAT YOU ALREADY GAAAAAAAAH!
Decent examples: Turbo Tunnel. The river jump. This is where the most famous examples of Nintendo Hard tend to reside. You want to beat them, for bragging rights, you know exactly what's expected of you, and you think you might just be the guy to do it. And then the game proves to you why it's so revered. Another skull crushed under the wheels. Everyone has a Groundhog Day loss or two under their belts, but that doesn't make it any less painful.
Level 1: That Game
Definition: A Guillotine/Stomach Punch combo. You know something's gonna get you, and then it turns out to be something you never could have seen coming that stuns the hell out of you anyway. Defined in Bill Simmons' column as Game 6 of the 1986 World Series- the Bill Buckner game- but if you get something like this, you're gonna call it That Game too. After this, you're a warrior if you manage to not march directly down to Gamestop and sell the game to make the hurting stop.
When you tell your tale of woe, be sure to assign it a level- or if you're attempting to create a new level, give it a title.
LATEST ADDED LEVEL: Now inserted at Level 6: The Omega Dog.
Posts
(This has been a Level 10 Monkey Wrench.)
EDIT: Thanks.
After that, I gave RE4 the finger and didn't pick it back up for a long time. Of course, now that I figured out how to beat that first village, I've discovered the joys of RE4, but MAN... that first village just destroyed my confidence as a gamer the first time I played it.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
Groundhog day-Same situation, only the game autosaved RIGHT before the chopper hit me one last time.
It went
*Die*
*Click*
(Game reloads)
*Die*
Over, and over, and over.
I've gone through most of these playing ranked games of Company of Heroes.
(12) - Fighting for one victory point towards the end of the game, not knowing whether or not another Tiger or Pershing is going to pop out, and not knowing what's lining up behind the fog of war. Or being on the other side, trying to assault with whatever's left, hoping for enough MP for a tiger or a good bombing/strafe run.
(10) - Mr. Infantry squad, may I introduce you to Mr. MG squad. Say hello! Sometimes I'll just play it wrong and not flank the position. Sometimes someone will set up a MG squad where I'm not expecting it. Or I'll the units he has out and I just won't expect an MG at all. Nothing's worse than clicking the barracks and realizing that's it's gonna take awhile to get grenades or that you need to tech up or that you just can't yet because you don't have the resources.
(7) This really only happens when I play as the Axis and the other person is playing Airborne. A perfectly lined up strafe run or bombing run has made me have to retreat a bunch of units more times than I care to remember.
(3) A bundled 'nade taking out an entire squad. An AT gun destroying the main gun on a tank. A V2 actually not being worthless.
Is it just me or did that seem to be the hardest part of the game? Well, except for that one cutscene.
Level JRPG1: Resurrection Thrashing
This can occur when the game's resurrection spell or item only partially restores its target, and is typically seen during boss battles. Resurrection Thrashing consists of having a party member die, only to die again immediately after being brought back to life. The time spent getting the dead person off the floor will allow the monster(s) to do more damage to everyone still alive, but at the same time you can't just let the guy stay dead because it means there's fewer targets for attacks to land on. On the one hand, you want to keep going just to see if the boss will give you a break, but at the same time you know you're on a downward spiral and probably going to bite it.
and if you do survive you'll be so drained on resources that you'll be a dead man walking
A similar thing happened to me in Halo 3, only with much dumbassery on my part. After killing the 2 scarabs towards the end, I hit a checkpoint and immediately dismounted the vehicle I was in ... off the side of a long drop. Said checkpoint kept loading and I kept falling to my death. I thought I was going to have to restart the level but the game somehow recognized what I had just done and merely loaded the point just before I fought the scarabs.
Devil May Cry 3's Chess board on Dante Must Die, I'v been retying that bitch of a fight on and off for months now.
I only beat the Sword master on God Hand's hard mode due to the sheer luck of grabbing a triple roulette card (or cheesing him with drunken twist). Those are the only times I'v ever beat him when he is level 3/die. I must have died a total of maybe 50 times fighting him (fairly).
God Hand again, but in my no reels/items run I'v done the 8 man plus super demon fight on stage 8 so many times now and still haven't caught a break. It's still pretty satisfying when I just say 'fuck it' and start punching people into orbit in sheer anger.
Playing Stranglehold on Hard-Boiled without using Tequilla bombs has been surprisingly easy so far until I got to the 'protect the Jazz band' fight. I'v replayed this section so may times it hurts.
Ninja Gaiden Black, very hard mode, Evil Ryu with Doku's sword.
The Boss on Metal Gear Solid 3 on extreme mode. SO CLOSE every time yet no win after over 25 attempts.
EDIT: Guitar Hero, Bark at the Moon on Expert. Seeing '98% done' was heartbreaking.
Granted these are mostly self inflicted challnges but I'm an overley persistant little bastard when it comes to games I love playing. The DMC3 one hurts the most though.
Bad saves are the worst. I once quicksaved into a grenade landing in the room I was in while playing HL back in they day. Of course it was after a three hour marathon of playing so I could either attempt to beat the explosion or start from where I left off originally. The explosion always won.
Thank you.
Or something like that. Also, edited to fit with new levels. Don't add anymore or else this thread will get very confusing.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
Final Fantasy 3. There are a couple of places in the, oh, somewhere in the middle of the game that you can walk to. Both these places offer 0 warning. The first is some marsh surrounding a mansion. "Oh snap, a big 'ol house! Let's check it out!" You step on the marshland, and you sink in, and you're just fucking dead.
The other is when you walk between statues that are in a valley. Again, no warning.
The worst one I ever had was getting screwed by one of the bullshit jumps in Tomb Raider 2.
Picture Lara falling to her death ...
And of course I do the usual routine of opening the menu in order to load my last save ...
But in a moment of staggering stupidity I accidentally SAVE during this fall. I had to restart the whole fucking game again ...
And yes, this taught to me keep multiple save files.
Being sent back a boss fight by an inanimate object that can't harm you in any way. Would that be a level 8?
Any RPG where your battle selections save to the next round. What is it called? Cursor memory right? That's the work of the Goddamned devil.
Does anyone else here go from Level 12: Dead Man Walking right into Level 9: The Full-Fledged Butt Kicking like I do?
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
I stopped talking to everyone in every town when I graduated from high-school. I can't do it anymore. I just don't have time. Do you want me to save the world or chat with every jackass on the streets?
End of the last level of Halo 3
So I decide to reload the last save but instead of hitting "reload save" I hit "restart mission"
I have this with Hangar 18. Oddly, I beat Bark at the Moon on my first attempt. It almost makes me feel worse about Hangar 18 since everyone talks about how hard Bark at the Moon is.
Castlevania for me. One of my friends beat the game on hard mode, because she's insane, and I have to live up to the challenge.
... I've, um, only made it to level 3 on hard mode.
I never got the gumption to even try beating again.
As for the game-induced seizures, I think I'm going to place that under Busted Tool. The TV and the game itself are both tools. One causes seizure-inducing images on the other.
You know what I'm talking about. You've got a long session going, and it's time to go to work or bed or whatnot, but you're convinced that you can beat just one more level, or one more fight, or (online) pick up one more rank. Should only take a couple minutes!
And fuck, it just doesn't happen! Try, fail. Try, fail. Try fail. Holy shit! It's two hours later!
Personal memory: Recently with Halo 3. I was one experience point away from getting Sergeant. I was ready for bed, but decided, of course, to pick it up before I quit for the night.
I didn't get to bed for another couple hours.
This happens to me every once in a while in BF2142. I see a guy who I know will be coming around the corner to shoot me and I hit 5 to switch to the shotgun but HOLY FUCK 5 IS THE DEFIBRILATOR SHOTGUN IS 6! Shock shock shock and then I'm filled with Lambert rounds.
Also happens on other games, when the control scheme is close to another game, but not quite the same. That's never fun.
Groundhog Day- The Library on Legendary.
SMT: Nocturne
Hard Mode
The very first enemy can kill you with one lucky critical hit.
I noticed a distinct lack of "Death by AI". Whereby the game's AI control for your characters causes you to lose the fight.
Classic example: Rapha on the roof of Riovanes Castle in FFT will charge headlong into the Assassins, getting herself instantly killed before you can do anything. Her death means Game Over for you.
That AI behaviour coined the term Rapha Complex for any AI controlled ally that makes a supremely stupid move that causes you to die while you're helpless to stop it.