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Friends going behind your back.
Posts
Have you ever considered that by dating a friend's ex you might hurt his feelings? What kind of asshole wouldn't even check in to see if it was ok.
And while you may not be possessive at all and would gladly let your ex get gang banged, YOUR FRIEND MIGHT BE VERY POSSESSIVE (or just have lingering feelings for his ex). THATS WHY THEY WOULD BE HURT. Is it so fucking hard for you to understand that a friend should look out for his friend's feelings?
And yes they are analogous. One is simply a greater betrayal than the other. Hence the analogy dipshit.
(this isn't debate and discourse so Im done. I wont be checking back)
OP, I know you're really pissed off right now, I'd personally wait a few days till you calm down, call your guy friend up and tell him that it hurt your feelings that he didn't trust you enough to tell you why he didn't want to hang out with you. The key thing here is not to get really fucking angry and rage at your so called friend because it will make all parties involved feel more shitty. The other thing is to not get into a huge argument/mess about getting your ex back.
Then I'd get on with your life and stop doing favors for these people because it's only gonna make yourself more miserable.
Your "friend" isn't really your friend at all. It sucks that you have to learn it the hard way, but sometimes that's the way things happen.
Someone who is forgetful? Or feeling guilty? Also: it takes two to tango, she has decided the relationship with the OP isn't going anywhere, regardless of how the OP might feel about it.
Why is it Matt's problem that the OP is all bent out of shape about it? He should have asked permission, sure, but that's pretty much the extent.
Man you have issues.
No, they aren't, period. That's an absolutely disgusting attitude to have, too. Women aren't territory to be marked. Damn good thing you won't be back.
I only have a problem because, as i've TOLD matt repeatably about me and her (He's asked, it's not like i was forcing it on him) thinking of going out again, i feel that he completely disregarded that.
I realize that she likely isn't viewing the relationship in the same light anymore, and I can accept that. relatinoships end, as is the way of life. You let out your emotions and get over it.
The thing that makes me pissed, is the apparantly blatant, concious (Did i spell that right?), and purposeful attempts to hide this from me while my feelings were known by both parties. A bit of a notification would have been nice.
Oh, and off subject- Bionicmonkey is now classified as "t3h 1337" because I haven't seen anyone even refference that show for ages, let alone make i their avatar and sig.
That right there is the part that's non-negotiably unacceptable from him.
a) Your Ex
b) Your friend who doesn't always want to go out with you
c) Them getting together
d) Him lying about it
Regarding a), well ... You say you want to get back together with her, then why didn't you? It's not exactly rocket science here, you like girl, girl seems to like you, you get back together. Life is short, etc. etc. I don't know how long you expect people to wait on this, but the shelf life on getting together isn't years.
b) is a bit more difficult. There are 3 ways this can fall. He could really just be tired, if he is depressed then this may lead to excessive tiredness or lack of will to go out and do stuff. My fiance suffers from depression, there are sometimes days at a time where everything is normal and you'd never guess, other times she is always tired and unmotivated. He could also just be blowing you off "Man this guy sucks, he's cool to hang around with when I feel like talking to him but otherwise too much" kinda thing, or the other end of the spectrum as the third option "I like hanging out with him, but he asks all the goddamn time, I'll say I'm tired to not hurt his feelings". I'd side with the last two. If you decide he is worth keeping as a friend, then lay off on asking to hang so often, like once every other week or so or even 3 weeks and see how that handles.
c) ties back into a) in a way, there are no rules to say "Your friends can't date your Ex", it may be common courtesy for them to inform you but they are certainly under no obligation and failure on your part to express the will to get back together with her before he got in was entirely your fault. If you have and she said no, then there is no thread here. This might be the first time they've tried going somewhere together and wanted to do it away from you so they wouldn't feel as pressured. Maybe it's a continuation of a long term thing that you've not known about. There is no clear cut here and while you might be hurt they are entirely within their own right to live their lives.
d) irks me no end. I hate it when my friends lie to me when I know about stuff. Of course, they don't know you know and might feel they are sparing your feelings. Personally, I'd have straight up asked him on the phone right there as soon as he'd said different from what I know. Reactions there would've probably given you a clearer idea of what you are looking at.
In short. Stay cool and calm, get the story from each seperately. If you aren't happy with the situation, cut them loose, it'll be better for you and them. Life moves on. If you end up being fine with it, all power to you and them and you can move on as well
The common theme is moving on and not holding too much stock in the "betrayal".
Ok. How long have you been telling him this? When did you break up with her? Have you told her at all about you wanting to get back together with her?
I keep hearing you might still love her and want to be with her but apparently you're doing it from a distance. You don't reserve the right of refusal on her dating partners until you make up your mind. You need to make your feelings clear to her and go with her decision whatever it is. Just sulking in the background doesn't give you the moral high ground here.
Again, if you made your feelings well known and it appears you did, you should go right to her and lay it out. Give her the choice. If he has a problem with THAT, I'd truly be upset with him at that point, even more so than you appear to be. If she wants to give it another chance, great. If not, you need to let it go.
If you can't let it go, than cut him off at that point. Just letting it fester and something to harp on isn't going to be any benefit to you or them.
Seriously. While there are no set ground rules, how could anyone not take into consideration the friend who might feel hurt or uncomfortable with the choice to date his ex? How could anyone not realize that dating a girl your friend cares deeply for and is thinking about getting back together with might place your friendship in jeopardy? I don't think taking these things into consideration is asking a lot, but I'm sure we're all well aware that not everybody does. Those people don't make good friend material.
That's why I see the lying as the problem, not any of the rest. My best friend did a lot of girls he didn't actually want, so I can safely say he'd be okay with me starting something up with them (he even tried to get me the number for two of them).
Edit: (whom I had conversed with at length and seemed to hit it off with)
But the real issues here are maybe you should do something and talk to this woman, tell her how you feel and want to give another shot. Find out whether or not you do have a chance and whether or not you should just let go.
And the lying thing. He's lying because he knows he's done the wrong thing.
Satans..... hints.....
No, but I see this thread as having gone two different directions and am too compelled by my feeling that it's important to understand that universal claims are dumb to kill the other one.