Girl Thread- Distance is a Sadistic Killer
Welsh Corgie
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Well I swore to myself that I would never make a girl thread unless the situation was beyond my reasoning/capabilities. Don't tell me I am being over dramatic and thinking too far ahead, our age and career choices force me to do so. So here I go:
I met this girl over the summer and for the most part we were just friends, until the last night that we would be together, I started feeling something for her. I resigned myself to the fact that it was highly likely it wasn't reciprocated so I decided to keep quiet and promise to keep in touch, even though we lived across the province from each other. Fast forward about 2 months and we are in incredibly close contact, more than we both admitted we thought we would be. Eventually I gather the courage to tell her how I felt, and surprise, she now feels the same way towards me. Well everything seems peachy, we'll be seeing each other over the summer again but I now realize that it is almost impossible for this to work out in the long term.
I am finishing high school this year and although I always had good marks I decided I didn't want to pursue higher education and instead decided to follow my life long dream of joining the Canadian Forces. This isn't a problem of ideologies for either of us, she plans on joining as well. She still has one more year left of high school though. The thing is, she is planning on pursuing higher education at RMC (Royal Canadian military College) in Kingston. The problem lies in the fact that when I join as a combat engineer I will be sent off to Gagetown in New Brunswick for training and will not probably not be stationed anywhere closer than 2-3 hours from Kingston, if in Ontario at all (I could use some help here as well: Does CFB Kingston have need for Combat Engineers?). So unless I am really fucking lucky, until she finishes her education and gets stationed somewhere, we are going to be separated.
The second problem is that I don't know how her parents would accept a person who wishes to be a lowly NCM. Her brother is already becoming an officer and her parents are in the upper class. I'm a middle-class first generation Canadian with no money to my name (and becoming an NCM means none forthcoming either) and I think her parents might not approve because they are already trying to set her up with a neighbourhood rich boy. They probably think that their daughter deserves better than someone like me. Nothing against him personally, he is a great athlete, excellent student, and (supposedly) a pretty nice guy. She doesn't see anything happening between them but I think he might be an example of what her parents would only accept.
I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly strongly about her and I know the feeling is mutual. This could all fall apart within months, but I don't really see that happening. I have several options that I know of at the moment. You could always suggest another one. I could:
1. Tell her it isn't going to happen for all the previous reasons and wish her from the bottom of my heart the best in life. no longer try to establish a relationship and let her move on, saving her from any future heartbreak on my part.
or
2. Try and hope for the best, at the risk of breaking her heart and depriving her of any future opportunities.
So- ending a help/advice thread in the most cliched way possible- Help me Penny-Arcade, you're my best source of anonymous free advice.
I met this girl over the summer and for the most part we were just friends, until the last night that we would be together, I started feeling something for her. I resigned myself to the fact that it was highly likely it wasn't reciprocated so I decided to keep quiet and promise to keep in touch, even though we lived across the province from each other. Fast forward about 2 months and we are in incredibly close contact, more than we both admitted we thought we would be. Eventually I gather the courage to tell her how I felt, and surprise, she now feels the same way towards me. Well everything seems peachy, we'll be seeing each other over the summer again but I now realize that it is almost impossible for this to work out in the long term.
I am finishing high school this year and although I always had good marks I decided I didn't want to pursue higher education and instead decided to follow my life long dream of joining the Canadian Forces. This isn't a problem of ideologies for either of us, she plans on joining as well. She still has one more year left of high school though. The thing is, she is planning on pursuing higher education at RMC (Royal Canadian military College) in Kingston. The problem lies in the fact that when I join as a combat engineer I will be sent off to Gagetown in New Brunswick for training and will not probably not be stationed anywhere closer than 2-3 hours from Kingston, if in Ontario at all (I could use some help here as well: Does CFB Kingston have need for Combat Engineers?). So unless I am really fucking lucky, until she finishes her education and gets stationed somewhere, we are going to be separated.
The second problem is that I don't know how her parents would accept a person who wishes to be a lowly NCM. Her brother is already becoming an officer and her parents are in the upper class. I'm a middle-class first generation Canadian with no money to my name (and becoming an NCM means none forthcoming either) and I think her parents might not approve because they are already trying to set her up with a neighbourhood rich boy. They probably think that their daughter deserves better than someone like me. Nothing against him personally, he is a great athlete, excellent student, and (supposedly) a pretty nice guy. She doesn't see anything happening between them but I think he might be an example of what her parents would only accept.
I don't know what to do. I feel incredibly strongly about her and I know the feeling is mutual. This could all fall apart within months, but I don't really see that happening. I have several options that I know of at the moment. You could always suggest another one. I could:
1. Tell her it isn't going to happen for all the previous reasons and wish her from the bottom of my heart the best in life. no longer try to establish a relationship and let her move on, saving her from any future heartbreak on my part.
or
2. Try and hope for the best, at the risk of breaking her heart and depriving her of any future opportunities.
So- ending a help/advice thread in the most cliched way possible- Help me Penny-Arcade, you're my best source of anonymous free advice.
Welsh Corgie on
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1) Her parents, if they are at all decent people and not utter assholes, will see that you make her happy and be glad for both of you, full stop. If they bring up money (I'm assuming your chosen track will net you enough to live on), they're being assholes.
2) She doesn't like the neighborhood rich boy, she likes you. If her parents will only accept him, they're in for a world of disappointment. However, that's really none of your business (in a good way), and not really any of hers either. If they like him so much, they can date him. :P
Well I can see what you are saying but kind of need to plan ahead or else I/her could end up severely charlie foxtroted. Career choice forces me to choose where I want to be stationed/ where I know I will be stationed and I have to plan in advance. Thanks for the advice though.
Agreed on both points, but I've found out that too often in life money does matter, even if the people don't seem like assholes. But I guess I should stop being so pessimistic/cynical and hope for the best.
Money matters for you and if you guys ever get to the point of shared finances, for her, not for her parents. How much you make is 100% none of their business.
So, with that sad, definitely dive into the proper regulations and find out if a relationship between you (an enlisted guy) and her (first a cadet, but ultimately an officer) has the potential to kill your careers.
It's possible things might fall apart, but you ought to go for it if you think you guys have a shot.
I'm a non-military person though, so it's probably worth looking into what Cuba pointed out for you guys.
Whoa, that is fucking crazy. I did a bit of research and I haven't been able to find anything saying it isn't allowed. I'm not positive but I think I have seen members of the forces married that held different ranks, but that is a question I would have to ask.
If you really trust this girl, what me and my girlfriend are doing is allowing each other to date other people. We both recognize that 4 years is a long time, and if we meet someone else that we are very interested in, we're allowed to see where that would lead and go on dates. WARNING: Only advisable if you REALLY know this girl, I'm talking inside and out, every aspect of her personality. Also, only advisable if you won't be a man-whore about it :P
That is an interesting idea, I'll talk to her about it.
Aw rats...
Ah, but our situation is different. She is going through training as an officer while I will already have been in the forces for a year, relationships between superiors and recruits in a training environment would most definitely not be allowed. However, seeing as her hoped specialization is an entirely different field (Chemical engineering) the likelihood of her being in a command position over me is slim to none. By not saying hello, I think they mean that the subordinates aren't allowed to first address an officer, a thing one would know about whilst on duty :P. I've found nothing about relationships between an officer and NCM outside of their professional one on the internet, but frankly, I could imagine it being buried somewhere. I'll ask a recruiter next time i get in contact with one. Boy is that going to be an awkward conversation...