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Girls girls lol, getting to know them
Strain 121
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So here we are, once again. You and I, confused again. Laughs have been had, tears have been shed. Maybe desperation's gone to my head, but..
So there's this lady who I just barely really know. Well within acquaintance territory, but that's about it. We've actually only really talked twice (the last two fridays). I'm obviously not sure right now but I think I want to get to know her better for obvious reasons. She's into a lot of the same things that I am (we were actually on the same cross country team this year, and track years before, among other things), and she's also pretty cute so hey there's a nice little bonus.
The problem is that, while I have firmly entrenched myself within Acquaintance Land, going from acquaintance to friendship has always been something I just kind of bumbled through. That's fine, but now I am trying to turn this person I know into perhaps more and I am just completely lost. I'm just not sure where the fine line between "confident" and "creepy" lies.
I don't see experience really helping me that much here, either. I've had 3 girlfriends previously but all of the circumstances were pretty random and luck-based. The last one had the girl doing most of the actual courting with me basically just playing into her hands.
I'm seeing in myself right now a tremendously important "skill" that is horribly deficient, with this one girl being the tip of the iceberg in terms of future misery if I don't get this down before college (which is only like 6 months away for me).
So, how do I transition her mental image of me from random acquaintance to romantic prospect?
So there's this lady who I just barely really know. Well within acquaintance territory, but that's about it. We've actually only really talked twice (the last two fridays). I'm obviously not sure right now but I think I want to get to know her better for obvious reasons. She's into a lot of the same things that I am (we were actually on the same cross country team this year, and track years before, among other things), and she's also pretty cute so hey there's a nice little bonus.
The problem is that, while I have firmly entrenched myself within Acquaintance Land, going from acquaintance to friendship has always been something I just kind of bumbled through. That's fine, but now I am trying to turn this person I know into perhaps more and I am just completely lost. I'm just not sure where the fine line between "confident" and "creepy" lies.
I don't see experience really helping me that much here, either. I've had 3 girlfriends previously but all of the circumstances were pretty random and luck-based. The last one had the girl doing most of the actual courting with me basically just playing into her hands.
I'm seeing in myself right now a tremendously important "skill" that is horribly deficient, with this one girl being the tip of the iceberg in terms of future misery if I don't get this down before college (which is only like 6 months away for me).
So, how do I transition her mental image of me from random acquaintance to romantic prospect?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Strain 121 on
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the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Flirt with her when you're alone. Joke around with her, have fun. Don't take it to serious.
Don't wait too long, then make a move. Just wait for a decent moment(I say decent, because that good moment never seems good enough), and kiss her.
3ds friend code: 2981-6032-4118
See, I would but I don't know just how effective it would be seeing as how I've literally only had two 1-on-1 conversations that were both about five minutes each, spread about over two weeks.
There's just a part of my brain telling me that just going out and getting my flirt on at this point would be considered creepy. Is that wrong?
How do you think people meet people? Not everyone is set up through mutual friends. Not everything falls into your lap. Go. Ask. Her.
Worst case is she says no, and that's such a small deal it's not even worth worrying about. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.
you're not being creepy, you're being a male of the species
ask her the fuck out
It has been my experience that making a transition from aquaintences to friends and couples (sometimes skipping the middle part) is always going to be difficult and full of bumbles but that's how you get to know a person generally.
If you're interested in her, why not say, "hey I liked talking to you...(or whatever it was you did 8-) ) and I was wondering if you'd like to hang out again, meet up for some ________ (coffee, videogames, movie, drinks, a jog etc.)?"
I think just by saying that, you're not singing out to this person about how much you dig her, but emplying that you're interested in her and willing to take the time to get to know her. In my opinion it doesn't put as much pressure on the meeting as asking her out on an official date would.
just by that one step should put things in motion. If she says no I wouldn't hound her but maybe suggest meeting up in a group setting to hang out with other friends so it won't be just the two of you and maybe make things a bit more comfortable.
I dunno, would anyone agree or disagree?:|
I assume you're in high school, and you said you're on the same Cross Country team - it can't be too hard to set yourself up for a conversation about whatever it is cross country people talk about. Just relax and chat. As I've stated in other posts, the easiest thing to do is ask some questions - start with stuff about whatever your common interests are, then branch out from there. It might take more than one conversation to get things to a point where you feel comfortable asking her out, but there's no rush. Also, make sure you acknowlege her whenever you see her in around at school. You don't need to start a conversation, just give her a smile and a quick nod.
In any case, if things seem to be going well, ask her what she's doing this weekend. If she's free, mention some sort of event you're thinking about doing. Something like, "That's cool. I wanted to go see a movie/go to the mall/etc." Allow her to make a response. If it's positive, it's pretty easy to add, "Hey, you want to come?"
But there's no perfect science to it, either, no matter where you are in life. Just see if you can be where she is without it being weird and talk to her. That's how I became friends with everyone I'm friends with now. And sometimes you just need to gamble and maybe step over the line. The only way you go forward in life is by pushing, whether it's a little push or a big one. If you just wait for things to happen, things will never happen.
Observe. See if there's anything you can bring up that the two of you have in common. Honestly, talking to people you don't know isn't as big a deal as you think it is. You know what the first thing I said to my best friend of 10 years now was? "Hey, you're Russian aren't you?" Swear to God. College English and I heard her accent and that godawful, awkward salutation was the very first thing I said to her. Granted, not everyone would be as cool as my friend about it, but so what? Just talk to her.
Easy to say, hard to do, but I can't flap your tongue for you and neither can anyone else. Just talk to her. That's how socialization always begins.
There is no fine line. It's black and white.
Confident is being able to accept rejection, and move on like a normal human being.
Creepy is not understanding what no means, and continuing unwanted advances.
Because it's such a simple process that doesn't need to be over-complicated that's it's nearly not worth telling.
1) ______! (insert favorite greeting here.)
2) ________________ (small talk. talk about school. talk about running. don't ramble, eye contact, a decent smile is usually returned with the same.)
3) Think you'd be interested in _______ sometime? (noun. coffee/lunch/etc., something minor and harmless works best. don't specify a date or time yet. act as if you are simply doing this to make a friend, and that you don't view her as some potential future mate.)
If she says yes...
4a) Great. ______ at _____ish, over at ______ work out for you? (day/time/place. pull out your phone and she'll likely offer her number up if she hasn't already. if she still doesn't get the hint, ask her so that you can get in touch with her in case things change.)
If she says no...
4b) Well that's alright. I'll see you around, then. (smile. be nice about it.)
If she says yes - fantastic. You are through the easy part.
If she makes up some dumb excuse to be nice about saying no, don't be offended. Pretend like there are plenty of other girls and more opportunities out there. Because there are.
Also keep in mind the possibility that she said yes to be nice, when she really means no. Often times she'll make up an excuse to flake out on your first setup meeting. If that happens, drop it. If she's interested she either wouldn't have or if it were legitimate than she'd push to reschedule sometime. Other times she'll go through the pretense of actually meeting up with you, and you can either change her mind or sit through some awkwardness and never call her back.
Also also don't forget that this is just as much about you liking her. There's a good chance you won't be into her and you can drop it on your terms too. Doesn't make you a bad person or anything.