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How to not be "that guy"
anonalt
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Yet another girl problem thread...
So here's my situation- I go to college, and live in a house with 4 friends. We have a lot of friends that come over, hang out, we go to their parties and they come to ours, etc.
One of them, is a girl that I have a thing for- I like her a lot. She's beautiful, intelligent, stands up for herself (she's not one of those "tough" girls- but I wouldn't want to be on her bad side) and is generally a really interesting, creative, and very, very funny person. I just get the vibe that we'd work well together. She hangs out with my roommates and I on a regular basis.
Here's the problems:
1- two of my roommates kill my 'game'- I'm almost convinced that they do it on purpose. One has a girlfriend, but likes to hit on girls and then be like "lolz I have a gf" because he finds it funny. He also thinks cockblocking is funny. In short, he's kind of a dick when it comes to this sort of thing. The other one is harmless, really- he just likes to make me look like some kind of man-whore, because I've had a long string of one night stands since I broke up with my last gf this past summer- which in all honesty have not been (for the most part) provoked by me. I'm looking to change this pattern, and try to find a real relationship.
2- she just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago (3 or 4 weeks ago, I think). I don't think it was too serious, they were only dating for something like 9 months, but she was hurt when they broke up (he dumped her because he was "too busy" yadayadayada). They're not talking anymore- and when they do talk, they fight. The chances of them getting back together are nonexistent, so I don't really have to worry abou that. My problem is that I don't want to seem like I'm just going in for the rebound- I really, genuinely like her.
3- I haven't talked to her extensively 1-on1: I figure that if I try to flirt or anything like that, it'll look like I'm going for the rebound- and if anything happens with me and this girl, I like her enough that I'd want it to be more than just a rebound fling. I also haven't talked to her much because I don't want to be resigned to the dreaded "friend zone".
tl;dr: I like a girl, but my friends are interfering, and I don't know how to approach her because I don't want to be just a rebound guy and I don't want to put in the friend zone.
So here's my situation- I go to college, and live in a house with 4 friends. We have a lot of friends that come over, hang out, we go to their parties and they come to ours, etc.
One of them, is a girl that I have a thing for- I like her a lot. She's beautiful, intelligent, stands up for herself (she's not one of those "tough" girls- but I wouldn't want to be on her bad side) and is generally a really interesting, creative, and very, very funny person. I just get the vibe that we'd work well together. She hangs out with my roommates and I on a regular basis.
Here's the problems:
1- two of my roommates kill my 'game'- I'm almost convinced that they do it on purpose. One has a girlfriend, but likes to hit on girls and then be like "lolz I have a gf" because he finds it funny. He also thinks cockblocking is funny. In short, he's kind of a dick when it comes to this sort of thing. The other one is harmless, really- he just likes to make me look like some kind of man-whore, because I've had a long string of one night stands since I broke up with my last gf this past summer- which in all honesty have not been (for the most part) provoked by me. I'm looking to change this pattern, and try to find a real relationship.
2- she just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago (3 or 4 weeks ago, I think). I don't think it was too serious, they were only dating for something like 9 months, but she was hurt when they broke up (he dumped her because he was "too busy" yadayadayada). They're not talking anymore- and when they do talk, they fight. The chances of them getting back together are nonexistent, so I don't really have to worry abou that. My problem is that I don't want to seem like I'm just going in for the rebound- I really, genuinely like her.
3- I haven't talked to her extensively 1-on1: I figure that if I try to flirt or anything like that, it'll look like I'm going for the rebound- and if anything happens with me and this girl, I like her enough that I'd want it to be more than just a rebound fling. I also haven't talked to her much because I don't want to be resigned to the dreaded "friend zone".
tl;dr: I like a girl, but my friends are interfering, and I don't know how to approach her because I don't want to be just a rebound guy and I don't want to put in the friend zone.
anonalt on
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Act on it and don't let it slip away. And try to arrange hanging out with her away from the asshole/annoying friends.
A slightly cheesy way of moving something to a one-on-one meeting instead of a "group" thing would be to call her up and say that you and a couple other people are going to go catch a movie or something - you might enlist the other roomates that aren't interfering for this. Call her back a little later and tell her that they had to cancel - does she still want to go with just you? Lame, but an effective way of seeing if she's interested in spending some time alone with you.
When she comes over, wait for a chance where you and her can talk without you knucklehead roommates ruining your game. If you two click, then use the chance to meet up with her outside of your circle.
No. Bad. This works as long as she doesn't wind up talking to the other roommates about this, ever. Given that she's apparently a semi-frequent visitor, this conversation will probably happen, and go something like this: "Oh, it's too bad you weren't able to go to that movie." "What movie?"
I'd say find a way to get ahold of her outside these parties, and then go for it totally separate of your friends (especially the douchebag cockblocker).
PSN: TheScrublet
Ask them to help you out.
Also, as for talking to her away from the roomies, I just can't think of anything to really talk about with her. She started hanging out with us after her breakup for emotional support I suppose, and I'm worried I'll get roped into being a shoulder to cry on- express lane to the friend zone
Well, it has been a few weeks since said breakup, and I haven't heard much from her in terms of the ex, so maybe I should try talking to her one on one.
Thanks for the input- I'll sit on it for a while longer and see what I come up with..
Douche bag roommate #2 (the man-whore attack torpedo) - Play it off as a joke and don't take it too seriously, if you don't take it seriously how can she?
Either way the best thing to do is NOT TO FREAKING SIT ON IT! You might wait but she won't.
You're treading a little too close to the ladder theory for my liking. Being there for someone does not always get you roped off into some weird area where you will never see a vagina.
Four years ago.
Though I admit I kinda counted the days for a bit, It was a bit silly. If you're a good person and she's a good person then there is no reason to think that you're not going to have awesome times together.
Also first step to not being "that guy" is to not think the Friend Zone is a real thing that actually exists.
Honestly, (to me at least) it doesn't make any bit of difference...if i like somebody as a friend NOW, chances are that's not going to change if they WAIT a bit. It's not like, "Oh, it's been a month, I suddenly really like you now". If I think there's a possibility with them, and I'm just not comfortable with dating "at the moment", I will tell them so...and this girl, if she's reasonable, I imagine, she would do the same thing.
Just something to think about, I suppose. I dunno. I would say just go for it anyway, and if you get placed in the "Friend Zone" just understand that probably wouldn't have changed if you'd waited.
I knew a guy like that. They dont really realize how bad they are making things until you let them know. "dogg, i think i like this chick, can i get some breathing room?"
Guess who is going to give her the time of day? YOU! Ignore the BS, if you like her go for it.
Then you are in striking range, you can't ask for more. All that one on one time you want should be via dates. Make it happen. Just drop it all on the table. "Hey Hot Girl, I think we should go on a date, you down?" Hot girl says yes, because you are a legitimate human being and since you said you have done a few ONS's you look halfway decent. Thats all it takes to get the walnuts roasting over the open fire.
Dudes only fall into the friend zone when they treat a girl like a sister rather than a girl they want to be with. Just go for it, put all that shit you said on the shelf and it should all pan out.
Ha! Some of them know very well and do it anyway. I had a friend like this and when I communicated my "disquiet" to him about it he became relentless to the point where I no longer speak to him.
That's not to say you aren't right about some guys, but you certainly aren't right about ALL guys that do this. Some "cockblock" for lulz, some do it out of jealousy, some out of spite, and some our of pure meanness. Some are, as you suggest, just goofing off and stupid. But not all, trust me.
Agreed. About 87% of all H/A girl problems would be solved if people stopped overthinking everything. Do and fail or do and succeed, but DO. Don't just sit around pondering shit. I know, I know, I fail in this regard too quite often. Easier to say than to do. Regardless: just go do it. Talking to us isn't going to bring you any closer to her or her any closer to you.
In fact, alpha should just develop a script that automatically posts this as the first response in every H/A thread with "girl" or "that guy" in the thread title.
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For great justice.
Thanks for the advice guys.
good luck man, hope it works out for you
My friend just broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years the other day. I've liked her since I met her, but have kept my distance because she was with someone. My first intention was to try and get with her but then I said, "Thats pretty fucked up of me." Give her time man is my advice unless you can tell me why you feel it wasn't serious/why there's no chance of the other two getting together again.