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She Can't Go to Her 1st College Choice
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So my girlfriend, yes girlfriend now.., got into OU a few months ago. It was going to be great. I'm already here and it would have made things great.
She can't go. I'm assuming because of financial troubles, and thats understandable. I feel bad for her. She's so active in community service, she has a 4.0... but for some reason she just won't be able to go here next year.
She's devastated. I would be too, because this is where I've wanted to go for so long and her too. I don't know what to say or how to make it all better for her.
I've been reassuring to her and told her that it's all in God's plan (I'm sure many of you might disagree with this, thats your prerogative) and it'll work out in the end.
What do I do though? I'm running out of things to say that are different and reassuring. I feel bad for her and sent her some flowers yesterday and that made her day and brought her out of her slump. obviously, I cannot do that every day though.
Thanks guys.
She can't go. I'm assuming because of financial troubles, and thats understandable. I feel bad for her. She's so active in community service, she has a 4.0... but for some reason she just won't be able to go here next year.
She's devastated. I would be too, because this is where I've wanted to go for so long and her too. I don't know what to say or how to make it all better for her.
I've been reassuring to her and told her that it's all in God's plan (I'm sure many of you might disagree with this, thats your prerogative) and it'll work out in the end.
What do I do though? I'm running out of things to say that are different and reassuring. I feel bad for her and sent her some flowers yesterday and that made her day and brought her out of her slump. obviously, I cannot do that every day though.
Thanks guys.
Penguin_Otaku on
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I certainly understand when students are disappointed when they can't attend their first option. With the students that I talk to, a lot of times they really have tunnel vision about their options and what they wanted to do. Once they step back and see what else is available, it can help them feel better. They might not be happy, but they know their and understand their options.
Magic Online - Bertro
I really think college is what you make of it. I think the environment is the most important, and that is entirely dependent upon location and the department you'll be studying under.
Thats the part that baffles me. I'm not really sure.
If OU is anything like my school, a stellar GPA might not be enough to get merit-based scholarships. They don't have enough money to give every applicant with a 4.0 a full ride. There's a lot of applicants and a strict budget. One of the joys of being at a state school.
That said, it's still worth looking into them. Every school is going to be different and it's possible she'll get free money, so it can't hurt.
Ah, that's how it works at state schools; you kind of made what I was going to write moot. I came from a private university so there was a constant scale with how much money you got for scholarships based on GPA as a way of getting the best and brightest. If you had a 4.0 coming in and kept it, the school paid for nearly half of total tuition if you had room and board + mealplan ($40k)
I don't want to assume, but is she thinking she should get a near-free ride? A lot of kids seem to think that now, and it's kind of frustrating hearing and reading. Don't let the prospect of debt freak her out.
UT would probably give her a $40k scholarship though, just to get her out of Oklahoma
Unless she lives in another state, then it makes more sense.
I believe we're rated like, the best buy amongst public universities.
Anyway. I don't know if its really money or not. She said she could put up money for her own car if her parents weren't going to help with a new one. So... I'm not sure.
She's saying now that she might go here, just not be living here. (I offered to let her stay at my apartment when/if she wanted. *cough*)
She did what I almost did. Put all of her eggs in one basket. I had a safety school just in case, she didn't. She feels going to the community college in her town would make her a failure, although I've assured her that it would in no way define her at all.
Ya, OU gives out as much money as they can, but still. And tuition is supposed to go up 10% this year, too, because Oklahoma is fucking retarded.
That's funny. I read this post and I picked up the phone. I called God at work, but he wasn't there. So I called him on his cell. He picked up.
I asked him about this, and he affirmed that it was His Divine Plan for your girlfriend not to go to college. I asked Him whether or not she could talk to the financial aid department about low-interest, deferred payment student loans. But He said that no, that would anger Him, because it went against His Divine Plan.
Then I said, "well, OK, what if she gets an on-campus part-time job to pay expenses and gets some roommates on craigslist or the University roommate finding service?" And he reiterated that it was His Divine Plan that your girlfriend not go to college at OU.
He then told me that He had to go, as He had an afternoon appointment smiting Muslim apostates, so I couldn't get any more info.
So yeah, make sure to tell her NOT to do anything like this.
Well, then this should make painfully obvious your next step, right? Find out the ACTUAL reason. That's the first step to solving a problem.
The important thing to remember is that at this stage of your life, your decisions really can affect your life. It may not seem that way if you've been in public school all your life, but you really can make decisions and affect things. As DrFrylock pointed out, if the problem is financial, then there are several ways around it. If it's something else, there are probably ways to fix that. Don't maintain a defeatist attitude, God's Plan for your life isn't to lay down at the first sign of adversity.
and check here for some scholarships
https://www.collegedata.com/cs/search/scholar/scholar_search_tmpl.jhtml
also search the department page of the program she is enrolling into for scholarships
Yeah, it sounds like she's not getting a "free ride" or qualifying for scholarships, or was promised something like "we will pay for college" and now that's not happening.
Almost everyone gets student loans, and leaves college with loan debt. I mean, you haven't really figured out what the problem is, so the best advice any of us can give is "find out what the problem is."
Now, as to what the real problem is... I dunno. Is that my business? She's told me that it isn't, but I just want to help if I can. She's not budging on it, though.
you're her boyfriend and she was going to live with you and in the same city. Now she's not. Yeah, she ought to tell you why. Not telling you sounds, well, it'd make me lose trust in someone. Hell, I had a friend end up not moving in with me like she promised (3 days after I signed the lease she tells me this of course), I've never gotten an explanation or the first month of rent she promised me, and we aren't friends anymore because she just isn't a trustworthy person (for more reasons than just that, but it was basically the straw vs camels back)
I dunno, personally I think she should tell you what's going on - how else are you supposed to help, or be understanding or supportive, or be anything other than muddled, confused and disappointed? But obviously I'm not her
I personally don't see anything wrong with this. Ya, sure, I might have had plans to go to OU and everything, but I don't see why she's so worried about going to CC for a while. She'll be doing Gen Ed stuff here for two years, but for more money.
She wasn't going to be living with me per se. I have an apartment with a friend of mine and she was going to live in the dorms. We were just planning that we would spend a lot of time together. We're not contractually obligated to one another or anything. It was just wishful thinking.
Ok, if she doesn't want to tell her boyfriend the reason, then I doubt it's something as petty and simple as money. It's probably something much more complicated and/or embarrassing.
Well, what I'd say to her is twofold - first, that she should feel comfortable telling you anything, because you're not going to judge her (right?), but that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
Second, tell her that once you get into the real world, college choice doesn't really matter a whole lot, beyond what you yourself have gotten out of it. And it's true. Once you've gotten your first job, the name of your school just fades into the background, and your own personal skills and abilities rise to the forefront. Just make sure that you put all your effort into your work, and to making sure you actually retain the knowledge and skills you get. And you'll still be within the same state at least (right?), so it's not like you're that far away.
Ya. If it comes up today, I'll tell her that. That sounds perfect.
She's coming down to visit and I'm worried she'll get upset because she won't be able to come here next year and being around it will remind her of it. I dunno. We'll see.
It's way easier to get scholarships at the smaller schools too. Heck, I had a terrible high school GPA, and no activities outside of music, but with two semesters above a 3.5 in college, UCO is paying half of my tuition.
Is there a particular degree program she wants to be in that the other schools don't have?
She says OU has a great foreign language department, and she really wants to study Spanish. (She's in Spanish 8 in HS right now.)