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The Man Bible

AegeriAegeri Tiny wee bacteriumsPlateau of LengRegistered User regular
edited May 2008 in Debate and/or Discourse
This came up from a thread in H/A, but I couldn't help myself but notice how ridiculous some of it is. Effectively this is supposed to be the "man bible". It starts with 5 core tenants, some aren't actually that stupid:
1- You talk too much. Most guys yak way too much. They talk about things that don't raise Interest Level. They don't even think to ask themselves, "Is this going to help my cause?" No, they just blabber. Quit blabbering, guys.

3- You BS. You all know that my articles are rated G, so I have to say this as delicately as possible: guys fling the horse manure. And here's the problem with BS -- she's got built-in radar. She knows when you're telling the truth. She knows how to perceive sincerity. She knows that you weren't really an all-state first-team quarterback and that you're not writing best-selling novels under a pseudonym.

4- You talk about sex. It's a turnoff. It might work in Hollywood movies, but it turns out that the girl you're taking out is conservative. She actually goes to church and she's a nice girl. The last thing she wants to hear from you is bad dialogue out of a porn flick. Yet you insist on doing your worst imitation of Ron Jeremy. Drop it.

5- You don't walk erect. Don't laugh. This falls under the heading of personal grooming. Some guys don't walk -- or look -- like human beings. It might have worked for Keith Richards when he snagged his hot young model wife, but then again, you don't have his zillions in the bank. And don't forget to get a haircut, take a good shower (and use soap), and make sure you don't have holes in your wardrobe. It's basic, but lots of men forget the basics. It's like trying to play basketball without knowing how to dribble or shoot. On the other hand, if you're in a band, it doesn't matter -- the dirtier the better.

But then there is some seriously stupid things as well.
Remember: A woman can't just ask a man if he is the kind of guy who can stand up to the world on her behalf, but she can test you to see if you are the kind of guy who can at least stand up to her.

What a complete crock of shit. I mean, who is seriously stupid enough to believe this? My ex-girlfriend basically dumped me because I let her use me as a walking carpet, then when she tried to get me to buy a house and financially bury myself for the rest of my life (which was stupid) I stood up to her. The instant I did that, she dumped me less than a week later and never spoke to me again. Clearly, the above is quite wrong and there are women (and men!) who look to just use their partner as a carpet for whatever they want. Standing up to them has the exact opposite effect on the relationship.

There are other equally ridiculous things as well, but I just have to wonder who on earth believes these sorts of things. Everyone is different, women (in my experience) are not just automatons running around seeing what men are 'dominant' (god I want the rolleyes smiley at this point) for them or similar nonsense.

Take this for example:
Remember guys; when they have low Self-Esteem, one guy isn't enough.

No, low self-esteem among many women couldn't be caused by poor relationships in the past, the current media climate about 'beauty' and other factors. I'm sure many of them don't respond by cheating on their boyfriends either. But hey, I had low self-esteem for a while before, perhaps I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend, or is it only because women are weak and emotional that this counts or something?

Who honestly buys this crap?

The Roleplayer's Guild: My blog for roleplaying games, advice and adventuring.
Aegeri on
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Posts

  • radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    One or two maybe good things to consider.

    Everything else is infuriatingly... bad.

    There's no way this could apply to most women. Just no way. I can name about 20 off the top of my head who would (and will) read this and agree.


    Well, okay, you can't really take our word for it because women don't know what they want. for realz. MY bad.

    radroadkill on
  • AegeriAegeri Tiny wee bacteriums Plateau of LengRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    You just need a strong man to tell you what you want.

    (Do I need to emphasise that I'm being sarcastic or not...)

    Aegeri on
    The Roleplayer's Guild: My blog for roleplaying games, advice and adventuring.
  • radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri wrote: »
    You just need a strong man to tell you what you want.

    (Do I need to emphasise that I'm being sarcastic or not...)

    Are YOU that man?

    Hm?

    Because I noted some confidence there. You took control and didn't aks me what I wanted. That was awesome.

    (Flowers? But act nonchalant. But attend to my needs!)

    radroadkill on
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    So where's the section about how to properly take it in the ass and mouth at the same time without choking or embarrassing yourself.

    As many men are wont to do.

    Incenjucar on
  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    That all sounded like a bunch of stereotyped crap in my opinion.

    EDIT: Maybe the words I'm looking for are actually "it's not useful advice to anyone" - then again, that might just be anyone I know.

    electricitylikesme on
  • AegeriAegeri Tiny wee bacteriums Plateau of LengRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    The worst part isn't just the assumptions about women, it's assuming all men play the exact same role in a relationship as well.

    Aegeri on
    The Roleplayer's Guild: My blog for roleplaying games, advice and adventuring.
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    It's like the NeoMachismo Bible.

    Incenjucar on
  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    We reap what we sow from gender stereotypes I guess, though in this case the stereotype seems to be the Everyone loves Raymond type of man failure (god I hated that show).

    electricitylikesme on
  • radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I'm giving it to my dad for Father's Day. We'll see how well my parents' relationship goes after.

    radroadkill on
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I'm giving it to my dad for Father's Day. We'll see how well my parents' relationship goes after.

    Everyone wins with double presents at Christmas.

    Incenjucar on
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Is it sad that I sort of recognised myself in the "nice guy" and, to a lesser extent "not sexually confident" descriptions? Because it sort of made me sad.

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • Loren MichaelLoren Michael Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I don't know man.... Women are crazy!

    Loren Michael on
    a7iea7nzewtq.jpg
  • QuidQuid Definitely not a banana Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    One or two maybe good things to consider.

    Everything else is infuriatingly... bad.

    There's no way this could apply to most women. Just no way. I can name about 20 off the top of my head who would (and will) read this and agree.


    Well, okay, you can't really take our word for it because women don't know what they want. for realz. MY bad.
    YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU CAN READ MY MIND BITCH.

    Quid on
  • Bloods EndBloods End Blade of Tyshalle Punch dimensionRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Bros before hos man.

    Bloods End on
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Bloods End wrote: »
    Bros before hos man.

    This is great sex advice.

    Incenjucar on
  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2008
    I suppose it could be helpful for those who can't communicate like normal human beings.

    Doc on
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri wrote: »
    This came up from a thread in H/A, but I couldn't help myself but notice how ridiculous some of it is. Effectively this is supposed to be the "man bible". It starts with 5 core tenants, some aren't actually that stupid:
    1- You talk too much. Most guys yak way too much. They talk about things that don't raise Interest Level. They don't even think to ask themselves, "Is this going to help my cause?" No, they just blabber. Quit blabbering, guys.

    3- You BS. You all know that my articles are rated G, so I have to say this as delicately as possible: guys fling the horse manure. And here's the problem with BS -- she's got built-in radar. She knows when you're telling the truth. She knows how to perceive sincerity. She knows that you weren't really an all-state first-team quarterback and that you're not writing best-selling novels under a pseudonym.

    4- You talk about sex. It's a turnoff. It might work in Hollywood movies, but it turns out that the girl you're taking out is conservative. She actually goes to church and she's a nice girl. The last thing she wants to hear from you is bad dialogue out of a porn flick. Yet you insist on doing your worst imitation of Ron Jeremy. Drop it.

    5- You don't walk erect. Don't laugh. This falls under the heading of personal grooming. Some guys don't walk -- or look -- like human beings. It might have worked for Keith Richards when he snagged his hot young model wife, but then again, you don't have his zillions in the bank. And don't forget to get a haircut, take a good shower (and use soap), and make sure you don't have holes in your wardrobe. It's basic, but lots of men forget the basics. It's like trying to play basketball without knowing how to dribble or shoot. On the other hand, if you're in a band, it doesn't matter -- the dirtier the better.

    But then there is some seriously stupid things as well.
    Remember: A woman can't just ask a man if he is the kind of guy who can stand up to the world on her behalf, but she can test you to see if you are the kind of guy who can at least stand up to her.

    What a complete crock of shit. I mean, who is seriously stupid enough to believe this? My ex-girlfriend basically dumped me because I let her use me as a walking carpet, then when she tried to get me to buy a house and financially bury myself for the rest of my life (which was stupid) I stood up to her. The instant I did that, she dumped me less than a week later and never spoke to me again. Clearly, the above is quite wrong and there are women (and men!) who look to just use their partner as a carpet for whatever they want. Standing up to them has the exact opposite effect on the relationship.

    There are other equally ridiculous things as well, but I just have to wonder who on earth believes these sorts of things. Everyone is different, women (in my experience) are not just automatons running around seeing what men are 'dominant' (god I want the rolleyes smiley at this point) for them or similar nonsense.

    Take this for example:
    Remember guys; when they have low Self-Esteem, one guy isn't enough.

    No, low self-esteem among many women couldn't be caused by poor relationships in the past, the current media climate about 'beauty' and other factors. I'm sure many of them don't respond by cheating on their boyfriends either. But hey, I had low self-esteem for a while before, perhaps I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend, or is it only because women are weak and emotional that this counts or something?

    Who honestly buys this crap?

    While I find your analysis fairly accurate, your arguments are flawed.
    Highly anecdotal. I would say that women probably do this, but only as much as men do. Part of being in a relationship is compromise, so the first urge is to figure out who's bending where by pressing issues. The reason its associated with women is the fact that men have controlled the narrative and don't notice their own instincts. The housing issue is quite separate. She was doing the "if you love me" routine, but she actually believed it, which is probably a bad sign.

    While you are right to oppose this generalization, you aren't doing so. You are opposing the generalization that women sleep around. You need to argue against a negative correlation between self-esteem and what I'm going to call sexuo-materialism.

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
  • wazillawazilla Having a late dinner Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    This reminds me so much of Tom Cruise in Magnolia
    RESPECT THE COCK!

    wazilla on
    Psn:wazukki
  • IreneDAdlerIreneDAdler Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri, was there any particular reason to you omitting Point #2 in your OP quote, which was the least retarded sentence on that website? :P
    2- You talk down to the woman. In reality, she's twice as smart as you are. Now how intelligent is that?

    IreneDAdler on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    One or two maybe good things to consider.

    Everything else is infuriatingly... bad.

    There's no way this could apply to most women. Just no way. I can name about 20 off the top of my head who would (and will) read this and agree.


    Well, okay, you can't really take our word for it because women don't know what they want. for realz. MY bad.

    Does anyone?

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    Does anyone?

    I know what I want.

    Given adequate resources I could plan the entirety of my life.

    Incenjucar on
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri, was there any particular reason to you omitting Point #2 in your OP quote, which was the least retarded sentence on that website? :P
    2- You talk down to the woman. In reality, she's twice as smart as you are. Now how intelligent is that?

    If you're actually using this thing, not very.

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
  • shrykeshryke Member of the Beast Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    The Man Bible:
    Women want a man who understands how to be dominant in the relationship.

    Now, this does not mean that you have to be a jackass, or become a violent or controlling person.

    The key to conveying dominance is simple: Never let things get to you, and never let a woman see you sweat.

    Women are constantly testing men to determine if they are dominant (or as I prefer to put it, "higher status").

    And most of the time, women aren't even aware that they're doing it!

    Remember: A woman can't just ask a man if he is the kind of guy who can stand up to the world on her behalf, but she can test you to see if

    you are the kind of guy who can at least stand up to her.

    Paging The Cat, Paging The Cat,
    Misogyny in Thread 1, Misogyny in Thread 1

    shryke on
  • radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    I am constantly testing Quid to see if he is higher status then me.

    He can still put things on shelves I can't reach. I suppose there might be truth in there somewhere.

    radroadkill on
  • IncenjucarIncenjucar VChatter Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    What's scary is I've known women who actually work in this frame work.

    The results are always rather depressing and disturbing.

    Incenjucar on
  • AegeriAegeri Tiny wee bacteriums Plateau of LengRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Scalfin wrote: »
    While I find your analysis fairly accurate, your arguments are flawed.
    Highly anecdotal. I would say that women probably do this, but only as much as men do.

    That's the whole fucking point.
    While you are right to oppose this generalization, you aren't doing so. You are opposing the generalization that women sleep around. You need to argue against a negative correlation between self-esteem and what I'm going to call sexuo-materialism.

    Which is the argument that was made. Low self esteem does not equal sleeping around, by either gender.

    Aegeri on
    The Roleplayer's Guild: My blog for roleplaying games, advice and adventuring.
  • radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri wrote: »
    Scalfin wrote: »
    While I find your analysis fairly accurate, your arguments are flawed.
    Highly anecdotal. I would say that women probably do this, but only as much as men do.

    That's the whole fucking point.
    While you are right to oppose this generalization, you aren't doing so. You are opposing the generalization that women sleep around. You need to argue against a negative correlation between self-esteem and what I'm going to call sexuo-materialism.

    Which is the argument that was made. Low self esteem does not equal sleeping around.

    From what I've seen and experienced low self esteem tends to lead to the opposite. I get the stereotype of the girl who needs to validate herself by sleeping around, and sure, there are some people who fit all stereotypes, but the whole point of a stereotype is that it's not the truth for... well, almost everyone.

    radroadkill on
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    What's scary is I've known women who actually work in this frame work.

    The results are always rather depressing and disturbing.

    I've met these women

    They are typically not worth pursuing

    nexuscrawler on
  • KrunkMcGrunkKrunkMcGrunk Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    haha, who the hell wrote this shit?

    Those first four rules are fucking awful (not to mention the rest of it).

    KrunkMcGrunk on
    mrsatansig.png
  • ScalfinScalfin __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    What's scary is I've known women who actually work in this frame work.

    The results are always rather depressing and disturbing.

    I've met these women

    They are typically not worth pursuing

    The worst hypothetical would be a naturally dominant woman who believes this.

    Scalfin on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    The rest of you, I fucking hate you for the fact that I now have a blue dot on this god awful thread.
  • OhtheVogonityOhtheVogonity Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Top 10 First Year Mistakes



    Number 10 - You shower her with gifts


    Number 9 - You spend all your free time with her

    Number 8 - You let her make all the plans

    Number 7 - You meet friends & family early on

    Number 6 - You don't come clean about your past

    Number 5 - You avoid confrontation

    Number 4 - You take her for granted

    Number 3 - You always initiate sex

    Number 2 - You forgive all her mistakes too easily

    Number 1 - You tell her you love her too soon & too often





    Top 10: Small Gestures That Turn Women On



    Number 10 - Organize a scavenger hunt

    Number 9 - Tell her she's beautiful

    Number 8 - Write her a hand-written letter

    Number 7 - Take her out for lunch

    Number 6 - Cook her favorite dish

    Number 5 - Take her on an "official" date

    Number 4 - Buy her a token present

    Number 3 - Dance with her

    Number 2 - Give her a flower

    Number 1 - Pamper her

    Somehow I get the feeling they just transcribed as many cliches as possible. There's no coherent line of thought at all.

    edit: I thought this was for money. Upon further review this appears to be pro bono.....

    OhtheVogonity on
    Oh freddled gruntbuggly...thy micturations are to me/ As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    The guy who posted this shit also posted again in the H/A thread this came from, calling everyone women and women-like men and postulating that people were disagreeing because they were relationship-less nerds. Add in some lovely slams against feminism and equality and you've got a lovely misogyny smorgasbord.

    Trowizilla on
  • AegeriAegeri Tiny wee bacteriums Plateau of LengRegistered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Yeah, considering I have a girlfriend currently, I don't think I'm truly terrible at relationships afterall.

    Aegeri on
    The Roleplayer's Guild: My blog for roleplaying games, advice and adventuring.
  • ZimmydoomZimmydoom Accept no substitutes Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Aegeri wrote: »
    Yeah, considering I have a girlfriend currently, I don't think I'm truly terrible at relationships afterall.

    You say that now, but just wait until she starts running all your science. Then you'll come back Aegeri, you'll come crawling back.

    Zimmydoom on
    Better-than-birthday-sig!
    Gim wrote: »
    Zimmydoom, Zimmydoom
    Flew away in a balloon
    Had sex with polar bears
    While sitting in a reclining chair
    Now there are Zim-Bear hybrids
    Running around and clawing eyelids
    Watch out, a Zim-Bear is about to have sex with yooooooou!
  • GreeperGreeper Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Most of it seems to be about how to treat women.

    That's only a small part of what being a man is about, this infuriates me.

    Greeper on
  • WagsWags Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    See, what I don't get about these kind of guides is they go on about the "true nature" of humans trying to cite comparisons to non-human animals, using this "alpha male" concept. But from my understanding from some primatology and evolutionary pscyh classes, this isn't really a valid concept to apply to humans. We aren't a hugely sexually dimorphic species and aside from some extreme examples, it's rare for human beings to form harems. I guess basically what I'm saying is that we aren't chimpanzees or gorillas, the notion of being an alpha male is less important for us than it would be for a harem forming species.

    But I could very well be understanding things wrong and I'm open to that. I guess I'm confused, because from what I've learned the premise for these kinds of things doesn't agree with data, even though the premise seems to be implying some sort of universal nature.

    edit: I grant that the man bible doesn't specifically make this kind of appeal, I was curious because other similar guides often do.

    Wags on
    The gods certainly weren't role models in our sense, unless you wanted to model a Mount Olympus trailer park.
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    This stuff is like what happens when the ladder theory becomes malignant.

    AngelHedgie on
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • TarranonTarranon Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Richy wrote: »
    Is it sad that I sort of recognised myself in the "nice guy" and, to a lesser extent "not sexually confident" descriptions? Because it sort of made me sad.

    As far as I'm concerned, you're not a "nice guy" until you start resenting women.

    Tarranon on
    You could be anywhere
    On the black screen
  • BubbaTBubbaT Registered User regular
    edited May 2008
    Greeper wrote: »
    Most of it seems to be about how to treat women.

    That's only a small part of what being a man is about, this infuriates me.

    I guess gay dudes are going to need some other Man Bible.

    BubbaT on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2008
    Women are just billiard-balls anyway guys.

    ViolentChemistry on
This discussion has been closed.