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How to change?
Drakeon
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I realize these threads come up fairly often, so bear with me.
Basically, I want to change my daily routine. I'll spare you my life's story, but suffice to say that I've basically spent the last 6-8 years watching life pass me by as I had my head behind a computer screen. MMO's had a lot to do with this (first EQ, then WoW), which I'm rectifying. However I know just quitting those won't fix everything in my life. I made the mistake of substituting internet friends for real friends (not that internet friends aren't really friends, but I don't actually have anyone I see on a regular basis that I'd call a friend in my life). Theres a few people who I talk to when I'm at work, but I never talk to them outside of work, so those don't really count.
The short version is I don't have any friends, I don't have a girlfriend, and I spend essentially 90% of my free time on the computer, wasting my time. I also only work 4-8 hours a week (I'm looking into getting a second job, just to give me something to do) and still live with my parents at nearly 23(which isn't really changeable atm, as it's really expensive to live on my own here). I mean, normally I'd look toward my school to help me fix some of these problems (the friends one and all that), but its summer and its still like 2 months until the Semester starts, which is a ways away.
So PA H/A forum, any suggestions on how to go about making some changes to my life?
Basically, I want to change my daily routine. I'll spare you my life's story, but suffice to say that I've basically spent the last 6-8 years watching life pass me by as I had my head behind a computer screen. MMO's had a lot to do with this (first EQ, then WoW), which I'm rectifying. However I know just quitting those won't fix everything in my life. I made the mistake of substituting internet friends for real friends (not that internet friends aren't really friends, but I don't actually have anyone I see on a regular basis that I'd call a friend in my life). Theres a few people who I talk to when I'm at work, but I never talk to them outside of work, so those don't really count.
The short version is I don't have any friends, I don't have a girlfriend, and I spend essentially 90% of my free time on the computer, wasting my time. I also only work 4-8 hours a week (I'm looking into getting a second job, just to give me something to do) and still live with my parents at nearly 23(which isn't really changeable atm, as it's really expensive to live on my own here). I mean, normally I'd look toward my school to help me fix some of these problems (the friends one and all that), but its summer and its still like 2 months until the Semester starts, which is a ways away.
So PA H/A forum, any suggestions on how to go about making some changes to my life?
PSN: Drakieon XBL: Drakieon Steam: TheDrakeon
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It's fairly daunting to just go out and "find people" outside of the context of work or school, so you better get busy with it because those are the best opportunities to make connections.
And drop MMO's, at least for a while. I used to do the MMO thing, maybe as much as you. Up until last week I hadn't touched them for an entire year and that has literally been the best year of my life. They are a horrible waste of time, especially when you could just as easily be working and saving. Quit farming gold for your fucking epic mount and start farming cash for things in real life, like somewhere to live that isn't your parents house.
Gas prices and a tough economy may make things difficult in finding a job, but staying plugged in all day makes them even more difficult.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
EVE is fucking shit too. They are all shit.
I stopped playing MMOs cold right when I realized this. Been off them for years now. Not interested in going back to the MMO scene unless someone makes a real hardcore Pre-Trammel Ultima Online MMO, which will never happen.
Go to the mall, there are tons of nice girls walking by, have a Capuchino at a cafe, enjoy it.
By the way, every time you decide to see the outside world, take a good shower, comb your hair, use a good perfume or cologne
I was addicted to MMOs all throughout high school. I stopped playing them after high school and I'm pretty happy with my life and my friends. I couldn't have done this while playing MMOs. A lot of the friends I have now are actually friends that I had before I started playing EQ, reacquainted.
Yea, the last time I had quit, I just shifted all of my time I spent playing MMO's to just surfing the net, so it didn't really do much for me. I think I'm going to try limiting myself to 4 hours max a day of computer usage.
And thanks for all the advice so far, appreciate it.
I'd recommend trying to translate your existing interests into different (but related), more social interests.
What do you like about MMOs?
If it's the fantasy (or sci-fi) setting, and the feeling of escaping to another world, you have a few options. Start reading, if you don't already - a good book can easily be as engrossing as an MMO, and even though you don't control the characters, you still get deeply attached to them. My heart used to pound like a jackhammer when I was acting as main tank on a raid, and that was fun and all... but I weep every time I read Tigana or Memories of Ice. Reading may not seem like an improvement over sitting in front of your computer, and if all you do is scuttle into Borders, grab a book, and run back to your room, it won't be. But reading will provide you with some opportunities for small changes, if nothing else. Hit your local library, wander around used bookstores, and take your findings to a coffee shop to sit with. If you see someone scanning the back of a book you've already read, offer them your input on it. Strike up a conversation, make some recommendations, ask them for their advice in turn. You might make a friend, especially if you hit the bookstores often enough to start recognizing regulars.
Another option, if reading isn't your thing, is to dip your toes into the wild world of tabletop gaming. Pretty much every town has a faintly disreputable little game shop, and they tend to welcome newcomers into their ranks. They can help you get involved with a group to play with, and a good D&D group is just like a good exp group in EQ, but with the added benefit of real social interaction.
If it's the feeling of teamwork and belonging that you crave, again, you have plenty of choices. Work has already been recommended, and it's a good one: you'll earn money for better real-life gear, and even if you don't especially like your coworkers, it can be kind of nice to just lean against a counter and shoot the shit with them. I spent nine months working midnight shifts at Tim Hortons, the Canadian version of Dunkin Donuts, with a foul-mouthed muffin baker named Helen, and although we had nothing in common (she had about 30 years, 3 public drunkenness convictions, and -2 teeth on me), I grew to love the time I spent just sitting on the curb with her listening to her rant. She taught me how to swear.
Volunteering is also a good group-based activity. It looks great on a resume, too. Libraries, animal shelters, retirement homes, environmental groups - there's no shortage of places that need help, so whatever your interests are, you can find a productive, societally beneficial outlet for them.
Finally, if your favourite part of MMOs is the grind, I recommend exercise. Start going to a gym, take up a martial art, go running. Getting in shape will dramatically improve your self-confidence, and endorphins are awesome. They are nature's Prozac, and they will make you feel happier all-around.
Like others have said, find another job which will let you socialize and get out of the house.
Also, joining a gym is a great way to just get out of the house and actually feel like you're doing something.
Seriously. Watching your own body level up is awesome. And unlike any video game, it very much helps you out in the real world.
I also stopped playing MMOs when I realized that if I took 1/4 of the time I spent playing them, and did something productive such as working out, volunteering, cleaning my room, going outside and socializing, etc, my life becomes many times better. Despite how fun MMOs are they contribute almost nothing positive to your actual life. There are so many things you can do to better yourself.
You get it all then. People you have something in common with. Fantasy, fun exercise, new skills and a bunch of pretty non-judgemental friends.
As to the skills, making your own weapons, armor and costume do require some skill. Not to mention learning how to use them. Or learning how to make mead (yum!).
Society for the Creative Anachronism
Selling or putting your computer into storage like one person suggested is probably not good advice... the PC is still a perfectly valid social tool. If some person asks you for your AIM handle and you tell them you don't have a computer you're going to see a raised eyebrow.
Start picking up skills/hobbies that aren't video games, even if they are on the computer that's still fine. Especially if that thing is of a creative/productive nature.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
I don't know how much this will help you, because honestly, I have no idea what kind of person you are. Some people are just naturally sociable, others aren't. Trust me, I spent quite a few hours playing MMO's myself, and they are a waste of time. However, they don't become a problem until you use them as an excuse not to go out and put yourself out there in the real world.
I don't know though, maybe my advice sucks.
You should also buy a gym membership and start going. Doing something as awkward as running and lifting weights while surrounded by strangers should do a lot for the social interaction side of things. Also, as others have said, watching your body level up is satisfying and will bring confidence. H/A has a thread that can help here.
Start putting more effort into personal grooming and what you wear. People like people who look good, it's pretty much that simple. D&D has a thread that can help here.
Get a job in sales or something along that line, where you are forced to interact with total strangers. You can also make new contacts and money... win on all fronts.
As other people have said, find something you enjoy doing that is social. It's more about putting yourself out there in the real world where you have a chance to meet possible friends.
Most importantly, start making changes NOW!
This is a really valid point. Computer use of any sort is not the problem here, its passive, purposeless computer use being used to kill empty hours.
A couple of simple suggestions for the OP. First, schedule your computer use. If you want to check the forums or whatever, give yourself a limited amount of time each day to do that. Get a notebook or something and keep track of how it goes.
Secondly, tell someone you trust in your life (based on your OP, probably your parents?) about the changes you want to make in your life. Its one thing to say to yourself, or anonymously on the internet that you want to change, but making a a public commitment makes its more real and makes you more likely to go through with those changes. Its something I've read a few places and found to be true in my own life.
You could also try looking through the various listings for your area, if there are any, at : Meetup . In addition, getting more hours at work or a second job, volunteering and going to the gym are good options as well.
I'm already going to College (I'm actually transferring from a community college to a university in Fall). But, like I said in my OP, it's summer and I'm not taking any summer classes...
Also, I appreciate all the additional advice. However, I do already have a gym membership and I try to go once every other day, sometimes works out to once every 3-4 days depending on schedule and other stuff.
Where I take lessons, a lady can never be sitting out on a dance, so you're forced to go up and ask them to dance (of course, the other rule is that if you are asked to dance, you can't say no ;-)). As you dance you get to chat with your partner. This will boost your social skills and self-confidence, which in turn will help you in a multitude of ways in the rest of your life.
I never really thought I'd be any good at dancing, and now I'm on the fast track to a competition in November. YMMV but give it a chance if you have the opportunity.
So you'll no longer be living with your parents? If so that's probably a good thing, once you're at university you'll find you have a lot more contact with people anyway. On the other hand not everyone is the sort of person who naturally makes friends easily and it can take a while to find people you share interests with. If your university is anything like the one I went to you might find there's a big partying/random hookups/getting shitfaced every other night culture - don't waste your time feeling shitty about yourself if you feel like you're not part of that, don't sit around in your room thinking everybody else is having a better time than you and expect change to somehow magically happen to you, change happens because of what you do. Get involved with stuff, sports, volunteering, whatever. You will meet loads of people and chances are good some of those people will become your friends. And if you don't, if you just keep playing WoW or whatever then you will regret it once it's over.
"And this is his sofa, is it?" said Arthur.
Let me say that no one can make you or tell you to get up and go. Just do it, you are 23 buy some sexy stuff at Abercrombie or Armani Exchange or express and go to bars and lounges and try to meet girls. Tell them you go to school and the high money making job you want. Though you can sweeten the name up so they understand, and fucking rock on