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Fantasy Rape on Primetime - Wizard's First Rule the TV series

24567…17

Posts

  • Mister LongbaughMister Longbaugh Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    wait what the fuck? they're doing a show of this shit?

    i read through like eight of these terrible fucking books.

    Mister Longbaugh on
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Also, I'm pretty sure George R.R. Martin's gonna die before ASOIAF is finished.

    Moriveth on
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    why did I read so many of these books

    they are so bad

    Dichotomy on
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  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    "Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken's head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It cocked its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. "Shoo," Kahlan heard herself whisper. There wasn't enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn't tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn't need to see it. "Dear spirits, help me," she prayed under her breath. The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn't. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People's chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest."-- Soul of the Fire
    holy shit those last five sentences cannot be real

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Also, I'm pretty sure George R.R. Martin's gonna die before ASOIAF is finished.


    man this series gets finished, and twilight gets finished, but fucking ASOIAF is going to end by way of too many cheeseburgers

    arod_77 on
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  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Also, I'm pretty sure George R.R. Martin's gonna die before ASOIAF is finished.


    man this series gets finished, and twilight gets finished, but fucking ASOIAF is going to end by way of too many cheeseburgers

    And the worst thing is, A Dance Of Dragons will be released, it'll probably have some huge fucking cliffhanger, and then Martin goes and chokes on a ham sandwich in his bathtub.

    Moriveth on
  • NechriahNechriah Chookity!Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Mr. Henry Bemis wrote: »
    holy shit those last five sentences cannot be real

    I often say the same thing about Goodkind's entire body of work; hoping that by saying it often enough, I can make it so.

    Nechriah on
  • DerLustigeBosniakDerLustigeBosniak Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    THIS IS EVIL MANIFEST!

    DerLustigeBosniak on
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  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    The worst thing about that paragraph is it actually makes me want to read the stories to see if the rest of it is that bad

    Moriveth on
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    oh god

    why did I read this?

    this is why I refuse to read any fantasy novel

    shit like this

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    my brain cannot wrap itself around writing that bad getting any kind of recognition

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I particularly like that it cackled evilly. How would an evil chicken cackle?

    Moriveth on
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    buk buk buuuuk

    Snowbeat on
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  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    "I will kill you!" said Dawnstroke the knightly knight. He struggled through the reeds of the Tornek Clay Forest towards his enemy of unending enemity. He felt a lump in his throat and a stirring in his loins, fire hot, he had lost alayna his only love to the force of the black forces but now he would have his revenge. His erection swolled, a swarthy sea-pickle in a black algae forest.

    "You swine, I will kill you!, you swine!"

    arod_77 on
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  • Mister LongbaughMister Longbaugh Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    how are they going to deal with the terrible rape scenes.

    Mister Longbaugh on
  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    guys

    it's a chicken, right

    but it's evil, okay

    like a real role reversal here

    alright

    think about it

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    it could only be better if the chicken twirled its mustache

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • Mister LongbaughMister Longbaugh Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    like thirty god damn people get raped in the first three books.

    Mister Longbaugh on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    Mr. Henry Bemis wrote: »
    guys

    it's a chicken, right

    but it's evil, okay

    like a real role reversal here

    alright

    think about it

    I think he is talking about man's inhumanity to man

    arod_77 on
    glitteratsigcopy.jpg
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    buk buk buuuuk

    that's not an evil cackle

    that's the equivalent of DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

    no one cackles DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN


    you dumb

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • NechriahNechriah Chookity!Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    The Lovely Bastard wrote: »
    it could only be better if the chicken twirled its mustache

    And if its eyes glittered evilly from behind its monocle, from under the brim of its tophat.

    Nechriah on
  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    arod_77 wrote: »
    Mr. Henry Bemis wrote: »
    guys

    it's a chicken, right

    but it's evil, okay

    like a real role reversal here

    alright

    think about it

    I think he is talking about man's inhumanity to man
    what

    i'm talking about chickens, okay

    jesus christ

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    The Lovely Bastard wrote: »
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    buk buk buuuuk

    that's not an evil cackle

    that's the equivalent of DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

    no one cackles DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN


    you dumb

    man it's an evil chicken

    it's whole new ground, who knows what it's gonna do

    Snowbeat on
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  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    ten people raped per book is an incredibly conservative estimate

    I would guess the number of rapes at being between twenty to three hundred per chapter

    Dichotomy on
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  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I've

    I've read every single one of his books.

    Nogs on
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    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    The Lovely Bastard wrote: »
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    buk buk buuuuk

    that's not an evil cackle

    that's the equivalent of DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

    no one cackles DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN


    you dumb

    man it's an evil chicken

    it's whole new ground, who knows what it's gonna do


    look I have it on good authority

    that ain't no chicken cacklin' DUN DUN DUNNNN

    good.

    authority.

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    were there mass rapes or something

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    right now I am reading The Sword of Shannara

    I'm only like 100 pages in, it seems okay so far.

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    there was like books and books of rape

    Kovak on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    Mass Rape

    From the makers of Baldur's Gate II

    arod_77 on
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  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    nogs come on now nogs

    are you defending evil chicken

    is that what you are doing

    The Lovely Bastard on
    7656367.jpg
  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Mr. Henry Bemis wrote: »
    were there mass rapes or something

    rapings of up to several million drive up the average

    Dichotomy on
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  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    guys

    remember that time when richard had to fuck another women while his wife was like one tent away fuckin another dude that was actually his brother?

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • NogsNogs Crap, crap, mega crap. Crap, crap, mega crap.Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    The Lovely Bastard wrote: »
    nogs come on now nogs

    are you defending evil chicken

    is that what you are doing

    I am not defending it.

    I am ashamed of it.

    Nogs on
    rotate.jpg
    PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2008
    That chicken wasn't just evil.

    He was cocksure

    arod_77 on
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  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Every character outline was just a box with their name in it connected to a box labeled "rape." By a very short line. And a mysterious stain.

    Okay, it's not that mysterious.

    Jedoc on
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  • DichotomyDichotomy Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Nogs wrote: »
    right now I am reading The Sword of Shannara

    I'm only like 100 pages in, it seems okay so far.

    if I remember correctly the Sword Of Shannara series isn't actively terrible, just completely unremarkable

    you can basically read the Lord Of The Rings and exchange every third word for a synonym to get the same experience

    Dichotomy on
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  • Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    wasn't every shannara book a straight up copy of lord of the rings

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    okay phew

    for a second there I was strongly considering univiting you to my birthday party.

    The Lovely Bastard on
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  • Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    a million rapes????

    so basically this is an ayn rand novel

    Randall_Flagg on
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