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How do I get my wife to play WoW when she loves CoH?
Shawnasee
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Before we got married I told my wife I played WoW(World of Warcraft) and CoH(City of Heroes). Being the studious and curious person she is, she googled WoW. She eventually found WoW Widows. She never once made mention that I would be sleeping on the couch if I continued to play the game when we got married. I had an active account for almost a year before she decided she liked making characters on CoH.
After a while of making them, she started actually playing them and now she has her own super group(guild) and is a base editor extrordinairre. When we started playing CoH together, WoW fell by the wayside and I canx'd my subscription.
She loves CoH, and so do I, but when I got my new rig, I reactivated my WoW account, for nostalgia's sake and to see what it looked like on a true gaming rig. It's beautiful by the way!
When she found out I reupped the subscription she flipped out. I was very close to sleeping on the couch.
To her credit, I did play the crap out of it for those first few weeks and I not only neglected her, but worse than that, the SG.
However, my little girls (5 and 7) love, love, love WoW. While my sub was inactive, my oldest would always see the WoW box at Best Buy in the games section and tell me "I miss Chilalli Dad." A character her and her sister made OVER 2 YEARS AGO! On one particularly recent trip to Best Buy, she saw the box again and asked me
"Why don't we play the tiger game any more Dad?" It was called the Tiger game because that was the mount I rode as a night elf.
"Well, Mom and I play City of Heroes together and we don't want to pay for a game we don't play. And Mom doesn't really like WoW."
"Well if Mom doesn't like it, she doesn't have to play it."
I love that child.
She AND her little sister cried right there in BB when I said we weren't going to buy World of Warcraft. They didn't throw a fit...they were just so sad.
I've kept the account up now for 3 months and her and I came to the accord that I would only play it one night a week and for a treat I would let the girls play it with me. This has worked out rather well and she now tolerates WoW's existence in our household.
I am trying to get her into the game but I think the things she saw on the various WoW hate sites and my "hiding" the re-up she now has a bitter taste in her mouth about it.
However, on occasion she has seen some of the astounding scenery in the new expansion and she has made favorable comments and even watched me play for a minute or so. Last night, I had the girls on my lap playing a character of their creation (Hopeyhazey the hunter, whose pet is a cat named Carol....) while my wife sat next to us and she said "the music sure is nice." and she was engrossed in the little lead in story for the newbie Dranei area.
There are some damn clever people here so armed with the history I have given, how would you go about getting your spouse to play this game?
We're complete geeks. We rent a vent server for our City of Heroes SG. We bought laptops so we can frag villains while we're at the local coffee shop...well,actually, its a geeky tea shop. And the amount of excitement she exhibits at the prospect of doing this, sometimes has me confused as to be over the moon happy that I have a gamer wife, or disturbed that she may like it more than I do.
So the hurdle of getting her into MMO's isn't there, I just need a way, sneaky or forthright, to get her to play a game she doesn't really enjoy me playing.
What say you?
After a while of making them, she started actually playing them and now she has her own super group(guild) and is a base editor extrordinairre. When we started playing CoH together, WoW fell by the wayside and I canx'd my subscription.
She loves CoH, and so do I, but when I got my new rig, I reactivated my WoW account, for nostalgia's sake and to see what it looked like on a true gaming rig. It's beautiful by the way!
When she found out I reupped the subscription she flipped out. I was very close to sleeping on the couch.
To her credit, I did play the crap out of it for those first few weeks and I not only neglected her, but worse than that, the SG.
However, my little girls (5 and 7) love, love, love WoW. While my sub was inactive, my oldest would always see the WoW box at Best Buy in the games section and tell me "I miss Chilalli Dad." A character her and her sister made OVER 2 YEARS AGO! On one particularly recent trip to Best Buy, she saw the box again and asked me
"Why don't we play the tiger game any more Dad?" It was called the Tiger game because that was the mount I rode as a night elf.
"Well, Mom and I play City of Heroes together and we don't want to pay for a game we don't play. And Mom doesn't really like WoW."
"Well if Mom doesn't like it, she doesn't have to play it."
I love that child.
She AND her little sister cried right there in BB when I said we weren't going to buy World of Warcraft. They didn't throw a fit...they were just so sad.
I've kept the account up now for 3 months and her and I came to the accord that I would only play it one night a week and for a treat I would let the girls play it with me. This has worked out rather well and she now tolerates WoW's existence in our household.
I am trying to get her into the game but I think the things she saw on the various WoW hate sites and my "hiding" the re-up she now has a bitter taste in her mouth about it.
However, on occasion she has seen some of the astounding scenery in the new expansion and she has made favorable comments and even watched me play for a minute or so. Last night, I had the girls on my lap playing a character of their creation (Hopeyhazey the hunter, whose pet is a cat named Carol....) while my wife sat next to us and she said "the music sure is nice." and she was engrossed in the little lead in story for the newbie Dranei area.
There are some damn clever people here so armed with the history I have given, how would you go about getting your spouse to play this game?
We're complete geeks. We rent a vent server for our City of Heroes SG. We bought laptops so we can frag villains while we're at the local coffee shop...well,actually, its a geeky tea shop. And the amount of excitement she exhibits at the prospect of doing this, sometimes has me confused as to be over the moon happy that I have a gamer wife, or disturbed that she may like it more than I do.
So the hurdle of getting her into MMO's isn't there, I just need a way, sneaky or forthright, to get her to play a game she doesn't really enjoy me playing.
What say you?
Shawnasee on
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Have you ever sat down with her and talked to her about the fact that you like WoW more than CoH, and that you won't end up like one of "those" people? And for that matter, that you can be one of "those" people regardless of what game you play. Hell, you could become a hardcore Tetris or Minesweeper addict even, let alone City of Heroes. (Granted, that may just make her paranoid about gaming in general instead of the intended effect of showing her that WoW isn't what's bad, it's the people who get way too into it).
My GF and I used to play WoW together and I quit before she did. She was more hardcore than I was.
I have recently returned and tried to get my GF to join me, but she won't, not out of seething hatred, but because she recognizes she has an addictive personality and doesn't trust herself to not go crazy over the game all over again.
The point: It's ok for two people in a couple to have differing interests. As a man with a geek girl, many posters here already consider you one lucky son-of-a-bitch. While my girlfriend doesn't play WoW anymore, she'll occasionally look over my shoulder and comment on what I'm doing, and I do the same when she plays her games (which mostly consist of the PopCap library now). We may not play WoW together anymore, but we share other interests (We're readin A Song of Ice and Fire together at this time).
You share an activity that your kids enjoy and bond with you over, there's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't feel guilty. Meanwhile, your girlfriend has her own activity she enjoys on her own, and there's nothing wrong with that either.
You don't "Have" you have her join you in wow any more than you "have" to commit to your supergroup in CoH. You have more fun in WoW, she has more fun in CoH. Leave it at that.
If she gives you shit or criticises you for your choice of WoW, calmly remind her that you enjoy it more now and appreciate the time spent with your kids. You would love for her to join you, but you won't force her, but you no longer have the time to commit to CoH.
If she flips out at this, then she is simply being unreasonable. It's a game, it's a hobby, not a career or a life decision. Keep things in perspective and you'll be fine.
The orientation behind your question disturbs me, because it seems like a backwards way of doing it. You let the spouse know that the games do NOT matter (and they should not matter) and that she (and her trust) is more important than any video game. Acknowledge her choices, thoughts, and decisions with regards to WoW, and support them. The more you give, the more you get back, at least in any loving relationship. "You're right, honey, WoW is crack. But I do enjoy playing it, especially with the kids. We can do things that you enjoy, though."
More than just words, too, with actions. Instead of saying "Hey, baby, you know you're the most important thing in my life. Can I play more WoW?", you can say "Oh, I don't need to play WoW this week. Let's do something that you enjoy." Give a little, take a little. Video games will come and go, and eventually both of you will leave City of Heroes and WoW behind for Super Mario Diablo Street Fighter Zelda MMO 2.5 Extended Edition. You'll miss out a raid or two or perhaps a quest, but not only would you be forging a better relationship with your spouse, she should respond in kind, too, and relax her rather draconian policies (which probably are from the whole resubscription business, but that's in the past and neither here nor there).
Ultimately, we play video games because it's something that we want to enjoy. Forcing or even convincing her to play WoW when she doesn't seem to care much for it, well... that doesn't sound like a great idea.
So basically, my advice to your question of "how can I get my wife to play WoW" is "give it time and she'll get curious eventually." Really, though, I feel like a better H/A thread would be "why am I playing an MMO that pisses off my wife and why am I cultivating an enjoyment of this game in my kids when my wife has a problem with it." It's not clear to my why she flipped out and almost had you sleeping on the couch but there's clearly some reason that she's not happy with you playing WoW and instead of trying to get her addicted to it, you might consider examining why that's the case. And, like, quitting WoW.
As far as the WoW "widows", tell her it's the same for EQ, Dark Age of Camelot, Anarchy Online, etc. It happens in every MMO and it has nothing to do with WoW, except now WoW is extremely popular and there are more people affected by it.
I guess my main question is how long have you guys been playing CoX together? Basing form the time frame on the "I miss Chiali" story, I'd guess it's 2 ish years?
I'd just give it a little more time and she'll probably grow tired of her current MMO or at least become less enthused about it. Maybe, that would be a good time to get her to try something new. I'd definitely say you're doing the right things to pique her interest in the game.
Wow's going to be around for a while, so there's no real rush on trying it now. Though, I'd guess that you're probably looking into it because you've become bored or at least less enthused with CoX. I sort of think that maybe the real issue isn't so much that you're all about WoW, but more so that you're bored with CoX after 2 years.
If that's the case, then maybe you tell her that you want to play with her and compromise by playing a different game together. That way you'll both still be enjoying the same MMO, but not be still playing the same one. Trust me, the people you play MMO's with are more important than which one you play and can turn the worst one in the bunch into a thrilling joyride full of edge of your seat excitement.
TL: DR: Stay the course, if everyone in your family looks like they're enjoying the game, she may try it too just out of curiosity. Or both of you can try a totally different game together.
If it is a cost thing decide whether or not you want to spend quality time with your wife or with your children.
Your married not sewed to the hip you don't have to do everything together you know.
If she's worried about you not spending enough time together play the games in the same room and chat as you do so.
Satans..... hints.....
He said he was only playing it once a week, and letting his kids play around with character creation and play a little bit. Just because MMO's have a bad rap, doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
To the OP, it seems you have your enjoyment of playing MMO's within reasonable bounds, not that you're addicted. Good luck getting the wife to play. I know I first played, because my ex boyfriend did. I have always been a geek, just never an MMO player.
He wanted to play something with me, so he renewed our WoW subscriptions. He's gotten used to it, and he doesn't like it as much as CoH, but we can still play it together sometimes. Sometimes we play together, sometimes I play one and he plays the other, and sometimes I play one and he plays something else entirely. I've got a pretty difficult course load building up at the moment, so in the evenings I want to do what I want to do, and neither of us gets too fussed about it because we're sitting right next to each other the whole time anyway.
Try simply respecting that she enjoys the other game more, and tell her that you hope she respects your choice as well. It's no different from enjoying different books or movies, or playing different sports. One way or another, it's definitely not the sort of thing that should be affecting your marriage much. So you don't play MMOs together.. you can find other things to do together that you both enjoy without giving anything up.
Eventually she agreed to play WoW only to help me out with a refer-a-friend thing so I got the bonus XP so I could quickly level up to play with some real friends. She still claims not to enjoy WoW that much, but I have caught her playing when I'm not sometimes. So I think getting your wife to play will be more a case of why she likes CoH in the first place. If she's like my wife, the gear grind won't appeal to her at all, but if she really likes task forces, then maybe some of the instances will make her happy.
She liked gnomes. She's been playing ever since and is the greatest Resto druid alive...
Edit: Not saying that Druids are gnomes... but gnomes are just what got her started.
Speaking from personal experience, it isn't really sharing time/experiences with your SO if you're in the same room but playing different games; however, it also isn't very fun to have 2 people playing a game when 1 person really isn't enjoying it. The last thing either of you is going to want is one of you forcing him/herself to play a game they don't enjoy and spending a lot of that play time bitching about it.
It seems to me that there are two basic options:
Option 1: You both agree to spend X amount of moderately equal time in the other person's game and to be GGG about it. She agrees to play WoW with you 1 or 2 days out of the week and to do her best to smile about it and have what fun she can. You agree to play CoX with her 1 or 2 days out of the week and to do your best to smile about it and to enjoy the time you're spending playing together. The rest of the time you play your game of choice and she plays hers.
Option 2: You both agree that you can't do the GGG thing between those particular two games. This doesn't mean that there won't be another one someday you can't play together. In the meantime, you agree to dedicate 1-3 days a week playing a third game you can agree on together so you can still share experiences, but the rest of the time you can split off and each play the games you prefer.
What it comes down to is really sitting down together as a couple and figuring out some sort of compromise. It sounds like part of the attraction was/is the gaming together, which is great. There are enough games out there though that there are going to be times (and this is just the first one of them) that your preferences of what to play/enjoy aren't going to be completely compatible. Working out a way for you as a couple to compromise on this will help to set a precedent for the future so the next time it won't become a problem.
The "stealthy" re-subscription thing is a trust issue and it seems like maybe a large part of why she's unhappy about this is because she's A) enjoys your gaming together and is afraid that it's all going to go away/you're about to leave her behind,
Sit down and talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way. Ask her what she's afraid of with the WoW thing and see if she can articulate specific issues and if you can reassure her on them. If they're the issues above, then you can offer those options. Sure, some days it might be a little disappointing to switch gears for either of you or to not get to share something with the other, but if you or she really wants to do X with you some day in one game, you can trade off for a day in the other game.
I can't stress this part enough though: In whatever game you two eventually decide to play together you absolutely have to be nice about it and try to enjoy it with the other person.
This shit doesn't work if one or both of you clams up and/or says they'll play X for the other person but spends the entire time sulking about it, dropping comments like, "That's because this isn't WoW/CoX, this wouldn't have happened in WoW/CoX" or "That's because he's an asshole, all the people you meet in WoW/CoX are assholes" or whatever.
We have been playing CoH together for almost 18 months...I know this because of the vet rewards for the account that I made for her but I ended up using. She took, TOOK, my 49 month vet account. <sighs> I miss it.
@supabeast - I didn't think I came across in my post as an addict to MMO's and after re-reading my post I have come to the conclusion you shouldn't have either.
I don't want to stop her playing CoH. I want her to play WoW in addition to CoH.
@urahonky - believe me, thats the main sticking point right now, the customization.
@vthorn - Thinking about your questions makes me think that she doesn't like me playing it because she doesn't want me to stop playing CoH completely . And from the things she has read, and the two or three weeks of me being engrossed in my new rig and playing the game almost everyday, she may think for me it's "WoW or nothing".
I think it was October that the re-up thing came up and after that it's been the 1 day a week thing.
I think some reassurance that I do indeed love to play CoH with her might ease her fears.
@Hahnsoo - you know, we like a lot of the same things. Heroes/City of Heroes/Will and Grace/card games/tech stuff... she doesn't like Poker and I don't like to crochet so yeah, we're cool with digging different things.
And I have never talked to her about the WoW Widows thing, so I haven't had the chance to be condescending yet. haha I wouldn't though. We are pretty good at discussing things without being asshats to each other.
And believe me, my wife doesn't do a thing unless she wants to. A very strong will, she has. I'm just looking for a good approach to getting her to play WoW with me.
@Tycho - "cultivating an enjoyment of this game in my kids when my wife has a problem with it" is so far from whats going on. Again, I had to re-read my op (Thats twice for those keeping track) to see where this is coming from.
My girls and I were playing a card game for kids or putting a puzzle together or something, when the girls were 3 and 5, and after a while they were clearly bored so I asked them if they wanted to see an elf riding a tiger. Excitement all around.
They obviously like spending time with Dad and I like watching the enjoyment they get when a pink or blue robe drops. That and they love to spot the baddies or gold mines and tell me where they are.
Don't get it twisted...Mom home schools and LOVES that they're not climbing all over her for the hour they're playing games with Dad. She doesn't glare at me or give me the silent treatment when they come up and say "can we play Ward of Warcwaft with you Dad?
The reason she was unhappy with me playing was the amount of time I played it back in Sept/Oct when I got my rig and, I imagine, the things she has heard from the WoW haters.
@niceguy - yeah, when I was single, I would rotate the games whenever I got tired of one. Since my wife got into CoH it's been that and nothing else. And when I say nothing else, I mean no other games. We go out, watch movies, play cards(she kicks my ass!) among other things. So with 18 months straight the burn out is definitely here.
@blaket - we bought a HUGE desk from Ikea so we could sit next to each other when we game. It sure would be fun if she was playing with me when the girls are on Daddy's lap.
@ceres - this isn't affecting our marriage at all...I just want to find a way to get her to play this game with me sometimes.
@caliban - I think that might work, the whole triple xp will definitely appeal to her, regardless of the game! haha and I think she will like the crafting part of the game.
I have opened the lines of communication on the whole subject, I'll let you all know how it goes.
My dad let me play games when I was little. I'd watch him play duke nuke'em, and Doom, and Tom clancy games, until he finally let me play them. And Even games on Sega before that. And I turned out really well. Yes, I love video games. But I am not socially inept. I don't even have much time for games anymore, I'm lucky if I even get 3 hours a week to play deadspace.
What's the difference between interacting together with a videogame, or having the children sit there in front of a TV screen where they don't even have to apply their brain to anything?
please rereread your first post and try to see it from the perspective of a person not totally absorbed by an MMO, because you and your wife DO sound like you are addicted to playing them.
Fighting over something as insignificant as what computer game to play and if CoH is better than WoW in a relationship just sounds so... I don't know... being a nerd just does not cut it anymore, this is almost retarded.....fremdschämen(German - be ashamed for what someone else is doing or saying) would be a good term for what I feel when I read this.
Btw. I played both CoH and WoW, CoH for a very long run, I also had my own SG, etcetcyaddayadda so I know what it's like.
I am also not totally against MMOs although I don't play them anymore, my final paper at university was about MMO mechanics among other things.
If you want my opinion on the matter at hand: CoH is a bag of shit compared to WoW if you are judging by content and/or game mechanics and how polished the game is.
But more importantly, I think you and your wife should get a different or at least a second common hobby which has nothing to do with MMOs or just leave each other alone when it comes to games and not start some ridiculous fight over this.
And you should really get your kids something else to do and you should not use your kids as an excuse to start playing WoW
Sseriously, they started crying because they wanted to play "the Tiger game"? That`s fremdschämen all over again.... I doubt their emotional attachment at this age can be so big, especially if they have not played or seen the game for 2 years. We are not talking about a pet or relative.
I do know from my visits to the Americas that US citizens watch a lot of TV, but you DO know that there are more than these 2 options, right?
Thanks for answering the question in which this thread was created. You contributed absolutely nothing to my query or this thread besides semi-trollish comments.
Some perspective:
- We play CoH/WoW twice a week. Sometimes three. This wasn't stated in my OP but neither did I say we play these games every night of the week. Your assumptions that we are MMO addicts are based on what, exactly?
- My kids have plenty of other activities that they enjoy. Painting, coloring, drawing, riding their brand new Xmas bikes, barbies and everything else healthy kids do. They go to gymnastics and want to take dance and piano lessons. Do you have kids? It damn sure doesn't need to be a pet or relative for a 5 and 7 year old to have a great deal of attachment to it.
- We don't fight over which game to play. We fought, once, because ultimately I wasn't paying my wife enough attention for the first few weeks I started playing WoW again.
I fed you more than I wanted to...please return to your bridge.
Hell, I'll bet there are "CoH Widows", but CoX's playerbase is significantly smaller, so there's less likely to be sites and full out support groups for them.
As a preface, I played CoH for a good year and a half, and played WoW for 4 years straight. High end raiding, legendary in the bank, etc. About as addicted as they come.
Now, I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend that not only played, but held her own at that level of time and skill. Due to it being a long distance relationship, it was a welcome shared activity/interest, and we both ended up being officers in said raiding guild. Eventually, the guild fell apart, and I ended up with another guild entirely. While it meant we weren't playing together as often as we used to, we still kept in touch through the game.
Anyway, I agree that there's nothing wrong with having unique interests, and it can be very healthy for a relationship.
Trust me. I know. I am an avid reader, I don't even watch TV, I can call myself an artist, and I could go on about how many other options I am involved in. I'm just saying that the other option many familes fall back on are TV, and many kids these days would probably be sitting in front of one. So a nice alternative, and a fun one I think, is to be playing a videogame once in awhile. I think it's great that he's playing with them, and he's not letting them play too much; one hour a week is perfectly reasonable.
All I'm saying is just because someone plays videogames and desires someone else to get involved in them, does not mean that they are doing nothing "of conseqeunce" and that they are not attached to the real world.
But, comments like that are meant to provoke, anyways. Bait, and hook.
Yep, I'm still trying to detach it...