Ok, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. No alt, no clever bullshit. Here's what's going on.
Well, that's not true. I do have to set up stuff a little bit.
Before tonight I had sex once. The first time (six years ago) was odd, way too fast (not on my part. I didn't get off), and, well, didn't mean anything. I had never received or given head, and well, basically I'm good at getting girls excited, but well, I'm horrible at everything else. I masturbate without lubrication almost all the time, and when I do use lube, it's generally a chore to get off.
So, ugh, tonight my girlfriend (I use that term lightly for now) and I were watching a movie, ended up getting stuff going. Well, I decided, once things started escalating, to tell her all of this. Or, well, I was going to go down on her (which I find I actually enjoy) and needed to let her know that I hadn't done it before. She asked me about sex, I told her the truth, she was fine with that.
So, well, we ended up trying to have sex, or well, we had rather bad sex. I couldn't keep it up. I did end up getting her off, or at least she acted like I did. But not through the sex.
We talked about it afterwards, I told basically I didn't know what was going on with me. I didn't. I still don't. We decided that with my inexperience that we need to spend more time getting comfortable around eachother physically. So, no drinking (we were tonight), no sex. Just sleeping together naked. And while I hope that will help, I scared to death that it won't. Seriously, I feel physically sick about this.
Because here's what happened with me tonight. I lost all feeling in my crotch. I coudn't feel a damned thing. Even when she was going down on my I couldn't feel it. And while I know this is all in my head, I'm not sure what is causing it. It's horrible. I like this girl a lot. She likes me. I want to be able to do this, but I have no idea what I'm doing. And what's scary is this is what my first time was like too. I couldn't feel anything. I was just numb. And soft. And somewhat traumatizing (I've been avoiding relationships for 6 years because of that first time).
So what can I do? What can we do? She seems to be willing to go through this with me. But I have no idea what I can do to fix this. If it's all in my head, I don't know what I should do to get over it. I feel sick about this, and I really feel horrible.
Oh, and I'm 24, she's 22. Shouldn't be a problem age wise. And yes, I am attracted to her. Increadibly. Physically, personality. As far as I can tell she's exactly what I want.
No I don't.