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Uh... err... yeah. (sexual troubles)

Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
edited March 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Ok, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. No alt, no clever bullshit. Here's what's going on.

Well, that's not true. I do have to set up stuff a little bit.

Before tonight I had sex once. The first time (six years ago) was odd, way too fast (not on my part. I didn't get off), and, well, didn't mean anything. I had never received or given head, and well, basically I'm good at getting girls excited, but well, I'm horrible at everything else. I masturbate without lubrication almost all the time, and when I do use lube, it's generally a chore to get off.

So, ugh, tonight my girlfriend (I use that term lightly for now) and I were watching a movie, ended up getting stuff going. Well, I decided, once things started escalating, to tell her all of this. Or, well, I was going to go down on her (which I find I actually enjoy) and needed to let her know that I hadn't done it before. She asked me about sex, I told her the truth, she was fine with that.

So, well, we ended up trying to have sex, or well, we had rather bad sex. I couldn't keep it up. I did end up getting her off, or at least she acted like I did. But not through the sex.

We talked about it afterwards, I told basically I didn't know what was going on with me. I didn't. I still don't. We decided that with my inexperience that we need to spend more time getting comfortable around eachother physically. So, no drinking (we were tonight), no sex. Just sleeping together naked. And while I hope that will help, I scared to death that it won't. Seriously, I feel physically sick about this.

Because here's what happened with me tonight. I lost all feeling in my crotch. I coudn't feel a damned thing. Even when she was going down on my I couldn't feel it. And while I know this is all in my head, I'm not sure what is causing it. It's horrible. I like this girl a lot. She likes me. I want to be able to do this, but I have no idea what I'm doing. And what's scary is this is what my first time was like too. I couldn't feel anything. I was just numb. And soft. And somewhat traumatizing (I've been avoiding relationships for 6 years because of that first time).

So what can I do? What can we do? She seems to be willing to go through this with me. But I have no idea what I can do to fix this. If it's all in my head, I don't know what I should do to get over it. I feel sick about this, and I really feel horrible.

Oh, and I'm 24, she's 22. Shouldn't be a problem age wise. And yes, I am attracted to her. Increadibly. Physically, personality. As far as I can tell she's exactly what I want.

No I don't.
Death of Rats on
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Posts

  • Phil G.Phil G. __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2009
    I think you're over thinking it. It seems like you are nervous about sex, want to perform well, and over analyze everything.

    To get over this you have to realize that pretty much everyone gets nervous the first couple of times they have sex. You're not doing anything wrong by feeling nervous, it is natural. Relax, lay back and groove with it.

    If you can't feel anything, lie back and just blank out, your soldier will report for duty soon enough. He responds to stimulation, whether you acknowledge it or not; you'll feel pleasure eventually. Once he does, don't worry about keeping him up (because if you're not worried, he has no reason not to stand at attention), don't worry about lasting for 45 minutes (Porn is a lot different then real life), and start enjoying it. Once you start enjoying it, you'll be less nervous and you can start thinking about her pleasure and you can analyze a little bit (look for responses like twitching, sudden flushing, etc), modifying to increase both your and her pleasure.

    And a little bit of alcohol can help. Don't get smashed, but if you get a bit tipsy then you may enjoy it more.

    Phil G. on
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  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Don't think on it too much, dude. Really. This happens to my boyfriend of 2 years on occasion. Sometimes he just isn't able to relax, and he worries about his size and what not, when there's nothing to worry about.
    It's all nerves. Just relax, and you know what? Don't focus all your energy on you getting her off for now. Focus on being comfortable around her enough to get hard, and get off your self. Once you have that under control, everything will be much better for her.
    If she's awesome, she'll understand, and from what I've read, she sounds like a stand up gal.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    one of these days you'll get a good, long, sober weekend where you can roll in the hay for hours on end, learn each other's bodies, learn what you like and figure out how to feel good. there's not the pressure of 'having sex' because it's not about that; it's about being close to each other and just having fun. but you have to trust each other entirely first, and know that you're both in the same headspace

    work on that. forget about the sex, just work on making sure you're doing everything else right - your body's response is the last thing you have to worry about, 'cause it'll start working when it starts working

    bsjezz on
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  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I agree with all three posts above mine.

    There's a lot of social and psychological pressure to achieve orgasm. It's as though there's this mental script where a date is supposed to go [dinner -> couch -> making out -> nakedness -> foreplay -> intercourse -> orgasm]. That puts a lot of pressure on people, especially men who are trained to believe that (1) erection and orgasm should be easy for us and (2) ability to bring a woman to orgasm is a direct measure of masculine worth. But in reality sex isn't like a train that's supposed to make all it's stops on the line on time, and neither of those two myths I described are universally true.

    I think you can do a lot of good for yourself by just trying to break out of that script. You can find a lot of pleasure and intimacy just being in bed with your partner and without any particular pressure to have sex or reach orgasm, just touching, exploring, talking, laughing, being playful.

    Personally, I find that weekend mornings are particularly good for this. When you go to bed after dinner or a movie, you've set yourself up for that railroad model of sex I described above. But when you wake up in the morning and you're a little groggy and comfy and warm and you don't want to get out of bed just yet, that's a good time for zero-pressure cuddling and playing around. There's no schema for that, and you can just be in the moment without worrying about performance.

    I suspect that if you let yourself have moments like that with her, your anxiety will diminish and so will your performance problems.

    Feral on
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  • itylusitylus Registered User
    edited February 2009
    This is the normal progression. The first time I (sort of) had sex, it was horrible. Tense, anxious, weird, and physically just uncomfortable. The second time, was kind of bad, but sort of nice. And by maybe the fifth or sixth time, it was beginning to become a lot of fun. So, I'm really just echoing the posters above, but, relax, take it slowly, try to enjoy it but if you don't... take a break and try again another day. Eventually, it's all wonderful. But don't feel worried if it isn't wonderful straight away - that's normal. You just go through it and after a while you find that things are better.

    itylus on
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I agree with everything posted thus far. It just sounds like not having sex while you were younger means you're just experiencing a bit of that teenage awkwardness now. It's not a big deal - no one's first time is all rose petals, candlelight and Barry White. (Okay, maybe Barry White's was, but that's different. :P) Same goes for the second, third, etc. You've really got to just relax.

    Feral's comment about the "predetermined date routine" was spot on. Just fool around.

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • SkyGheNeSkyGheNe Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Alcohol will numb the senses, depending on how much you've had.

    SkyGheNe on
  • hellobuddyhellobuddy Registered User
    edited February 2009
    This is probably just a rehash of the fellas over me, but seriously, what you are describing is completley normal for a large portion of the male populace. You are new at sex. You are very nervous even if you may not know it. Your body is terrified. Ease into it(no pun intended) . It may take a little while but you will get there.

    hellobuddy on
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Everything you've guys said so far sounds right. And it also kinda what we discussed last night which makes me think she understand exactly what's going on with me.

    This whole thing is odd and new to me. I'm still somewhat freaking out anytime I don't hear from her for a couple of days. Not because I don't know what she's doing or anything like that. Just because I'm afraid I won't see her again. I want to get over that. I want to get over this. She's an amazing girl, but maybe me and her have jumped into the physical side of this a little too fast for me.

    If nothing else I found out that Wall E is like, the best movie to watch with a girl. And that she's serious about this.

    Anyways, might it be a good idea if I stop masturbating all the damned time? Because I think that all of my dry runs have kinda left me with a bit of a mess on my hands.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • TheDragonTheDragon Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Well, I decided, once things started escalating, to tell her all of this. Or, well, I was going to go down on her (which I find I actually enjoy) and needed to let her know that I hadn't done it before.

    There's no need to do this when things are heating up. It breaks you and her out of the moment into a discussion. There's a time for this discussion and it's not now. When you two are fooling around, don't stress about anything! Just focus on your pleasure. Seriously.

    You're stressing about pleasing her, and I get that. But you won't be able to do this until you learn to relax and feel pleasure. Once you are comfortable enough to enjoy yourself, then you will be able to pleasure her too.

    For now, the first step is just relaxing and learning to enjoy it. Next time you should lay back, close your eyes, and just focus on where she's touching you, and the pleasure. Nothing else. Don't think about your insecurities, your inexperience, or anything. These things exist because you think about them; don't think about them and they dissipate. Don't worry about when your turn is over and how to reciprocate! Then your brain is thinking and you're missing the sensation and ruining it! She'll let you know when it's her turn very clearly by laying back or pulling you on top of her or something. It won't be a subtle thing you have to wrack your brain over. If you take anything from this post, remember to just relax and focus on your pleasure!

    You've already talked with her about your inexperience, now she knows and there's no reason to bring this up again. Don't feel the need to. You two are on the same wavelength now so just give in to the pleasure and enjoy it!

    TheDragon on
  • EverywhereasignEverywhereasign Registered User
    edited February 2009
    Anyways, might it be a good idea if I stop masturbating all the damned time? Because I think that all of my dry runs have kinda left me with a bit of a mess on my hands.

    There's a joke there, but this isn't the time :)

    Two things. first off, this is an excellent sign. If you have no trouble when you're by yourself, it's just a matter of becoming comfortable with someone else and learning what feels good to each other. Everything else will come on it's own (there's another joke).

    As for taking a break. Slowing down certainly isn't a bad thing. Typically the longer it has been, the more quickly/easily you orgasm. But you don't want to throw the ship in the opposite direction and abstain completely. Then you could end up even more frustrated if things don't happen. You want a happy medium where you can relax and let whatever happen, happen.

    BTW everything you're going through is unbelievably normal. I know that doesn't really help, but hopefully it's some comfort. You aren't screwed up and there's nothing wrong with your penis.

    Everywhereasign on
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  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Everything you've guys said so far sounds right. And it also kinda what we discussed last night which makes me think she understand exactly what's going on with me.

    This whole thing is odd and new to me. I'm still somewhat freaking out anytime I don't hear from her for a couple of days. Not because I don't know what she's doing or anything like that. Just because I'm afraid I won't see her again. I want to get over that. I want to get over this. She's an amazing girl, but maybe me and her have jumped into the physical side of this a little too fast for me.

    If nothing else I found out that Wall E is like, the best movie to watch with a girl. And that she's serious about this.

    Anyways, might it be a good idea if I stop masturbating all the damned time? Because I think that all of my dry runs have kinda left me with a bit of a mess on my hands.

    First: best/worst pun ever with the mess-on-my-hands quip. :) Regarding your masturbatory habits, frequency and intensity can cause non-permanent soft-tissue damage, by which I mean bruising. Depending on the amount and severity of the damage, this can influence your erection and sensitivity. I don't know how much or how hard you're cranking it, and I don't really want to know, but it's worth keeping in mind.

    Second: Wall-E is fucking AWESOME. My better-half and I have been cuddling up on the couch watching it as well. It sounds like y'all are having a fairly normal and healthy relationship thus far--the need to get more comfortable with sexual intimacy is something every goes through, as others have said. You're doing fine.

    SammyF on
  • HypatiaHypatia Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Anyways, might it be a good idea if I stop masturbating all the damned time? Because I think that all of my dry runs have kinda left me with a bit of a mess on my hands.

    Yes, this. Cut it out for a while. What you do to yourself when you're masturbating can have a huge effect on how easy/difficult it is for someone else to get you off because you get used to what you're doing and you can desensitize/train yourself to prefer that kind of stimulation. For someone else to be able to do the exact same thing to you can sometimes be really difficult because of angles, pressure, feedback, etc.

    The good part is that given some time your body will start to reset itself. Try keeping your hands off of yourself and let your primary source of stimulation be the other person, it'll help.

    Hypatia on
  • Gnome-InterruptusGnome-Interruptus Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Hypatia wrote: »
    Anyways, might it be a good idea if I stop masturbating all the damned time? Because I think that all of my dry runs have kinda left me with a bit of a mess on my hands.

    Yes, this. Cut it out for a while. What you do to yourself when you're masturbating can have a huge effect on how easy/difficult it is for someone else to get you off because you get used to what you're doing and you can desensitize/train yourself to prefer that kind of stimulation. For someone else to be able to do the exact same thing to you can sometimes be really difficult because of angles, pressure, feedback, etc.

    The good part is that given some time your body will start to reset itself. Try keeping your hands off of yourself and let your primary source of stimulation be the other person, it'll help.

    While mostly true, your penis isnt super sensitive to angles. General rule is if you masterbate laying down, then missionary/spoon type positions will get you off quicker. If you materbate in a seated type position, doggy style will do it for you.

    Also, I want to throw in with Feral. Have a couple of lazy sunday afternoons with her just being naked and fooling around under the covers. Dont try to get her to orgasm, and dont try to orgasm yourself. But if it happens, just enjoy it.

    Gnome-Interruptus on
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  • CryogenCryogen Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Definately relax about it. It's pretty normal to be anxious about sex when you aren't experienced.

    Also, realize that most girls will not orgasm just from intercourse, so absolutely do not beat yourself up if you're worried about that.

    I'm glad you've found you really like going down on a girl. It's a tremendous asset, and as your skill in reading the girl's reactions improves you'll find it becomes better & better. For me, every part of sex involves me reading the girl's reactions. You can feel the way her body reacts to various things you do. Concentrate on this - she'll guide you. Sometimes girls will literally tell you when you're in exactly the right place doing exactly the right thing. Some girls aren't so forward, but you can still read it. You might be licking in a certain motion, for example, and suddenly she'll start squirming back against you. Or she might arch her back to move you slightly. Listen to her breathing, feel what her muscles tensing are telling you. Just always keep trying. The last girl I was with, lasted 2 years. Even at the end of the relationship, every time we had sex I always listened to what her body was telling me, and that always guided me through what to do. You do tend to get a feel for what each girl really likes, but there are occasions when her body tells you something else, and you follow it to somewhere new.

    You'll notice I haven't talked at all about what I do to get myself off during this. That's because I don't worry about it. It's pretty easy to get a relaxed guy off, and we're lucky in that we can get off during intercourse. Since girls generally don't have that luxury, I focus on them & their pleasure completely. Doing this, i'll get off just through natural progression of things, so it's fine by me :). Of course, sometimes part of your girl getting excited is in her getting you off without your help. Let her! Lay back & enjoy her skills, this part isnt about you 'performing' it's about her wanting to make you feel nice.

    Forget about your penile performance. It probably isn't your wang that's getting her off anyway, and you don't need an erection for your hands & tongue to function. Focus on her, listen to what she (or her body) are telling you, and let everything else develop around it.

    edit: Re-reading, I am not suggesting that oral alone is all you need to do. Find the other parts of her body that she loves being played with too. And have fun with it! Enjoy the sounds she makes when you're doing the right things :)

    Cryogen on
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    wiigirl wrote: »
    A girls perspective....

    First, I would say relax....

    Second...relax....

    Third...do some self help....look up David Spade...his books have helped my last bf TREMENDOUSLY is the bedroom (he was horrible before)

    Fourth....woo her and try again...

    David Spade as in Actor David Spade? I tried looking up books under that author's name, but couldn't find anything.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    You can probably ignore that advice for the time being anyway. You're not bad at sex (or at least there's no reason to jump to that conclusion yet), you're just inexperienced and are overthinking it and feeling anxious. Spending all your time reading about the topic is not going to help you stop thinking so hard about it. Relax.

    ...also, it's kind of funny that someone thought we needed a girl's perspective in a thread about an inability to keep an erection--it'd be like me dropping into a thread to talk about whether the Pill or the Ring makes me feel more hormonal. Just going to go out on a limb and say you should probably follow the advice of everyone in this thread who has a penis first and foremost because all of us have been there before.

    SammyF on
  • NerdtendoNerdtendo Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I've scanned through the thread, and many of my suggestions have already been mentioned, but fuck it, reiteration is a good thing.

    Relax. Who cares if you're "good"? Just have fun. As long as you both enjoy yourselves, that's all that matters. I've had sex before and wasn't really feeling anything, but I still enjoy watching her reactions. I've also had sex and came quickly, and we'd just joke that she was too good. Don't go in trying to be some sort of macho sex god, go in planning to have fun. Hell, be goofy about it if you want, "Me Tarzan, *Tarzan yell*". Flop your penis around (chicks I've known think it's hilarious for some reason, and I guess it would be if you don't have one).

    On top of that, consider looking up PC (kegal) exercises for men. They tend to be pretty easy, can improve control, and knowing that you're actively doing something to improve yourself sexually might increase your sexual confidence.

    Nerdtendo on
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  • GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    hellobuddy wrote: »
    This is probably just a rehash of the fellas over me, but seriously, what you are describing is completley normal for a large portion of the male populace. You are new at sex.

    Yeppers. Sex is a skill, just like any other. It takes some practice and experimentation, and a willingness to "fail" now and again.

    Ever went bowling? Remember the first time you bowled. Chances are good you sucked. Chances are good you fell down alot when you skated for the first time. It takes time to learn those skills. And combine that with intense emotional reactions, social ideas, another person's anatomy, and your own body that sometimes refuses to behave, and bad things can happen.

    I've been married for almost eight years now. My wife and I have a good sex life, nothing spectacular but we enjoy each other. Sometimes, though, things just don't work...fatigue, stress, timing, the phase of the moon, whatever. And it's frustrating, but at least you can try something else. LIke you said, try being naked without actually having sex.

    And, hey, even bad sex is better than nearly anything else.

    GoodOmens on
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  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I think it's odd that most of my threads on H&A are always filled with the same general advice. You know "relax, be yourself, don't think about it" all of my girl threads have ended up with that advice.

    But yeah, I hope you guys are right about this. I'm still on edge with the whole thing, so of course I'm going to be tense and nervous with this. I guess I'll just have to see how things go next time we're together.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • NotYouNotYou Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    stop worrying about all the bad things that might happen.


    LOOK FORWARD TO IT. Get excited, get happy. This is a good thing. You are going to stick your penis in a willing girl. BE HAPPY DUDE!

    NotYou on
  • TheDragonTheDragon Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    I think it's odd that most of my threads on H&A are always filled with the same general advice. You know "relax, be yourself, don't think about it" all of my girl threads have ended up with that advice.

    But yeah, I hope you guys are right about this. I'm still on edge with the whole thing, so of course I'm going to be tense and nervous with this. I guess I'll just have to see how things go next time we're together.

    Seriously? You guess you'll just see how things go next time? Could you just assert yourself and put our advice into action rather than just see how things go?

    It's like you're hearing what we say but not listening at all. You just read all the replies and bucketed it into "relax, be yourself, don't think about it". Are we wasting our time replying to your threads? Everyone here has given a response that's personal to them and has something of value. Read each one carefully and decide what you should change next time to better your situation.

    Don't just "see how things go next time". Here's one action you can take. When she's pleasuring you, lay back, close your eyes, and just focus on the sensation. That's it. That's actionable. This will make you happier and more comfortable with sex. Do this.

    If you just "see how things go next time" then the same thing is gonna happen again, and you'll be right back here with an update that's the same as the first post. We'll give you the same advice, ad infinitum.

    When you seek advice, pick out something that you'll do differently next time. Do it, then come back with an update and we'll help you along. Don't repeat the past.

    I don't mean to be harsh, but something about your post struck a nerve with me. I think it's cause I used to want to gather all the information about a problem before continuing, and it took me too long to realize that I just needed to take a step in the right direction and then reevaluate again.

    TheDragon on
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited February 2009
    TheDragon wrote: »
    Seriously? You guess you'll just see how things go next time? Could you just assert yourself and put our advice into action rather than just see how things go?

    It's like you're hearing what we say but not listening at all. You just read all the replies and bucketed it into "relax, be yourself, don't think about it". Are we wasting our time replying to your threads? Everyone here has given a response that's personal to them and has something of value. Read each one carefully and decide what you should change next time to better your situation.

    Don't just "see how things go next time". Here's one action you can take. When she's pleasuring you, lay back, close your eyes, and just focus on the sensation. That's it. That's actionable. This will make you happier and more comfortable with sex. Do this.

    If you just "see how things go next time" then the same thing is gonna happen again, and you'll be right back here with an update that's the same as the first post. We'll give you the same advice, ad infinitum.

    When you seek advice, pick out something that you'll do differently next time. Do it, then come back with an update and we'll help you along. Don't repeat the past.

    I don't mean to be harsh, but something about your post struck a nerve with me. I think it's cause I used to want to gather all the information about a problem before continuing, and it took me too long to realize that I just needed to take a step in the right direction and then reevaluate again.

    The problem is that fundamentally, your advice is exactly the same thing: just relax. No offense, but it's silly to tell someone to lie back and stop thinking about something; unless you're a Zen Buddhist, that's just not going to work.

    That's why the key is to be relaxed. If you're relaxed, none of those thoughts will ever enter your head. As others have said much better: don't worry about doing it right or doing it well, just lie down and have fun.

    admanb on
  • TheDragonTheDragon Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    admanb wrote: »
    The problem is that fundamentally, your advice is exactly the same thing: just relax. No offense, but it's silly to tell someone to lie back and stop thinking about something; unless you're a Zen Buddhist, that's just not going to work.

    That's why the key is to be relaxed. If you're relaxed, none of those thoughts will ever enter your head. As others have said much better: don't worry about doing it right or doing it well, just lie down and have fun.

    I'm not saying to relax and clear your mind. I'm saying relax and focus on the sensation of touch, and the pleasure being received. Big difference, and a lot easier than meditation. No need to be a zen buddhist.

    TheDragon on
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Whooops.jpg

    I definitely said the wrong thing there. What I was saying is that the advice I get/need is always to relax. Whether it's going to a job interview, talking to girls, hanging out with a girl, or having sex with a girl it always comes down to the same thing with me. I don't ever relax about stuff until someone points out that I need to. Basically the trend in the advice really says something about my personality.

    As far as the "I'm still on the edge with the whole thing"... well, I was trying to say I was on the edge about the whole relationship still. I'm very nervous about her.

    As far as the steps I'm going to take to solve this, well, I'm going to try to not care about what's going on down there for me. I didn't the first time I had sex and my soldier seemed fine as far as reporting for duty... he just didn't communicate anything back to me (didn't feel anything). Also, no more drinking until this stops. We're also going to spend some more time together before just jumping into it again. She's going to stay over after we go to the Watchmen Thursday. If we don't try this again then, well, I think a night next to her might make me feel a lot more relaxed around her. From what everyone is saying relaxation is the key here, and well, I need to be more comfortable with her in general before I'll be able to relax with this.

    If that makes sense. I didn't mean to sound like I wasn't taking your advice. I kinda posted that last post after taking some NyQuil. She kinda got me sick (I think it's cute).

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Whooops.jpg

    I definitely said the wrong thing there. What I was saying is that the advice I get/need is always to relax. Whether it's going to a job interview, talking to girls, hanging out with a girl, or having sex with a girl it always comes down to the same thing with me. I don't ever relax about stuff until someone points out that I need to. Basically the trend in the advice really says something about my personality.

    Yeah, see you really only have one fundamental problem, specifically overthinking. If you go back to your OP, you're actually doing pretty much everything right. You were open and honest in communicating your sexual history up front with your lady friend before having sex. When you had issues during intercourse you were open and honest in discussing those issues with her. The two of you largely came to all the same conclusion that the rest of us were going to tell you--fool around, get comfortable together so you don't feel so pressured. The only thing you did wrong was jump to the conclusion of "OMG this can't be normal, what if something is wrong with me!!1"

    So yeah, cut back on the drinking (don't know how much you've been doing, that may be an issue). Cut back on the masturbation, and try and use a softer touch when you do masturbate so you're not desensitizing yourself. In a little while when you try having sex again, if you're using condoms (I'm assuming you are this early in your relationship) try lubricating the inside a bit because it occurs to me that I can't feel a goddamned thing or keep an erection without lubricating the inside, even if I'm buying obstensibly pre-lubricated condoms. I recommend astroglide as a lubricant, the thinner gels made by KY are largely ineffectual for me (and taste funky).

    And otherwise just keep doing what you're doing. Seriously, kid, you're better at this relationship thing than you think.

    SammyF on
  • TheDragonTheDragon Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    As far as the steps I'm going to take to solve this, well, I'm going to try to not care about what's going on down there for me.

    Don't do this. Do the opposite. Enjoy it, enjoy how good it feels, and with your eyes shut imagine what she looks like doing it to you (this can be hotter than actually watching her). Lay back and enjoy.

    People who are afraid of coming prematurely distract themselves and try not to care about what's going on down there. The opposite of you... you want to get excited!

    TheDragon on
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    TheDragon wrote: »
    As far as the steps I'm going to take to solve this, well, I'm going to try to not care about what's going on down there for me.

    Don't do this. Do the opposite. Enjoy it, enjoy how good it feels, and with your eyes shut imagine what she looks like doing it to you (this can be hotter than actually watching her). Lay back and enjoy.

    People who are afraid of coming prematurely distract themselves and try not to care about what's going on down there. The opposite of you... you want to get excited!

    Heh, once again I'm communication++. I'm not going to worry about it. You know, go "oh god nothings happening down there what the hell need to concentrate why isn't this working what is going on!". I wasn't thinking about the pleasure of it last time, just the problem.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • NastymanNastyman Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Also, something embarrassing that happened to me when I was in a similar but not so similar situation (I could go for hours but I just couldn't ever get off): I stopped masturbating to try to help my situation. But at the same time I started to go through a phase of going commando when I wore blue jeans.

    What ended up happening is my member was rubbing on the inside of the zipper and I didn't know it. I was nearly being rubbed raw but it never hurt. Combined with the lack of masturbation I ended up being overly sensitive down there and the next time I had sex with my girl I got off on like the third thrust. So embarrassing.

    Nastyman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Nastyman wrote: »
    Also, something embarrassing that happened to me when I was in a similar but not so similar situation (I could go for hours but I just couldn't ever get off): I stopped masturbating to try to help my situation. But at the same time I started to go through a phase of going commando when I wore blue jeans.

    What ended up happening is my member was rubbing on the inside of the zipper and I didn't know it. I was nearly being rubbed raw but it never hurt. Combined with the lack of masturbation I ended up being overly sensitive down there and the next time I had sex with my girl I got off on like the third thrust. So embarrassing.

    ... this is a weird story.

    admanb on
  • NastymanNastyman Registered User
    edited March 2009
    Well it had a point, don't stop masturbating. Just do it a little less, and be a little more gentle lol.

    Nastyman on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Ugh... this whole thing is really bothering me. I've been able to get a hold of her once since this happened. She was suppose to call me today to talk about seeing Watchmen thursday, but she didn't. So around 11 I tried calling her, and no answer.

    I know I may be being stupid, but I'm really worried that the whole thing scared her off. I really don't know if I could take it if that's the case. My troubles in bed really hit the old self confidence button for me.

    I guess I should know what's coming... I need to relax and see what happens. And stop being such a pessimistic guy.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • purplebubblespurplebubbles Registered User
    edited March 2009
    I know it's not really a nice thought to have, but if she doesn't call you back because you were a little bit awkward in the sack, she probably isn't the kinda girl you wanna be with long term anyway. You should take your own advice and try not to worry about it too much, because worrying isn't going to make her call you either.

    purplebubbles on
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Ugh... this whole thing is really bothering me. I've been able to get a hold of her once since this happened. She was suppose to call me today to talk about seeing Watchmen thursday, but she didn't. So around 11 I tried calling her, and no answer.

    I know I may be being stupid, but I'm really worried that the whole thing scared her off. I really don't know if I could take it if that's the case. My troubles in bed really hit the old self confidence button for me.

    I guess I should know what's coming... I need to relax and see what happens. And stop being such a pessimistic guy.

    Limed for great wisdom. Listen to this guy, OP, he knows what he's talking about.

    SammyF on
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    SammyF wrote: »
    Ugh... this whole thing is really bothering me. I've been able to get a hold of her once since this happened. She was suppose to call me today to talk about seeing Watchmen thursday, but she didn't. So around 11 I tried calling her, and no answer.

    I know I may be being stupid, but I'm really worried that the whole thing scared her off. I really don't know if I could take it if that's the case. My troubles in bed really hit the old self confidence button for me.

    I guess I should know what's coming... I need to relax and see what happens. And stop being such a pessimistic guy.

    Limed for great wisdom. Listen to this guy, OP, he knows what he's talking about.
    Uh... err... yeah. (sexual troubles)

    ... Wait, what?

    PeregrineFalcon on
    Looking for a DX:HR OnLive code for my kid brother.
    Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Heh, I really am crazy. She texted me, things are cool as far as I can tell. Still haven't figured out what's going on thursday (it's a group thing). But if she's trying to completely ignore me or something like that, she's doing a piss poor job. I really need to learn to trust people.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
  • xa52xa52 Registered User
    edited March 2009
    This thread (and your previous one) is stuck in a loop.
    HOLY SHIT THE SKY IS FALLING SHE'S NOT RETURNING MY CALLS HELP PLEASE
    Dude, relax, it's only been like 8 minutes.
    Whew, false alarm. She just called me back. I need to relax or something.

    I think you need to find an activity to distract you and/or burn off all this nervous energy.

    xa52 on
    camo_sig2.png
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    SammyF wrote: »
    Ugh... this whole thing is really bothering me. I've been able to get a hold of her once since this happened. She was suppose to call me today to talk about seeing Watchmen thursday, but she didn't. So around 11 I tried calling her, and no answer.

    I know I may be being stupid, but I'm really worried that the whole thing scared her off. I really don't know if I could take it if that's the case. My troubles in bed really hit the old self confidence button for me.

    I guess I should know what's coming... I need to relax and see what happens. And stop being such a pessimistic guy.

    Limed for great wisdom. Listen to this guy, OP, he knows what he's talking about.
    Uh... err... yeah. (sexual troubles)

    ... Wait, what?

    Ironically-subtle cat is being ironically subtle. :)
    xa52 wrote: »
    This thread (and your previous one) is stuck in a loop.
    HOLY SHIT THE SKY IS FALLING SHE'S NOT RETURNING MY CALLS HELP PLEASE
    Dude, relax, it's only been like 8 minutes.
    Whew, false alarm. She just called me back. I need to relax or something.

    I think you need to find an activity to distract you and/or burn off all this nervous energy.

    And suddenly we gain new insight into why Death of Rats has reported that he masturbates constantly?

    SammyF on
  • TerrendosTerrendos Decorative Monocle Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Heh, I really am crazy. She texted me, things are cool as far as I can tell. Still haven't figured out what's going on thursday (it's a group thing). But if she's trying to completely ignore me or something like that, she's doing a piss poor job. I really need to learn to trust people.

    You need to learn patience, sounds like to me. The entirety of your recent threads here have been "Oh god what's wrong." Then a few hours later an "oh wait it's nothing I'm paranoid" reply.

    Terrendos on
  • Death of RatsDeath of Rats Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Who would have guessed that I'm not good at all of this? Seriously, I'm just glad that I'm not crazy like this when I'm around her. I have problems feeling comfortable with people, especially girls. I have reasons for being like this, and they suck.

    For instance the first (and only girl before now) girl I slept with 6 years ago... well, she kinda was told to do it by one of my shady friends. I had met her during the summer, thought she was nice, cute, whatever. Then my friend who lived closer to her started dating her, and I guess she was kinda a doormat. He told her to call me on my birthday and act interested, so she did. We talked and stuff, she didn't mention Tim, and I thought it was kinda cool. We talked for a few weeks, and then decided to go on a date. So the night before one of his Tim's friends is over (who is a virgin), and he locks her and him in a room, and tells them they can't leave until they fuck (I didn't know about any of this).

    So the next day me and her meet up, go get some food, take a quick walk in the park (where she ended up jumping me) and had sex. After that I found out what was going on, and well, um, it was a crazy situation. The type that I always end up making up in my head as to how people would be trying to hurt me. I've had people who were suppose to be my friends go to elaborate lengths to hurt me. Several times. That has a lot to do with why I've been single for so long (well, not why I am, but why I act in a way that makes it so I am).

    May not be too relevant to the thread, but I'd thought I'd throw that out there to give some background on why I get so damned paranoid.

    Death of Rats on
    No I don't.
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