Caused an awkward situation, dealing with the aftermath

bruin

At the cafe I work at we have a lot of regulars. Most of these people are clearly a little... off, socially. But there's one guy that comes in almost every day who seems to be totally normal. Funny and smart, too. The handful of the staff that are there most days of the week have gotten to be pretty chummy with him, myself included. And one of my coworkers who I hang out with pretty often outside of work, who has even a few times sat down and eaten with him on her breaks, or before/after her shift.

It came up when they were talking one time that a bunch of us were planning to go see a movie tonight. She basically half-invited him without thinking. I wouldn't have a problem hanging out with this guy... it's just that he's in his forties. We are in our early twenties. And he spends a lot of fucking time in this cafe! I dunno, it's a little hard to explain without really getting into everyone's personalities here, but it would definitely be weird. Whether or not it really should be, I guess.

So when I get to the theater I call this girl so we can meet up and sit next to each other. She's with some other people and a little drunk so when we're on the phone she's going back and forth between talking to me and talking to them. I hear her say something about that guy being there, and her trying to avoid him. We meet up, and a few minutes into the conversation I say, "so you're trying to avoid [name]?" Yup, you guessed it, dude is standing right behind me. Being fairly drunk myself, I had managed to not see him at all up until that point. Just thinking about it now has me cringing. It's not-so-subtly pointed out to me, and I rotate around to included him in the conversation. I'm not thinking clearly at all at this point. And thinking about it now, I still don't know what the right course of action right then would be been.

The group we're with is big enough that he's talking to some other people (not me or the girl, I mean) while we're still in line. Then during the movie he sits in the row in front of us. Afterwards he gets up, says a brief (but totally friendly) goodbye, and leaves.

So, Penny Arcade forumers, what do I do now? I see this guy five times a week. I could go on with him pretending it never happened, as I hope he could, but we'd both always know. I could explain the entire situation to him... I mean it's not like I was trying to avoid him, I just inadvertently tipped him off to the fact that someone else was. It's going to suck between them too now even more I'm sure. (Side note: I apologized to her already.) The problem there is that I have no explanation for what she was thinking other than that she is kind of a dumb jerk! Also, it wasn't even 100% clear whether or not he heard me. He probably did, but on the off chance he didn't it would be terrible to bring it up with him.

Ahhhhhhh... sorry if this was disjointed and I fucked up some grammar in places. I'm still a little drunk, and totally exhausted. I just had to type this out before I went to bed.

y2jake215

i would honestly not mention it. i mean, if he might not have heard it, and all that nonsense, it makes no sense to bring it up. there's really no reason TO bring it up. if it really bothered him, he'll probably make it obvious in the near future. and even if it did, maybe he won't bring it up. i just would leave it alone... sometimes awkward situations can be resolved just by ignoring them - they don't all need to be worked out one on one. this seems like one of em. if you go to work, and he acts clearly mad at you, thats one scenario, but until then, i would just not worry about it and not mention it.

bruin

y2jake215 wrote: »

i would honestly not mention it. i mean, if he might not have heard it, and all that nonsense, it makes no sense to bring it up. there's really no reason TO bring it up. if it really bothered him, he'll probably make it obvious in the near future. and even if it did, maybe he won't bring it up. i just would leave it alone... sometimes awkward situations can be resolved just by ignoring them - they don't all need to be worked out one on one. this seems like one of em. if you go to work, and he acts clearly mad at you, thats one scenario, but until then, i would just not worry about it and not mention it.

This all makes sense. The problem is that even if he never brings it up with me or her, and things go along just as they had before, it will be in the back of my head every time I talk to him

Inquisitor77

You don't always need to jump into situations headfirst with open, brutal honesty. I think that's kind of what got you into this mess, in the first place.

The truth is, you're making a whole lot of assumptions. You're assuming he heard you. You're assuming, if he did hear you, that he cares. You're also assuming that, if he heard you, he cares, and he might harbor some sort of ill will towards you for the whole thing even though you were really just a really stupid messenger. None of those things is a given. On a similar vein, you have a lot of missing information, so it may be best if you just kept your mouth shut, continued to be friendly toward the guy, and act as if nothing happened except you all went to the movies. For all you know maybe he really likes your co-worker, so when he heard what you said it really struck a nerve. For all you know he has a bad family situation and was looking to get away from it for a bit and instead discovered that people who went out of their way to invite him to a social gathering are suddenly trying to actively avoid him, so he's not too thrilled with the whole thing. For all you know he didn't hear jack shit, realized he didn't really get along with a bunch of kids outside of the social construct of the coffee shop, and decided to just call it a night early. Maybe he already had plans after the movie.

TL;DR - Just let it go. You're both adults. If he wants to bring it up with you, fine. If not, fine. At this point, you really don't need to take the prerogative on any of this. There is such a thing as deciding to let bygones be bygones and continuing to live life.

bsjezz

eh, it's a cringeworthy embarrasing moment. it happens to all of us occasionally, and though it might keep you up for twenty minutes tonight, and you might shudder at the thought of it once or twice tomorrow, ultimately it'll be forgotten just as all of our stupid mistakes are. stuff like this really doesn't enter into group politics too much because both of you will be keen to forget it and your brain is geared to do just that

Grislo

Look, it sucks for you. You're gonna be feeling awkward for a while. That won't change, so why would you want to create more trouble and drag more people into it? You're gonna have to just deal with it for now, and eventually you'll get over it - it is, as bsjezz says, just one of those things.

Serpent

You could always apologize. You'd be surprised how far a little humility can get you.

Even if he didn't hear you, an apology still makes you look like a champ anyways.

Underdog

If he heard you, then his actions seem to indicate that he doesn't want to discuss it. I'm not sure if you should push the issue. I mean, bringing it up to apologize might make you feel better but I doubt it does anything for him, other than to remind him the girl was trying to avoid him.

Jasconius

There are so many worse things that could happen to you. This doesn't sound like a big deal. If the dude is in his 40's then he's probably been around the block enough to not even give this a second thought.

If he starts making a point to mess with you, then it's a different story. But it's not improbable that he will not even show up that much anymore.

Until then, assumptions get you nothing but stress.