Constant worrying - How do I stop it?
TetraNitroCubane
Not Angry...Just VERY Disappointed...Registered User regular
Not Angry...Just VERY Disappointed...Registered User regular
Hi H/A. I'm Tetranitrocubane, and I worry about everything.
From the moment I wake up in the morning, to the moment I finally settle down to sleep, I clench my teeth. It seems that everything is a source of anxiety, and I just can't move beyond the overwhelming worry that's stuck in my head. I'm beginning to think that it's impacting other aspects of my life, though I'm not sure in which ways (I'll get to that).
I'm very worried about security issues. I live in a not-so-nice area. My car has been ransacked, and my laptop computer was stolen from me in broad daylight, from my desk at work. I had the laptop connected to a security line, that was cut with a pair of pliers or something. That particular robbery happened in a densely populated area, where many people were working at the time. Two friends of mine have been held up, one at gunpoint, the other by a gang with baseball bats, while walking across the street where our apartments are. Simply put, the people around here who want to do nasty things know they can get away with it, and they don't hesitate to take advantage of that. Since my apartment is at street level, I'm constantly worried that I'll come home to find a rock through my window, and all my stuff stolen. It's obvious that anyone who wants to do that could steal whatever they want without repercussion.
As any of you who may have seen my computer-related H/A threads may have noticed, I'm also very worried about computer security. I run anti-virus software, and weekly scan with two additional malware/spyware detectors, but I still worry about stumbling into any kind of security compromise. I get panicked when I use my credit card online, and even putting in passwords (which I try to make 'strong) makes me very nervous. I get suspicious when the net traffic is very slow, or the computer is running slower than I think it ought to, worrying about eavesdropping. I get worried that just about any glitch or hitch is a something like that. It's something I know is stupid, but it's a nagging thought I can't move past.
Beyond security, I worry about just about everything else. I worry that I've offended people by saying things I shouldn't have, and I usually wind up re-examining conversations days after having them, fretting over what I've said. When I apologize, then I worry about making people uncomfortable with my apologies. I worry about breakdowns of equipment and plumbing where I live, particularly ever since a flood that happened years ago filled my bedroom with sewage. Every leaky line or weird sound from the drains sends a chill down my spine now, that it might happen again.
So, very simply put, I'm constantly on edge, and I can't find a way to relax about it. Everything is a source of anxiety. The thing is, I'm hesitant about getting professional help. First, I don't have the coverage for it, and second because I'm worried they'll just put me on some anti-anxiety medication. I'm not up for that, since one of my major hang-ups is medication. I also feel like some of my 'drive' and success in life has come from being so worried about things that I prepare appropriately. I'm not very talented at anything, so the only way I've ever made it through school/held a job decently has been the fact that I push myself because of worry. If I were more mellow, I wonder if I would get fired for being under productive, and generally under perform at work and elsewhere.
At the same time, it's really getting exhausting to be using up so much energy with worrying and fretting over everything constantly. The spikes of adrenaline are starting to distract me from other things that might need my attention (i.e. worrying about things I can't change at work, etc.). I'm not debilitated, as I still feel functional in every capacity, so I'm not sure if I'm over reacting. It's not like I have anxiety attacks, so I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal about nothing. If anyone has any advice for getting things under control, I'd appreciate it.
TL;DR – I worry about everything, but am not sure what to do.
From the moment I wake up in the morning, to the moment I finally settle down to sleep, I clench my teeth. It seems that everything is a source of anxiety, and I just can't move beyond the overwhelming worry that's stuck in my head. I'm beginning to think that it's impacting other aspects of my life, though I'm not sure in which ways (I'll get to that).
I'm very worried about security issues. I live in a not-so-nice area. My car has been ransacked, and my laptop computer was stolen from me in broad daylight, from my desk at work. I had the laptop connected to a security line, that was cut with a pair of pliers or something. That particular robbery happened in a densely populated area, where many people were working at the time. Two friends of mine have been held up, one at gunpoint, the other by a gang with baseball bats, while walking across the street where our apartments are. Simply put, the people around here who want to do nasty things know they can get away with it, and they don't hesitate to take advantage of that. Since my apartment is at street level, I'm constantly worried that I'll come home to find a rock through my window, and all my stuff stolen. It's obvious that anyone who wants to do that could steal whatever they want without repercussion.
As any of you who may have seen my computer-related H/A threads may have noticed, I'm also very worried about computer security. I run anti-virus software, and weekly scan with two additional malware/spyware detectors, but I still worry about stumbling into any kind of security compromise. I get panicked when I use my credit card online, and even putting in passwords (which I try to make 'strong) makes me very nervous. I get suspicious when the net traffic is very slow, or the computer is running slower than I think it ought to, worrying about eavesdropping. I get worried that just about any glitch or hitch is a something like that. It's something I know is stupid, but it's a nagging thought I can't move past.
Beyond security, I worry about just about everything else. I worry that I've offended people by saying things I shouldn't have, and I usually wind up re-examining conversations days after having them, fretting over what I've said. When I apologize, then I worry about making people uncomfortable with my apologies. I worry about breakdowns of equipment and plumbing where I live, particularly ever since a flood that happened years ago filled my bedroom with sewage. Every leaky line or weird sound from the drains sends a chill down my spine now, that it might happen again.
So, very simply put, I'm constantly on edge, and I can't find a way to relax about it. Everything is a source of anxiety. The thing is, I'm hesitant about getting professional help. First, I don't have the coverage for it, and second because I'm worried they'll just put me on some anti-anxiety medication. I'm not up for that, since one of my major hang-ups is medication. I also feel like some of my 'drive' and success in life has come from being so worried about things that I prepare appropriately. I'm not very talented at anything, so the only way I've ever made it through school/held a job decently has been the fact that I push myself because of worry. If I were more mellow, I wonder if I would get fired for being under productive, and generally under perform at work and elsewhere.
At the same time, it's really getting exhausting to be using up so much energy with worrying and fretting over everything constantly. The spikes of adrenaline are starting to distract me from other things that might need my attention (i.e. worrying about things I can't change at work, etc.). I'm not debilitated, as I still feel functional in every capacity, so I'm not sure if I'm over reacting. It's not like I have anxiety attacks, so I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal about nothing. If anyone has any advice for getting things under control, I'd appreciate it.
TL;DR – I worry about everything, but am not sure what to do.
TetraNitroCubane on
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Even if something in your life goes wrong, all it costs you is time.
Got a computer virus? As long as you remember back up important files from time to time (and that's easy to do when you have OCD!), all that you lose from getting a virus is an hour or two of time spent Googling removal instructions.
Someone could steal your credit card online? You wouldn't BELIEVE how good internet security is compared to, say, using a credit card at a restaurant. But even if it does happen, again, you lose an hour or two filing a police report, calling your credit card company to get the charges removed, and activating your replacement card.
Pipes burst, ruining your stuff? As long as you have renter's insurance, you lose an hour or two packing a suitcase and settling in at your swank hotel room, and then you lose an afternoon going on a shopping spree to replace anything that was damaged. You should always make sure valuables and precious belongings are somewhere safe, but beyond that, don't sweat it. Hell, if an earthquake destroys your whole apartment tomorrow, as long as you're insured, all you lose is a week or two of your time finding a new place and buying new stuff.
You said something goofy while bullshitting with your friends or flirting with some girl? If somebody is offended or weirded out by something, they'll usually say so on the spot. But if they don't, and they bring it up later, you lose thirty seconds saying, "hey, sorry, that was kind of a goofy/thoughtless/dumb thing to say, I hope I didn't offend you", and you're done. Human beings love forgiving people, it's one of our defining characteristics.
Objects can be replaced, money can be earned again, friends come and go, passions burn and fade. Almost anything that you can break can probably be mended. It's okay to accept (even expect) that bad things will happen to you, just remember that almost all of them can be easily fixed. All it costs is some time.
I'm not sure if you're in school/university, but most have free counseling services available. I'd look into it. If not, I'm not really sure how the US health care system works, but maybe you could see a doctor in a clinic or your family doctor and try to get some sort of referral. As for worrying about medication, any good therapist, if they're recommending medication will do so in conjuction to therapy. You shouldn't get one that puts you on pills and sends you on your way. You may have reservations about anti-anxiety medication, but it doesn't turn you into some sort of medicated zombie, it'll just help you better control your feelings and relax more. You can bring up your concerns with any therapist you see, but if they recommend some sort of medication, don't necessarily turn it down straight away.
And losing your anxiety won't change who you are. If you're driven and meticulous in your work, that won't change. It will just not become a life or death situation if you ran that virus scan that day or checked over your work for the 5th time.
But you absolutely should see someone, since I don't want to add to your worries, but living in a state of anxiety is bad for the body and mind. Constant adrenaline surges will strain your heart. Losing a little bit of that anxiety-driven work ethic is better in the long run to keep you healthy.
marijuana is the last thing to help with anxiety, trust me. smoking pot when you're already naturally inclined towards paranoia could be a one way ticket to the psych ward
I don't think you need therapy, just some perspective. Getting your shit wrecked only seems like the worst thing because you can't imagine life without your shit. If it all dissolved tomorrow, you wouldn't die. You wouldn't be hurt, you wouldn't be in pain. It would suck, sure, but its not the end of everything. There are people living with almost nothing, and they still find happy moments in their lives.
I'm not even going to say that this would be a feasible solution, only that I've met a lot of these people, and they seem to know something you don't. Unfortunately, as it is with so many life lessons, sometimes you have to live it to know it. Learning to let go is a life lesson worth learning, but its not easily earned. Might be cheaper to stay worried.
sometimes the higher rent is really worth it for your peace of mind
if that's not possible, DEFINITELY get renter's insurance... it costs like $100/yr to cover $40K worth of stuff around here
Or at least I did, until I got insurance. Now I'm more or less fine in the worry department. I'm not saying insurance is the answer to all of your problems, but it can help with the 'oh no my precious belongings!' thing.
Do you take any comfort from statistics? Because, you know, statistically speaking, you're probably worrying about nothing. However, all that crime business? If I were you I would be thinking long and hard about moving house. Sounds like you need a change of scene. Do you live with anyone? Having people in the house with you can be comforting.