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Chop LogicChop Logic Registered User regular
edited July 2018 in Help / Advice Forum
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Chop Logic on
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    TL DRTL DR Not at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Jack off before dates. When you jack off, using a tighter grip may help desensitize you to the tightness of a vagoo. There are also condoms with lubricant that basically numbs sensation, though I've never tried them.

    TL DR on
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    LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Tell her about it (Tell her everything you feel, Give her every reason to accept that you're for real)

    No seriously, this has already happened, so just tell her that this is a problem you are experiencing.
    It will probably be less awkward if she knows and afaik there are certain "techniques" you can use to avoid shooting your load too early.

    Librarian on
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    LailLail Surrey, B.C.Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Jack off before dates.

    This. Do it twice if you have to.

    Lail on
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    SniperGuySniperGuy SniperGuyGaming Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    The "for her pleasure" condoms apparently have numbing lubricant inside them to help keep you from going off to soon, so you may want to try those.

    SniperGuy on
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    KosenjouKosenjou Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Kosenjou on
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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I've only heard horror stories regarding numbing anything in condoms.

    But OP did mention that he went again right after and he still finished quickly. I was under the impression that for most men, the second time they just last longer.

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    ChopperDaveChopperDave Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Try different positions. I find, for example, that missionary actually causes me to ejaculate way sooner (even pre-maturely more than I'd like to admit), but I never have any problems with doggy-style.

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    TopiaTopia Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Try different positions. I find, for example, that missionary actually causes me to ejaculate way sooner (even pre-maturely more than I'd like to admit), but I never have any problems with doggy-style.

    I can absolutely not get off on the bottom, even when I just prop her up there and do all the work. Can not, even without a condom on, but then I switch back to missionary and BAM! done.

    So yes, exactly what Dave said, try everything.

    Topia on
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    kaliyamakaliyama Left to find less-moderated fora Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I'd consider seeing a urologist, too. The most important thing to recognize is that this doesn't affect your self-worth in some way; it's an accident of biology, not some personal failing. So you shouldn't feel guilty about it or whatever. T

    The kind of girl you'd like to be having sex with long-term will be understanding + supportive. If you feel bad about it or guilty, i'd get better at giving head - that way you're sure she's happy even if you come too soon. Most girls come much more readily with oral sex. Learning how to do it is as much about feeling OK with your sexual contribution as it is about making her satisfied. FWIW, I dated a girl with the same problem; she'd come really soon and then have issues with being able to come again. Her gyno actually gave her a numbing cream to make her less sensitive. So talking to a urologist may bear fruit.

    kaliyama on
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    supabeastsupabeast Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I solved this problem by buying bulk packs of condoms and just enjoying multiple orgasms. The discomfort of extreme sensitivity goes away after a few minutes, and eventually you just get used to it.

    supabeast on
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    RikushixRikushix VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    As mentioned certain positions are easier to "go for endurance", so to speak. Not just from physical stimulation, but from emotional stimulation as well. Sounds misogynistic but you may find that when your lady is facing away from you, doggy style removes a lot of your sexual drive and that unstoppable climax feeling.


    Personally, I LOVE having a girl on top, but it's all aesthetics to me. I just like her taking control. Unless she's really, really good at it, I don't find that having a girl on top makes me more sensitive.

    Generally speaking, missionary does me in sooner or later, and it seems that's common for most people.

    Rikushix on
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    pogo mudderpogo mudder Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    i would say the positions thing is a definate good idea. i can't cum whilst kneeling, i just can't.

    but if ever i think i'm maybe going to blow my load too soon i just close my eyes in a passionate manner, and picture something disgusting, say an ugly man i know trying to come onto me, or potential sex with my mother. turns me right off everytime, and im good for the next 20-30 minutes.

    pogo mudder on
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    Sir CarcassSir Carcass I have been shown the end of my world Round Rock, TXRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Have you thought about.... stopping? Or slowing down? I'm not quick, but I go even longer by slowing down or even stopping when I feel it getting close. It works great as a tease move, too, which can do you favors, depending on the girl. If you have to stop for longer than a few seconds, pull out and do something else. Switch positions, get manual, fingers, tongue, feet, whatever, just don't put your dick back in until you've calmed down a bit. It'll also make your orgasm stronger in the end.

    Sir Carcass on
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    i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I've only heard horror stories regarding numbing anything in condoms.

    But OP did mention that he went again right after and he still finished quickly. I was under the impression that for most men, the second time they just last longer.

    To affirm the horror stories, I tried some just for kicks in high school and while yes they do work they also make it pretty much un-enjoyable (as if having one on at all helps anyway). It pretty much numbs it which gives you no sensation good or bad, if you really want to sacrifice your joy in order to satisfy your lady I'd say go for it.

    Other than the numbing option, I agree with the positions suggestion along with the pre-cum theory. I usually have her get me off at least once during foreplay before the horizontal monster mash goes down which makes all the difference in the world. She knows that if we go right at it, it won't be as long so don't be afraid to just tell her. Also like it's been said here some positions make it harder to get off, for me it's being on the bottom. If I feel it flowing I get her on top and I'm good to go for a while longer. Trade out positions, take breaks when you need to, and try to take your mind off of whats really happening. Hell my first few times doing it I hummed to myself to last longer, and it actually worked.

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    Disco11Disco11 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I had this problem when i was a teenager and all the above advise works. My trick was to get really good at oral. If you have gotten her off she probably wont mind so much if you finish a little quick.

    Disco11 on
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    RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I think it's also good to realize that sex isn't like a subway where everything arrives on time. Sometimes the train comes early, sometimes it never comes at all (pun intended). Blowing your load a little early isn't on any war-crimes list, so don't take it so seriously.

    RocketSauce on
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    As mentioned, if you're lasting for a minute, stop at 45 and chill. When you're out of the danger zone, go again. See also: practice with yourself and others.

    If theres no recharge time, (less than a minute) then theres not much of a problem, some folks are multiorgasmic, take two orgasms and repeat as desired.

    Sarcastro on
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    RikushixRikushix VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Take two orgasms and repeat as desired.

    Too bad those are only available via prescription :|

    Rikushix on
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    Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Disco11 wrote: »
    My trick was to get really good at oral. If you have gotten her off she probably wont mind so much if you finish a little quick.
    They will love you.

    Richard_Dastardly on
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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Disco11 wrote: »
    My trick was to get really good at oral. If you have gotten her off she probably wont mind so much if you finish a little quick.
    They will love you.

    Yeah, I knew a guy who would do that with his girlfriend, and then they would go at it normally (with her doing most of the work, IIRC). She couldn't really handle more than one orgasm, so it wouldn't matter if she got off again or not.

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    DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Seriously, the oral advice is a good one, you don't have to jump directly into intercourse.

    Duffel on
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    Lord JezoLord Jezo Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    This is what I used back in the day when I had issues like that..

    http://www.condomdepot.com/product/detail.cfm/nid/200/pid/2336

    You wont be able to get off too easily but at least you'll be able to last longer for her. Feels a bit odd but that won't matter if she's digging it.

    Lord Jezo on
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    FantasmaFantasma Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    The oral sex advice is really good idea, you could just please your partner and then proceed with normal intercourse.

    If you are afraid of STDs, you just need to make a dental dam, it allows you to give oral sex and protect her and yourself at the same time.

    http://www.santepub-mtl.qc.ca/its/pdf/dam.pdf

    http://std.about.com/od/prevention/ht/dentaldamhowto.htm

    Fantasma on
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    dispatch.odispatch.o Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    If you're worried about STD's badly enough to need a dam, you're probably not intimate enough to go down on someone. I don't know about anyone else, but by the time we're trying anything else, any girlfriend and I have both been given a clean bill of health.

    Edit: Unless you just really have a fetish for it or something. I'm just saying if you pick up a random stranger and go for a dive sight unseen, you're asking for trouble dam or not.

    My advice is the oral thing. The nice thing about it is you can feel all the muscles doing the work, so even if she's not vocalizing you can feel it out. It's like cracking a safe or picking a lock.

    dispatch.o on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Is this just during intercourse or is it also oral/manual/anal? I'm wondering if the issue is primarily physical or mental.

    Switching positions = good advice. I have only ever come once in my life from having a girl on top, after more than a decade of givin' it.

    Slowing the fuck down = really good advice if it's a physical issue.

    Tightening your grip when you're jacking off = really good advice if it's a physical issue.

    Develop your oral sex skills = great advice. Even after you resolve the timing issue, there's no guarantee you're going to get a girl off just with penetration. Indeed, it's unlikely, particularly with the age of the girls you're with. You're going to need to figure out oral to be certain of your skills in the sack. Additionally, this is great because it takes a lot of performance pressure off you if you get her off before stickin' it in her. If she's already come once, you can just chill out and enjoy yourself without worrying that she's going to leave disappointed.

    If your issues are mostly mental (and there's definitely some mental component here since you have performance anxiety): chillax. This is supposed to be fun. If you're under so much pressure you're not having fun anymore, see the note about the oral sex and make sure you open up with that.

    Finally, I know this is specifically what you were talking about when you wrote that you didn't want to seem like a freak so nothing conspicuous. But seriously, break yourself of the stigma against cock rings. A cock ring is probably the least crazy thing you're going to find yourself experimenting with in the bedroom as you get older, so you might as well give it a whirl now.

    SammyF on
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    DiscoZombieDiscoZombie Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    the closer you get to somebody (and the older/more experienced you get), the easier it is to form a connection with them where you understand each other in bed, so she knows how to avoid setting you off too soon and you know how to avoid getting off too soon. of course for these short-term relationships, that doesn't help much. In the movies, they always joke about trying to think about something incredibly un-sexy to cool down, but that has the opposite effect for me - the more detached I get from the situation, the more my body takes over and just responds to its direct physical stimuli.

    Really, you just can't beat communication. If you're close enough to someone to have sex, you should be close enough to tell her to slow down and stuff. combine a number of the already mentioned things ftw. thick condom, wank beforehand, tell her to slow down...

    has anyone mentioned whiskey dick yet? get nice and wasted. ability to stay in the zone is inversely proportional to how much you drink. Of course, drink too much and risk not getting off at all...

    DiscoZombie on
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    Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    SammyF wrote: »
    A cock ring is probably the least crazy thing you're going to find yourself experimenting with in the bedroom as you get older, so you might as well give it a whirl now.

    Yeh, just wait until your in your 40s and it's all double dongers and champagne enemas.


    And, if you're not sure how to do the whole oral sex thing, just google it. That's how I learned when I was a teenager.

    Richard_Dastardly on
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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Never be afraid to ask her to show you what she digs.

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    PojacoPojaco Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I found me a girl that cums faster than I do. I'm incredibly inconsistent, in that one day I'm good for 45 minutes to an hour, while the next day nothing is going beyond 5 minutes. But my gf cums in about 30 seconds, so I usually end up getting her off at least twice (even on the bad days).

    That being said, I have found that my secret potion is smoking pot. I realize it isn't for everyone (despite the Bob Dylan song that just came on), and if you haven't already realized it than you probably don't partake. However, those who are curious and/or desperate may find the same thing that I have, that while I'm stoned it is entirely up to me when I climax. Not only is the timing up to me, but it feels even better, as opposed to numb which is what you would get with special condoms. The first time I had sex like this was one of the greatest days of my life, I felt like a god.

    Pojaco on
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    Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    An hour of sex? Are you including foreplay as well or something? I hope there's at least a 10 minute break in the middle so you both can get a sandwich.

    Richard_Dastardly on
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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I can't ever be expected to keep up with these peoples' hour long sessions. I know people who claimed that their first time was horrible because it went on for an hour and everyone left sore and unsatisfied.

    I would think with weed, combined with sex, would lead to faster coming. I mean, I knew a chick who loved to fuck on weed cause she could feel everything everywhere, or something. I think it increases your sensory perception?

    edit: Being a bad lover is, I think, one of every person's greatest fears.

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    supabeastsupabeast Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I also remembered an old trick I’ve heard about in porn documentaries: when you start getting close to orgasm, pull out and have her tug on your balls (not hard, but enough to be uncomfortable.). I’m not sure if that’s really how porn stars do those marathon scenes or if it’s just a running joke porn stars play on documentary directors, but it can’t hurt to try.

    supabeast on
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    mooshoeporkmooshoepork Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Fantasma wrote: »
    The oral sex advice is really good idea, you could just please your partner and then proceed with normal intercourse.

    If you are afraid of STDs, you just need to make a dental dam, it allows you to give oral sex and protect her and yourself at the same time.

    http://www.santepub-mtl.qc.ca/its/pdf/dam.pdf

    http://std.about.com/od/prevention/ht/dentaldamhowto.htm

    Is that first pdf serious? That looks absolutely retarded . I can't imagine that ever happening in practice. Better than getting an std though I guess.
    I think it's also good to realize that sex isn't like a subway where everything arrives on time. Sometimes the train comes early, sometimes it never comes at all (pun intended). Blowing your load a little early isn't on any war-crimes list, so don't take it so seriously.

    True. I've never been pissed off when my train was early :P


    To the OP, I'd recommend the "jacking it" idea. Prior to the sex. Works somewhat for me. What's the average time for a guy? 7 minutes or something? Same with the positions. Missionary, I'm done before I start. On top, it's almost impossible. From behind it is also harder.

    mooshoepork on
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    Anon the FelonAnon the Felon In bat country.Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I used to have this problem as well (pardon me, but I did not read the entire thread, just offering up advice from the first page of replies) when I just started having sex in life.

    A few partners later and I figured it out, I can't get off while standing. Its purely mental (as every report about orgasming is, its all mental).

    Heres a trick that might help you: If you come while standing, it might be so good you loose control and fall over. Thats what I think of, and as long as I am standing I can go forever. Simple way to do it: Her on her back on the bed, you standing at the end. Done and done. The position trick is the best way to get over this problem. Kneeling works about half as good, but standing...I am just terrified of falling over and banging myself in the head on a chair or something.

    Anon the Felon on
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    SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    supabeast wrote: »
    I solved this problem by buying bulk packs of condoms and just enjoying multiple orgasms. The discomfort of extreme sensitivity goes away after a few minutes, and eventually you just get used to it.

    Quoted for truth. Also, just because you ejaculate earlier than you both would like does not mean sexy-time has to stop. Whenever I get off, I just take a couple seconds to recompose myself then go right back to foreplay for a few minutes. Once the attention is off your penis for a few minutes, you'll be ready to go again. The second time, you'll last much, much longer. Works every time, and the ladies will not complain if you decide to take a break from actual sexing to pleasure her some more orally or manually. Just go with it, it's supposed to be fun ;)

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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    supabeast wrote: »
    I also remembered an old trick I’ve heard about in porn documentaries: when you start getting close to orgasm, pull out and have her tug on your balls (not hard, but enough to be uncomfortable.). I’m not sure if that’s really how porn stars do those marathon scenes or if it’s just a running joke porn stars play on documentary directors, but it can’t hurt to try.

    I went to a sex seminar once where the speaker mentioned this as well. Apparently the testicles rise into the body during ejaculation, so gently (and she made sure to shout GENTLY) tugging on the balls should help delay ejaculation. Allegedly.

    I don't think "jacking it beforehand" would help, as OP seems to say that he just can't last long at all. But maybe it might work. It's supposed to last longer the second sex time too, but it doesn't seem to be that way.

    edit: That STD pdf does look awkward as all hell, and I could never see why people would willingly do that. It doesn't seem hot at all! Look at the photos! The guy has his tongue sticking out like he's the poster child for a popsicle commercial.

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    FantasmaFantasma Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    http://www.santepub-mtl.qc.ca/its/pdf/dam.pdf

    Is that first pdf serious? That looks absolutely retarded . I can't imagine that ever happening in practice. Better than getting an std though I guess.

    Catching a STD is more retarded than trying to be careful. I have seen pictures of HPV and other nasty things in the mouth, it is not pretty.

    Fantasma on
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    Sir CarcassSir Carcass I have been shown the end of my world Round Rock, TXRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I can't ever be expected to keep up with these peoples' hour long sessions. I know people who claimed that their first time was horrible because it went on for an hour and everyone left sore and unsatisfied.

    My first couple of times went for about 2 hours worth of intercourse without me having an orgasm. I finally just had to finish myself off. I would have to say 2 minutes is better in that situation.

    Sir Carcass on
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    cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I can't ever be expected to keep up with these peoples' hour long sessions. I know people who claimed that their first time was horrible because it went on for an hour and everyone left sore and unsatisfied.

    My first couple of times went for about 2 hours worth of intercourse without me having an orgasm. I finally just had to finish myself off. I would have to say 2 minutes is better in that situation.

    right, but was the girl enjoying it/orgasming like mad? I'd take one of those for my first time, at least so she'd have some good stories to tell her girlfriends. I will gladly sacrifice my own pleasure to be assured of hers.

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    MC MysteryMC Mystery Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Disco11 wrote: »
    My trick was to get really good at oral. If you have gotten her off she probably wont mind so much if you finish a little quick.
    They will love you.

    Yeah, I knew a guy who would do that with his girlfriend, and then they would go at it normally (with her doing most of the work, IIRC). She couldn't really handle more than one orgasm, so it wouldn't matter if she got off again or not.

    This is what got me through highschool sex. If you're still in highschool, this is especially amazing advice because girls will spread it around that you go down, and since so few highschool dudes are willing to, you will have the ladies lining up. (I'm in college, and it even works now.)

    I'm really inconsistent. I have some days that I can't last more than ten minutes, other days where I can go for over an hour. My girlfriend has no preference because I go down on her before and afterwords so she's just literally the happiest possible girlfriend.

    As far as the pot thing goes. My girlfriend LOVES sex on pot. I hate it. I hate it for two reasons, one, because I can't usually feel anything (it definitely makes me last a long time) and two because when I smoke I just generally get in a super cuddly mood, without being at all horny. She claims that on pot she can feel so much more. To the point that an ex boyfriend of hers, she NEVER had sober sex with him cause he was so bad in bed.

    The different positions advice is SO solid. If I'm on bottom or in missionary, I usually can last pretty decent, but if it's doggy style, I'm definitely going to be done in 5 minutes or less. This is only with my current girlfriend though. In previous relationships Doggy-style has been the position I'd use not to get off. Just for some reason with this girl, it feels INFINITELY better.

    Other weird thing with this girl, is if she gives me a blowjob before sex, but DOESN'T make me orgasm, I actually last longer. It just gives me a more intense erection that for whatever reason is less sensitive.

    MC Mystery on
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