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Finding a psychologist (in NYC) to address my fear of death
starlancerii
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
All,
So a couple months ago, I made a thread about being afraid of death - link here. While the responses I got back were helpful, I still haven't gotten over this fear.
Most of today, coming to a realization that I've been working at my job for almost a year now, I've been almost paralyzed by anxiety/fear of death (which almost never happens, its usually something that I think about when I lie sleepless at night). I mean, it'll hopefully be a while before my time comes, but goddamnit, a year passed just like that.
I really need to deal with this, I can't just keep ignoring it. A friend suggested the possibility of going to see a shrink / psychologist, and I'm really considering the idea. The problem just is, I have no idea how I would go about seeing one. My health insurance supposedly covers "mental health - outpatient care" with a small copay, and I should be able to go see whoever since I'm on a PPO, but how do I find a psychologist? Its not something I can really ask around for.
Any ideas?
Thanks.
So a couple months ago, I made a thread about being afraid of death - link here. While the responses I got back were helpful, I still haven't gotten over this fear.
Most of today, coming to a realization that I've been working at my job for almost a year now, I've been almost paralyzed by anxiety/fear of death (which almost never happens, its usually something that I think about when I lie sleepless at night). I mean, it'll hopefully be a while before my time comes, but goddamnit, a year passed just like that.
I really need to deal with this, I can't just keep ignoring it. A friend suggested the possibility of going to see a shrink / psychologist, and I'm really considering the idea. The problem just is, I have no idea how I would go about seeing one. My health insurance supposedly covers "mental health - outpatient care" with a small copay, and I should be able to go see whoever since I'm on a PPO, but how do I find a psychologist? Its not something I can really ask around for.
Any ideas?
Thanks.
starlancerii on
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That said, don't just give up after the first meeting, s/he should adjust his methods to you and its only if that doesn't happen that you should look for another.
I hope I'm clear enough... I haven't been to a psychologist but I studied to be one for a few years before deciding that it wasn't for me so I have a little insight on the basic problems people can have with their psychologists.
I read your previous thread, and while it's good you're reaching out, try and focus on yourself as well. I noticed you made a reference to that machine in HGTHG that makes you feel universally small. In reality, religion (or for that matter joining any group) requires that you become a small part of something bigger. As an apatheist (read: apathetic/practical atheist), this never appealed me, and probably wouldn't appeal to you.
I also would suggest having a family and passing on knowledge, but you seem to be concerned with the fact you'll be forgotten in a couple of generations. You're probably right.
99.9% of people on this earth do absolutely nothing above mediocre with their lives. People have come and gone for millennia and will continue to do so. Earth itself is insignificant in the view of the universe. Immortality will probably not happen in our lifetime.
The best you can hope for is to die surrounded by family and friends after a long and happy life with people you love and go out smiling, or to die of a heart attack while breaking the sound barrier in an F-22 and go out smiling. That's all I have ever hoped for and if I can get that, I'll be happy.
NOW. This is all assuming this is a standard, human fear of death that we all go through, akin to "facing your mortality". On the other hand, what you could be experiencing could be a literal phobia, sort of like arachnaphobia or a fear of clowns like I've got (Stephen King's "It", for those wondering).
A phobia, being defined as an irrational fear, can obviously not be treated through sheer force of will, and obviously since it's DEATH, can not be logically avoided. In this case, finding a psychologist/psychiatrist would be the best course of action, but for the anti-anxiety medication, not the therapy. Family and friends are much better therapists than a stranger digging through your wallet.
Psychologists are trained professionals who are paid to diagnose and treat mental illness, which forum people cannot do. If he's been losing sleep over this for this long, it's not overreacting to talk to a medical professional about it. Besides, the question is how to go about finding docs through his insurance, which is a pretty good indicator he's not going to have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Well you got me with the green text, but I DID say it wasn't going to be helpful, since it was just my opinion. However, everything else I said was solid advice. If he wants to use his insurance to go to what amounts (again IMO) to the equivalent of the dishwasher in "Waiting...", he can go right ahead.
That being said, psychologists are trained professionals paid to diagnose and treat mental illness. What they are inclined to do however (unless you get a gold hearted one), is over-diagnose like hell. I would not be surprised if this guy came back and said his doctor diagnosed him with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, and any other of a myriad of illnesses that are not even close to as prevalent as claimed. These illnesses are veritable cash cows.
Good luck to the OP though, I agree with the previous poster who said not to stick to the first guy to give you half-decent advice. Really try and find someone who is genuine and willing to stick it out with you and meshes well.
Plus, I only have a $20 copay per visit with my insurance, so that's not a problem.
However, if you're adament that you want to beat your fear without meds, I don't think s/he would make that recomendation. Also, I think Penny is blowing the Psychologist diagnosing thing out of purportion. If anything, you have mild panic attacks because of your phobia, like many people with phobias. I'd say you wouldn't have to worry about being told you have depression or anything else. Its a phobia you want to deal with and the psychologist should understand that.
That being said, if you really want to beat this without meds, Nap is right, your psychiatrist won't recommend that. You almost want to try and find a specialty therapist who can tell you up front they will not try and push medication. That would be your best bet.
Psychologists are not allowed to prescribe meds to a patient as they haven't had the proper extra classes for that. They focus on the mind and how it works, not how chemicals affect the mind.
So, in other words, you saw a psychiatrist, trained to perscribe meds when they believe they are needed, not a psychologist whose main effort is to work past those things without meds. Some people need the meds most don't. (not to mention that most psychiatrists shouldn't have medicen as a first resort... but I suppose some can be trigger happy).
Perhaps you weren't as well adjusted as you seem to think. Obviously, someone thought you needed to see a professional when you were 15, no matter how fine you thought you were.
People have this nasty habit of not seeing themselves as they actually are. Now, I don't see how your personal issues with a respected profession is helping the OP in any significant way.
This is so wrong, I have no idea where to start.
To the OP: I think it's a good idea you try to seek out help from a psychologist - and listen to the advice given here in the thread, you don't 'have' to stick to the first psychologist you see. Finding a psychologist that has experience in the existential field could also be beneficial (but 'anyone' will do at first, I think), as 'existential psychology' in itself deals especially with anxiety and fear that stems from death and meaningless in the world.
I'm pretty aware of what's wrong with me, thank you very much
To be more specific, a close friend and father figure had killed himself and I was forced into therapy by my mom. Yes, I was sad. Sadness is an emotion, induced by environmental factors. Depression is an illness. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and depression. I got over my sadness. You don't just "get over" depression. Hence, wack job.
Whoever said psychiatrist =/= psychologist, my bad, you were right.
And Rasmus, like I said it was just my humble opinion. Guess I shouldn't have thrown that bit in there and just gone with the other stuff I said. I still stand by my advice on the religion thing.
I don't usually hop on the counseling train, for the most part I think just getting out there and living a more challenging life gives most people the perspective they're looking for. When life is too easy and unchanging, the little crooks and snags seem giant and magnified against the smooth. Even if you sort them out, you'll just get hooked on the next biggest thing. If you're caught in a cycle of anxiety though, sometimes a person needs hand up to get out of it. If you've been worrying about the same thing for more than six months, its probably time. Good luck, hope you feel better.
Basically. If you have a GP you know and trust, you can speak to them first to see if they have any recommendations. Any counsellor worth their salt will want to evaluate whether you are good fits over the phone, or perhaps with an evaluation consultation. Do not go with anyone who is certain they are the right person and doesn't recommend you look at other options, they are likely desperate for work because they're bad at what they do.
Have a think about how you prefer to get advice. Do you like to be listened to? Do you think that you're a deep person? Do you prefer having pragmatic step-by-step plans of what needs to be done? Everyone is different, and different counsellors do different things. When I sought counseling when I was younger, the initial consulter said it was the difference between the "Jesus sandals, did your father hit you when you were younger?" guy, and the "let's just get this sorted by finding a pragmatic solution". I went with the latter, and was very happy, but the reason the former exists is because that's what some people need.
Have a think about it seriously. H&A tends to skew heavily towards pragmatic solutions, as deeper stuff takes too much time and really requires face-to-face consultations. If H&A didn't help much, then maybe you need the more touchy-feely counseling.
Yep. I googled that and got this link to an association, which had literally had a 'find a psychologist' button.
Shogun Streams Vidya
You're going to have to explain why someone having a fear of something requires medication.
Did you even read that second sentence?
edit: in case I need to clarify even further; I am not implying this person requires medication.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Then why are you saying he needs a psychiatrist at all? I do not believe there is anything to imply he is mentally ill.
I never implied anyone was mentally ill and to reason that seeing a psychiatrist makes one mentally ill is absurdly insulting. Is that really what you think?
In all honesty I believe both a psychiatrist and a psychologist could help the OP however I don't want this person to spend a large fortune in an attempt to cure a manifested fear.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Still not understanding why you would say he should be going to a psychiatrist over a psychologist. Could you actually explain why you think the one is preferable to the other in this case?
Not all psychiatrists conduct therapy - there are indeed some that prefer to concentrate on medication management and refer patients in need of therapy to a psychologist or LCSW. Otoh, there are psychiatrists that do conduct therapy themselves and put just as much time into it as any counselor; it just might be harder to find one from the get go.
At least in the area I'm familiar with, psychiatrists tend to bill at higher rates than PhD level psychologists (and much higher than M.A. level counselors of any sort). Not as relevant given your insurance, but definitely a factor for some people.
I am telling the OP to find a psychiatrist because when I went to a psychologist about fear of deadly spiders he sent me to a psychiatrist who specialized in these types of things. I now squash all spiders without fear and with extreme prejudice. While deadly spiders probably isn't as bad as fear of death in general, I do know what it is like and I believe a psychiatrist can help the OP moreso than a psychologist. We're on opposite ends of the country though and I expect in NYC he can find either/or to suit his needs.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Exposure therapy is not necessarily the best choice in his case, though it is a distinct possibility and may be the route a therapist recommends. That said, exposure therapy was developed by a psychologist. There are plenty of psychologists who use it. In your case, you saw a psychologist who does not, for whatever reason, and so referred you to a therapist who they knew to be proficient. It happened to be a psychiatrist, but there's zero reason to expect that to always be the case.
I'm sorry you find there to be a stigma to visiting a professional that you yourself have been to. The dictionary definition of a psychiatrist:
"The medical science that studies and treats mental illness and mental maladjustment. Psychiatrists treat mental disorders; psychologists study mental activities, whether healthy or disordered. In the United States, psychiatrists usually hold the degree of doctor of medicine (M.D.) and may prescribe medication for their patients." (emphasis my own).
Wikipedia says much the same thing. It is what they do. That's why they can prescribe pills; they're dealing with medical illnesses, not therapeutic things.
The only person who made it into a bad thing was you.
I take a lot of issue with your post. It assumes baseline issues in the person you are criticizing, and goes far off base in the discussion about the OP who needs help.
OP:
I think a therapist could do wonders. I also knew one well--personally--who was in therapy 4-5 days a week. For some of these people therapy is something that everyone needs, everyone requires medication, & they don't have a healthy outlook.
Just remember that the initial FDA trials for SSRIs failed, and they still approved the, so be careful.
to the OP, my friend works at Beth Israel and she suggests you give Mount Sinai a call...she says the staff there is really great and could probably help you, very varied specialties so they could easy figure out someone who would work well with you.....either that or NYU....just give them a call and tell them that you'd like to schedule a first time appointment to see a psychologist, and they'll take it from there
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. No, actually, I don't care. The person I was responding to was denigrating an entire profession based on his one involuntary experience. It was tantamount to telling the OP not to seek help, and therefore my response was not off base with regards to the OP. Unlike what you've just written, which completely is and has nothing to do with anything with regards to the OP, and could have easily been handled via PM.