Confusion with girls and such [SOLVED]
ArtificialColoring
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, so I'm 15 and I realize that a majority of the posters on this board are older then that so I'm just throwing that out there for context.
So, last fall I started hanging out with a group of people from another highschool who I knew from Jr. High. One of the girls in this group caught my interest as we had a lot in common, we liked the same bands and our favorite video game was KotOR. I started to have a crush on her and texted her frequently, but I sort of stopped hanging out with that group as much and since I didn't go to her school I rarely saw her. We'll call her Girl A. So then at my school there was another chick in one of my classes, Girl B, who I thought was fairly attractive and I talked to a lot. I still liked Girl A a lot but after flirting with her at a party she sent me a text saying she didn't want me to get the wrong idea and think she liked me or anything (?). So I was trying to distract myself from her and last February a mutual friend of mine and Girl B told me she was way into me. I figured I shouldn't let that opportunity pass as nothing looked like it was going to happen with Girl A. So I asked her out and we've been dating for six months now. This whole time I've still had feelings for Girl A, who I would hang out with with some of her friends and my best friend as a group. I would try and ignore that and focus on my girlfriend. So then today my best friend told me he ran into Girl A alone at the park talked with her for four hours and ended up making out and now they're a couple or something. I pretty much feel like shit now and I've done some thinking and I realized I'm not attracted to my girlfriend nearly as much as I am attracted to Girl A. I've been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend but I'm really afraid of hurting her because she once threw out the "L" word and seems like she's really serious about our relationship in a way that I'm not. This new thing with my friend and girl A basically hit me like a train, which I didn't expect and I'm pretty confused about how to handle this whole thing.
tl;dr
I like some chick, she told me she's not so into me after flirting with me, i date another chick for six months, my best friend dates the first chick, I realize I still have stong feelings for her, what the hell do I do?
So, last fall I started hanging out with a group of people from another highschool who I knew from Jr. High. One of the girls in this group caught my interest as we had a lot in common, we liked the same bands and our favorite video game was KotOR. I started to have a crush on her and texted her frequently, but I sort of stopped hanging out with that group as much and since I didn't go to her school I rarely saw her. We'll call her Girl A. So then at my school there was another chick in one of my classes, Girl B, who I thought was fairly attractive and I talked to a lot. I still liked Girl A a lot but after flirting with her at a party she sent me a text saying she didn't want me to get the wrong idea and think she liked me or anything (?). So I was trying to distract myself from her and last February a mutual friend of mine and Girl B told me she was way into me. I figured I shouldn't let that opportunity pass as nothing looked like it was going to happen with Girl A. So I asked her out and we've been dating for six months now. This whole time I've still had feelings for Girl A, who I would hang out with with some of her friends and my best friend as a group. I would try and ignore that and focus on my girlfriend. So then today my best friend told me he ran into Girl A alone at the park talked with her for four hours and ended up making out and now they're a couple or something. I pretty much feel like shit now and I've done some thinking and I realized I'm not attracted to my girlfriend nearly as much as I am attracted to Girl A. I've been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend but I'm really afraid of hurting her because she once threw out the "L" word and seems like she's really serious about our relationship in a way that I'm not. This new thing with my friend and girl A basically hit me like a train, which I didn't expect and I'm pretty confused about how to handle this whole thing.
tl;dr
I like some chick, she told me she's not so into me after flirting with me, i date another chick for six months, my best friend dates the first chick, I realize I still have stong feelings for her, what the hell do I do?
ArtificialColoring on
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2. Man up and end things with girl b if you don't like her. Better to tell her the truth than string her along.
Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
In no particular order:
1) Get over Girl A. If that means breaking off contact, so be it.
2) Appreciate what you have in Girl B. If you can't do that, then end it.
3) Realize that in a few years, this will all be ancient history.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Don't string her along if you aren't truly interested in her. Don't waste her time.
So I think I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. This will be the first time I've done this and I have no idea how to phrase it or what to say to make it as painless as possible. Is it ok to do it over the phone? I can't imagine a time when I see her that wouldn't be awkward (at my house or at hers...).
Dating for six months = face-to-face breakup. Over the phone would be douchy at that point.
Other than that, I'll let others give you advice on the actual breakup. Been lucky enough to not have to do that, so my advice would surely suck.
Beyond that just be honest with her.
It will suck but what breakup doesn't.
Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
Talk to someone other than her sister and see if you can catch a lift off them that day.
Alternatively do it at your place and ask your mother if she is available to drive her home.
Seriously it's too bad that you can't get home easily, ride a bike or catch the bus.
Satans..... hints.....
On a side note, are you sure your just not feeling jealous? If this happened just now you might just be kinda jealous/surprised. How did you feel about your girlfriend before this happened?
Tell her that.
Grass is always greener. You always want what you can't have. Blah blah blah.
You're 15. Get over it. If you dumb Girl B you're a buffoon.
What? He clearly isn't into girl b in the same way she is into him. Dumping her is the best thing he can do.
Uh-oh I accidentally deleted my signature. Uh-oh!!
I wouldn't dump her over it. Though I would tell her, knowing it could be the end of the relationship. In fact, this is exactly how my last relationship ended.
Eh, I missed the L word part. The giant fucking "paragraph" gave me a migraine.
Break up with her in person. Find someone else. Stop pining over Girl A. Never going to happen. You'll forget about this in six months.
what this says to me about your girlfriend is that the inevitable huge letdown is pretty much a lesson she has to learn. Nobody should be saying they love their BF/GF at age 15. even if they think they do, no 15 year old is emotionally mature enough to handle the implications, let alone able to understand their feelings clearly enough to be serious about a relationship in that way.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Even if you're not really attracted to someone, you can be attracted to them being attracted to you. That shit starts to fade real fast when the novelty is over, and you realize you still aren't very attracted to them. It's gooder, keep this one in mind.
Meanwhile, there's no good way, and you did bring up some solid reasons why a phone break-up is better all around. It's a douche move when you're older and you dont have to hang around awkwardly after, but you aren't in that position yet so you get a free pass. Trust me, if half these guys were given the option of a tearful phone call vs. being locked in a room with a fresh ex for half an hour after a teenage breakup, they'd be taking option A.
And hey, good for you for manning up and not settling for what is availible instead of what you want. That bodes well. All teh best, mang.
Girl A will not like you any more than before unfortunately.
You guys are 15, the "L" word isn't as well thought out as it should be.
KOTOR is totally bitchin too.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
- If someone isn't that into you they usually never will be. It's better to get over them then to latch on, have your feelings deepen and torture you for long, extended periods of time.
- If you're not that into someone, don't get romantically involved with them. You'll end up making yourself and someone else miserable.
-Always be up front. If you just want someone to fool around with, tell someone that. If you really care for them, tell them. Don’t lead people on. The worst that can happen is they tell you no. If that happens, move on.
If you’re really not into B then leave her. She’ll be butt hurt but in the end it’ll be healthier for the both of you.
addition: Don't break up with her over the phone or over text. Do it in person. It sucks but it's much better for you in the long run. You don't want to be known as the guy with no guts who can't own up to his own decisions.
Logistics:
Go to her house and take her for a 'walk and chat'.
Unless you go to a private school and you both live in different counties, man up and walk across the school district. Call for a ride when you can.
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Also really think about this, are you really not that into Girl B, or are you frustrated that Girl A has someone else? From the above it sounds like your lumping two seperate issues together for potentially FAIL results.
Focus on Girl B. If you simply find that you're not into her, then let her down and be nice about it.
Find a Girl C.
Do not obsess over Girl A.
It'd be about an hour and half walk from her place back to mine so I'll probably just start walking and if no one can come pick me up it's not the end of the world. She's usually home with her twin sister during the day so I'd imagine I could just say something like "Can I come over for a bit, we have to talk." How long can I expect this to take? Would it be unreasonable to have my ride wait in her driveway or something?
Don't say "we have to talk".
@Esh: Then what am I supposed to say? Because it seems sort of cruel to be like "oh hey can I come chill at your place?" and then show up and catch her off guard. Shouldn't there be some kind of warning? Or am I wrong?
It is better to show up and catch her off guard. It's like ripping a Band-Aid off. If you tell her "we have to talk" she's going to stew on it.
If you give her some sort of warning she'll sit around being anxious and stressed before you show up. It's better to not tip her off, show up, be kind but firm about it and then leave.
Do the walk thing. Get a ride on the way back if you can, no biggie if you can't. Besides, no matter how cool you think you're going to be with it, you'll probably need that much think time after anyway. Break-ups take as long as they take, could be minutes, could be an hour. Having someone idle while you do so is the opposite of class, and it'll put pressure on you to finish sooner rather than later. Take the time you need to square things away.
Agreed. The long walk back will give you a good amount of time to put things in perspective and be introspective in a healthy manner.
You're 15 and have only been dating 6 months, there is no need to walk 1.5 hours to break up with this girl. You won't even think about this relationship a year from now and there isn't much to think about other than it turns out you don't like your gf as much as you used to and that happens, and in high school it's not a big deal at all.
Where were you two relationships ago? I had to learn that the hard way
So here's what you do.
If you really aren't into your girlfriend, break up with her. That's probably the first step, whatever happens, and the nice thing to do.
Second, you probably don't have a chance with girl A because she told you as much, that she didn't like you "that way." I know it's tough, but you have to accept that she basically rejected you and you need to try and get over her. Realize that your friend has as much of a "right" to be with her as anyone else.
See, I put that in quotes because I'm betting it's the way you feel...that you deserve to be with this girl. Well I'm telling you, as an older male who's been there, that no one deserves to be with anyone else. People choose who gets to be with them, but it's their choice and you're going to need to learn to respect that. The plus side is you get to choose whom YOU want to be with...and apparently that doesn't include your current girlfriend.
Secret Satan
But it doesn't matter, life goes on, you just learn to deal with this shit as you get older.
Whatever happens, reflect on it and make it a learning experience.
He's 15, a 90 minute walk in the summer is kind of the opposite of harmful in the first place. In the second place, it's 2009 we have iPods for times like walking when we aren't constantly entertained.
Aside from that, people carry wierd memory baggage from their teens. If this girl's really into him, after 6 months a face to face is called for as a matter of decency.
After awhile, once your crush has worn off, you'll often laugh at yourself and wonder what possessed you to take up so much of your time thinking about that person.
As far as breaking up with your girlfriend....she probably won't be HAPPY, but she won't OMG hate you forever. More than likely in a few years you will both look back at your awkward young relationship as a cute memory of your teen years. I haven't really had any friends than hold grudges for their BF or GF breaking up with them when they were 15 :-P.
If you play your cards right, you might still be able to be friends. It doesn't sound like you dislike her. Just let her know that you still care about her, and don't want to hurt her but aren't ready for the kind of commitment a relationship needs and that's unfair to both of you. Above all, don't beat yourself up about it. You tried, you're being honest with your emotions, and doing the right thing. Breaking up with someone else isn't wrong or mean. Done with compassion it is just a part of growing up.