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How do I convince her she's not a rebound?
Gork
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I'm at the end of a second date with a girl I have an amazing connection with, making out with her in her apartment, much the same as we ended the first date. In between kissing, it comes up that I was dumped by my previous girlfriend only two months ago. She instantly becomes convinced she's a rebound and that were we to start dating seriously, I would arbitrarily dump her at some point because I would only be dating her to heal from my previous relationship. I try and convince her I'm not interested in fucking around and, were I so inclined, I could go back to my previous life of picking up one night stands in bars. She remains somewhat tight lipped so I finally take my leave but with the promise that she will call me tomorrow.
I know it's kind of silly to get this wrapped up after two dates, but I'm not interested in going back to the life of picking up vapid girls in bars who actually would sleep with me after a few hours of conversation. What else can I do here? She's concerned I'm trying to fill some void in my life, but I'm really happy, with or without her. I just really want the opportunity to see where this goes without her writing me off immediately.
We're both 26, for reference.
I know it's kind of silly to get this wrapped up after two dates, but I'm not interested in going back to the life of picking up vapid girls in bars who actually would sleep with me after a few hours of conversation. What else can I do here? She's concerned I'm trying to fill some void in my life, but I'm really happy, with or without her. I just really want the opportunity to see where this goes without her writing me off immediately.
We're both 26, for reference.
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Ultimately, if what you're writing is true - if you're tired of one-night stands and are genuinely interested in this girl - then this isn't your problem to fix; it's hers. All I can suggest is talking to her about it and trying to figure out why this is a fear for her. Has it happened to her in the past? To someone she knows? Or is it a cover for some other concern of hers?
Shogun Streams Vidya
That's a red flag if i've ever seen one. Maybe you need to reevaluate.
I would not have said this, either.
WHAT?!
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
anyway, 2 months is a fair amount of time, a reboud would usually be in a week or so
Ok, ok, I see your point but there was no reason to bring up the ex unless she was trying to sabotage it or he was.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
2 months is decent, but I know I've still had the lingering need to just hook up with someone 2 months after getting dumped. I don't think that one ever really knows if they're rebounding, that would kinda defeat the purpose, right? Maybe talk to friends about her, see what the people who know you best think.
You don't know that, unless you know the man.
Timing wise it might seem that way, but there's no way to see into another man's heart and all that shit.
Sounds like this girl may have been a rebound in the past. She must have if she's so concerned about it.
If you're really into her then you need to communicate that to her some way. I don't know how, that part is up to you.
As far as myself is concerned, I sincerely doubt I'm going to turn around at some point in the future and run off screaming for random women. The opportunity has been presented; I'm not interested.
Don't say, "You know, I could've been with many other girls if I wanted, but I didn't want to" isn't going to fly over very well.
You have to make it about her.
... in theory.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
oh shut up. not everyone is some special unique soul that must be intimately known in order to fathom any possible motivation behind their actions.
he said "I knew that the recentness of the relationship was going to be an issue", so obviously he doesn't feel greatly distanced from the relationship.
Sarcastro posted on my topic! I can die happy, now.
Fallout, I wrote that because I knew it would be an issue for the other person. I had a rough time getting over it, but I'm done with it now.
As an update, apparently I jumped le gun, hard. Instead of calling today, she came to meet me at the bar I was hanging out with friends. I told her I won't be seeing the inside of her apartment again until she's convinced I'm not a rebound. That seemed to make her pretty happy and we're going on a movie date tomorrow. I'll hire a chaperone for the back row of the theater.
Thanks all!
*solved*