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My mother acts like a child - UPDATE - Yep, bitch is fucking psycho
mooshoepork
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I was with my ex-girlfriend for about three years. During this time my mother and her became friends. Well, you know, they got along. We started dating when we were 16, I am now 19.
Basically after we broke up, my mother called me an idiot for breaking it off and continued to keep in contact with my ex. My ex is pretty nuts, got her new boyfriend to threaten me, started a whole heap of rumours about me being gay. You know, the high school works.
I think my mother hasn't supported me at all during this. I mean, the breakup wasn't easy on me, and she was asking whether "Jess is okay" "I hope Jess is alright".
I was forwarded these emails today:
Come the fuck ON? REALLY? This just floored me.
Should I approach her about it? I really want to. I'm pretty pissed, but I don't know whether or not to drop it. She seems to think I'm just being an idiot about it, and that she has every right to be friends with her.
I just feel like she acts like such a child sometimes. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. My girlfriend thinks this completely fucked up. Which it is.
When I was with my ex, my mother and her used to sit downstairs and watch movies/drink tea. I'd be there too, but my mother was always there. With my current girlfriend, she comes over, she says hi to my mother, and that's pretty much it. That's NORMAL isn't it? Civility? Not this "mother and girlfriend bonding" bullshit.
Gahhh
Basically after we broke up, my mother called me an idiot for breaking it off and continued to keep in contact with my ex. My ex is pretty nuts, got her new boyfriend to threaten me, started a whole heap of rumours about me being gay. You know, the high school works.
I think my mother hasn't supported me at all during this. I mean, the breakup wasn't easy on me, and she was asking whether "Jess is okay" "I hope Jess is alright".
I was forwarded these emails today:
Hi Jess, just thought I’d send a quick hello. My kids are at Music and I have a few minutes. We are all well. No swine flu! Steve is getting ready to move out. Yippee! I’ll have a spare room and just think what I’ll save on the grocery bills! He is moving into my parents house with two friends from university. David and Sarah. Not sure if you know them. We have to fix the place up a bit before they move in because as you know it is a bit of a dump. Mum and Dad are really healthy since they moved into the old people’s home. Mum turns 87 on Tuesday so we will be having a lunch at home for her on Saturday. I hope she can remember who everybody is!! Robert (ME) and Steve are both still working at the shop every weekend. Robert is seeing somebody. She is a bit different, not that friendly. I don’t think she likes dad or me very much. She is studying to be a paramedic. I told her I wouldn’t give mouth to mouth to someone if they were grotty. I’d let them die!! Probably why she doesn’t like me!!! No sense of humour. How is your boyfriend or have you moved on? How are your mum and Dad? Such lovely people. Better go. I can hear the pitter patter of tiny feet! Love MicheleXXXX
Robert is totally grumpy as usual. How is your love life? Hope you are playing the field and meeting lots of nice boys.
Come the fuck ON? REALLY? This just floored me.
Should I approach her about it? I really want to. I'm pretty pissed, but I don't know whether or not to drop it. She seems to think I'm just being an idiot about it, and that she has every right to be friends with her.
I just feel like she acts like such a child sometimes. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. My girlfriend thinks this completely fucked up. Which it is.
When I was with my ex, my mother and her used to sit downstairs and watch movies/drink tea. I'd be there too, but my mother was always there. With my current girlfriend, she comes over, she says hi to my mother, and that's pretty much it. That's NORMAL isn't it? Civility? Not this "mother and girlfriend bonding" bullshit.
Gahhh
mooshoepork on
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PS4:MrZoompants
Alright, then maybe it's me. It just feels weird to me.
just seems childish because she mentioned "it's not like I talk with her about you"
And there you go. It's exactly what she does. All this gossipy shit.
but, your mom likely doesn't see it that way, and won't no matter how you broach the subject.
my advice: forget about it. mothers are people too, and they can be complete bitches.
don't get worked up because of it. if your mother is not supportive of your choices, then fuck her and move on.
i know it sounds hard because she's your mom, but believe me this is not the end of the world. if it really irks you, tell her you want her support and don't appreciate being talked about; she owes you that.
Only person she says anything close to that about your girlfriend who she says is "unfriendly".
You have already chosen though reading this email (or other possable convosations with your mother) that your mothers request has power over how you should feel about this situation between you and your current girlfriend.
You choose to take the victims perspective and thus you feel offended by your mothers actions.
You have two choices.
You can continue down the state of mind that your mother needs to be reasioned with because you have given her this power over the situation in your mind and you won't be happy untill your mothers view is changed.
Or you take the path of someone who doesn't want to take themselves down the first path and instead remove yourself from your assumed responsibltiy over your mothers social and as an adult act like one.
You don't need to hate your mum to know that your point of view is just as valued if not more in how you conduct your relationship with your girlfriend.
You have the power and all that. Don't play the victim.
PS. If anyone wants to shoot my advice down as bad go for it, I'm no expert.
No, seriously though. That is messed up, and she is of course being ridiculous. In an ideal world, she wouldn't be taking sides. However, moms are people, and people act unreasonably sometimes. Don't take it to heart - you're moving out, you'll be on your own, and you're starting your new life of independence. Focus on that instead of catty, sophomoric e-mails.
Thank you, Rubacava!
try to have a sense of humor as well. theres nothing wrong with acting childish around the people you love and who love you back.
Your post isn't bad advice at all! Uh, although it could do with, like, not being written in engrish... (I kid, i kid!)
Definitely seconding warban's advice:
Rise above your mother's idiocy- it's the adult thing to do
However, i disagree that you shouldn't see yourself as the victim in this case, because you are, but what you must NOT do, is act like one.
You can freely reduce contact with your mother as you see fit, ignore any of this gossipy bullshit, and remember to treat your current GF with love and respect- hopefully in time your mother will see how much you care for this girl, and come round. If not, then she can just go to hell, because this is YOUR life, not hers. She must not be allowed to control or manipulate you like this. If it gets too bad, just move out. That way, any contact she has with you will be on YOUR terms, and if she asks why, you can explain all of this to her.
Also: " I told her I wouldn’t give mouth to mouth to someone if they were grotty. I’d let them die!! Probably why she doesn’t like me!!!" This is just fucking retarded- tbh, i don't like your mother either.
If your mom's a caring person, have a serious conversation with her and let her know you're not comfortable with her actions and you'd prefer it if she stop contacting your ex, or at least stop badmouthing your current girlfriend behind your back. She can choose what to do from there, but as far as parents' responsibilities to their kids go, I would think you're well within your rights to at least be heard on this.
And seriously, my mom has a sense of humor, too, and I love her for it, even if what she thinks is funny oftentimes irks me. But there's nothing funny about criticizing a son's current gf in secret to his ex, and my mom has always been nice enough to get serious and come to my support when I go through a breakup, no matter how much she may have liked the ex.
Your ma is an adult, and for all intents and purposes so are you. This means that she gets to keep the company that she likes, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
Women are mysterious creatures, and they love to talk. Given the opportunity, they will talk all day about nothing at all, and this here is the email equivalent.
She did not call you grumpy, nor is she telling your ex to play the field--these are two suppositions that you yourself read into, based on your own bias. She's just being social.
I'd advise you to lighten up. She's correct when she says that she has every right to be friends with your ex, and you are being an idiot about it.
i'm wondering, though- did his quote where she says he's being grumpy and that she hopes the ex is playing the field, actually come from another email that he was sent? I'm not sure that they're only his own supposition.
You may be being a little unfair on him here- dismissing this kind of behaviour as just part of a woman's mystique isn't really right. Of course the mother can be friends with whoever she wants, but that's not the point that mooshoepork is trying to make.
So yes, she really did say
"Robert is totally grumpy as usual. How is your love life? Hope you are playing the field and meeting lots of nice boys."
It isn't just my ex she does this with. She seems to badmouth me to a lot of people. I mean, fair enough, if I'm grumpy, alright, but she does this kind of shit all the time. Talk behind my back.
When there's another person there it's like she turns into a 15 year old girl.
For instance, I got a speeding fine (which ended up being a mistake on their part) I told her it must be a mistake. She agreed. As soon as company was around she just brings it up, out of the blue (because it's dramatic of course) and says that "he has to learn his lesson!", completely disregarding the fact that an hour prior, she agreed I probably didn't do anything wrong.
I would move out, but finances aren't really permitting at the moment. I'd rather solve this problem rather than avoid it though.
Last time I tried to solve something like this, I sat her down, said I wanted to talk to her. "When you have a problem with me, I'd appreciate it if you would communicate with me, instead of doing x,y,z". Typical passive aggressive behaviour. I thought we were all good. An hour later I hear her making up stories about what just happened for the sake of conversation.
Arghh. Always got along with her I guess, didn't think my "teenage mother phase" would be when I was almost out of my teens. I feel like I'm trying to be reasonable and she's just being ridiculous.
When has feeding into the cycle of "Guess what Talky McBlabbypants said about u!!" ever helped anyone to get over the effects of a gossipy friend or family member who refuses to stfu?
If you've talked to your ex about it, that would be a good step. Maybe get your ex to tell your mother to stop sending her e-mails and let those two deal with it.
Another, more underhanded method would be to create a fake e-mail posing as your ex. You then send your mother an e-mail saying "I've got a new e-mail address" or whatever and then you can know that any e-mail she thinks she's sending to your ex she's sending to you.
But really just confront your mother.
Steam | Live
Well, I don't talk to my ex because the last time I attempted to, her boyfriend threatened me and she emailed my friends telling them I sucked a dude's dick a few years ago.
I didn't ask him to send me anything.
Then thank him for his concern and go about your day. Nothing you can do about this - confronting your mom again, demanding your ex stop e-mailing her, setting up dummy e-mails o_O - will do anything but give them more to gossip about.
I didn't plan on doing any of that except confronting her. I didn't think I had much to lose. I'm mostly pissed because of the shit she is making up about my girlfriend. She knows my girlfriend doesn't hate her, but for some reason (anyone care to guess? I seriously have no fucking idea?) she tries to make it out like she thinks she does. I find it digusting she feels the need to do that.
I repeat: how will confronting her with the contents of an e-mail you weren't supposed to see stop her from gossiping?
It won't, and will give her legitimate reason to complain that you're spying on her, whether you asked to see the e-mails or not. I know you're pissed, but it doesn't mean you can't be a grown-up about it.
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I'm not surprised.
Unless your mom is really nutso and will kick you out of the house and steal all your shit, I think you should absolutely confront her about this. Say that your uncle forwarded her email to you, and that the email was full of gossip about you. Say that you don't mind if she talks to your ex -- she can talk to whoever she wants -- but she really needs to stop being so gossipy.
Bring up the speeding ticket, bring up other examples. Tell her that it hurts your feelings and that it's because of that that you're so grumpy. Make a point that it's her actions that are causing you to feel down when you're around her.
I think most people will admit that they've confronted a parent about something that really bothered them and, while the moment was likely heated, since they're family they were forced to discuss it at some point in a more civil context and that things improved.
also, if it hasn't been stated yet... bitches be crazy.
and, not saying you should, but talk to your dad, see if she has always been this way. and if it were me, i'd probably tell my mom to stop being such a glorious bitch to me and then make a point of trying not to talk to her. i mean, seriously, who throws their own child under the bus for the sake of conversation/making themselves look like some sort of awesome person.
no offence, but your mom is a bitch.
Having recently experienced this, yes, that was the outcome.
You're not with this girl, your mom seems to be friends with her. WHERES THE BEEF? Are you still so hung up on her that you don't want her playing the field or something? Do you not want your mom to talk to people you know?
I'm sorry, but your Mom is fucking loopy.
Has she not heard of the saying "blood is thicker than water"?
Her being friends with your ex when you're not cool with it is completely overstepping the line and she needs to sort that shit out immediately.
I don't know where the rest of you come from, but if my parents had an issue with an associate of theirs and then asked me not to speak to them anymore, it would be the absolute height of disrespect to go against their wishes. Not to mention fucking ridiculous. Obviously its vice versa as well.
Plus this other stupid bullshit needs to cease post haste. Gossiping about her own son is completely insane... especially to an his ex who apparently likes to get her new beau to threaten people.
I absolutely agree with this. Confront your mom and tell her that she needs to stop being a bratty teenager and stop making up shit just for conversation. Thats unacceptable.
The comment about his current girlfriend not being as friendly as his ex is valid, thus not made up or gossipy, BY THE OP'S OWN ADMISSION. This is not a valid point of contention. It came up during their communication and she gave her opinion on the girl. Sorry that your mom doesn't like your new girlfriend as much as she liked your old one, but that's just how things go when your family gets involved with your love life. I mean, you seem like you didn't like your ex and your mom being all BFFy, so whats the problem.
Your mom isn't making shit up, either. Imagine if someone was coming over and hanging out and they just gave you a whats up and didn't say anything else. After a while you'd probably get thinking "Wow, I see this person all the time but they never seem to want to talk to me." It may not be TRUE that your girlfriend dislikes your mom, but she is only giving her the bare minimum of decency. You probably talk to people you actively dislike at work or school more than your girlfriend is talking to your mom.
The only part that would bother me is the "grumpy" part, but even then you were probably acting weird or else she wouldn't have thought to mention anything other than "oh hes fine."
Disagree with these comments, please. I'm excited to see what I must have missed between the lines that makes this situation so offensive.
Edit- Also, just wanted to comment on the speeding ticket part. If this "oh his girlfriend doesn't like me" and the "oh, he should learn his lesson" thing are your classic examples of your mom being a "gossipy" teenager, you need to stop being so sensitive. You got a ticket, its not like its some secret that no one outside the family should know about. Maybe if she was like "He should never drive again because he is such a terrible driver for getting a ticket and blah blah blah" but come on.
Stop throwing strawman's around. No one is saying she can or can't see his ex. We're saying that she shouldn't be a little fucking cunt and talk shit about how he's LOL!11!11one CRANKY! It's something I expect out of a high schooler, not a grown fucking adult. And should she be confronted, she should have the courtesy to respect her sons wishes and not be an asshole when he's not around.
No, it's not valid, in fact it's completely subject. Not being friendly is shoving someone's face into their soup while they're eating or calling someone a bitch behind their back. Not being friendly isn't saying hi to your boyfreind's mother.
Again, the problem is the mother is being juvenile. She isn't being courteous, granted, she doesn't have to be, but I figure one of the best parts about having a family is always being able to rely on them. Talking about someone behind their back is passive aggressive shit - if she was really concerned about her son, she'd ask him what was wrong when he was grumpy, not detail it to an ex who sent a fucking death threat through her boyfriend.
You're making a lot of shitty assumptions here. You're trying to justify shitty mom's shitty behavior and you're coming off as an idiot.
More assumptions. Even if he was acting weird, it's not her place to shit on him repeatedly, which we HAVE confirmed.
No reason to be petulant.
Does your mom know about this stuff? If so sorry man, she's completely nutty.
No, but you don't understand, the OP is just overreacting. Her behavior is completely justified because of [insert assumption here].
I have a feeling your mom might react to that with an email to the ex "omg robert is so mental!!!"; but I don't know your mom well enough to make accurate predictions.
Your ex isn't her son, you are. She'll realize that eventually. She might never like the new gf as much, but I have my suspicions she'll get over it. And no, the comment about letting someone die because they're grotty really isn't funny. In fact, if your new girlfriend doesn't really dislike your mom after hearing stuff like that, she's a better person than I am because I think that's a terrible thing to say and I don't want to be around people who think that sort of thing is funny.
Live your life, be successful. Don't gossip and don't listen to the gossip of others, and I promise you you'll be a much happier person for it. Don't confront her, there's no point. My advice to you is to just let it go, because if you can be the mature one and do that either she'll see that and realize she's being silly, or see that her behavior isn't having any effect on you, get bored, and stop.