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Adapting to Alcohol
Idinnu
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm sixteen. Until about a year ago I hung out with people that didn't drink and liked it very much. Since then I've made new friends and in particular this girl. We've become very close. However, she drinks. And I don't.
Basically, what I'm looking for is help accepting her drinking habits. And I say habits lightly, she drinks maybe once a month, and only socially. But whenever she does it makes me feel like she.. is just doing it to "fit in". No, that's not true. It makes me feel like she's fitting in, and I am not.
Basically, what I'm looking for is help accepting her drinking habits. And I say habits lightly, she drinks maybe once a month, and only socially. But whenever she does it makes me feel like she.. is just doing it to "fit in". No, that's not true. It makes me feel like she's fitting in, and I am not.
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I wouldn't worry about "fitting in" though, I'm 25 and have friends older and younger, when we head to the pub some people drink pints, some (as in myself) drink shorts (whisky, vodka) and some drink coke or orange juice. Just because you're not sat there with a pint doesn't make you stand out.
As for accepting her habits (You haven't given her age but I take it she's about the same age as you), I wouldn't say they're too bad. At that age I used to go out and have a fair few with friends every week. Then again that was 9 years ago and back then underage drinking was not frowned upon as much as it is now.
Does she drink to excess? Does she put herself in to situations she wouldn't when sober? Is there a risk of her getting caught (hefty fine)? As it is, I used to feel awkward when I first started going out with people that drank and I didn't, but once you get yourself a coke and get caught up in conversation then all will be fine.
So in short, as long as she's doing herself no harm, don't worry about it and don't worry about fitting in, plenty of people don't drink.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
you're probably going to want to drink something in those situations just to feel comfortable. everyone else has something in there hands, you could try coffee, softdrinks, juice, water, soda/tonic, energy drinks, tea. at least someone is sober to drive home or insist others take cabs.
No she doesn't drink to excess and she never drives, etc, she's very responsible. I'm not worried about her getting into situations where she would be in trouble, be it with the law or advances from other men (when I'm not there).
I'm not too worried about fitting in or being accepted or anything.. I'm fairly successful in that department. It just.. I dunno, maybe I'm a nonconformist or something but it seems stupid to drink when you could be there and.. not drink. Eh, I guess I wouldn't know until I actually get drunk (no plans to anytime soon).
What I don't understand is we have an absolute blast all the time sober. And her stories are from the point of view that's kind of "well it wasn't that much fun, wish you were there.. etc".
But saying lots of people don't drink made me feel better. It seemed like everyone but me drank, thanks.
edit: I'm not worried about myself in those social situations. Just trying to accept the fact that she drinks and her reasons for doing so.
Once a month? That's not a dang habit. You're being hypersensitive.
And once a month is nothing. That's like 1/30th of the days in the year.
I guess what I would advise as far as someone else's habits go, is that your reasons only have to mean something to you - you don't need other people to feel the same way for them to be valid. It's well within your rights to not hang around people who do things you don't agree with, and drinking can be one of those things. If you feel you can be around people drinking and not drink, fine. If you feel that being around drinkers would eventually draw you into drinking even though you don't want to do it, then don't hang around with those kinds of people.
Eventually, one's principles will always come into conflict with who they may or may not spend time with. Good principles demand sacrifice, and men of principle will always face tough decisions when it comes to choosing between specific people and their own sense of moral value. Make no mistake, the life of a good man is hard. It gets easier with practice, and every step you take in doing what you feel is right sets the foundation for the far more challenging decisions to come.
You probably haven't had to make these sorts of decisions before, they are essentially the first rites of passage from being all-accepting children to becoming the type of man you want to be. The decisions we make at this time in our lives have permanent effects on our future, they determine the people we choose to associate with and make a part of our lives on an ongoing basis. Choose wisely and in accordance to what you believe to be right, and those around you will reflect your standards and principles. In this way, we assure ourselves of the right kind of support, support that guides us towards what we beleive in when things become more challenging, or when we are unsure of what to do.
If you keep people close to you who don't beleive the same things, or do not have the same principles, in moments of doubt and uncertainty they will sweep you along into what they beleive, and bit by bit your principles and sense of right will be compromised. Every decision one makes regarding friends and values determines who defines you as a person. Are you going to define you, or are you, through rationalization and compromise, going to allow yourself to be defined by other people? It's a simple choice- but it does not come easy.