How do I make this situation as not awkward as possible

Reznik · December 2012

I am home for the holidays right now. When I am away for school, I am renting a room in a house. The owner of the house is my aunt's girlfriend. She flew in for the holidays. They broke up today. I don't know the circumstances but I think it was my aunt who initiated it. She (owner) is flying back tomorrow (earlier than originally planned, of course). I am flying back on Jan. 5th. I have not spoken to her since I heard this news.

When I'm living there, she is very mothery, introduces me to other people as her niece, etc. Makes dinner or takes me out to dinner, offers to drive me places if I need to go somewhere nearby and so on. I don't ask for any of this but it is a cushy arrangement so I can't really complain, though I do try to tell her "Hey, you really don't have to do this, I can handle this myself" and so on. I'm expecting this to change, since I guess I won't be "family" anymore, but I honestly don't know how she is reacting so I'm just taking a guess.

I don't really know what the best way to proceed is. When I get back, do I act like everything is normal? Do I just quietly go about making myself meals, being extra vigilant about keeping my stuff in order? Worst case, I'm already looking for arrangements for another place to live.

It's just that I'm pretty socially retarded. I am the worst at offering any kind of comfort or support, and I stay away from relationship stuff so I have no context for understanding any of her reactions or knowing what to say or anything. She's also about twice my age so there is a generational gap as well. I'm just really confused and predicting this will be super awkward. Please advise.

Usagi · December 2012

Do you have a lease?

Reznik · December 2012

No, I've just been paying cash every month.

WildEEP · December 2012

Its not all that awkward, either you like her as a person or you don't. You have no idea why they broke up, nor should you be involved.
Like her because she treats/treated you kindly.

Just because they didn't work out doesn't affect you in the slightest.

So yeah, you continue on like shes the same person she was last week.

That's what YOU do.

You don't have any control over what SHE does. If she wants to be petty or vindictive and use you as a proxy for her anger...that's all on her.

dispatch.o · December 2012

I wouldnt worry about it until you have reason to. A conversation when you see her can't hurt, but there's a good chance that while your relationship is friendly and familial and you met/made arrangements as a result of their relationship, you may be actual friends now. If your aunt's an adult and understands you're in school and need to keep up the decent living situation, she shouldn't be all that mad, and if her ex and you have spent the time together and are actually friendly with one another like that then her and your aunts relationship may not have any noticeable impact on you.

So, talk to your landlord, talk to your aunt, but I wouldn't worry about it until given a reason. There's also a chance their relationship didn't end with them becoming bitter enemies, which again means don't worry about it until you have a reason to.

Esh · December 2012

You're freaking out prematurely. Just act like you normally do, and if shit gets weird, then start worrying. Until then, business as usual.

ceres · December 2012

Pretty much what WildEEP said. Just be cool. I wouldn't bring it up if I were you, but if she does.. well.. you don't have anything to say. Whatever you do, try not to let her put you in the middle.. and don't let your aunt do it either. By that I mean, if one starts talking about the other, don't contribute to the conversation. And don't bring the other up.. they're separate parts of your life now.

Reznik · December 2012

Thanks, guys. I guess since this all happened kind of out of the blue and at a really terrible time I kinda panicked a bit.

I may have the opportunity to speak to her tomorrow - I know my mom wanted to try and see her off at the airport, so if that happens I can assess the situation a little better.

MichaelLC · December 2012

It's not unusual at all for other family members to continue a relationship with the other party after a breakup or even divorce. Since she seems to enjoy your company and rent, things may continue unchanged.

I'd talk to her, though, and see how she feels. Just keep it a business (renter/landlord) discussion if you don't want to get into the relationship end.

MushroomStick · December 2012

Just hold off on any large purchases until you know nothing is changing for you and you should be good.

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