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"Grumpy Old Fart"

spi_derspi_der Registered User regular
edited April 2013 in Artist's Corner
Hello!
I have been making this strip for a Greek audience, a couple of years now. Nowadays, I translate it along with some other of my strips, in the English language. The main hero is a reactionary, ultra-right wing old man, who is taken care of by a Russian maid. The economic crisis plays central role in many of the strips. Naturally, I wonder whether something that makes perfect sense in greek readership translates adequately to a global audience. I post four typical strips of the series and I would appreciate the input.

2013-03-22-Grumpy-old-fart.jpg

2013-04-02-Grumpy-old-fart.jpg

2013-04-05-Grumpy-old-fart.jpg

2013-04-09-Grumpy-old-fart.jpg

spi_der on

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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    Yeah...the right sure is evil and totally reactionary. Not like the sensible left that didnt make riduclous reactions to thinks like sandy hook.
    Im sorry, i just can't stand the left's "im better and smarter than you" so the depiction of a "right" person as a buzzard that likes killing jews does nothing for me.
    I find the lack of backgrounds to be distracting, but even with the addition in #7 it looks like the character is just sort of floating there.
    There are some grammer issues from the translation, but i get the idea.
    Im sure some people will like it. I think it's better than many strips ive seen, i just don't care for the content.
    Have you considered word balloons? I think it would make the background less distracting.

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    EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    edited April 2013
    Yeah...the right sure is evil and totally reactionary. Not like the sensible left that didnt make riduclous reactions to thinks like sandy hook.
    Im sorry, i just can't stand the left's "im better and smarter than you" so the depiction of a "right" person as a buzzard that likes killing jews does nothing for me.
    I find the lack of backgrounds to be distracting, but even with the addition in #7 it looks like the character is just sort of floating there.
    There are some grammer issues from the translation, but i get the idea.
    Im sure some people will like it. I think it's better than many strips ive seen, i just don't care for the content.
    Have you considered word balloons? I think it would make the background less distracting.

    It is a Greek comic, so reacting with American political knee-jerks might not be appropriate.

    @spi_der , Content-wise, political cartoons will have strong reactions from almost everyone, so as you expand from a local context keep in mind that the vitriol found elsewhere will either fuel your work and give you a strong readership... or doom you to incessant frothing hate mail. Or possibly both in some fashion.

    Outside of content, you have several spelling errors and some concerns with typeface and colors that make it difficult to read your text. Speech bubbles might help this become a bit more normalized. There are some inconsistencies with coloring as well (skin being colored incorrectly in the first comic, for example), and you might want to work on perspectives as your non-straight shot angles seem tilted a bit.

    Enc on
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    spi_derspi_der Registered User regular
    Valid criticism about the backgrounds, will experiment further in next strips, I will try to stick to the "not balloons" thing work, call it a personal bet.
    Can't do something about the political view, but the problem I was afraid of is mostly highlighted here: The particular local brand of right in Greece is up to a point unique, due to certain historical occurunces that are partly hinted in these strips. Of course that does not mean that we wouldn't disagree politically anyway even if you lived here as well :)
    About the grammar issues: When the russian woman speaks, I try to convey the thick accent through intentional misspelling. If there is problem elsewhere as well, than yes, there are grammar issues.
    Thanks for the input!

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    spi_derspi_der Registered User regular
    Enc: Yes, perspective is a bitch that I have not yet tamed. Speech balloons is the last thing that I will try, but if it keeps not working and becomes a distraction instead of the exact opposite that I thought it to be, I will admit defeat :)
    About the vitriol factor: As I said, this strip has been running in Greece (a hugely polarized environment nowadays) with curiously sweet reaction from the right. Of course its point is to provoke heated discussions, but nobody likes hate mail. Time will tell :) Thanks for the input!

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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    Hey man. Hate mail isn't necessarily a bad thing! It means you're reaching people which is the idea. Even if we did disagree politically doesn't mean I don't acknowledge potential!

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    farbekriegfarbekrieg Registered User regular
    1> Its weird that the Russian caretaker has her mouth closed in strip #2 panel 2 and 3 but speaking
    2> Your speech lines can be misinterpreted as it would seem his shoe is thinking in strip #7 panel 1, and strip #2 panel could be read as the first comment being attributed to someone in the next room and 2nd comment to the russian with the angry old man just yawning.
    3> The guys expression in strip #6 doesnt seem to change even though it seems it should, also panel 3 is a mess

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    spi_derspi_der Registered User regular
    NakedZergling: I know, and I agree. Still, it does leave some residue on the soul, no matter what :) But yes, the point is to stir up some thinking and some conversation, whichever comes first :)
    Farberkrieg: Thanks, and I am sure I can find out double the mistkakes and the slopiness if I stare at them for too long. But at this moment I am more interested at how or if the content itself is perceived as easily understood and/or interesting. That doesn't mean that I don't welcome criticism on the art, just that I want it accompanied with criticism on the text.

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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Well, this is an art forum, so while I'm sure people will be happy to give feedback on the dialogue, we're going to be mostly focused on the art. If you want people to look at the text exclusively, I'd suggest posting your scripts in the Writers Block.

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    spi_derspi_der Registered User regular
    No, i am gluttonous, I welcome both 8-)

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