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Not sure where to go with my life (Work)
Magus`
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
The fun has been DOUBLED!Registered User regular
Some general info: I'm 33 and have a degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in Philosophy. I've also had at least 19-20 years of clinical depression which is still not fully taken care of (and I've tried a lot of things). I currently work for the State in the Division of Developmental Disabilities. While I appreciate helping people (which, in my job, is primarily children) I find myself very unsatisfied in what I do. I find myself the work is too easy (outside having to deal with occasionally broken governmental systems) and that I am not improving my general work skills. I would like to do something else, but therein lies the problem. I have no actual interest in entering the Criminal Justice field after several failed attempts to break into it. Not to mention, given what I'm told from police officers, the early few years sound horribly dull.
Unfortunately, I've never really had a passion for any particular field. I enjoy piecemeal-ing stuff from various disciplines but nothing seems to grip me "as a whole". My friend has had me proofreading her Master's papers in Social Work and I noticed I really enjoyed doing that - not so much for the subject but getting into something more complex than what I see at my job. I have a long history in (Windows) computers including software and hardware - I have considered going to get a BS in CS which would certainly help make me more money but at the same time I feel as if I would run into the same problem of feeling unfulfilled.
I know part of the reason I don't find interest in any field (and, well, life in general) is because of the depression. I also know that just sitting around is not going to make it go away. I am considering looking into A+/Network+ and possibly even programming using free sources since I've already got a fair amount of debt and I would prefer not to add additional student loans onto it. I don't know how feasible this would be and it is very hard for me to stay focused on one thing at a time. Also I'm quite lonely but my housing and financial situation do not really engender any sort of significant relationship. That and massive self-esteem issues.
I'm basically frozen because I worry any choice I make will end up not benefiting me (such as going for that CJ degree - whoops). I'm actually very good at follow-through once a path has been set - it's the setting that tends to elude me. If anyone has dealt with this general kind of "meh" about things and found something that helped them to find a passion/purpose I would really appreciate it. I want to feel like I'm pushing myself as much as I can as I do very much enjoy testing my limits. I just wish I knew how.
Unfortunately, I've never really had a passion for any particular field. I enjoy piecemeal-ing stuff from various disciplines but nothing seems to grip me "as a whole". My friend has had me proofreading her Master's papers in Social Work and I noticed I really enjoyed doing that - not so much for the subject but getting into something more complex than what I see at my job. I have a long history in (Windows) computers including software and hardware - I have considered going to get a BS in CS which would certainly help make me more money but at the same time I feel as if I would run into the same problem of feeling unfulfilled.
I know part of the reason I don't find interest in any field (and, well, life in general) is because of the depression. I also know that just sitting around is not going to make it go away. I am considering looking into A+/Network+ and possibly even programming using free sources since I've already got a fair amount of debt and I would prefer not to add additional student loans onto it. I don't know how feasible this would be and it is very hard for me to stay focused on one thing at a time. Also I'm quite lonely but my housing and financial situation do not really engender any sort of significant relationship. That and massive self-esteem issues.
I'm basically frozen because I worry any choice I make will end up not benefiting me (such as going for that CJ degree - whoops). I'm actually very good at follow-through once a path has been set - it's the setting that tends to elude me. If anyone has dealt with this general kind of "meh" about things and found something that helped them to find a passion/purpose I would really appreciate it. I want to feel like I'm pushing myself as much as I can as I do very much enjoy testing my limits. I just wish I knew how.
+1
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Why not look at job ads and apply to interesting ones that are similar enough to what you do to make sense as a career next step? You don't necessarily have to say "This job is THE job for me and my life" as a lot of us just bumble through our careers. You just want something a little more interesting and a little better paid, right? Employers love interviewing the already-employed, because they know you can work. You can truthfully present yourself as just wanting the next logical step in your career.
You can definitely look into dating if that's what you mean by loneliness. You don't have to be financially set to find love. Plenty of poor-but-happy couples out there.
I don't hate my job, it's just very.. dead end-y and requires very little effort. I know for some that sounds awesome but I don't handle boredom well. I just spent 10 minutes teaching myself how bike gears* work because I can't not be doing something. Unfortunately (but expectedly) the State doesn't work on a meritocracy so there's zero benefit to excelling and plenty of negatives (being "asked" to cover coworker's overdue work). I'm not a fan of waiting an arbitrary amount of time to qualify for a job I could do five months ago. That's just how that works though and I understand the concept even if I don't agree with the application.
Edit: Also, you don't get raises.
I appreciate the information. Thanks!
* Technically sprockets
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
You've gotta love yourself before someone will love you. Try thinking highly of yourself as a thought exercise.
There's someone for everyone. For every girl who wants someone her height, there's plenty more who want tall guys or who don't care. Dating means rejection - sometimes several rejections - but no risk, no gain.
You don't need to hate your job to want to get a better one. Employers understand that. In fact, they'd rather hear "I want this job because my current one doesn't allow me to grow" more than "I want this job because I hate the old one." Employers hate negativity, and your reasons for wanting a new job are positive, which is good.
First of all - and I hope this doesn't come across as too harsh - your passion is what you're already doing (or at least thinking about all the time), and if you can't say what that is then you don't have one and are unlikely to find one by following the same steps as someone else.
Second, it's ok not to have a passion! You don't have to have one to be happy. And having one isn't always sunshine and butterflies either. There's plenty of pain and frustration involved. Being passionate about something just means having an overwhelming drive to do it.
Third, there is no need to try to have your job be the thing you're passionate about. Not only is this wholly unrealistic for at least 90% of the population, it turns out that turning your passion into your profession is a great way to suck all the joy out of it. You do a job so you can live, not so you can feel meaning in life. If you can find a job that you enjoy (or at least find tolerable) most of the time, well, you can't really ask for much more than that.
Finally, the depression is definitely a factor here but I don't think solving that will allow you to find a passion. They're separate issues. I've dealt with depression and I still had my passion, although the depression sometimes prevented me from engaging it fully or in a healthy way.
I blame Hollywood for setting that unrealistic expectation in all of our minds.
If you are in a position where your job pays your bills and isn't actually awful and provides you with down time to do something else then you have pretty much already hit a home run.
So instead of looking for a career change that could leave you with a different, much worse job. Try to find something that you can do in your off time that is more stimulating. Then your job becomes the means to facilitate that other thing you are passionate about.
I will give you an example. My job is also meh, but has good pay and benefits. So, I found a side job teaching accounting at the local university. I am more passionate about teaching, and that experience is new and stimulating. But I could never support my family with that career track.
Oh lastly, the side gig is not perfect either. However, I think I can leverage that experience into helping the less well served in my community learn financial literacy in the future which sounds pretty fun to me. Something I would not have guessed at before I started the side gig!
A career change is unlikely to make you happier or more fulfilled or less lonely, but working on the depression will likely lead to getting out more, feeling like a worthwhile person, and maybe as a side effect lead to you meeting someone.
Yes, I've tried over a dozen over the years.
I feel like I'm not using the right words. Passion is probably too strong a word. If it was merely that I didn't have something I felt very strong about, well, that would suck but I'd manage. I just don't really feel interested in much of anything.
I think at this point I just need to force myself into doing something and hope something clicks. I can't just sit around and hope something calls to me.
I appreciate the feedback! I'll just keep at it.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass
I'm in a similar place, and have been in similar places before--and tried to escape by getting a new job, then more education, then a new job. Eventually I decided that "my job" isn't going to be the solution. It's like people in a bad marriage having a kid to fix things. It just adds new problems, or at least trades old ones for new ones.
I've had some luck looking elsewhere for fulfillment. I took up programming and am now working on a game. It's hard but fun, satisfying, and distracting. It keeps your head occupied. There are great communities out there to support learning. I'd recommend downloading Godot, chugging through the kidscancode tutorials, and spending your time at work learning new techniques, writing levels for your game, and creating stories. (Note: if it were my job, it would suck; slap on time pressure and bureaucracy, and making games would be hell.)
I mean, if you can kickstart on exercise, relationships, self-love, and better health, do it, but people've been using hobbies as an opiate for their despair forever. It can work.
My passion is making these d&d maps I do. I love that shit. Sometimes I make money from it, but there is no way that I'll ever make the money I make now, much less health insurance and benefits, from it even at the most successful. I make more than the pros working for companies like Wizards of the Coast generally do annually (because art is crazy hard to make a living out of).
So I do both. My work 9-5, my maps about 20 hours throughout the week when I have time and inspiration. And I have fun doing it and feel quite fulfilled while still able to make a living for my family.
A small amount of people live for their jobs and are happy that way. Most people use their jobs to live, and find happiness that way.
I made the decision a few years back that I'd try and accomplish the stuff I'd always been interested in but never really got around to doing. First on that list was learning to fly a plane - turns out gliding is quite cheap, so I'm partway there. It's something I had a passion for that I forgot when I got to high school; now it's something I think about a lot. I have no intention of being the best of the best or anything - I just want to do it for the pleasure of it, which is (IMO) the indication of a good hobby.
There's something you'll enjoy and want to learn more about - just gotta experiment. Computers alone have practically infinite possibilities... just yesterday I found an intro to machine learning programming that looked easy enough to do on my home computer. Build an AI? Why not, could be fun.
For example, I love lifting weights. I go to the gym at least five times a week for multiple hours. So maybe I should have ended up a personal trainer, instead of becoming a bureaucrat. However, making that my profession would alter how I get to approach my passion. I would have to focus on the best way to generate income, instead of pursuing my personal goals. Most likely I would have to expose myself to people who don’t share my passion or motivation, which in turn could end with me resenting the gym.
I think you can apply this paradigm in a lot of cases, unless your profession is totally insulated from extraneous concerns that most professions have.
If you don't love what you do, take pride in your work. If you can't do that, then do the best damn job you can and take pride in THAT. Be the office rock star. Maybe you won't get rewarded for it. But it will make you feel better. And then leave it all behind at the end of the day and dive into some hobbies.
The other person can't be bothered. It's not even like it's laziness just a rampant indifference to anything. I've decided that, at least for the time being, that I can't rely on waiting to feel motivated. I figured something would jump out at me but I need to find a different way.
I've got some thinking to do. I appreciate the insight that people have given. Now to make it work.
Steam Profile | Signature art by Alexandra 'Lexxy' Douglass